What do you think of this party invitation? It ticks me off/PARTY UPDATE post 152

[Tinijocaro]

Beyond rude.

This is what I would do. I would decline the party. Then on another day, invite the good friend to come to the movies with your ds as a late birthday present. Don't tell the mom that it's a late birthday present until after.

I can't stand parents who play the whole "even steven" game with their kids.

 

[EthansMom]

It's rude, yes.

I would take the $50 and spend about $20 on one boy and about $30 on good friend.

 

[rie'smom]

If I was going to buy a big gift for your son's friend, I would give it to him on a different day, and buy a couple of $10 gifts for the party. My son's friends are all into pokemon and we can get them a couple of things in that theme. Or you can go the route of giving a bunch of summer toys in a gift bag--blow up stuff, bubbles, balls, you know, cheap stuff

My friend and I gave a joint party for our daughters several years ago. It honestly did not dawn on me that kids the other mom had invited would bring a gift for my daughter or vice versa. I was so embarrassed and uncomfortable by the # of gifts. My daughter always liked parties because she liked to play with her friends-the gifts were just a side issue.

 

[Skywalker]

Hi, it's the OP thanks for everyone's opinions.

Couple things that were brought up. No, the other boy is not unpopular or anything like that. I don't think he would have any problem getting a full house to his own party so I'm sure it's not that! If anything, he is the more popular of the two.

And no, I would not necessarily normally spend $50 - it just so happens that we know what he would really like and I would be willing to buy it for him as a special gift - but not if I have to spend $50 on the other kid.

I also do not want to "split" the budget because then I won't be able to get my son's friend what we want to get him.

I am torn right now between the suggestions of just going ahead with the gifts we would have brought in the first place (the gift we want to for his friend plus a smaller one for the other boy - I was never planning on going empty-handed for him), or getting the equal gifts and then having the friend over seperately to give him what we really wanted. Of course, then I'm spending even more money by getting him a "party" gift and a "real" gift, lol.

I'm thinking I'll just go ahead with my two original presents and let the chips fall where they may.

I'll update in June if either of the moms has a fit, lol!

Oh, I forgot to add, the boys are both turning 10.

 

[The Princess]

That is so rude!! WOW!!!
If I decided to send my son to the party I would spend whatever I wanted on each one even if it wasn't an equal amount, no way would she tell me what to spend on the gifts. So that would be my way of getting my point across.

 

[hichewlova]

That is ridiculous and who requires gifts on the invitation. Someone went a little crazy with this party...plus I would bet whoever wrote that wouldn't the have the sense to realize how silly it sounds even if you pointed it out to them.

 

[Skywalker]

That is ridiculous and who requires gifts on the invitation. Someone went a little crazy with this party...plus I would bet whoever wrote that wouldn't the have the sense to realize how silly it sounds even if you pointed it out to them.

I'm seeing one of them later tonight at baseball practice...the little devil on my shoulder has been debating mentioning something to her, although since I can't think of a tactful way to say it, I guess I just won't. Too late now anyway, the invites are out there.

 

[rparmfamily]

That doesn't make any sense.

To keep it "fair" you have to bring presents for both boys? It's FAIR if each party goer brings ONE for the child they know. I guess there are some mutual friends in there but that's not your problem LOL.

Personally, I'd call the mother to RSVP and let her know that your son doesn't know the other child so you won't be bringing a gift, that's not fair...only friends get gifts LOL.

How old are these kids? We aren't talking 2 yr olds right? Kids old enough to know life isn't fair, right?

(I have combined birthdays many times with my own children, but they are 1 day apart and have mutual friends LOL)

 

[JoiseyMom]

Wow...just wow!! Very rude, and the sense of entitlement is just amazing. How do you dictate what you should buy someone??

The only thing about gifts that should be put on an invitation should be no gifts please!!

 

[dismom2]

I just remembered, my kids were invited to a birthday party for 3 kids once. It was a good friend of mine having the party for her child, but decided to make it a b-day party for her (at that time, temporary) roommates two kids at the same time. Maybe thier birthday's fell in the same month, I don't remember. I did not know the other two kids, but felt obligated to bring gifts for all 3, so I did. What was strange about it was watching all these parents she didn't know drop thier kids off, and she would ask them, "who's party are you here for?". I think she invited everyone in the kids' classes, and the parents were not aware that it was a party for 3 different kids. I think the only people who did know this were the parents my DF personally knew. It was a madhouse, to say the least. When it came time to open gifts, all 3 kids just started tearing open gifts left and right---there was nobody guiding them to at least read the card or tag to see who the gifts were from. Nobody ever got thanked for anything, either. Nobody wrote down who gave who what. I always make sure my child knows who each gift is from as she is opening each one, and make sure they get thanked, verbally, after opening the gift, then we do written thank you's sometime in the next few days.

 

[DawnCt1]

A joint party? Get them a "joint" gift; one that they have to share and fight over.

 

[hollieplus2]

My DS went to two differentjoint b-day parties.

#1 It was not mentioned on the invitation so we didn't even know it was a joint party until we got there. They had two big buckets for the presents but didn't open them at the party. They opened them at home and then sent detailed thank you cards saying John Doe-thank you for the 3 packs of pokeman cards.

#2 Again, we didn't know it was a joint party until we got there. There were two cakes and two buckets for presents. They served both cakes at the same time (one chocolate one vanilla) so you could choose which one you wanted. When it came time to do the presents there were two big groups and they opened seperately. Each kid just gravitated towards the group where their present was because they wanted to see them open their gift. It was no big deal and the b-day boys paid no attention to each other as they were busy.

I think both of these worked well and wouldn't have a problem w/ either scenario.

 

[goofy4tink]

DW Lauri had a suggestions -- You could get each kid a gift card to Toys R Us or somewhere like that, one for the best friend for $50 and one for the other kid for $5. Don't write the value on them. The only way the parents will know is if they call the 800# on the back while at the party. If they have the gall to do that, then kick their butt.

OP, you said your son is best friends with the one kid but doesn't like the other. Does the other kid have many friends? Maybe it's a combo party because the best friend would have a big turnout at his party but the other kid wouldn't.

That was my thought as well. Great minds and all that.
See....while I agree that the birthday mom's are out of line, it just isn't fair to put your son in a position where he may feel badly. And believe me...if he shows up at a joint party with just one gift in hand, he is going to feel out of place! And if he doesn't go?? He misses the fun and gets to hear all about it at school. It's really a no win situation.

I would let my son go, but I would have a gift card for each birthday boy...but one in a higher amount for the friend and a much lesser one for the other boy.

I'm going to take the high road and say that 'maybe' the mothers were trying to be helpful by giving that suggestion. But.....if each guest (all five for each boy) brought a gift for just the boy who invited him, it would be quite fair...each birthday boy gets 5 gifts. It's not fair to have to give gifts to someone you really don't know at that age.

Now, after taking the high road, I'm going to say that those mother's are out of line. It's okay to celebrate jointly, but not this way. I have a friend who has twin boys. They have a big party on the same day, same time (naturally) but each boy invites his own guest list. And those boys give a gift to the boy who invited him. And the mom makes sure that people understand that only one gift is expected....not to go out and buy the other twin a gift.

 

[luvmy3]

Seriously, each kid gets to invite 5 friends. So the odds are, each kid will get 5 gifts apiece. What's the big, fat hairy deal? And even if it wasn't completely even, that's life. If she didn't want them to receive "unequal" gifts, she could have said, "No gifts, please," and at least not have been tacky about the whole thing. Or simply have two parties for two kids. Or teach them that they will not always get perfectly equal amounts of everything. Idiot.

Exactly, its already fair. Each kid invites 5 friends and each of those friends gets a gift for the kid that invited them. How is that not fair
How about, its not fair that they have to share a b-day party and not have their own. Maybe then they could have invited 10 friends to each of their parties and get those 10 gifts their mom's want them to have

OP, I would either go and bring a gift for you ds's friend and a card for the other boy, or decline the invite and have your ds's friend over and you can give him his gift when he visits.

 

[distherapy]

A joint party? Get them a "joint" gift; one that they have to share and fight over.

Ha! My daughter was invited to a joint party for two girls in her class. I loved it - I didn't have to go to 2 parties and they had so many of the same friends. The best part? The invitation specified ONE gift - the girls would share from the pile.

I have boy/girl twins, so we obviously do joint parties. They go to different schools, though, so this is the first year that some of their friends won't know the other twin. I'm debating a "no gifts" for that reason.

 

[Handbag Lady]

It's too bad your son can't attend as he has that thing at that place to attend instead.

Who on earth mentions a gift on the invite? WHO? Really, I need to know.



If your son really wants to attend, I'd do the $50/$5 gift card thing and be done with it, but then again, you are reinforcing the whole "mentioning a gift on the invite" thing.

 

[Stitchfans]

A joint party? Get them a "joint" gift; one that they have to share and fight over.

I love it! Why didn't I think of that?

 

[Kickapoo Joie Juice]

I usually try and just ignore bad behavior, so I'd get the gift for the child that my child is friends with, and walk into the party with just the one gift.

If the mom, who by now has probably figured out that her fabulous plan in her head in reality is probably sort of stupid, actually says something to you, I'd either play dumb and say "you wanted me to buy a gift for a kid we don't know? Really? I must have missed that part of the invitation!"

...or just say, "I thought it must have been a typo that you wanted me to buy a gift for a kid I don't know!"

Some of the smartest people I know are brilliant at playing dumb. This way the kid doesn't lose out on having fun with his friend, and all the pressure is on the mother to explain why she's a gift *****...

 

[Disney Doll]

Whether or not I received an invitaiton worded that way, here's how I would handle this situation.

Buy your child's friend whatever gift you want. Buy the other birthday boy whatever gift you want...large, small, expensive, inexpensive. I would feel funny about going to a birthday for a kid without a gift, even if I didn't know the kid that well...he's still a kid. But certainly no one is going to tell me how to spend my money, so I would buy the friend a regular gift and the other kid a small gift.

I'd also buy both the moms a Miss Manners book.

 

[OceanAnnie]

I usually try and just ignore bad behavior, so I'd get the gift for the child that my child is friends with, and walk into the party with just the one gift.

If the mom, who by now has probably figured out that her fabulous plan in her head in reality is probably sort of stupid, actually says something to you, I'd either play dumb and say "you wanted me to buy a gift for a kid we don't know? Really? I must have missed that part of the invitation!"

...or just say, "I thought it must have been a typo that you wanted me to buy a gift for a kid I don't know!"

Some of the smartest people I know are brilliant at playing dumb. This way the kid doesn't lose out on having fun with his friend, and all the pressure is on the mother to explain why she's a gift *****...

I love those ideas! And you know if the mom has the nerve to put it on the invite, she'd have the nerve to mention it to you. The responses are perfect!