What is one comment that you can't forget.

[Wendy31]

When I was a stay at home Mom to my young 4 kids. My sister was talking to me about life insurance. She was like you don’t even need life insurance you’re not worth anything.
When I was a stay at home mom so many people found nothing wrong with saying rude things. My sister was the worst.

What's funny is the comment that came to my mind after I saw the thread topic is almost in complete opposite to your sister's comment.

I was pregnant w/ our 1st child (our daughter) &, due to several different reasons, was planning to return to my job when she was 3 months old.

I was already feeling guilty about having to go back to work, and, one Sunday, I was in the nursery at our church w/ another older lady.

When she found out I was planning to go back to work, she looked at me pityingly & remarked, "Oh that's awful! When my children were babies, we would have eaten nothing but beans & cornbread if it meant I could stay home w/ them & not go to work."

There were/are 3 women in my life who influenced me, helped shape my thinking about myself, &, in their own ways, contributed to my anxiety, & I still hear their voices in my head all the time - my mother who was hyper-critical, a teacher/coach from jr & high school who was hyper-exacting, & this church lady who was hyper-judgmental.

 

[mumto3girls]

I was in university (I don’t remember the specific class) and the assignment was how you see yourself vs how others see you. I had filled out a sheet that had 20-30 terms listed and you had to rank how closely you associated with them. It was things like smart, funny, attractive, punctual and so on. Then, we had to have someone we were close to fill out the form too so we could compare their answers to ours. I had my mom fill it out and I don’t remember anything but the fact she had ranked attractive as the second least thing she associated with me. I still remember how crushed I was when I saw that.

*this is the first time I’ve ever shared the story.

I am sorry this happened to you. As a mother, though, I wonder if possibly your mom just sees attractiveness as a shallow, superficial quality that has no real bearing on who you actually are and therefore less important to who you are. I see all 3 of my girls as beautiful (society may or may not agree) but it is truly one of their least important qualities in terms of what I value about them.

 

[kcool]

I am the last of 6 kids. Only my brother who is closest in age is a full sibling. All the others are 1/2 siblings. I always thought of them all as my brothers and sisters. I thought it was a non issue that we were 1/2 or full siblings, just brothers and sisters. I was about 12-13 when we were taking pictures at our house and I was standing with 1 brother/2 sisters (all
Being 1/2 siblings) and was asked to move because my brothers wife wanted a picture just with his real sisters. It was very hurtful and completely changed my views.

 

[kimblebee]

I am sorry this happened to you. As a mother, though, I wonder if possibly your mom just sees attractiveness as a shallow, superficial quality that has no real bearing on who you actually are and therefore less important to who you are. I see all 3 of my girls as beautiful (society may or may not agree) but it is truly one of their least important qualities in terms of what I value about them.

Thank you for saying that. Looking back on it now, with the distance of 20 years, you could be right. My mom is old school and definitely sees a clean kitchen as more important than being a model lol

 

[superme80]

Oh lord where do I start. I think the hardest one was when a new kid at school in 8th grade took one look at me and said, "Wow you sure are ugly". My god it still hurts. There is a list of rude and hurtful things bullies, friends, and family have said to me. That one hurt because it was completely unprovoked. I still have issues with my looks. I don't think I will ever like how I look.

 

[Chocolate Cake]

I had a close relative tell me, "I love you but I don't like you as a person." It just *killed* me, because I was only 12 or 13 and starting with the Depression and anxiety that continues to plague me nearly 40 years later. Later that night I cried myself to sleep and it was the first time I thought about suicide.

This made my lip quiver and my eyes fill up.

People are very cruel. But to say that to a child is the epitome of an evil person. I want to hug you.

 

[Chocolate Cake]

double post

 

[Chocolate Cake]

Now that doesn't mean that the person shouldn't have had enough common sense to not highlight what might be a very uncomfortable situation for you, physically, but, I cannot begin to imagine why that should have bothered you.

You can't imagine why a stranger commenting on her body could bother her? You should not walk up to ANYONE and make comments about their body. How don't people know this?

 

[LCoulter]

When I was in my late teens, I was at the mall to get my hair cut. There were a couple people in chairs already but I was the only one in waiting area. I went to reception desk and told them I wanted a cut. Three young female stylists were arguing about who was going to do the "rats nest". My hair was clean and brushed but I just wasn't good at the whole styling thing. The fourth stylist was ignoring their mean laughter and arguing and just walked by them and said, "I'll take her". He was the nicest guy ever, did a great job styling my hair, took the time to teach me how to style it myself and I went to him for years until I finally lost touch with him. Thirty years later, I still HATE going to the hairdresser because I think of that comment.

 

[DLgal]

When I was a stay at home Mom to my young 4 kids. My sister was talking to me about life insurance. She was like you don’t even need life insurance you’re not worth anything.
When I was a stay at home mom so many people found nothing wrong with saying rude things. My sister was the worst.

Wow, that's harsh. Your sister is uninformed. I am a SAHM (have been for almost 15 years) and our life insurance underwriters have deemed me worth the SAME amount as my husband. He is "worth" $3.5 million, according to them. I was given the option to purchase that much coverage on myself as well. We purchased half that amount to cover me. Doesn't she realize that, in the absence of a SAHM who handles everything with the kids, your husband would have to hire people to do those tasks if you died? Childcare, for one thing, doesn't come cheap. The most recent estimate is that a SAHM is worth anywhere between $90,000 and $180,000 per year. That's not insignificant.

Your sister sounds awful. I'm sorry.

 

[DLgal]

I am sorry this happened to you. As a mother, though, I wonder if possibly your mom just sees attractiveness as a shallow, superficial quality that has no real bearing on who you actually are and therefore less important to who you are. I see all 3 of my girls as beautiful (society may or may not agree) but it is truly one of their least important qualities in terms of what I value about them.

I thought of this as well, but on the other hand, I think most mothers think their children are beautiful, no matter what. I wonder if the form said "beautiful" rather than "pretty", would her mother have ranked it higher? Maybe so. I could not imagine having a daughter (I only have sons) and placing "pretty" so far down on a list like that, if nothing else than for her self esteem. It seems cruel, especially knowing the daughter is going to see it.

 

[Cannot_Wait_4Disney]

When I was a stay at home Mom to my young 4 kids. My sister was talking to me about life insurance. She was like you don’t even need life insurance you’re not worth anything.
When I was a stay at home mom so many people found nothing wrong with saying rude things. My sister was the worst.

Your sister couldn't be more wrong. Life insurance is to replace income. And if you, the SAHM dies, well dad is going to have to come home and raise kids. So regardless of who dies, his income has to be replaced.

 

[princesspiglet]

I have quite a few, but the one that sticks with me for some reason was from college. DH and I got engaged and a sorority sister of mine said, "wow, I can't wait to see what your kids will look like!" I asked her why and she said, "because with your nose and his nose combined...that aint gonna be pretty!" I was quite upset because I had told her already that I broke my nose 3 times from sports and my bump and crookedness wasn't natural, but I never saw anything wrong with my DH's nose either. I was paranoid for years about my daughter's nose. She's 16 now and has what my nose looked like before I broke it...totally normal nose.

 

[Ralphmiller007]

This wasn't even that offensive, but for some reason it stuck with me. I went back to college in my late 20's, and like many other people worked while doing so. I was fortunate that the nursing program I got into offered evening classes. When signing up for classes, I wanted to schedule full-time credits (some online) in order to graduate on time in four semesters. My advisor first refused, then smirked while she said "you're setting yourself up for failure, but if that's what you want...." She probably wouldn't even remember, but wow did that attitude annoy me at the time.

 

[aripantaloon]

When I was in 8th grade, wearing pins (like the round ones with sayings) on a jean jacket was popular. I had a little one that said “max it out” and a boy in my class said “like maxi pads” and I never wore that pin again. Lol!

 

[amberpi]

My MIL told my DH not to marry me because I'm slightly disabled (I have bad balance and don't lift heavy things unless I'm under duress); then proceeded to scream in my face because I ruined his little girl's birthday party by fainting, because that wasn't embarrassing enough on its own. It was the first weekend I met her. We actually have an ok relationship now. She's never apologized though. Sadly, she is not the worst MIL I've had.

 

[DLgal]

Your sister couldn't be more wrong. Life insurance is to replace income. And if you, the SAHM dies, well dad is going to have to come home and raise kids. So regardless of who dies, his income has to be replaced.

Yep, or he has to hire out every task the SAHM was doing so he can keep working outside the home. In our household, this is all the cooking, cleaning, errands, food shopping, clothes shopping, bill paying, accounting/taxes, investment management, laundry, homework help/tutoring, driving kids to therapy and doctor's appointments, home maintenance/repairs, etc. My husband is military and works LONG hours, is often gone for weeks at a time, if not months (deployments). He would need to hire a full on, live in nanny/home helper.

Not everyone has family that will step in and help in this kind of situation. I have seen this firsthand. As a military spouse, I have seen many lose their husbands and be, literally alone in raising their kids.

 

[AndreaDM]

I used to collect gargoyles and other evil-looking figurines. At its height I had more than two dozen of various sizes around the house. Once during a holiday get together, my uncle commented that it looked like a "cult house." I took it as a high compliment.

LOL, my very religious mother took one look at the gargoyle in my flower bed and proclaimed "I can't believe anything even grows there with that evil thing!".

I am adopted so I have heard many, many rude and insensitive comments throughout the years and I know that has played a huge part in my insecurities I still battle.

Like a pp, I hate the term half-sibling unless it's used as a technical term for medical purposes, etc. I had 2 daughters during my first marriage, another during my 2nd. They girls are all SISTERS, we don't use the word half around here.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Wow.... these are just heartbreaking!!!!
I feel so very badly for everyone who has posted here!

I do have to say, though... I have not lived a charmed life. And, have dealt with some bad comments and incidents as well as anyone else.
Not only during childhood, but with my inlaws as well. (FIL was just unbelievable)
But, I will not bother to recount any of these.

Reading thru this, I kind of wonder how it is that people let toxic, rude, and denigrating comments from very sick/troubled individuals, affect them so very much.

I guess I am one of those who had to learn, early, just move on.
Leave 'toxic' behind.

 

[GreatLakes]

I don't have any that have stuck out but man, some of you know some terrible people. I can see thinking some of the things mentioned here but can't imagine actually saying them out loud.