What is it with destination weddings? (bit of a rant!)

[C.Ann]

I look at a wedding invitation (or any other invitation, for that matter) as just that - an invitation - not a "court order".. If I want to go, I go and if I don't want to go, I don't.. Doesn't matter where it is - the choice is still mine..

 

[Muffin]

Do the invited guests stay at the destination for a while after the ceremony? Isn't that like being on the couple's honeymoon?

 

[chasbos]

My DB got married in St. Maarten last December and it was great!! He told Dh and myself a year in advance to see if we would come and if we could bring our 4 DD's. Of course we said, so we had a years notice as did the rest of the family.

Of course you will never keep everyone happy, but those are also the ones in our family that you schedule Christmas around them and then the week before they decide they need a down day and will not be able to attend the family Christmas!!

We had 35 of us go from Ontario and we all had a blast as did my SIL. She had no worries the day of the wedding and when we were done we were drinking daquiri's by the pool!

I have 4 DD's I have mentioned to them how nice an island wedding is, after all it is the bride and grooms wedding - not the great aunts, or the cousins!

 

[Feralpeg]

DD thinks she wants to be married in a castle in Ireland. I'm not real worried at this point since she's only 16. However, I've told her that if she someday goes through with this plan she should not expect anyone to attend the wedding expect me, my sister and probably the grooms parents. It is not fair or realistic to expect people to spend that kind of money and go that far out of their way to attend a wedding.

 

[ksjayhawks]

I think a couple getting married has the right to do what they want. Some prefer destination weddings that are included as part of their honeymoon. Some want to get married in a particular location with just close friends and immediate family there.

Whenever a destination wedding is planned, I think a couple needs to realize that the vast majority of the people that they invite will probably not be able to attend. Not everyone can afford the costs of traveling to these sites--unless they wish to make it their vacation for that year.

With our mobile society and with people getting married that are from different areas of the country, even planning a wedding in one of the person's hometowns can eliminate a lot of the invited guests from attending due to costs, time required for travel, etc.

I think the bride and groom just need to realize that not everyone will be able to attend and to not be offended by that--and this applies to whereever the wedding is held. They need to make sure that the persons that are most important to them can be there.

If it is important to get married in the Bahamas, for example, then plan your wedding with the important people in your lives there. Then have receptions at home for those unable to come.

I also feel that persons invited to these weddings do not owe anyone an apology if they do not have the money/time off. etc to be able to attend. Send your regrets and a card/gift as you see fit. Do not feel guilty. It is an INVITATION not a command performance request!

JMHO

 

[katerkat]

Just to clarify, I don't think people who have destination weddings are selfish. I think they can be very nice - I went to a friend's Disney wedding and had a fabulous time. But, I could also drive there (living much closer at the time) and get a cheap room - I didn't have to pay $1500 per person just to go. (That's the deal my aunt got. Plus we'd have to buy airfare to New Jersey.)

It just bothers me at how upset my aunt is when she knows:
1) My uncle can't afford it, period.
2) My parents already have two vacations planned for 2005 (since we did only get 6 months notice!)
3) She knows exactly how hard it was to get my grandfather to come to MY wedding, six hours away. He hasn't been on a plane in years!
I don't care if this is what my cousin wants - but it does bug me that my aunt is getting very upset with the family for not going.

As for my SIL's cruise, I'm hoping it's a just a bump in her planning. (There's been many!) Though I would love to go on a cruise...when BR is old enough!

 

[ksjayhawks]

Don't let your aunt upset you. That is her choice on how to react. You and the others in your family have to do what is best for you. Don't react to your aunt--just express regrets and change the subject. Tell the others to do the same. Just say something like "Aunt Sue, we would really like to come to X's wedding, but it just isn't feasible for us right now. We will sure be thinking of her on her special day and can't wait to hear all about it." Then change the subject and don't let her drag you into a fight! Say no more. If she want to pout, let her pout, but don't let her affect you! It is her problem, not yours.

As for your DH sister. She knows you are pregnant and when your due date is. She may not realize that you cannot travel with an infant that young on a cruise. DH needs to tell her that and express his regret that if she plans her wedding at that time he will not be able to come as he doesn't want to leave you and the new baby at home alone for that length of time and doesn't feel it is right to use that much vacation time away from his family. Tell her that he loves her and is happy for her, etc, but he must think of his immediate family first and that you will all be anxious to see the video and pictures, hear the details, that you want to have them over for a nice celebration dinner when they return, etc.

 

[chasbos]

I totally agree with you on the point that the wedding couple needs to realize that not everyone can attend or will attend. And they are out of line if they are getting upset about it.

My SIL had some from her family who would not come to St. Maarten (her sister - even after she had changed the week of the trip for her!) It bothered her at first but after she realized that she did all she could to accomodate her sister she relaxed.

They also had a very nice reception a month after the wedding, served a meal, played the wedding video, we all wore our dresses from the wedding, so I think everyone was happy in the end.

Lets just hope everyone can relax in your situation and realize that the wedding is only one day - the marriage is a lifetime.

 

[Aimeedyan]

I am basically old fashioned so would really like to hear some of these GREAT reasons. (This is not meant to be sarcastic, I really am curious.)

Many others have already offered up great reasons, but I'll respond with some more, too.

- $ - plain and simple. You can usually do a destination wedding alot cheaper

- family issues. A good friend of mine opted to marry in Cancun because her divorced parents could not be pleased with location (specific church) and type of event. She was getting it from all sides, which in reality, she never wanted a big church wedding or anything - so she booked a desination all inclusive wedding and sent her parents and family the information after it was set. Problem solved. They did it the way they wanted to do it.

- people who don't truly have an obvious place to have it, like those that have family everywhere. Most would have to travel anyways, so why not travel someplace really nice for the event

- it's what the coupel wants. They don't have ties to a church or place in their city, they want something tropical and intimate, and just want their close friends and family there. Or their dream is to marry in a castle in Ireland, or at Disney World, or on a beach, etc.

When my friend married in Cancun, family/friends flew down with the couple 3 days prior, and flew out the day after the wedding (making a long weekend out of it) while the couple stayed an additional 4 nights there as their honeymoon

 

[Fire14]

I had a destnation wedding of sorts. I had it in my hometown. WE choose to get married on a Fri. and have a reception on SAT. in consideration of those that had to travel. NOT one invitee from DH's side even returned RSVP and than had nerve to say thru mutile friends they were upset we were getting married in MI.

Well me I have only met them twice, if we got married in OH we'd most likely still have it closer to our home so you'd still have to drive and probably still wouldn't come.

By having it in MI I had inside info so very lil time was wasted on planning due to We both had tried cake from place we wanted it from, I had worked with florists in past for other things, and I knew reception place could put on a quality celebration.
The only ones who had to FLY were My MOH and a friend/decorater, everyone else could drive.
We chose to get married in a City Park Gazebo by a friend's father. For hotel we set up block of rooms at Super 8 and let it be known if they wanted other options we could get them info.

 

[gina2000]

To me, a destination wedding is similar to an announced elopement with an invitation to attend if you can. I like the idea. It gives the bride and groom the opportunity to live out their fantasy and it gives the invitee the option of attending or not.

Not everyone wants a traditional wedding. If I were to ever get married again, it would be on a beach in the tropics. With a few close friends and/or relatives. That's my destination wedding.

 

[D&R love Disney]

We had a destination wedding at Disney, it was exactly what we wanted. Small group of only 9 guests and it was very romantic. We threw a party for everyone 6 weeks after the wedding. I think destination weddings are wonderful and can be very exciting depending on where they are held.

 

[Catzeyes]

I just had a destination wedding 2 months ago. I moved to Puerto Rico 2 years ago. All of my family lives in Wisconsin. Most of my DH's family also live in the states, however they are scattered all over the place. We knew up front whatever spot we picked would not make everyone happy. So we decided to be somewhat selfish and do what we wanted. We both have been married before and have adult children. As long as our children and our parents were there we knew we would be happy. We ended up planning a wedding in Puerto Rico on the other side of the island, which is a 3 hour drive from here. We sent out save the date cards for our families 9 months before the wedding.
We ended up with a much larger wedding then we thought we would have. We had close to 100 guests attend and they were all from out of town. Most people stayed for a week from the states. LOL and yes we stayed too, so we had one huge honeymoon. We had our own time after most of our guests had left to do Disney and another few days on a small island.
So yes it was not the normal wedding, however we had a blast. I was not upset in the least with anyone who chose not to come. We send video's to all the family that could not make it.

 

[AlexandNessa]

My brother and his DF have decided to get married in Hawaii. Our entire family lives in NJ, so this is 2 full days of travel for us, getting to Hawaii and back. It's also going to cost my DF and me $2K just in travel expenses to attend their wedding. When my DF and I tried to tell my brother and his DF that our presence was their present, that didn't go over well. Are we being selfish or are they?

 

[jipsy]

They are. That's totally ridiculous that they expect you to give them a present after dishing out $2K just to attend. I would tell them that plain and simple. I am spending $2K to attend your wedding. If you would prefer a present, tell me now and I'll cancel my travel plans and give you a $300 Kitchenaid mixer. It's cheaper.

KK I agree with the poster who said your husband needs to tell her that he's not going to spend his precious vacation time on a cruise without you and the new baby.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

My sister got married in Hawaii--understood that family couldn't make that trip, but was down about it none-the-less. Hubby bought me a ticket so she'd have somebody there. But if we couldn't go, it was totally her choice and you suffer the consequences when you make those choices.

If those who do destination weddings actually EXPECT people to be there, then they should pick up the travel and hotel costs otherwise, no excuse whatsoever to be upset with people (not saying she'll be upset, just adding a little rant of my own!)

It seems they are often times trying to replicate what the rich can afford to do and they can't--often times the destination weddings of the rich and famous--the bridal couple actually foots the bill for the guests attending, so really not a big deal. If someone with so not near as much income decides to do a weddingmoon--this certainly isn't a feasible option. Great if you can have your dream wedding---but don't invite me to the pity party if I say I can't afford to travel.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

I can't think of any wedding that I've gone to in the last 15 years where I haven't had to travel for it! And none of those was an exotic location.

Traveling to a wedding on US soil (or local country soil) is a lot differet that traveling to the carribbean, on a cruise, to Hawaii, or South America or Europe. The thread started regarding a wedding in the Dominican Republic. Requiring extensive travel plans.

Traveling to any wedding in your homestate or country can be done fairly inexpensively as you can opt to stay in Motel 6 as opposed to the $250 hotel that was booked for the wedding. Worst case scenario--they can drive if necessary if the airplane tix are too expensive.

When people see foreign or exotic locations--they see $$$$$$$$$$. It will always require air (or cruise) travel to get there, so they can't drive to reduce costs, they can't pack a cooler to reduce costs--and they have to stay in the main hotel or risk finding a cheaper hotel in an area they don't know and rent a car or take a taxi in an unfamiliar place.

If you expect guests, you consider the guests--I have no problem with the couple doing something special--but no guest is obligated to come to your wedding no matter where it is and they should be treated cordially when they RSVP.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

Do the invited guests stay at the destination for a while after the ceremony? Isn't that like being on the couple's honeymoon?

If you are planning to stay in their suite and stalk them for the rest of the trip, it is.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

My brother and his DF have decided to get married in Hawaii. Our entire family lives in NJ, so this is 2 full days of travel for us, getting to Hawaii and back. It's also going to cost my DF and me $2K just in travel expenses to attend their wedding. When my DF and I tried to tell my brother and his DF that our presence was their present, that didn't go over well. Are we being selfish or are they?

They are---when I went to sister's wedding she was told that they would not be getting a wedding present as my presence was the present. She did not react this way.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

My brother and his DF have decided to get married in Hawaii. Our entire family lives in NJ, so this is 2 full days of travel for us, getting to Hawaii and back. It's also going to cost my DF and me $2K just in travel expenses to attend their wedding. When my DF and I tried to tell my brother and his DF that our presence was their present, that didn't go over well. Are we being selfish or are they?

They are---when I went to sister's wedding she was told that they would not be getting a wedding present as my presence was the present. She did not react this way.