What is your favorite Jungle Cruise joke?

[DisneyFan32WI]

At the end of the ride, the boats were bunched up and the guy was giving out random jokes. He said: Why does Peter Pan always fly?
Answer is:
Because he can never land!
We all thought that was so cute!

 

[2manyprincesses]

Gosh, I've already heard some jokes hear I've never heard before. But, I've always loved the "uh oh a plane crash...you know what this means...hippos!" joke. I love non-sequitir humor.

Here's a few of my favorites that haven't been mentioned yet. These are paraphased, and of course depend a lot on delivery, but here goes:

"Here with the lions in the African velte we see the first law of the Jungle....don't be a zebra!"

"There's smiley, our 10-foot crocodile...he's always looking for a hand-out. And there's his girlfriend Ginger. Heed this warning...stay away from Ginger...Ginger snaps!"

"As we approach the end of our journey you'll note there's a dock on the left and a dock on the right. That's what we here at the Jungle Cruise like to call a paradox."

SkierPete

We also heard this one on our last trip, but our skipper topped it off with "...and also a pair of dorks!" There are two other CM's standing near the docks.

 

[toledo13]

You know... my DH got me a shirt for our anniversary last year that says

"I have seen the backside of water"

HA!

 

[redrosesix]

I had one skipper who was particularly snarky and very goone one trip. As we were going past the butterfly his quip was

"These are the amazing amazonian butterflies which can ONLY be found in the deepest regions of South America or in the Disney gift shop for $49.95"

OMG! I think we had that skipper!

 

[planitdad]

upon disembarking, "bye now, bye now... by now you should be off my boat!

Does anyone know any now famous comedians who are ex Jungle Cruise skippers? ROBO, can you answer that one?

 

[ChristaDeVil]

My dream job is to be a Jungle Cruise Skipper.

 

[pktbMouse]

I rememeber.."why cant Cinderella play soccer...because she keeps running away from the ball"

 

[AnnMarie3]

We had a great skipper a couple of years back. I don't remember her name. Her best line: "This cruise is sponsored by Ursula's fish sticks. Nothin' says lovin' like a Little Mermaid in the oven!" My ds still talks about that skipper, she was great.

 

[greens_in_WA]

"
"If you enjoyed yourself, my name is Nick, and this has been the Jungle Cruise, if not, my name is Brian, and you just got off Goofy's Barnstormer"

This is my favorite. I'm a volunteer EMT and sometimes use a variation of this with patients that I drive to the hospital.

 

[catne]

upon disembarking, "bye now, bye now... by now you should be off my boat!

Does anyone know any now famous comedians who are ex Jungle Cruise skippers? ROBO, can you answer that one?

The only one I ever heard about was supposedly Steve Martin, but I've since seen references that say that is not true. disneyworldtrivia.com says he did work at the Magic Shop in Disneyland though. Is there someone else?

 

[MonorailDriver]

I think there is a movie out there somewhere that plays in Disneyland, hosted by Steve Martin that confirms him working in the Magic Shop...don't remember which one, may have been "One Man's Dream"

 

[disnutt]

I've been on the JC many, many times but I've only heard this one, once, I believe it's def. not in the DIsney approved script, or maybe it is: when approaching Chief Name: " And now look at poor Mary Poppins, how she has left herself go" . ANd the one by the AFrican scene: "Awww look how the lions are babysitting the zebra"

We love the Mary Poppins joke, too! Have only heard it once.

 

[sharibrat]

My kids two favorites that I have not seen mentioned:

"You might think it's water, but it'sNOT" (AS IN, IT'S SNOT") I think they say it when they elephants are squirting water.

And also when you are going through the dark tunnel and it's quiet and they start singing "It's a Small World After all......." in a really creepy voice!

My kids have been saying these two for the past three months........

 

[cosmicdaisy]

Okay, this isn't one of the CM's jokes, but it definitely made me laugh. We were backed up waiting to disembark the boat when the skipper started asking where people were from. My then 5 year old daughter said, just plain and simple, "Earth". I know it may not crack a laugh to anyone else, but I laughed right now just typing it, lol. And it definitely got our skipper laughing (much to my DD's confusion I might add.)

 

[redrosesix]

Okay, this isn't one of the CM's jokes, but it definitely made me laugh. We were backed up waiting to disembark the boat when the skipper started asking where people were from. My then 5 year old daughter said, just plain and simple, "Earth". I know it may not crack a laugh to anyone else, but I laughed right now just typing it, lol. And it definitely got our skipper laughing (much to my DD's confusion I might add.)

I just love what kids say!

 

[Schmeck]

We had a great skipper a couple of years back. I don't remember her name. Her best line: "This cruise is sponsored by Ursula's fish sticks. Nothin' says lovin' like a Little Mermaid in the oven!" My ds still talks about that skipper, she was great.

Of course I've got a dirty mind, so this one made me

 

[ChristaDeVil]

I think there is a movie out there somewhere that plays in Disneyland, hosted by Steve Martin that confirms him working in the Magic Shop...don't remember which one, may have been "One Man's Dream"

Steve Martin talks about his experiences at Disneyland in his autobiography. He tells about working in the magic shop, but I don't remember anything about the Jungle Cruise.

 

[skier_pete]

"You might think it's water, but it'sNOT" (AS IN, IT'S SNOT") I think they say it when they elephants are squirting water.

How'd I forget that one when i was listing my favorites! So many of these jokes are completely dependent on delivery to work...that one really does!

SkierPete

 

[MHSweb79]

Here's one I saw in Boston last weekend (feel free to steal this, any JC captains):

ALL UNATTENDED CHILDREN
WILL BE GIVEN ESPRESSO
AND A FREE KITTEN

 

[Cool-Beans]

"...named after the famous Dr. Albert...Falls."