What do you think of this party invitation? It ticks me off/PARTY UPDATE post 152

[KandD]

Let me ask a question. If your child is invited to a party that is for two kids and the invite doesn't mention gifts, what do you do? I have never thought about NOT bringing two gifts and I would just automatically make them close to equal.

I think that it might depend on if my child knew the other child or not. But in most circumstances I think that I would at least give a little something to the other child.

 

[lovemygoofy]

Let me ask a question. If your child is invited to a party that is for two kids and the invite doesn't mention gifts, what do you do? I have never thought about NOT bringing two gifts and I would just automatically make them close to equal.

I'm sure this is different now than back when dinosaurs roamed the earth when I had joint partiesbut we never received the same amount of presents.

My cousin and I(2 and half months apart and our parents are twins) had many many joint parties. Whomever I invited brought a present for me and whomever he invited brought a present for him. If the child was a good friend of both of us, it was up to the gift giver but our parents would let us take turns giving out the invites to mutual friends(like neighborhood kids). Heck, we felt more important about so many people at the party than the actual presents.

I would also like to point out about the gift giving that for some, and my guess these party giving moms are the same, but it isn't always the number of presents but the value money wise of the presents. These party giving moms are going to be unhappy no matter what. Timmy and Tony may get 10 each but if Timmy presents are more expensive I'm sure Tony's mom will have something to say about it. It's a no win with them.

 

[OceanAnnie]

Let me ask a question. If your child is invited to a party that is for two kids and the invite doesn't mention gifts, what do you do? I have never thought about NOT bringing two gifts and I would just automatically make them close to equal.

Well, I guess it depends. We were invited to a twins party. We only knew one. Didn't even know the name of the other. We bought one gift. There were an equal amount of guests for each child. Looked like it worked out fine.

 

[luvmy3]

Let me ask a question. If your child is invited to a party that is for two kids and the invite doesn't mention gifts, what do you do? I have never thought about NOT bringing two gifts and I would just automatically make them close to equal.

My kids have never been invited to a joint party where they didn't know both kids, so we have always gotten two gifts. If they were invited to a party like in the OP I would most likely get a little something for the other child but regardless, its still extremely rude for the parents to tell you on the invitation to do it, and that you should spend the same amount of money to be fair.

I know I read it on this thread but I can't find it to quote...someone said that most parties they go to that the kids don't even open the presents at the party and that is what I have been thinking....if the parents are SO worried about the kids having their feelings hurt then why even open the presents at the party? Just do it when they get home.

And yes I agree with the majority that the invitation was rude and tacky. I certainly hope that the kids realize (since the parents obviously don't) that the celebration is NOT about presents and that they should feel lucky just to have a party and friends to come to it.

Not opening presents is the norm at any party that isn't at someone's house, in my area.

 

[SC Minnie]

DD's been to 2 joint BD parties. She was friends with one of the girls, knew the other but they didn't hang out at school or anything. I only bought a gift for the one girl she knew. If I had been 'instructed' on the invite to bring 2 gifts of equal cost DD would not have attended the party. Period.

 

[Evil Genius]

After the attitude that birthday mom gave you, my child would not be going to the party. I would plan a sleep over or something for him and his friend at a later date. I don't like when people tell me I HAVE to do something, especially when it involves my $$

 

[Camicar]

Kids can get jealous very easily so I can see why the mothers wanted them to get equal gifts.

Well, then here is a teachable moment. Here is your chance as a parent to teach your kid that you don't get everything you want when you want it and that if someone else does, that is your problem, not the other person's problem. Here is your chance to teach your kid how to overcome one of the most destructive of all emotions -- jealousy.

After the attitude that birthday mom gave you, my child would not be going to the party. I would plan a sleep over or something for him and his friend at a later date

That. This party is not turning out to be any fun and it hasn't even started. I can see the birthday moms badmouthing the kids/parents who do not comply with their wishes -- who needs crap like that? Game over.

 

[luvsJack]

My kids have never been invited to a joint party where they didn't know both kids, so we have always gotten two gifts. If they were invited to a party like in the OP I would most likely get a little something for the other child but regardless, its still extremely rude for the parents to tell you on the invitation to do it, and that you should spend the same amount of money to be fair.



Not opening presents is the norm at any party that isn't at someone's house, in my area.

Oh, I agree that its extremely rude. I was just curious. DD has only been invited to one party that she really didn't know the other child and we took a card with a $5 bill in it for her. (probably spent $10 on dd's friend, so not a huge difference). But, then this just isn't something I would be up in arms about IRL. I would probably comment that the invite was rather rude and then go on with getting the gifts.

I don't like the not opening gift thing myself. Dd spends a lot of time picking out that "perfect" gift for her friends and wants to see them open it. I think that takes away from the joy of giving.

 

[luvsJack]

Well, then here is a teachable moment. Here is your chance as a parent to teach your kid that you don't get everything you want when you want it and that if someone else does, that is your problem, not the other person's problem. Here is your chance to teach your kid how to overcome one of the most destructive of all emotions -- jealousy.

You are right about that! Being jealous of what others have must be a horrible way to go through life!! But, I would bet the kids wouldn't even notice what the other one got; its probably the moms who are jealous which is the reason for the rude invite to begin with.

 

[jrmasm]

Oh, I agree that its extremely rude. I was just curious. DD has only been invited to one party that she really didn't know the other child and we took a card with a $5 bill in it for her. (probably spent $10 on dd's friend, so not a huge difference). But, then this just isn't something I would be up in arms about IRL. I would probably comment that the invite was rather rude and then go on with getting the gifts.

I don't like the not opening gift thing myself. Dd spends a lot of time picking out that "perfect" gift for her friends and wants to see them open it. I think that takes away from the joy of giving.

To me, the hosts put you in a bad spot. Most of us were raised to never show empty handed but why would someone you don't know invite you to a party? That's just weird.

 

[Mrs.Toad]

Let me ask a question. If your child is invited to a party that is for two kids and the invite doesn't mention gifts, what do you do? I have never thought about NOT bringing two gifts and I would just automatically make them close to equal.

In this situation, I would bring our usual value/type of gift for the friend, and probably a smaller, token gift for the unknown friend.

Luckily, as I mentioned before, this has never happened to us. The moms who have held joint parties where we only knew one child have had the foresight to recognize this could be an issue, and the manners to send out invitations as if it was just the one child's party. All the guests brought gifts only for the child who invited them, so it was "fair" to both birthday kids, and fair to the guests by not putting them on the spot.

 

[kc10family]

I think the moms are out of line.
I would not attend.. JMHO

 

[okeydokey]

ANY kind of requests for gifts on a b-day invitation is rude and tacky, and to demand that you bring equal gifts for people you don't know is just even more rude and tacky.

 

[mjkacmom]

I don't like the not opening gift thing myself. Dd spends a lot of time picking out that "perfect" gift for her friends and wants to see them open it. I think that takes away from the joy of giving.

I've been to well over a hundred of parties, and have yet to see a gift opened, which is fine by me, since my kids tend to give a $20 Target gc - I always have them on hand!

 

[Becky2005]

On that note, plenty of children do not have parties and they are just fine. They have cake with their family and no party with friends. They are not scarred for life.

Very true or have really small parties! My son tends to only want to invite 1 or 2 kids. For that matter in preschool, I never gave them parties -- it was only family. So, we were invited to lots of preschool birthday parties but their kids were never invited to ours since we didn't have one. So far, my kids haven't had an issue with it.

As for the joint gifts -- I was just thinking, how would you even know if the other kid LIKED the same thing you got your child's friend? How in the world could they be equal?

For example: My son likes basketball but that doesn't mean his friend does, what if his friend hated basketball but since you don't know this friend you had no idea. Someone had planned to get my kid some elaborate basketball set-up -- my kid LOVES it. Got the same thing for kid #2 and the kid HATED it? There are just so many scenerios that no matter what, nothing is "fair" for joint parties like this.

 

[jrmasm]

As for the joint gifts -- I was just thinking, how would you even know if the other kid LIKED the same thing you got your child's friend? How in the world could they be equal?

You just gave me an idea. Joint party, joint gift (ie one gift to share).

 

[mousetravel]

You just gave me an idea. Joint party, joint gift (ie one gift to share).

Yes, do that! Get a $20 Toys R Us gift card for them to share. Wouldn't that be an interesting shopping trip?!

 

[EMom]

I've been to well over a hundred of parties, and have yet to see a gift opened, which is fine by me, since my kids tend to give a $20 Target gc - I always have them on hand!

Around here, it's the norm to open gifts at the party. And gift cards are common. Target, Walmart, Amex, iTunes, Justice, etc. The kids are every bit as excited about the gift cards as the "real" presents. They squeal with delight, because they know they can go out and buy exactly what they want. Just this weekend, we gave an iTunes card to a friend of DD's because we knew she had an iPod. She got it 2 years ago when her parents made her save up b-day and Christmas money to buy her own. She was thrilled.

We usually spend $20-25 for a gift. If I had to split that 2 ways on a kid we knew and the stranger kid, then the kid we knew wouldn't get nearly as nice a gift as they normally would have. On the other hand, DD was invited to a twin party recently, but she knew both twins. We spent twice the money for that reason. If you're invited to a joint party and you do not know the second kid, ideally you should not even be aware it's a joint party since the invitation should only have the name of the child you DO know and not have the name of the child you do NOT know. In that case, you'd show up with one gift just as you normally would for a non-joint party.

This is obviously a cheapskate effort by the party moms which is doubling as a major gift grab. I can understand frugality, but greediness is unforgivable.

 

[Skywalker]

I wish I could print out this thread and show her the responses, but then they'd know I was complaining about them on the internet.

The party is actually this coming Sunday (June 7) so is there anything to update about it I will.

You all make these issues and discussions so interesting!!

 

[PaulaSue]

I can't wait for the update after the party.