To be fair, I hope you don't automatically judge people as not focusing on making a successful marriage just because they go "all out" for their wedding reception.
It bothers me when I've had people judge me as being shallow because I have a bling engagement ring/wedding band. My dad's goal was to make me a princess for a day, with all the trimmings, not to keep up with the Jonses, but because I was his little girl and he wanted me to have whatever I wanted for this day that would be the start of the rest of my married life.
Sure, you can't assume . . . but you also can't pretend that a whole lot of brides just want to have the big party and aren't putting all that much effort into the idea of preparing for marriage. This is more prevalent with brides who have big weddings; after all, I don't know a whole lot of people who are anxious to have a Justice of the Peace wedding (although those people may be very anxious to be married), but I know a whole lot of girls who've dreamed of bridesmaids dresses and flowers for years. And I know a whole lot of girls who think they're -- well, losers is too strong a word, but you know what I mean -- losers if they aren't married by a certain age (and that age might vary; some might say 21, others 25, others 30).
Maybe the cultures who have Quinceanera ceremonies have it right: A chance for the girl (and her mom) to have a big blow-out party . . . without being forced to pick a groom! You know I don't mean that seriously.
My sister briefly entertained the notion of choosing a catering hall that offered this, but went with a different one (for her first wedding). The one she chose instead set off indoor fireworks off of each table when the bride and groom entered the room.
My cousin and his wife got married at a catering hall on Long Island where the bride entered the back of the chapel from behind a backlit curtain, where she was standing on a turntable that slowly rotated around until she was facing front as the curtain lifted.
See, I wouldn't want those things if they were free. No, worse than that: If they paid me to have those things, I'd still not want them. It's completely not my idea of tasteful.
If second mortgages are being taken out, credit cards maxed, personal loans and all other matter of things being done to get together enough money to throw a huge wedding, then I think it is stupid. Who is that caught up in appearances that they are willing to risk their financial future over a party?
But, I'm not the one paying back the credit cards or all the loans, so whatever.
Do what ever you want, doesn't affect my bank account.
Well, looking at it from a wider point of view, it DOES affect your bank account. Consider the economic trouble we as a country are in right now. Much of this recession was caused by the average consumer's lack of restraint. If people hadn't bought too much house and too much car, hadn't neglected to save for a rainy day, hadn't maxed out multiple credit cards, etc, etc, etc., then things wouldn't be as drastic as they are. We're all going to be paying for bankruptcies, bail-outs, and other awful financial things for years to come.
Don't stretch what I'm saying: I'm not saying that extravagant weddings have caused America's financial difficulties. I'm saying that over-spending in multiple ways has led us down a bad path, and this is ONE EXAMPLE of the type of thing that's caused it.
Nope. I never even considered alcohol at my reception.
We were invited to one wedding that had a cost, per plate, of over $500. The family let it be known, and the reason was that they expected their daughter to get gifts to cover that cost - even though the parents were RICH and were paying every cent. We were saving for our own wedding, so couldn't afford to cover the $1k gift, so we didn't attend the reception. Everyone understood, and no one was insulted.
I'd have been insulted if my friend (or her parents) wanted a gift more than she wanted me at her wedding. That's the kind of thing that I think goes over the line.
The thing to remember - almost everyone benefits from this. We were married on Long Island, so our Long Island friends didn't give us less because we expected less. So no one loses out (unless they never get married or have children that get married), and young couples have a great start at life with the money received. People don't do it this way because they are greedy. It is just the way it is. People from Long Island are just a nice as people from Alabama.
I'm not seeing how
everyone benefits from it. Surely y'all can't all afford large cash wedding gifts for everyone you know. I mean, where does the money come from? I think you've been raised that way and have been taught to think that "everyone benefits", but it doesn't stand up to logic.
I don't see how the bride's parents benefit (they pay and pay, and the couple gets the money). I don't see how the couple's families, who are likely saving for their similar-aged children's weddings, benefit from it. I don't see how the bride's just-out-of-college-where-is-the-money-gonna-come-from? friends benefit. I don't see how the couple benefits when they have to reciprocate this large amount of money over and over and over as their friends get married.
The way I see it, the couple "benefits" at their own wedding, but then they pay for it (by being obligated to give at other weddings) for the rest of their lives.
do you mind further enlightening me on the cover your plate thing?
I assume its not this way.
): Don't trust the Southern boy to explain New York practices
But I do not think that is the case for MOST people (no matter the size or cost of their weddings).
