What is one comment that you can't forget.

[Elle23]

When my mother told me I was a mistake.

Not angry at me or anything, but my mom said if abortions had been legal she would have had one with me. She didn’t like the kids she had. That kind of thing tends to stay with you.

How sad!

It’s amazing how cruel parents can be sometimes.

 

[ronandannette]

Not angry at me or anything, but my mom said if abortions had been legal she would have had one with me. She didn’t like the kids she had. That kind of thing tends to stay with you.

Unreal. And even moreso if the delivery was as callous and matter-of-fact as you've put it here. She sounds like a monster.

 

[penn19]

Unreal. And even moreso if the delivery was as callous and matter-of-fact as you've put it here. She sounds like a monster.

I think she just had “issues” but I always thought to myself when she’s told me that (she told me more than once) “like what am I supposed to do with this information?!”

 

[ronandannette]

I think she just had “issues” but I always thought to myself when she’s told me that (she told me more than once) “like what am I supposed to do with this information?!”

Bless you - you have an extremely forbearing heart and I hope life has treated you kindly in other respects. As to the bolded, yeah, issues.

 

[DisneyHardin]

Like many of the above, mine is about weight. I am overweight.

At work a few years ago I had brought a Rubbermaid bowl of leftover macaroni and cheese that I was planning to eat on for 2 or 3 days. When I got it out of the fridge to heat up, a co-worker said something like "You are going to eat all that? That bowl is huge!!" I was so taken aback that I didn't even bother to explain to her that I had planned to eat on it for a couple days. It hurt my feelings so badly that I dumped the whole bowl in the garbage and went back to my office.

 

[arminnie]

I am old (70s). For my mother's generation with basically no reliable birth control most pregnancies were unplanned and many were unwelcome. It wasn't that unusual for women during that time to regret their pregnancies. So I'm not that upset by comments that a child wasn't wanted.

I was conceived 2 months after my parents married - totally upsetting my mother's planned life. Of course she regretted that. But she was a great mother who stepped up to the task. My mother was devastated when she became pregnant with my sister when I was 12. (she thought she had her children half raised and we were desperately poor). I'm sure she would have had an abortion if that had been available. But my sister (who I love dearly) was my mother's favorite by far. It's something we have all laughed about for years.

Back to the OP's original question - lots of comments about weight that I remember. And I was not fat at all. I just had curves unlike the stick Twiggy figures of the 60s. One non weight comment that I remember was from when I was about 10 or 11. A salesman at a retail store said I looked like I probably made all As - which I did. But he said it because I wore glasses. I thought he was pretty stupid even as young as I was.

 

[BlueStarryHat]

I had a close relative tell me, "I love you but I don't like you as a person." It just *killed* me, because I was only 12 or 13 and starting with the Depression and anxiety that continues to plague me nearly 40 years later. Later that night I cried myself to sleep and it was the first time I thought about suicide.

 

[apirateslifeforme]

In following with the ones from parents...when I was 7 or 8, my mother told me, "I would have had a much better life if I hadn't had you." It was my fault that she married my deadbeat father, as she was 3 months pregnant at their wedding.

Also the numerous nasty comments about how fat and ugly I am. One of my uncles always liked to tell me that I have a "big honkin' nose" just like my ugly father and that maybe I would look acceptable if I lost 50 lbs.

 

[goofyernmost]

I'm 9 months pregnant and the other day a stranger asked if I was having twins (I'm not.) And when I said no, she said "I wasn't sure because you're SO BIG." That's gonna stay with me for a while

I don't usually respond on threads like this, but, honestly, I don't understand. You are big because you are pregnant. Isn't that a good thing. doesn't that mean you will likely have a big healthy baby or maybe just where you are carrying it. It certainly isn't anything to be ashamed of and I cannot figure out way anyone would feel that way. Perhaps if science figures out a way to carry your baby in your purse for 9 months, that certainly isn't an insult. Now that doesn't mean that the person shouldn't have had enough common sense to not highlight what might be a very uncomfortable situation for you, physically, but, I cannot begin to imagine why that should have bothered you. Now if you weren't pregnant at all, then you had every right to kill her.

 

[WorldWacky]

I had a close relative tell me, "I love you but I don't like you as a person." It just *killed* me, because I was only 12 or 13 and starting with the Depression and anxiety that continues to plague me nearly 40 years later. Later that night I cried myself to sleep and it was the first time I thought about suicide.

 

[DeniseJH]

One Christmas morning after opening gifts my father told my sister and I that we didn't deserve any of it. We were both pretty good kids - honor society, etc.. He was a jerk. (I'll use that nicer term than what I usually would.)

When I was in grade school, right before our Christmas concert, a boy behind me in the band said that I could play Santa Claus. I was a chubby kid. Later, in high school at our honor society induction ceremony that same boy looked at me in my dress (I never wore dresses to school) and asked me when I had lost all the weight. Funny how he noticed that night, even though we saw each other every day in school. Different surroundings, I guess. Kinda came full-circle.

 

[kimblebee]

I was in university (I don’t remember the specific class) and the assignment was how you see yourself vs how others see you. I had filled out a sheet that had 20-30 terms listed and you had to rank how closely you associated with them. It was things like smart, funny, attractive, punctual and so on. Then, we had to have someone we were close to fill out the form too so we could compare their answers to ours. I had my mom fill it out and I don’t remember anything but the fact she had ranked attractive as the second least thing she associated with me. I still remember how crushed I was when I saw that.

*this is the first time I’ve ever shared the story.

 

[low-key]

I was in university (I don’t remember the specific class) and the assignment was how you see yourself vs how others see you. I had filled out a sheet that had 20-30 terms listed and you had to rank how closely you associated with them. It was things like smart, funny, attractive, punctual and so on. Then, we had to have someone we were close to fill out the form too so we could compare their answers to ours. I had my mom fill it out and I don’t remember anything but the fact she had ranked attractive as the second least thing she associated with me. I still remember how crushed I was when I saw that.

*this is the first time I’ve ever shared the story.

that would hurt, Im like you, keep the big hurts to myself

 

[Pea-n-Me]

Some of these are so sad! I can think of a few, too, that are too painful to even share here. But I will share this one.

When I was in 5th grade in parochial school, another student and I got caught shoplifting candy in the local 5 and 10, so as part of our punishment/pennence we had to check in with the principal every day. One day my teacher was at lunch and another teacher, a nun, was watching our class along with her own. I finished my assignment so I thought it would be a good time to check in with the principal, and headed down, which I was allowed to do. When I came back, the nun watching our class was steaming mad and pulled me out into the hallway. She yelled at me and called me a “little runt”, wrongly thinking I went to the principal to say something about her. She wouldn’t listen when I tried to explain. (And her breath nearly knocked me out! ) I didn’t let it bother me too, too much, but I’d rather if someone is going to call me something like that and behave that way toward me, it’s for something I actually deserved.

 

[cjbcam]

When I was a stay at home Mom to my young 4 kids. My sister was talking to me about life insurance. She was like you don’t even need life insurance you’re not worth anything.
When I was a stay at home mom so many people found nothing wrong with saying rude things. My sister was the worst.

 

[Kingdome8]

In the last few months before my mom passed away from cancer. She spoke of relationships with family members and decisions she made and she said to me
“If it wasn’t for you my life would have been a total failure”. It made me happy and sad. Happy that I was a good part of her life and sad that times made her down.
We were very close.

 

[EMom]

I'm not going to use the exact words, because if my sister googled the actual phrase, I'm sure she'd find this thread and be hurt all over again. She only told me this recently, and it obviously stuck with her, and not in a good way. I was the pretty one. She was the well-behaved, responsible one. Another sibling was the charming one and the fourth was the reliable one. We were all straight A kids, so no one got to be the smart one.

She's a good bit older, and when I was in early elementary, she asked my mother if she'd ever be the pretty one. Our mother gave what I'm sure she thought was a truthful, yet diplomatic response, but my sister got the message that she wasn't destined to be the pretty one. My mother praised her other assets. Our mother never meant to hurt her, but she did. Let me be clear, my sister wasn't homely. She just wasn't the stereotypical definition of pretty.

I remember words that didn't hurt, but did irritate. When I was in my late teens, I met a guy and was very interested in him....briefly. We talked and began to discuss current affairs. He cocked his head, seemed very surprised, and remarked that he had assumed I was just pretty and hadn't realized I was also smart. He acted amazed, even baffled. I told him that it might be news to him, but girls could be both pretty AND smart. And I walked away. The assumption he'd made was a common one, although I think it's less common today. At least I hope it is.

The worst was what happened to a friend of mine. Their very much wanted, full term baby was stillborn and they had to call relatives to tell them they were planning a funeral instead of a celebration. The grandmother of the baby asked why they were bothering to name the baby and have a funeral because it wasn't as if it had ever been alive. I don't think they never spoke to her again.

 

[Ladyandthepuppies]

I don't usually respond on threads like this, but, honestly, I don't understand. You are big because you are pregnant. Isn't that a good thing. doesn't that mean you will likely have a big healthy baby or maybe just where you are carrying it. It certainly isn't anything to be ashamed of and I cannot figure out way anyone would feel that way. Perhaps if science figures out a way to carry your baby in your purse for 9 months, that certainly isn't an insult. Now that doesn't mean that the person shouldn't have had enough common sense to not highlight what might be a very uncomfortable situation for you, physically, but, I cannot begin to imagine why that should have bothered you. Now if you weren't pregnant at all, then you had every right to kill her.

It bothered me a lot and I think most pregnant women would be insulted by a comment like that. First of all, I don't think it's appropriate for a stranger to comment on a women's size EVER, whether or not she is pregnant.

Secondly, by asking if I'm having twins and telling me I'm "so big", the implication is that my baby bump is double the size that someone carrying a single baby would be. A single baby that is the size of 2 babies is not a big healthy baby, it is a risk for a Cesarean section or a sign of gestational diabetes. A baby's size may also be related to the amount of weight a mother gains during pregnancy, and I have gained more than the recommended amount which makes me feel very ashamed.

It seems weird to me that you "cannot begin to imagine" why that comment bothered me.

 

[Owlpost23]

I'm sorry all of you have had to remember these awful things.

 

[ronandannette]

I'm sorry all of you have had to remember these awful things.

They say it takes a lot of encouragement to override a little bit of discouragement. I cling pretty tightly to some of the kind, positive and uplifting things that loving people have said to me over the years. It's human nature for the hurtful things to settle in deeper though I think.