What if the Queen Bee is a BOY?

[jackskellingtonsgirl]

Moms of girls are probably familiar with the "queen bee" scenario and how it relates to bullying. Ever seen a MALE queen bee?

DS9 is in fourth grade. I thought this bullying thing didn't get going until middle school. WRONG! There is a kid in his class who used to be DS's friend (or so I thought). Now all of a sudden this kid is being a complete JERK to DS and he is trying to get the other boys to be mean, too. What is that?! That's how GIRLS behave! Psychological taunting and name calling, but doing it very quietly so the teacher doesn't know what's going on.

This boy is calling DS "stupid retard", telling him all the other kids are smarter than he is, telling the other boys to ignore DS and not talk to him. Yesterday the teacher was handing out novels for the kids to read in small groups. She didn't have enough so some kids had to share. The bully snatched DS's book out of his hand and said "These are only for SMART people." So DS had to go share a book with someone else.

DS is an A/B student in an accelerated program. He is being tested for gifted next month. He is NOT stupid. He is small for his age, probably the smallest in his grade, but he is not stupid!

I spoke with the counselor and the principal today because DS is really upset. They promised to put a stop to it.

DS told the kid to be quiet and the bully said "Did you hear something?" to his little cronies. It is unacceptable. I just hope the bully is still enough of a kid to be impressed by the principal telling him to knock it off. If he has already gotten that teenage attitude that authority is to be scoffed at then it is going to be a very long year.

 

[eeyore kelly]

Go to the school, tell them it is going on, and you want it to stop. Go directly to the principal. Give names, dates, and examples. After the meeting, email the principal with your action plan you two discussed. Call one week later to follow up and give a progress report from you son's POV. If it is not getting better after a week, go back to the pricipal. After that, if it doesn't get better, go to the school board.

Hindsight is 20/20 and my son was teased and bullied in elementary school. This is what I would do if I had the chance to do it over.

 

[halestrm]

You commented they use to be friends. Can you contact the other boys parents and talk with them? Just a thought.

 

[Pam]

Yep - definitely have seen my share of Boy "Queen" Bees......

DS is a Junior is HS, there's been a boy that's been pulling this crap since the 3rd grade! My son made him stop picking on other kids, so the Queen turned his attention to my son. It was a miserable couple of years. This kid "seems" so nice that none of the teachers, principal, scout leaders, coaches (yeah, this kid was in everthing my son was in! ) believed that the little darling was capable of doing such mean acts. Finally - as time went on, the bee's true colors showed and more adults, including teachers discovered what a bad kid he was.

DS also felt more empowered and finally got the best of the punk a couple of years ago - let's just say that the "Queen Bee" had his wings clipped and stinger removed and now gives my son a wide berth!

 

[jackskellingtonsgirl]

I am afraid that may be the exact situation we have. All of the teachers think this kid is a very nice boy. The counselor was shocked when I told her who was causing the problems, BUT she also said she doesn't know the bully all that well. From what she knows he seems to be a good kid. She said she isn't sure how he will respond to being told to stop the name calling, taunting, etc. She did say if it doesn't stop that his parents will be called in because the district has zero tolerance for bullying.

I did consider going to his mom myself, but I don't know her very well. DS and the bully used to play together at school but they haven't ever gotten together after school or on weekends or anything. I don't know if she would be horrified and threaten him within an inch of his life (which is what I would do if my DS was bullying) or if she would take the "not my precious child" road. DS is already nervous that the bully will deny everything and nothing will be resolved. I know he has older siblings so maybe he is just dishing out what he hears at home, or maybe he really is trying to intentionally target DS and wants to try to make sure DS has no friends at all.

I did feel like the principal and the counselor were concerned and want to nip this in the bud. As far as I can tell it just started last week. DS says he can't think of any reason for this kid to have completely turned on him. I guess we will see what the school can come up with tomorrow. I just hope I haven't made things worse for DS by going to the principal.

 

[padams]

There's a "queen bee" boy in my 4th grader son's school too. I was delighted when I saw the class lists for this year, and he is in another classroom. Several families had asked the school at the end of last school year not to place their child in the same classroom as the "bee" this year. It worked because my son is in the "nice boy" class and all of us parents are thrilled.

Hugs to you and your 4th grader.