What makes some kids "immature?"

[BWVDenise]

We've known all along that our dd (8) doesn't act like other kids her age, but now that I've heard from her teacher that she is immature, I'm can't help but wonder why? Is there something that makes some kids immature and other kids not?

 

[Christine]

I think that it is just a brain development issue. Just like anything else. Some people develop and different stages--brain, body parts, everything.

 

[kasar]

Oh, I think there are so many factors that go into maturity. You have to consider siblings, life experiences, parenting, basic temperments, curiousity, and so on. I don't think there's any one thing that makes a child mature or immature, it's a combination of lots of things.

 

[m&m's mom]

My oldest DD (9YO) is immature for her ago. I noticed it because she acts inappropriately sometimes.
I guess I am glad she has not had to grow up too fast.

 

[Toby'sFriend]

it depends on the context.

Immature in teacher-speak often translates to a problem the child has sitting still for very long periods of time and concentrating or being noisy and talkative. That isn't really maturity IMHO, it is a kid who has a personality which makes them bored in the classroom.

My 12 year old son is immature compared with most of his friends. He wouldn't take a girlfriend if one came to him bundled up with a new video game and a $50 bill. When he comes home in the afternoon, he is very likely to get out his action figures and stage a game. He loves playing with his brother's toddler toys...Little People and things like that. He doesn't care very much about fashion trends or online chatting --- he just isn't where most of his classmates are.

I'm fine with all that - he has plenty of life left in which to be mature.

 

[WIcruizer]

I agree, it depends what we mean by "immature." There is such pressure for kids to grow up too quickly in my opinion. 9 year olds are expected by many to act like young adults. Did the teacher give you more of an explanation?

 

[Caropooh]

it depends on the context.

Immature in teacher-speak often translates to a problem the child has sitting still for very long periods of time and concentrating or being noisy and talkative. That isn't really maturity IMHO, it is a kid who has a personality which makes them bored in the classroom.

My 12 year old son is immature compared with most of his friends. He wouldn't take a girlfriend if one came to him bundled up with a new video game and a $50 bill. When he comes home in the afternoon, he is very likely to get out his action figures and stage a game. He loves playing with his brother's toddler toys...Little People and things like that. He doesn't care very much about fashion trends or online chatting --- he just isn't where most of his classmates are.

I'm fine with all that - he has plenty of life left in which to be mature.

Hey, I have a DD11 that would be a perfect match for your son! She is perfectly happy still playing with Barbies and stuff with her 6 year old sister. I have often wondered what seems to make her so much more immature. She does have moderate to severe ADHD and I wonder if that has to do withg it.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

I was also going to ask exactly what she does that the teacher calls immature. That's kind of a vague term and hopefully the teacher gave you specific examples.

I take care of a 10yo girl who was just tested and she has a hard time reading the cues of other people. She's a nice girl and I enjoy being with her, and I would also call her immature. For her, though, it really might not be immurity if she's really not able to read the clues that other kids are able to read.

For example, things can be going fine here (she's the only other child I watch after school, besides my own kids) with no complaints from her about anything. And then the minute her mom walks in she goes and whispers something to her mom, usually complaining about something that my almost 6yo son had done. Sometimes she has a point, but yesterday this happened and my son had behaved SO WELL after school. He had a brief few minutes of being bossy, but I nipped it in the bud and he was fine after that (and had been great before that). She doesn't seem to be able to to put the whole picture together and see that the afternoon went well, with only a very minor blip.

But for you DD it would be interesting to know exactly what the teacher was referring to.

 

[CajunDixie]

This could be a huge topic. I think you'd have to narrow it down to specifics that the teacher should have mentioned to you.
For example maybe a child with no siblings that was not sent to babysitters/daycares doesn't understand the concept of sharing. Maybe a child from a large family or experienced in being in a large group of children wouldn't think anything of "borrowing" a red crayon for 30 seconds w/o asking the owner.
Children are raised in such diversified homes it's amazing of all the differences that can affect how they act in school.
Television at home VS no television
Video games VS no video games VS kid friendly games
Home PC VS no home PC
Alcohol in the home VS no alcohol in the home
Music in the home VS no music in the home
2 parents (M&F) VS 2 parents of the same sex
2 parent VS 1 parent
Traditional family VS Step-families
Strict rules at home VS no rules at home
1 working parent VS 2 working parents VS 2 non-working parents
High income VS low income
Well traveled VS no travel outside their own county
kids that can make their own decisions VS those who parents always decide on things like what clothes to wear to school, what breakfast item to eat, what book to read

 

[Disney Doll]

In this day & age, immaturity might be a good thing! Kids grow up too fast, and 9 year olds don't need to be having boyfriends or wearing belly shirts.

Now, if the teacher means that your child seems developmentally delayed, that is a different story.

Did she give you specific examples of how she came up with her "immaturity" assessment? How does oyur child behave? What are the teacher's observations?

"Immature" is such a nebulous term, I think I'd ask her to define it a bit more, or give me examples, so we could determine if it's just some social immaturity or a developmental problem.

 

[Wishing on a star]

I agree that some more specific information would be helpful!
How is your child doing academically?


This could any number of things.

Simply a late bloomer.

Could be a sign of social immaturity, as mentioned by the one poster. Which could be related to a condition or learning disorder.

Could be ADHD behavior

Or other factors.

Maybe you could schedule a conference with the teacher.
And, if you continue to have any concerns at all, perhaps an evaluation?

 

[Marseeya]

OP, I have an immature child too. She's 10 and acts more like she's 5 or 6, although she is finally showing signs of wanting to grow up.

How does your DD behave to make the teacher think this way?

Mine's always been that way. She wanted me to feed her (as in 3 years old and wanting me to literally feed her) and do things for her for a long time past when she should. She has always been drawn to toys that are for kids far younger than she is. She doesn't make many friends because the other girls can't relate to her. She's very slow physically and cognitively -- her lower IQ could have something to do with that. She's extremely attached to me to the point where she wants me to be with her 24/7, and even wants to sleep with me. Not out of fear, but because she wants to be that close. She's the sweetest girl I've ever met and so well-behaved, but I know it does concern her teachers. On one hand, I just feel that she is who she is and to leave her be. On the other hand, I do have a genuine concern at times.

Does that sound like your DD at all?

 

[QT Pooh]

Immature is such a vague word. Some people call my 12 yo son immature just because he's introverted and prefers to spend time reading a book by himself rather than talking on the phone or IM'ing his friends. Ummm...right. BTW, I prefer to do that too!

All kids will grow at their own pace. So unless she's being especially disruptive or disrespectful in class, I would take it with a grain of salt.

 

[BWVDenise]

I agree, it depends what we mean by "immature." There is such pressure for kids to grow up too quickly in my opinion. 9 year olds are expected by many to act like young adults. Did the teacher give you more of an explanation?

We are trying to figure out why she is having such a hard time in school. The teacher was saying that she thinks sometimes my dd just isn't "ready" to do some things. And her struggles are like a rollercoaster. The teacher just never knows from one day to the next whether my dd will understand the classwork. She does things to distract herself a lot. She does it at home during homework, too. For example, while the teacher is going over the last night's homework, my dd will be listening but at the same time she will be pinching her cheeks, pulling on her eyelids, pulling on her lips. Just anything to be doing something.

 

[Wishing on a star]

If this is also involving her academic skills, then I understand why you are asking.

To me, from what you describe, it sounds like it is possible that there could be some issues, other than just late-bloomer immaturity, involved. Now, understand, I am no expert.... And all I know is what is posted... so that is just my little two cents worth!

I do know that I begged for help for my DS in school... Last year, much to my dismay, his teacher said the same thing that your teacher is saying about your child... ie. not ready... I completely disagreed! She stood back for the entire year and simply watched him fail.

Finally, with the school reluctant to even do a basic evaluation, we took DS to a specialist at a reputable Child Development Clinic. And, no surprise to me, he was diagnosed with a condition, which is considered a learning disability. ( not ADHD, but a real learning disability.) By this time, I had finally found information online, and had pretty much already figured out what the underying problems were. But, I had to have that bona-fide diagnosis in my hands before the school would take me seriously.

I knew for a fact that there were kids in my DS class who were far more 'immature' who were doing fine academically. If there are academic and social problems, then there is indeed cause for concern. I would not recommend that you simply accept 'immaturity' as a diagnosis without taking a deeper look.

In our case, DS was 'retained', or Failed, because instead of getting the diagnosis, and the help, that he needed, the school was content to stand by and do nothing. They wanted to just pass off 'immaturity' and 'failure' instead of address my childs difficulties. So, for any parent who is concerned about their child, I would definately not recommend waiting until it is to late, and the year has gone by.

You know your child best!

 

[Tiggeroo]

frequently it is a social issue. And in school this does matter. My sister has a large blended family of 6 kids. The oldest was immature for her age. The youngest, having been exposed to all the older sibings and their trends is in some ways a bit too mature.
Does your dd socialize outside of school with girls her own age? They don't have to be the popular ones who tend to be a bit fast. If she doesn't perhaps you can try to help her there. Maybe dance classes or girl scouts, etc which could lead to play dates. It is often easier in a school setting for the teachers to deal with somebody who is academically slower then someone socially slower, although sometimes they go hand in hand.
This is assuming that you know that all is well and there aren't other issues at play here.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

We are trying to figure out why she is having such a hard time in school. The teacher was saying that she thinks sometimes my dd just isn't "ready" to do some things. And her struggles are like a rollercoaster. The teacher just never knows from one day to the next whether my dd will understand the classwork. She does things to distract herself a lot. She does it at home during homework, too. For example, while the teacher is going over the last night's homework, my dd will be listening but at the same time she will be pinching her cheeks, pulling on her eyelids, pulling on her lips. Just anything to be doing something.

I would have her tested, preferably not by the school (too many hoops to jump through with the school--our school didn't want to test my son because he was not below grade level), but sometimes insurance balks at private testing, instead wanting the school to do it...catch 22.

I would arrange this now because it could take some time to get an appt and to get your insurance to pay for it and you don't want the school year to end before you have some answers.

 

[tw1nsmom]

If you think she needs to be tested (and I'm not trying at all to tell you that she needs to be evaluated), I would have her tested both by the school and privately. When choosing someone provately, try to choose someone that the school uses for independent educational evaluations. The reason for this is that they can refuse to even consider an evaluation done by someone that doesn't meet their credential criteria.

When you request an evaluation, do it in writing. Send it to your committe on special education chairperson, and have it contain the words "I am referring my child for evaluation." A parent is one of the people who is allowed to give a formal referal according to federal law. I would also include something along the lines of "Because I know there is a time limit of 60 days from the date of this referal, per the IDEA, for the school to complete the evaluations and hold a CSE meeting to consider if accomodations are appropriate, I would appreciate a general date for the evaluations and for the CSE meeting so that I can keep those dates free." Also, at the bottom of the letter CC someone (maybe your primary care?). If they know that someone else also was sent the information they are less likely to deny receiving it.

 

[Wishing on a star]

I would have her tested, preferably not by the school (too many hoops to jump through with the school--our school didn't want to test my son because he was not below grade level), but sometimes insurance balks at private testing, instead wanting the school to do it...catch 22.

I would arrange this now because it could take some time to get an appt and to get your insurance to pay for it and you don't want the school year to end before you have some answers.

Exactly what I was getting at with my earlier post!


Also, I am not so sure the information in twinsmom's post is fully correct. By law, a diagnosis by a licensed qualified professional is a valid diagnosis.

By law, and I think that this is Federal Law, and not just state law, if you request an evaluation in writing, the school is required to do this. they cannot refuse. Understand that services cost the school district money. A diagnosis automaticly guarantees mandated services... Thus, the school system has no incentive at all to provide evaluation/diagnosis. That is exactly the reason why it is mandated by Federal Law.

And, yes, there are hoops to jump thru!

After everything that my DS and I had been through, and the school system all but refusing to evaluate my DS, I did not trust them any further than I could throw them. I went as far outside of the school system as possible. And, yes, it IS a valid diagnosis. No way can the school legally ignore this.

Also, if the school system does the initial evaluation, and if you, as the parent, do not feel that their findings are correct or fair, you have the right to go to an outside specialist, and have the school system pay for it!! That's right. The school system may even have to pay. Parents are not at the mercy of the local school system.

This is all a part of the parent's rights.

Not only is an outside diagnosis valid, but the school has to accept it, and may even be required to pay for it.

 

[teacherforhi]

Just to throw in my two cents on the testing issue...

A school CAN refuse to evaluate a child for special education services if the assistance team (there are other names for it) decides that the student can best be helped with modifications in the regular education classroom. In my system, it's rare that an evaluation is not conducted based on a parent referral, but it can happen.

Timelines vary from state to state. In NC, the school has 90 calendar days from the date of referral from the assistance team to complete the evaluation and make a determination of services.

A school does not have to accept the diagnosis of an outside party. The school has the right to question the credentials of anyone providing test results for the evaluation process. In return, the parent has the right to question the credentials of anyone working for the school system. However, even if you have your child evaluated by an outside party, the school has the right to have an evaluation conducted by someone of their choosing. It would be inappropriate to administer the exact same tests, but not inappropriate to administer tests that measure the same skills. A school system would only be required to pay for an outside evaluation if the parent can prove that no one in the school's employ is qualified to administer the particular evaluations needed. (For example, for our students with hearing impairments, we use an outside psychologist who specializes in that area.)

As for telling a parent a child is immature, I would ask for more information. Are there certain times of the day or class activities when the immature behavior is exhibited? Does it occur when your child is interacting with other students or when alone?