What is wrong here?!

[Mady/Sophiemom]

WOW! I thought your FIRST post was antagonistic, but this one is just as bad. Aapparently you're just a 'er. Well if it makes you happy to come down hard on people who are having a bad day and venting, See you Next Tuesday, Honey.

As for the OP... Pay no attention to the Holier than thou Florence Nightengales. Her world is made of sugarpuffs and NOTHING ever goes wrong because she is Nurse of the Year. *sarcasm* I'm sorry, that attitude just puts me right off. I'm sorry that you had to endure what you did. Please make sure the incident was doccumented and perhaps you can get him removed from your facility.

Well said Ursula!!

 

[Talking Hands]

I was one of those patients from hell. I am hard of hearing and for some reason the staff had my husband take my hearing aids home. We asked for an interprreter in the ER and were told that my husband could interpret for me. I had an IV in place my entire stay because I have diabetes and this was the hospital's policy. Two days before I was to go in a tech came in to change my IV while I was dozing. He startled me as I didn't hear him approach and my reaction was to throw out my arm to protect myself from whatever was attacking me. Punched the guy in the gut. Trust me. THe next day I had a nurse that signed and explained to the staff how to let me know they were there safely. She also was able to explain to me why the IV needed changing and what was being done to me. There needs to be better training of staff on how to communicate with deaf and hard of hearing patients especially when the hospital refuses to comply with ADA regs.

 

[Saffron]

The OP just had an elderly man with dementia fondling her crotch while spewing some sexual comments while she was administering his meds. What's to like about that? No one has to like/love/cherish whatever word you want to choose, every aspect of their job, especially after a day/night like that. Nurses don't have to love every aspect of their job all the time in order to give quality care to their patients. Other than teaching I don't know of any other profession where this unattainable goal of loving your job 100% of time is expected. People are people with all range of emotions, it doesn't matter what your profession is, sometimes you just don't like something.

I understand your frustration and need to vent after a mess like that OP. I don't care if he fondled you for half a minute or five minutes, it's just frustrating. I don't imagine many nurses go to work expecting that to happen, no matter if they're taking care of dementia patients or not. No judgement from me. Just lots of best wishes for no more days or nights like the one you just had.

 

[Cool-Beans]

WOW! I thought your FIRST post was antagonistic, but this one is just as bad. Aapparently you're just a 'er. Well if it makes you happy to come down hard on people who are having a bad day and venting, See you Next Tuesday, Honey.

As for the OP... Pay no attention to the Holier than thou Florence Nightengales. Her world is made of sugarpuffs and NOTHING ever goes wrong because she is Nurse of the Year. *sarcasm* I'm sorry, that attitude just puts me right off. I'm sorry that you had to endure what you did. Please make sure the incident was doccumented and perhaps you can get him removed from your facility.

I hardly think that saying people shouldn't want to beat the snot of your patients is pot stirring.

Nor do I think caring about patients qualifies you for nurse of the year.

I pity the folks who are taken care of by nurses who really want to hurt them, and by nurses who think that caring about those folks NO MATTER WHAT is holier than thou.

So, you go ahead and lambast me. This is stuff I want to say all the time at work and don't.

You know those nurses who never complain about their patients? The ones who just listen to you "vent" while you get your meds? They are the same ones who aren't in the breakroom all the time, or at the desk. They are the ones you love, because they're always ready to help when you ask and are as nice to you as they are to the patients. They're thinking the same thing, they just don't say it.

You thought I was bad before? Here goes: If you don't like your patients, quit your flippin job. They don't need that kind of care. And the rest of the staff has enough problems of its own, they don't need your complaints added on top of it.

ETA: And I have scars from nails dug into my arm, too. Had things thrown on me, got a black eye...it isn't all rainbows and sunshine. I just never thought ill of the patients. They all had their reasons for doing it...drugs, drug reactions, result of Narcan, dementia, that kind of stuff.

 

[disneymom3]

I am sorry you had to go through this. Why ever it happened is not relevant. Sounds like a very very bad day at work.

As for the patients, yes I have been on the other side. Usually I have been a dream patient/patient's mom but there was one stay when I was not proud of myself. Ds had several trips to the hospital in his babyhood. I was always there with him 24 hours a day as he was still nursing for most of that time. The nurses we had were soooo wonderful and really were helps to me as well as caring for DS. One of them even lent me her pager one time so I could go to the cafeteria and get some dinner. (DS would start to cry as soon as I left the floor. I swear the kid had babyradar or something!!)

there was one time that I really lost it and you nurses on the thread can judge if I was out of line. DS was projectile vomiting and had been for close to a week as a fallout of some kidney surgery. (We were in the hospital that whole time.) I had asked if I could have extra sheets left in our room so I could clean him up right away but no one would ever bring them to me so I had to call each time he threw up to get new sheets. Usually the nurses or assist would change them, but often I would. I had no problem with that. But one night, he threw up--all over his bad, jammies everything and I pushed the call button. They asked what we needed and I told them. Fifteen minutes later I called again. At this point I had a naked baby wrapped in a towel and couldn't even put him down because the bed was too messy. Ten minutes later I called again. A nurse finally came--35 minutes after I had originally called. I was ticked! And I let her have it. She was ticked back and said that all the nurses were helping get an IV started in a child down the hall who had to be prepped for surgery. I felt bad for the little girl--but 35 minutes for clean sheets is insane. And ALL the nurses on the floor. The child was 4 years old! I still think that was unreasonable. That was the same trip I wouldn't let the nurse administer medication to my child at 2 a.m. Yeah, I was on a roll that trip.

 

[SuperSteelerFan]

First of all, I never said it was an extended period of fondling - he grabbed and I moved, he grabbed again and I moved again, he made a third attempt but just couldn't quite reach that last time. There were 5 nurses holding him down so I could get an IV in, especially since he was supposed to be on an IV cardiac drip, not to hurt him. Yes, I was really upset and if he were not a patient in the hospital, I would have hit him - I don't think a lot of folks would fault me for that since it is sexual abuse. It's funny how we have been trained to have a completely different set of reactions to situations like that as nurses - I would certainly never hit my patients but thanks for assuming I would Cool-Beans. Not all nurses are such roses and sunshine like you are and I'm sorry I cannot live up to your lofty standards. Hopefully you'll never be my patient since I could not possibly take proper care of you as I apparently am just not compassionate enough. I don't understand why you think that I don't like my job or being a nurse just because I don't want to be fondled or spit upon or verbally abused when I go to work - also on a cardiac floor. BTW, until he died several years ago, I actually visited one of my favorite patients on my days off when he was in the hospital - and I even took my kids to try to brighten his day (but don't tell anyone I actually cared about one of my patients). I even went so far as to hug and kiss him and to this day, I miss him.

As far as the lady who is hard of hearing, you cannot be faulted for taking a swing when startled awake - it happens all of the time and we learn to stand back when waking patients. As for the other lady posting about the pediatric situation, sometimes there is a legitimate reason for why responses are delayed, but also sometimes not - I hope that your nurse had a legitimate reason for the delay, but if not, you are fully justified in letting her have it. I would expect better than that from any good nurse.

 

[MrsKreamer]

I apologize in advance, this is going to be a long rant! I am a nurse and I was at work last night when my friend and co-worker had an unruly patient (I'm being kind). He is elderly and has severe dementia and is confused.

Um...if he has severe dementia then he is not in his right mind. My great-grandmother went through this and even attacked me with a butter knife. However I understood it was her medical condition that made her act that way. I can understand you being upset, but to blame him(if his dementia is indeed severe)....shame on you.

 

[Mady/Sophiemom]

Um...if he has severe dementia then he is not in his right mind. My great-grandmother went through this and even attacked me with a butter knife. However I understood it was her medical condition that made her act that way. I can understand you being upset, but to blame him(if his dementia is indeed severe)....shame on you.

I don't feel that the OP was BLAMING. But sometimes, it's still very frustrating, even when you know in your heart, that it is not the pts. fault.
It gets very tiring.

Does not mean that we are bad nurses.

 

[Annie68]

Kathy, sounds like you had a bad shift. I have been in that situation many times , there's nothing worse than a combative, confused pt. in the middle of the night. I'm sorry, no matter how perfect of a nurse you are, patients like that frustrate us all.

 

[Cool-Beans]

I can't retaliate like I would to any other man who would do this (like beat the snot out of him) because he's a patient in the hospital. Why is it acceptable for people like him to behave like this (I know he's confused, but he knew what he was doing because he made vulgar comments about it) and nothing gets done?

What would you like done?

 

[Saffron]

MrsKreamer ... because of his dementia she knew he was not in his right mind, didn't blame him and did the only thing she could have done ... stepped out of his way and vented about it here on the DIS of all places (and OP, I think that was probably your biggest mistake of the night! ).

Step in between a nurse and a patient who is grabbing a nurse's crotch next time and offer up your crotch instead and see if you still think it's somehow different just because he has dementia. Someone touching you in an area you don't want them to touch you, no matter what the reason, isn't acceptable. She handled it the best she could. Shame on you for trying to make it seem like SHE did something shameful!

 

[jipsy]

I apologize in advance, this is going to be a long rant! I am a nurse and I was at work last night when my friend and co-worker had an unruly patient (I'm being kind). He is elderly and has severe dementia and is confused. He ripped out his IV and flung blood around the room, he hit and kicked, and he yelled out the most vulgar, sexual comments to all the nurses in the room (6 of us, all female). I however, was the lucky one who got to restart his IV and administer the meds to calm him down - here's my problem: while I was doing this, he was fondling my crotch! Of course, this behavior is totally unacceptable, but I can't retaliate like I would to any other man who would do this (like beat the snot out of him) because he's a patient in the hospital. Why is it acceptable for people like him to behave like this (I know he's confused, but he knew what he was doing because he made vulgar comments about it) and nothing gets done? If I had done something back to him, I could be sued for abuse but he can just fondle anyone he pleases and it's ok. Well, it's not OK and the public needs to realize what we go through as nurses. Patients and their families can physically and verbally abuse to their hearts content because nothing is ever done about it, and the nurses have to "take it". There is a situation right now on the same floor where anyone who does not answer a certain patient's call within 5 minutes will face disciplinary action because the family complained that it takes too long to get "service". In the meantime, the staff is now afraid to go get something to eat or use the bathroom and other patients are neglected because of this one family - don't you dare take longer than that 5 minutes - they stay 24 hours a day and they actually time us. We also have a policy that states no visitors in a semi-private room after visiting hours end, but there is no consistent enforcement of this policy. My friends have been "turned in" and disciplined for both not allowing people to stay (which is the policy) and allowing people to stay (which is against policy). There are many, many more situations like this that occur daily as well. It's things like this that are pushing people away from careers in nursing - nurses shouldn't have to put up with crap like this.

I had a friend named Vicki who was in this situation. It really took it's toll her both her and her family. She finally quit. She told me she cried for no reason for weeks.

to you.

 

[kimberlym4]

He is elderly and has severe dementia and is confused.

Why is it acceptable for people like him to behave like this (I know he's confused, but he knew what he was doing because he made vulgar comments about it)

So does he have dementia or not? It's not acceptable for him to behave that way but it may be expected. Just because he's talking about what he's doing doesn't mean he has the judgment and impulse control to stop it. Those are the type of brain functions that are often compromised with dementia.

You have a difficult job and by all means venting important. But it did feel like you were blaming him for something he may not have control over.

And as much as you guys may be calling CoolBeans a pot stirrer - I'd love to have her as my loved one's nurse.

 

[Lizzy2]

I think we all need to accept that nurses are people not superheros(even though some of them turn out to be and that they have feelings and frustrations just like everybody else. The OP was trying to get some moral support and I for one think she deserves it. You go girl!

 

[miss missy]

First let me say this, I you and your work! I have never had to deal with loved ones and long term hospital stays, but one say I will I am sure. I know I could never do what you do and it is my FIRM belief that a nurse is a calling! I do not have it in me to do any part of what you do, therefore I respect you! I believe what you go through is very bad and I believe it is not fun when people treat you so bad. I do not know what you can do about someone that is that disrespectful, but there has to be something! Get a man in there? Isn't there something?

My MIL is a RN and has alway dealt with elderly. Never heard this stuff form her so I will be asking! I have 3 co-workers and 2 family member in nursing school now. God love em for wanting to do that work! Nursing seemed to be huge to get into right now.

I would be more than too! How aweful!

 

[poohandwendy]

I know that with severe dementia, inappropriate sexual conduct is very common, especially with men. My Dhs grandfather got this way before he died. It was tough because it was so unlike him, he was normally a very respectable person. We can only hope he didn't know that he was humiliating himself this way. (believe me, that would be the ONLY blessing in his last months of life, they were awful) And God bless the nurses who had to deal with him. I am sure they had bad experiences with him, I hope they were able to handle him and also have compassion for his situation.

Sorry you had a bad day. It sounds like this guy is having some bad days too. Unfortunately, it will probably only get worse for him. I can't imagine being in either of your shoes...yours for the job you do and his for spending the last days of his life without having his senses to depend on.

I hope your next day of work is better. I thank God there are people who are willing to work with people who are in a vulnerable position, sometimes inappropriate, combative and often not in their right mind.

 

[jeanadave]

I know that with severe dementia, inappropriate sexual conduct is very common, especially with men. My Dhs grandfather got this way before he died. It was tough because it was so unlike him, he was normally a very respectable person. We can only hope he didn't know that he was humiliating himself this way. (believe me, that would be the ONLY blessing in his last months of life, they were awful) And God bless the nurses who had to deal with him. I am sure they had bad experiences with him, I hope they were able to handle him and also have compassion for his situation.

Sorry you had a bad day. It sounds like this guy is having some bad days too. Unfortunately, it will probably only get worse for him. I can't imagine being in either of your shoes...yours for the job you do and his for spending the last days of my life without having his senses to depend on.

I hope your next day of work is better. I thank God there are people who are willing to work with people who are in a vulnerable position, sometimes inappropriate, combative and often not in their right mind.

Well said, IMHO.

 

[N&B'smom]

I just wanted to say that I thank you for doing a job that I know I couldn't do. Feel free to vent anytime, you're entitled!!

Shelby

 

[themarquis]

If you are a nurse, this cannot be the first time someone, especially someone with a form of dementia, has said and done inappropriate things.

And it can't be the first time someone has tried to touch a personal area, either.

If this particular patient was touching you the whole time you were starting the IV, it is your fault. You should have positioned yourself (or the bed!) differently or had someone assist you.

Yes, I'm sure it was the OP's fault that she got fondled ... don't we all love being felt up by elderly men??

Just out of curiosity, cool-beans, if you had a friend who came over and said, I had a bad day at work would you respond, "shut up... quit your job if you hate it so much ... and anyway, the whole thing is your fault." I hope not! The OP wanted some emotional support for having an unpleasant event happen to her. And you think its okay to give her crap about it?

 

[Annie68]

Yes, I'm sure it was the OP's fault that she got fondled ... don't we all love being felt up by elderly men??

Just out of curiosity, cool-beans, if you had a friend who came over and said, I had a bad day at work would you respond, "shut up... quit your job if you hate it so much ... and anyway, the whole thing is your fault." I hope not! The OP wanted some emotional support for having an unpleasant event happen to her. And you think its okay to give her crap about it?

We were taught in nursing school that "Nurses eat their young." Kind of sad, and not always true, but some nurses do prove it.