What is the ideal age between siblings

[beattyfamily]

To each there own but for me, I wanted them no more than 3 years apart. I think that 1 or 2 years apart would be ideal for 'closeness' but would tough on the mom. So I went for 3 years apart. Youngest was out of diapers and in her big girl bed.

They are close in some ways and play well together at times and the older DD 'protects' the younger DD but other times there's the sibling rivalry and the "mom, she's embarrassing me in front of my (teenage) friends' stuff.

I hope when they are adults, they'll be real tight and best friends when the sibling rivalry is over with (God willing).

I am one of 6 and I am 7, 8, and 9 years younger than my 3 older sisters (who are close in age and very close to each other) and I am 10 years older than the youngest sister. I, unfortunately, due to the big age gaps, am not very close to any of them. We love each other; we shop together, spend holidays together etc...but it's not the same as their relationships with each other. I'll always be their little sister that they don't have a lot in common with due to that big age gap.

 

[ZephyrHawk]

There is no magic age, but I'd say at least 4 years (meaning you start ttc when the first is about 3.5). Why? That's the natural weaning age in humans.

 

[DMickey28]

My brother and I are 2 years 11 months apart. As kids we were very close, played together and had good times together. Once we got older and had our own friends we drifted apart. I think that is fairly normal, especially when the sibilings are different genders. My BFF's brother was a year older than us and while we did stuff as groups together when forced, they weren't close friends because of the gender difference. My brother and I are now getting close again, more so since we live closer than we did in the past.

My kids are going to be 2 years 11 months apart as well. We started TTC#2 so they would be just over 2 years apart but it took us 10 months to concieve #2. I think this age difference will be good for us. DS is 2.5 right now and I CAN NOT imagine balancing him and a newborn right now. I think by the time he is closer to 3 he is going to be more ready for it.

If we go for #3 and/or #4 it's going to be another 2+ years before we start again. I like that I had DS's infant stage to myself and again with the next one. DS is also at the age that he is going to start to benifit greatly from daycare/pre-school with other kids and I am looking into starting him January before the baby comes.

 

[Minniemama350]

2 years is often good, but I think a better question is when are you truly ready? If you are ready to parent, everyone is happier. Good luck! How exciting to think about!!

 

[Tosie]

Whatever works for your family!

My kids are 4 1/2 years apart - planned that way. I don't have it in me to have kids closer in age. My sister and I are 2 years apart and fought like crazy growing up (we're great friends now).

One of the best things for us was that when ds started preschool I had alone time with dd - even just for part of the day.

My kids are close - they have their moments of antagonizing each other but have tons of fun together.

Good luck!

 

[JVL1018]

I wanted my kids between 2 and 3 years apart.
They are 22 months apart and I think it's perfect-so I'd say 2 years apart is the optimal age gap.

 

[Inigo]

My DS 22 and DD18 are 3 1/2 years apart. They were supposed to be 4 years apart, since I figured it would take me at least a few months to get pregnant, but I got pregnant the first month we tried. My standard is that I wanted the first to be potty-trained completely before we had the second child.

My kids have always been close. They know things about each other's lives that DH and I have no clue about since they've always had each other to talk to.

Now that they've both moved out to different colleges, they don't talk as much, but when both are home on a weekend (rare), they sit in each other's rooms to have at least one long talk.

 

[mom2rb]

My brother and I are 2 years and 2 months apart. We are very close. My little half brothers are 13 months apart and are best friends. They live, work and go to college together. There is 16 and 17 years between my little brothers and me. We are close but more like a favorite aunt than a sister.

DH and his brother are 4 years apart. Even though they work together they just aren't that close.

DH and I wanted to have our kids be between 1 & 2 years apart. Instead we went with 3 minutes.

 

[minkydog]

What do you think is the ideal age between siblings and why?

I'm starting to get the 2nd baby bug and I just don't think we can afford another child. Things are tight now and after daycare for 2, DH would be bringing home an extra $100 per week (if he were working full time, instead of his reduced hours). He says he "won't" stay home with 2 kids, the baby stuff is too much for him. I can't stay home because my job pays significantly more than DH and I carry the benefits.

DH thinks we should wait til DD is 4 to try. I'm starting to think that might be a plan, but what if when she is 4 I am out of the practice of getting up each night and doing the infant thing?

I feel like I don't really know my youngest sister, I think because of that. DH is a middle child 7 years between each sister. He doesn't have a very close relationship with them at all. In fact, he can go months without talking to them, while I talk to my one sister almost every day.

How far apart are your kids? Do they have a close relationship?

The funny thing about babies is that you really *don't* forget how to get up with them in the night, or pack a diaper bag, or when to start solids. it comes right back to you.

My kids are 23, 16 and 14. As you can see, there is a significant age difference between my 1st and 2nd children. Depite the difference, they are extremely close. I can count on one hand how many fights they've had. They consider each other their best friend. My 3rd child is severely handicapped. He has a different relationship with the older two. They are very protective of him and they assist him with the many daily things that have to be done. But he doens't play or watch TV and he doesn't have anything in common with the older two, except the same parents. His life is totally different from theres. But they love him dearly.

I would suggest that you not push yourself into hitting a specific goal age. I found it much easier to have my oldest farther apart because when the baby came home, the oldest one had other focuses in his life. The last 2 are 2 years apart, and the fact that the youngest was disabled coupled with the regular trials of raising a 2yo made my life extremely difficult.

I am the oldest of 5. We are like stairsteps, 5 kids in 8 years. I am closer to some sibs than others. The one I'm closest to, believe it or not, is my youngest sister. I'm 53, she's 45. I live in Georgia, she lives in Washington. I have 3kids, she has sheep, haha. We actually have a lot more things in common now that we're adults and we are very, very close.

 

[Fintastic]

Our kids are 5 years 10 months apart, and so far it's a good difference! The only down side so far is that DD thinks she can do everything for her new brother that I do!

 

[iggbees]

i'm 4.5 years apart from my sister and we aren't close whatsoever. she actually hates the fact that i was always protective of her and yells at me constantly (still! she's 21, almost 22 and i'm 26). personally, when i decide to have children, i'm keeping the distance between them as close as possible (<3 years). i've always felt bad that i never really had my sister as a best friend.

 

[Tasha+Scott]

I dealt with this same issue when I was debating on when I wanted my 2nd as well. My kids are almost exactly 3 years apart. They are now 4 and 1 and get along extremely well. Of course they are still really small so I couldn't tell you if they will remain this way or not. I obviously am hoping they will. I love how I spaced them now but when my ds was 1st born we went through a really, really hard transition period with my dd and it was rough. I really started wondering if I had spaced them wrong because of it. Thankfully she got past it within a few months and I love their age difference now. I wouldn't change a thing!

My brother and I are 29 months apart and have been best friends our entire lives. He is the greatest uncle in the world too. However, I am really close to one of my sisters as well and she is 14 years younger than me so I don't think age necessarily is the factor in whether siblings will be close. I do admit I think the age was a key factor with my brother and me though because we could relate well since we were close in age and dealing with many of the same things at the same time. My sister and I have a huge age gap though but our personalities just mesh well so you never know.

 

[manning]

Will you be able to handle it financially. You said things are tight.

 

[kellyg403]

I have 6 children, the oldest three range in age of 18 monts to 3 years apart. The 4th she was one of those oops things and is 5 years younger than her older sister. My youngest son is exactly 11 years younger than his oldest brother. When they were younger they weren't 'close'. My oldest ds has four sisters after himself, he really didn't have anything in common with 'sisters''! The girls, oth, are all very close to this day..even with the age difference between dd2 and 3. My youngest ds love having an older brother with his own house, they spend a lot of time with him on weekends, much to my dil unhappiness sometimes! She has had to put her foot down and let them know work comes first..so oldest ds now recruits the younger two for yardwork and they get pizza and video games out of the deal.

I don't have any words of wisdom other than when the kids are younger or are of different sexes it may appear they are not close and sometimes I think it depends on the family structure in general. I am the oldest of 5 siblings. I talk to one sister pretty much daily, she is after me in age. My youngest bro I talk to frequently. The others we talk about once every 3 months or so. It just depends on the personality of each IMHO

Kelly

 

[SDFgirl]

Of course, there is no "right" spacing...each family is so different.

My girls are 21 months apart. Since they're still so young, I don't know if they'll be close or not, but I do like the spacing (so far) because they're in similar stages of their lives. I have a toddler and an infant, so they're still at home, very dependent little girls. I like that they'll be school-age at the same time, and go to college at the same time. I picture them calling each other up at college and dishing about classes, boys, friends, etc.

I DON'T like that they'll be teenagers at the same time, though!!

Another reason I like the close spacing is I'm concentrating all of the diapers, spit-up, nursing, burp cloths, etc...into a short amount of time!!

 

[alizesmom]

Spacing is whatever works for you. I have 3 sisters and there is 4 yrs and 9 months from oldest to youngest. We were great friends while young but grew apart as our interests changed. My 4 birth children were 5 yrs and 3 months from oldest to youngest and still get along well (aged 24 through 30 right now). We are now raising our 4 year old but that's a whole different story.

 

[m&m's mom]

I have not read the other responses but when I was in college I had a professor that did research on birth order. He said there were advantages and disadvantages on every span of time between kids but, if you add all the advantages, he said 3 years has the most advantages. On that, I planned my kids 3 years apart and I am happy with that decision.

 

[KimR]

My oldest and middle are 5 1/2 years apart; my middle DD and youngest are 3 1/2 years apart. The older 2 are very close despite the age difference. Personally, I think it has more to do with personality than age span. My sister (5 years younger) and I fought like crazy growing up but we are very close now. On the other hand, DH was the middle child with a brother 2 years older, a brother 5 years younger and he rarely talks to either one.

Personally, I wouldn't want my kids too close together. I'm not very good at multitasking and I would feel too frazzled having two little ones to care for. I liked having my oldest in kindergarten when her sister came along. That way I was able to give the baby my undivided attention. Also, I figure the greater gap between kids, the more years I have with children in the house.

 

[Irish9697]

Mine are 12 months and 18 days apart. It wasn't planned, but I wouldn't change a thing. Sure, the early days were trying, but I was a SAHM and we made it through. My son is the older of the two, but they are very close in size. He's just about 2 inches and a couple of pounds larger than his sister. They'll be 10 and 9 in December. I'd recommend the age difference. Mine are the best of friends and because they are essentially the same age, they basically have the same abilities. They help each other with homework and projects. They often do same or similar activities (he's playing basketball and she will be on the cheerleading squad for his team), etc. They seem almost like twins because they seem to share a 3rd sense of sorts, like a private language or something, with each other.

The scary thing for me is...my dbf and I are discussing trying for a baby in a few years. That'd essentially mean I'd have a 12 and 13 year old and an infant...VERY scary prospect! Can I handle that?

 

[Colleen27]

I think closeness is more a function of personality than spacing. I'm not close to my brother at all, never was (as kids we hated each other), and we're less than 3 years apart. DH, on the other hand, is close with both his siblings, one is a year older and the other is 9 years younger. My mom and aunt are more like friends than siblings, and they're 8 years apart.

My DS and older DD are 3 years apart. In some ways, that was nice spacing. I only had one in diapers at a time and the house was still babyproofed from DS when DD got mobile. But in some ways it was difficult too. DD was a newborn when DS started school, which made for a lot of waking her up, bundling her up, and taking her out to drive him to school. I really couldn't take that cliched advice to "sleep when baby sleeps" because if I had, DS would have gotten into something! They're 11 & 8 now, and it is still nice in some ways and tough in others. They have a lot of the same friends and interests, so they do get along most of the time, but they also sometimes get annoyed with one another because they're together almost every moment that they aren't in school.

My youngest is 7 years younger than older DD and 10 years younger than DS. I didn't think I'd like that spacing. I had a hard time with the idea of going back to the baby phase after being so far removed from it, and I didn't think younger DD would be close to her siblings because of the age gap, but so far it is working out nicely. DD8 insisted on sharing a room with DD1, and they're great friends. DS11 is greatly looking forward to turing 12 and taking the "safe sitter" program so he can watch DD1 (obviously not while I'm really gone at this point, but while I work in the yard, paint, etc), and having her around gives him a much needed excuse to drop his "too cool"/serious tween crap for a while and just enjoy the simple things. And it is so much easier on me, because the older kids are big enough to be reasonably self-sufficient. Time will tell if they remain close as adults, but right now is pretty wonderful.