What should children call non-family adults?

[ZephyrHawk]

Did your friend seem at all offended when you responded to her baby w/ "I'm not really your aunt"? To me that likely meant your friend intends you to be a significant presence in her child's life. I have no natural nieces or nephews and it's unlikely I ever will. Among all of the friends and extended family and their children that I am incredibly close with, very few refer to me as Aunt.

The friend is more of an "acquaintance", and I definitely don't think she expects me to interact with her kids except in party situations. For some of my friends, whose children I expect to be close to, I guess I would be okay with being called an aunt, but in this case I think she was just preparing me to be called by my first name forever..

Notably, we refer to our best friends as aunt and uncle to our pets and they do the same for us, so maybe this is part of the issue.

 

[Disney Doll]

I don't have kids.

Most of the kids in my life (non-related) call me Auntie Patty or Aunt Patty. I have a few who call me Pabby (nickname that one of them came up with when she was little and couldn't quite say Patty and it stuck). Sometimes I get called Aunt Pabby. I have had a few kids call me Miss Patty.

No kid ever calls me Mrs. I probably wouldn't realize that they were talking to me if they did!

The related kids all call me Aunt or Auntie.

A few of the non-relateds, as they have gotten older, call me Patty, which doesn't bother me.

Since I don't have kids of my own, I kind of like being "Auntie" to a lot of other peoples kids. I don't think "Aunt" denotes only a familial relationship...sometimes it denotes a loving relationship.

When I was a kid, I had a lot of adults in my life that were more like aunts to me than my own blood relative aunts were.

I'm happy to be Auntie, related or not. I've been called a lot worse.

 

[ZephyrHawk]

If you call someone Mr. so-and-so, or Mrs. so-and-so while you are a kid growing up, what do you call them when YOU become an adult?

Still Mr. or Mrs., or do you switch to the first name?

Personally, I still call my parents friends by their last names, unless they request otherwise. My parents were the younger of their friends by a significant amount, and it's pretty hard for me to walk up to the 80+ year old woman who formerly ran the nursery school I used to attend and call her Maizie.

 

[Shannon G]

I picked other, because I think it's up to the person being addressed what they want to be called. Among the families of my kids' school friends (a group of families that we spend a good deal of time with) most of the adults are Miss First Name or Mr. First Name. However, I taught my kids to refer the adults as Mr. or Mrs Last Name, unless / until the kids are told by that person that something else is acceptable or preferred. Some of these parents also coach my kids, and in that roll refer to themselves as Coach First Name.

If it's someone closer to the family, it's more casual - there are many family friends that my kids call by their first names, and always have. These are people like my best friend, my parents' best friends and their kids, etc., that are so close to our family that I think it would feel incredibly awkward for the kids to be addressing the adults in a formal way.

In the end, while I think (and have taught my kids) that it is a show of respect to start out addressing an adult in a formal, Mr. Last Name manner, I don't think it's an issue for the kids to use an adults first name if they have been given permission to do so.

 

[spacemountainmom]

It's a tough question. I grew up calling my friend's parents Mr. or Mrs. "Smith" except for the few who I was really close to and would call them mom or dad.

When I had kids, I felt awkward when kids would call me Mrs. "Smith". I was always looking for my MIL. I did give permission to some of the neighbor kids to call me by my first name and they still do now that they are practically adults.

Most of my kids' good friends started calling me Mama "Smith" or Mama S and I am fine with that. The funny thing is that when I started working at dd's school this year, the name got around. Many of the kids at school now call me Mama S and it doesn't bother me. It's used with respect and affection.

I do like the southern way of saying "Miss Ann" or "Mr. Bill" when speaking to an elder. It shows respect.

I think each adult should decide what they are comfortable with and ask the youngsters in their lives to call them that.

 

[kamik86]

Maybe this is because I'm only 25 and dont' have kids but when someone calls me Mrs. ___ it sounds weird... I will probably just go by my first name.

Most of the time I called adults by what they were introduced to me as. If I didn't know them (friends mom) then generally I would say Susie's Mom until I was told what to call them.

 

[JKMJ441724]

Will I be the only person whose kids get reprimanded for forgetting that someone should be addressed as Dr. LastName and not Mr. or Mrs.?

When someone addresses me as mrs. I let them know that I prefer my first name, and that first name is fine. I would be sad to think someone was being reprimanded for following my wishes.

That made me think of Pirates, "Will, how many times must I ask you to call me Elizabeth?" "At least once more, Miss Swann, as always."

I prefer to be called Ms. Kim. I'm pretty casual too, but I feel SOME sort of deference for my well-advanced age should be in order.

 

[StephMK]

OP - I grew up like you did & really struggled as an adult too.

My DD's BFF calls me Mrs. First Name. It's cute, even her HS grad announcement used this on the inside envelope. Their other friends call me either my first name or Mrs. Last Name. I'm ok either way but always introduce my kids to adults as Mr./Mrs X. Then if the adult wanted to be called something else, they can speak up.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Other. My kids call my brothers and sisters by their first name as well as calling them Uncle/Aunt now that they are older. It was like a natural progression.

 

[HM]

I wrote other. Case by case basis.

It doesn't matter to me what children call me. Some call me Mrs. Last Name, some call me Mrs. First Name and some call me First Name. It's whatever their parents have taught them.

When I was growing up in the 60s everyone was Mr or Mrs Last Name or Aunt/Uncle First Name if they were close family friends. The hard part is changing to something other than that once you grow up. Is it weird to still call your old neighbors, Mr and Mrs Last Name now that you are in your 40s and they are in their 60s?

When my kids were growing up, the neighborhood moms and the preschool teachers were on a first name basis, that is what they chose, so that's what my kids called them. There are a few people that they call by Mr and Mrs Last name...because that's how they were presented to them.

 

[babyrich]

When my mother introduced us to someone new, she would say this is Mrs./Miss ______ or Mr. ____. My parents had close friends and we always called them by their first name.

I have no children of my own; but my friends kids know me by my first name and my nieces and nephew usually introduce me as Aunt ______, and now their friends refer to me as _____ or Aunt ______.

I dont need to be formal. I dont consider the kids beneath me and I dont consider it disrespectful to address me by my first name.

 

[jeepgirl30]

My mom used to insist we did Mr/Mrs lastname even if the adult begged us to not which many did. My mom refused to listen and made us use the formal. Many times the adult would get annoyed. Now she insists my kids use Miss/Mr firstname for her friends. It is a bit odd but whatever.

I don't really care what kids call me but prefer either miss/mrs firstname or just my first name. Mrs LastName makes me feel really old and like my MIL!

Our friends are mixed. I have one friend that is very proper so we make sure the kids address her as Mrs. Lastname. Our boys are at each others houses so much i feel like her son is family so him saying Mrs Lastname actually bugs me! I know he isn't allowed to call me anything else but it feels strange.

To me using proper titles with the last name is old. It doesn't feel disrespectful to me to call me by my first name, it is what it is!

I have my kids call people either Mrs. Lastname or Mrs Firstname if the person is okay with it.

 

[luvmy3]

I voted other. I think kids should address an adult by their title last name, unless the adult tells them its okay to call them by their first name.

 

[tiggger1]

everyone kids either call me my name or Auntie ( name). my kids are the same way unless an adult asked them to call them Mrs/Miss/Ms.. but that is mainly school/therapy related...

 

[Katy Belle]

My kids are 12, 15, 17. We've moved several times. In Texas and Louisiana it was the norm to use Miss first name and Mr. First name. Overseas it was mr and mrs last name. In my hometown the norm is to call adults by their first name. So, my kids adapt to the place. And we do have a few Aunts and Uncles.... That are not blood family, but certainly FAMILY and probably love my kiddos more than their real Aunts and Uncles.

I do cringe when the boys at boy scouts call me by my first name, but that is the norm there, so I just go with it.

When in doubt, my kids always address adults with Mr Mrs last name.

 

[kerriemiller]

non family adults with a special connection to the family ei god parents or like long friends of my parents (they had a few) were referred to as aunt/uncle

any other adult was Mr/Mrs to the point were as an adult I still refer to those people as Mr/Mrs even if Ive been instructed otherwise by them directly

I have raised my children to abide by this same rule. I refer to our nieghbors as Mr/Mrs (we are close with several of them) in front of my children so they understand that is the proper way to address those adults.

But I dont have any issues with being referred to by my first name. I believe that every family has a right to decide the rules they want their child to follow. And if this isnt their rule Im ok with it.

 

[MIGrandma]

This was inspired by another thread on here which mentioned children calling adults by their first names and not Mr./Mrs./Ms./Dr./etc. I have to admit, this is a pet peeve of mine. I was brought up to call all adults by their proper titles, to the point where I had a hard time wrapping my head around calling a friend of mine (about 10 years older and an adult, with a family and everything when I met him) by his first name. I will raise my children to call all our adult friends by their last names, and DH (though he doesn't think it's important like I do) is okay with this.

But I think my friends have other ideas. We're all starting to have kids now and it rankles me every time one of the little darlings (who I adore otherwise) calls me by my first name. One friend, who just had her first, introduced me to the 2 month-old as Aunt MyFirstName. My response was, "Hi sweetie, I'm not really your aunt."

So am I crazy? Should I just get used to all my friends kids acting like they're my friends (they're not, they're my charges every time their parents leave the room)? Will I be the only person whose kids get reprimanded for forgetting that someone should be addressed as Dr. LastName and not Mr. or Mrs.?

I voted other. I think kids should call adults whatever they want to be called. I think at first they should address them as Mrs. or Mr. So-and-So, but if the adult says "please, call me by my first name" then that is just fine. Personally I didn't care to be called Mrs., and always asked my kids' friends to call me by my first name.

I do think you went a tad overboard with your friend who introduced her 2-month old baby to you and said "this is your AuntMyFirstName." She probably feels like she is a close enough friend to you to do that, and you shot her down. I would have been flattered to be introduced that way, knowing that my friend thought enough of me to think of me as an "aunt" to her baby.

 

[MichelleinMaine]

Whatever the adult prefers to be called. I introduce new people to my children as Mr./ Mrs./Miss Lastname. If that adult then, or at any point down the road, asks the child to "just call me Firstname", then that is we respect that.

My children do have one non-related aunt and uncle who are my best friend and her husband. (The kids all call each other cousins as well, they are pretty close and , well, frankly, closer than they are to some of their "real" cousins.)

Most children around me (kids' friends, my Sunday school kids, girl scouts) call me by my first name. I expect respect from them all, regardless of what title they use.

A funny- some of the kids in DD's nursery school used "Miss Christine", "Miss Beth", etc for the teachers and parent helpers. I couldn't figure why one girl just called me Michelle though. Finally dawned on me... she thought she was saying "Miss Shell"

 

[jrmasm]

Whatever the adult prefers to be called. I introduce new people to my children as Mr./ Mrs./Miss Lastname. If that adult then, or at any point down the road, asks the child to "just call me Firstname", then that is we respect that.

My children do have one non-related aunt and uncle who are my best friend and her husband. (The kids all call each other cousins as well, they are pretty close and , well, frankly, closer than they are to some of their "real" cousins.)

Most children around me (kids' friends, my Sunday school kids, girl scouts) call me by my first name. I expect respect from them all, regardless of what title they use.

A funny- some of the kids in DD's nursery school used "Miss Christine", "Miss Beth", etc for the teachers and parent helpers. I couldn't figure why one girl just called me Michelle though. Finally dawned on me... she thought she was saying "Miss Shell"

 

[loricdietzel]

My kids call most of my friends Ms. or Mr. then first name. HOWEVER, Anyone I am not otherwise associated with or if they are older than me/my parents or grandparents generation (I am in my mid-30s) I always ask them what they would like to be called by my children. Some prefer a formal title (Mr./Mrs. last name) and some prefer first name. I do request that my children still use titles (Mr./Ms.) as a sign of respect towards their elders (kinda funny to think myself and my friends as "elders!" I personally don't like using family titles (Aunt/Uncle) for non-family members unless they are extremely close friends who might as well be family (for example my son's godparents are family to me. We attend each others family events that friends are not usually invited to as if we are siblings.) I know my sister's friend's child calls her Aunt and I don't like it, but that is because my sister has extremely limited contact and is not involved at all with her real nieces and nephew.