What should children call non-family adults?

[scrapquitler]

This was inspired by another thread on here which mentioned children calling adults by their first names and not Mr./Mrs./Ms./Dr./etc. I have to admit, this is a pet peeve of mine. I was brought up to call all adults by their proper titles, to the point where I had a hard time wrapping my head around calling a friend of mine (about 10 years older and an adult, with a family and everything when I met him) by his first name. I will raise my children to call all our adult friends by their last names, and DH (though he doesn't think it's important like I do) is okay with this.

But I think my friends have other ideas. We're all starting to have kids now and it rankles me every time one of the little darlings (who I adore otherwise) calls me by my first name. One friend, who just had her first, introduced me to the 2 month-old as Aunt MyFirstName. My response was, "Hi sweetie, I'm not really your aunt."

So am I crazy? Should I just get used to all my friends kids acting like they're my friends (they're not, they're my charges every time their parents leave the room)? Will I be the only person whose kids get reprimanded for forgetting that someone should be addressed as Dr. LastName and not Mr. or Mrs.?

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I answered "OTHER". I have not yet read the 7 pages of replies, but I am going to do that now.

My kids call the adults in their life WHATEVER THE ADULT REQUESTS. Family members are either by title "Grandma" "Uncle Joe", nickname (they call my brother "Bubba", his nickname) or first name depending on what that particular adult likes. On my husbands side of the family, they all like "Uncle Joe", "Aunt Linda" "Cousin Hope", etc. On my side of the family, they all prefer first name only (my kids don't call the aunts and uncles "Uncle Joe", it's "Joe"

Other adults, it depends on the adult. My friends mostly have my kids use first names. If someone wanted to be "Mrs. Jones" then that is what my kids would use. Some of the neighbors are "Susan & Bill" others are "Mr & Mrs. Robertson".

I've noticed in this area, a lot of the kids call their friend's parents by "Mr. Katie's Dad" or "Mommy Smith" My kids will do whatever is asked of them.

The dance teachers are all "Miss Jen", "Mr. Jeff", etc. and I'm so used to hearing them called that, that even after 13 years of my daughter's dancing there, I've noticed that most of the parents use that as well

 

[Maridw]

I think it is whatever the adult wants to be called. For me, it is Mrs. X because I am a teacher in the school my children attend. Our friends prefer our kids call them by their first names. To do otherwise would be rude IMO. I have one friend who is also a teacher and though she has known my kids since birth, they address her as Mrs. X.

I was taught to called adults (non-family) Mr/Mrs Last Name. Only 1 adult ever had me call her by her first name, but then I was a teenager at the time.

After moving to Florida, now have the habit of calling people Mr/Miss First Name. DD had a dance teacher who she called Miss Le, but then she had her as a regular teacher in high school, so called her Mrs. Last Name. This teacher has had quite a few dance students as HS students.

When DD was little there were two ladies that knew my mom and they insisted that DD call them by their first name. They practically adopted my DD and did a lot of things with her.

I think it is always best to respect the wishes of someone and call them whatever they are comfortable with. I taught my DD to address adults the way I was taught. Then if the adult wishes to be called something else, they will let you know.

 

[kerstfan1]

My children did several scouts service projects at nursing homes this spring. It drove me nuts that the staff called residents (and introduced them to my scouts) by their first names.

The boys ran a Pinewood Derby for one home and we needed the names ahead of time for the race roster. The director game me their first names. I asked if we could have last names too and she replied there was only one of each name, we didn't need last names.

I felt very awkward having the young men announce the race by first name. I got there early and asked the receptionist to please give me the last names so they could be Mr/Mrs. ____.

it might be that the residents do not respond to their last name

 

[Minnesota!]

My daughters friends all call me by my first name- I prefer it that way. I always introduce my daughter to people by their first names- if they insist on being called Mrs. So and So then it really doesn't matter because we wouldn't be seeing them after that-they would not be the type of people that we would end up being around or friends with because that is WAY to uptight for me to be around.

I agree with you. I would always be uncomfortable around people so formal...and wouldn't enjoy myself..

 

[doombuggy]

I chose other based on own experience in childhood (I don't have any children).

My parents are 20 years older than I am. I always called friends of my parents by their first names. My parents' brothers & sisters have always been called by their first name only, not "Aunt Maureen" or "Uncle Ned." In fact, my dad's youngest brother is 9 years and 2 days older than me. I was in his wedding in 1983.

Now, I called the parents of any of MY friends by Mr or Mrs.

 

[stsomewhere]

My kids call adults Mr. or Mrs. last name until that adult asks them to call them by their first name.

 

[JVL1018]

Basically the kids whose parents I socialize with call me by my first name, while those that are friends with my kids, but I'm not friends with their parents-they call me by my last name.



I also work at the elementary school, so most of the kids only know me as Mrs. Lastname because that's what I'm called there. But the kids who are friends with my kids and I socialize with their parents, they still call me by my first name at school(I'm not a teacher).

ETA: I do not ask that anyone calls me by my last name, I actually prefer just being called by my first name. The kids that do, only do so because of school, I assume.

My kids are taught to call people by their last name, unless they are in our social circle then it's just an unsaid rule that they are called by the first name...or unless people tell them differently.

A few people I know casually like to be called Miss First Name..I have NEVER liked that for myself because my name is Vicki and Miss Vicki is too reminiscent of Tiny Tim for me. LOL

But if people tell their kids to call me that because their kids aren't allowed to call adults by just their first names without putting Miss in front of it, I'll deal with it. No big deal.

My husband is in the fire dept and my kids call all the guys(and woman) there by their first names,, way too casual an atmosphere to have someone called by their last name.

My husband coaches sports, so there are a ton of kids who call him Coach Jim.

My parents were ALWAYS known by their first names(we had a long, often mispronounced last name), unless our friends were calling them Mom and Dad.

 

[*Fantasia*]

Out of respect, I call the elderly using, Mrs., Mr., Ms. and their last name. Out of respect, I would call my children's teacher using Mrs., Mr., Ms. I teach my children the same way. But if it's their coach, then the kids and I use the word Coach and their first name if they are about the same age as I am, but if they are a lot older than I am, I think using their last name is a little bit more appropriate. I'm in school right now, and the professors are about my age, young. But out of respect with their authority, I do call them Professor, or Dr. or Mr., or Mrs., or Ms. If they are my co-workers, then I only need to address them by their first name, with the exception of the Optometrist, which we call Dr. and their last name.

Ps. My children's friends and their teachers call me Mrs. and my last name. If the children's friends didn't, I would probably correct them.

 

[Mickeyluver37]

I find the whole craze of calling close friends Aunt and Uncle pretty bizarre, but I am definitely a minority among people I know.

DS also has a friend who is required to call his adult cousins Aunt and Uncle even though they are just cousins.

We're usually Miss/Mr. First name around here.

 

[DISshopkeeper]

We always did the Mr and Mrs Last Name thing.

That gets weird when the kids grow up, and you start to be at parties with them and they say "mrs. Last Name, come do a shot with us."

just sayin.

 

[bluesaturn]

There are many cultures that call all older adults aunt or uncle (or the equivalent in their language). My mother is from a culture like that and so is my fiance. When I have kids they will call all adults from those cultures aunt or uncle. This is expected in those cultures and it would be considered very disrespectful to not do this. I know that many Americans are not comfortable with aunt and uncle, so I'll have my kids do some version of Mr. and Ms. with them.

 

[DeniseinNS]

I HATE when kids call me Mrs. Lastname, it makes me feel like an old lady and sounds too formal to me. If I am at my kids school then it is fine as all adults are referred to that way in school, although even there the kids that know me call me by my first name still and I much prefer that. All of my friends kids and kids in the neighbourhood call me by my first name and my kids call other adult friends/neighbours by their first names as well.

 

[Maggie Lizer]

30 years ago, when I was a kid, in my neighborhood we called our parents' friends or our friend's parents Auntie FN or Uncle FN. I think that is cute, and I am known as Auntie Maggie to my close friend's children. I think calling me Mrs. Lizer is just too formal for me, personally.

 

[AmberHeartsDisney]

I say Mr/Miss XXXXX unless they tell me to call them by there first name.

 

[Kathryn Merteuil]

Growing up, I was always taught to preface their first name with "Aunt" or "Uncle".

 

[ZephyrHawk]

Okay, officially my longest DIS-post ever.

It seems as though the consensus is for "whatever the adult wants to be called". I polled our best friends yesterday, and they indicated Aunt/Uncle Firstname or, if I can't stomach that, Ms./Mr. Firstname, were their preference. This included the girlfriend who was raised very similarly to the way I was, so I guess I'm just in the minority by thinking kids should treat adults just like they do teachers. I think I can go the Aunt/Uncle route for my closest friends (my kids will have no aunts/uncles/or cousins on my side), but I don't know about others.

That being said, I know my friends won't consult me about what I want to be called by their kids.

 

[stashbin]

My friend's kids call me Ms. First name, and my kids call my friends Ms/Mr First name. It is what I refer to as being, "semi-formal." I wouldn't feel comfortable with my children refering to adults by their first names. It doesn't seem polite to me. Maybe it's a southern thing.

 

[DeaverTex]

I voted for proper titles. That means Mr., Mrs., or Miss. (Or Mr. and Miz, here in the South) plus the last name.

If the adult in question wants the child to call them something different, then they can tell the child so. However, if they want to be called by their first name, then I'll still insist on adding the appropriate title to that first name. Sorry, that's just how I roll.

Many of the kids I know (outside of Scouting, of course) call me by my first name, at my request. And no, that's not a contradiction, since they call me Mister John. Once they're adults, of course, then they just call me John.

 

[aprilgail2]

I HATE when kids call me Mrs. Lastname, it makes me feel like an old lady and sounds too formal to me. If I am at my kids school then it is fine as all adults are referred to that way in school, although even there the kids that know me call me by my first name still and I much prefer that. All of my friends kids and kids in the neighbourhood call me by my first name and my kids call other adult friends/neighbours by their first names as well.

LOL- just had this conversation with a friend of mine tonight- she was someplace with her son and a bunch of other kids and the kids all greeted the other parent with "Hi Mary" and they said to my friend "Hi Mrs. Jones"- my friend said "what, I am not good enough to be called Sara?? Mrs. Jones is my husbands MOTHERS name!!"

 

[shoney]

LOL- just had this conversation with a friend of mine tonight- she was someplace with her son and a bunch of other kids and the kids all greeted the other parent with "Hi Mary" and they said to my friend "Hi Mrs. Jones"- my friend said "what, I am not good enough to be called Sara?? Mrs. Jones is my husbands MOTHERS name!!"

LOL...I will be married 20 years this October and MRS. XXX sounds like my MIL still!!!! I would never have anyone call me that outside of a formal situation or school.

Based on this thread, I think there are clear regional lines....Miss/Mr First name never happens here...outside of preschool!

Ma'am/Sir is never said outside of a store clerk not knowing what to say.

Aunt/Uncle...no...unless we are family!!!!! I did know a few people who had very, very close family friends and used that term. Not in my family! You had to be family to use it!

My MIL made mention a few times many years ago that I didn't call her MOM...NO..I will NOT call you MOM...You ARE NOT my MOM! LOL...I met her at 13 and was introduced by her first name and it just stuck!

It all comes down to what we are comfortable with. Just go with what feels right!