What do you think about cheating/affairs?

[TwinsinCA]

I think if you can prove your spouse cheated on you you should get all the marital property and full custody of the kids.

I wish there was some actual punishment that could be handed to cheaters. We can't clog up all the jails so this is the next best idea. Maybe if they know they will lose EVERYTHING. They will think twice.

 

[brockash]

Cheating can lead to a horrible death too. I've always told DH if he wanted to play the field tell me and I'd give him an amicable divorce. If he cheated on me and gave me an untreatable STD I would tie him up while he was asleep, cut off his ***** and put it in the food processor so it couldn't be sewn back on. Then I'd call for an ambulance. And while I'm in prison all you tax payers will have to pay for my aids meds.

I don't think it is right to stone people to death for adultery but I also don't think it is right that society has come to condone it. I think if you can prove your spouse cheated on you you should get all the marital property and full custody of the kids. That would encourage people to seek out counseling for their urges or divorce before they spread the germs around.
Herpes and genital warts were almost unheard of in the general population 40-50 years ago. The societal acceptance of casual sex has lead to an estimated 60% of women infected with warts which can cause cancer not only of the cervix but also of the throat. They think all you have to do now to catch warts orally is french kiss. So how would you like your daughter to catch warts from her first kiss and die from cancer 10 years later? A horrible death is a horrible death.

This part of your post I completely agree with. The first part is just sad. I don't see that part as being any less selfish than the person cheating. Really, someone would want to do that to their children. We have to think of the big picture here... if the couple has children, what's best for them?? I don't care how hurt I would be if I found out my DH was cheating; the focus has to be on the kids that are involved in it. They didn't ask to be there, and they certainly shouldn't be caught in the cross fire. Now, that I'm thinking about it, I guess as far as custody goes, again think of the picture, and while I think that yes the other parent should get primary custody; I still think the other parent should get visitation ect. Is taking the other parent completely out of the equation really what's best for the kids that are unfortunately pushed into the situation???? No. I guess my point and general feeling for those in a relationship with children; is that you have to get over your own hurt and do what's best for your kids; which in my mind isn't physically hurting their other parent, ending up in jail or taking away their relationship with one of their parents.

 

[daisax]

The problem with the "cheated on spouse gets EVERYTHING" approach is that it would turn even more divorces into no-holds barred ugliness, since the stakes would be tangible as well as just vengeful.

Not that it shouldn't be a factor.

 

[Bluestars]

SOMEone takes internet message boards WAY too seriously.

Ehhh, I'm going to bed...while visions of stones, dance through my head.....

That's what I was thinking! I don't think anyone is gathering up stones as we type.

 

[live4christp1]

Ted Bundy was nice and charming when he wanted something.

......and so was Scott Peterson......ask Amber Frey.


Rest in peace Laci & Conner.....you never deserved what that monster did to you.

 

[DisTeach1]

See that's what I don't get...Someone like Scott Peterson...How can he appear to be so normal?

Now the OP states that this guy is very charming...Does wanting to cheat make a person crazy? No, but someone who can lead a double life...That does seem a little crazy to me.

How can someone go about their normal life...being a husband, great father, good at their job, they go to church every Sunday, and then have this other side to them, like cheating-I guess I don't understand the psychology of it.

Of course, being a cheater does not make someone a murderer, but still.

 

[chrisw127]

Honestly, I don't think most cheaters are bad people. People make mistakes. If my husband cheated, I would forgive him. He's a good person, and excellent father, and my best friend. Why would I throw something like that away because he made a mistake? I think most of us say we could leave the person, but I think the reality is, most people stay. Now granted, there's a difference between a one-time mistake and a serial cheater, which seems to be the case with the man in the first post.

I don't think any of us can say our relationship is affair proof. When I was in the military (and there is a LOT of cheating in the military, it's practically a sport) I remember a fellow lieutenant saying to me that her husband would never cheat and how confident she was about that. Which is great for her, except I knew for a fact that he had been cheating on her. And no, you would never guess to meet him that he was that type.

 

[GoldieSaysMeep]

People make mistakes. If my husband cheated, I would forgive him.

I would not even give any man who cheats on me a chance to explain "why" he made his little mistake. There are ALWAYS more fish in the sea. Wouldn't matter if I was married to the person or dating the person or not. They cheat, I walk. I don't make a scene or fight about it. I just walk and I have done this so far with every guy who cheated, including my exH.

Why would I throw something like that away because he made a mistake?

Because it isn't a mistake. It's a choice. End of story. And it's a choice that says he cares NOTHING about you or your family and has no respect for you or your family. Some best friend...

I think most of us say we could leave the person, but I think the reality is, most people stay.

Sadly, you are correct and I know it's an unpopular opinion but I personally have very little respect for women who stay and subject themselves to this kind of disrespect from their man (or men who stay and tolerate from their "loving wife").

Before anyone flames me for that--Clearly, these people don't mind being disrespected by the person they sleep with, so I am sure silent disrespect from a stranger isn't a big deal to them.

If I had kids with the person, I would not want any child of mine thinking that breaking that kind of promise, and risking the health of their mom was okay or something forgivable. My mother would be horrified if she thought I was taking back a cheater. The physical risks alone are enough reason to leave them.

No, they should NOT be stoned to death.
Nor, IMO, should a large fight or screaming match occur. As I said, this has happened to me a few times ranging from petty high school boyfriends, to my exH, and each time was handled the same way. The ex I specifically mentioned was the only one that was really painful for me because it came as a shock. But still, no fighting and he was told no way, no how was I coming back.

BUT, they should not get to go back to a life with and especially not go back to bed with the person they obviously don't care about.

But yes, you are correct. Many people are too scared/dependent/whatever to kick these losers out of their life. I've seen it too many times.

I don't think any of us can say our relationship is affair proof.

You are correct again. No one can say that.

You can be pretty sure, but you never know.

But I CAN say with absolute certainty that I would never go back to a cheater. It's not so much the act of what they are doing, it's the disrespect to the partner, and the lack of concern for the partners feelings and health and I'm sorry that is never okay or something any little kid should see their mom or dad live with.

I can ALSO say with total certainty that I would never cheat. Never have. Never will. I'm sure there are plenty of others out there who feel the same.

 

[TwinsinCA]

Because it isn't a mistake. It's a choice. End of story. And it's a choice that says he cares NOTHING about you or your family and has no respect for you or your family. Some best friend...




Sadly, you are correct and I know it's an unpopular opinion but I personally have very little respect for women who stay and subject themselves to this kind of disrespect from their man (or men who stay and tolerate from their "loving wife").

Before anyone flames me for that--Clearly, these people don't mind being disrespected by the person they sleep with, so I am sure silent disrespect from a stranger isn't a big deal to them.

If I had kids with the person, I would not want any child of mine thinking that breaking that kind of promise, and risking the health of their mom was okay or something forgivable. My mother would be horrified if she thought I was taking back a cheater. The physical risks alone are enough reason to leave them.

 

[DisTeach1]

Goldie, that is a great post and I agree with you. It's a lot harder, however, when you don't have the self-esteem to walk away from someone who cheats. Or you don't have the job skills, etc. to support yourself.

But I think what you said about cheating is true-It's a choice, not a mistake.

 

[Stitchfans]

IMO he is scum, and deserves to lose his wife plus family if they have children.

 

[wvjules]

I would not even give any man who cheats on me a chance to explain "why" he made his little mistake. There are ALWAYS more fish in the sea. Wouldn't matter if I was married to the person or dating the person or not. They cheat, I walk. I don't make a scene or fight about it. I just walk and I have done this so far with every guy who cheated, including my exH.

You been cheated on a lot?

Not directing this to you in particular but if someone is cheated on by multiple people; isn't it reasonable to say that the problem isn't only the cheating but what drove them to it in the first place? And yes, I think sometimes men/women are driven to cheat by the way they are treated in their relationship. Do I condone it? Hell no but someone doesn't stray if things are truly good in the relationship.

 

[DisTeach1]

WVJules,

I disagree...You are never "driven" to it. If you are that unhappy in a relationship, there are other ways to deal with it. Cheating is a copout. My cousin was deeply unhappy in their marriage, and when she was tempted to cheat, she took a second look, decided she didn't want to be that kind of person, and eventually divorced her husband. He didn't "drive" her to cheat, she made a choice not to do it.

 

[GoldieSaysMeep]

You been cheated on a lot?

Not directing this to you in particular but if someone is cheated on by multiple people; isn't it reasonable to say that the problem isn't only the cheating but what drove them to it in the first place? And yes, I think sometimes men/women are driven to cheat by the way they are treated in their relationship. Do I condone it? Hell no but someone doesn't stray if things are truly good in the relationship.

No.

In my life, 3 times. A high school BF. My xH. And the man I referred to in my first post on this thread.

And no, I did not drive them to cheat. The last one, esp. people told me I was too good to. At any rate, in each case, the men cheated with a prior ex gf that they clearly were not over.

I do not believe anyone drives their partner to cheat on them. I believe people can drive their partner away, but the partner should have the maturity and respect to end the relationship like a respectful, mature adult.

 

[GoldieSaysMeep]

Goldie, that is a great post and I agree with you. It's a lot harder, however, when you don't have the self-esteem to walk away from someone who cheats. Or you don't have the job skills, etc. to support yourself.

That's true, esp. what I highlighted and one of the reasons I think it is SO important for women (and men, but generally women are the ones who end up staying home) to get some job skills, get an education and learn to support themselves before they settle down and get married and stay home to take care of the kids. You never know what might happen down the road and being able to take care of yourself is a life skill.

 

[brockash]

IMO he is scum, and deserves to lose his wife plus family if they have children.

I get that cheaters are scum, but how is not allowing your children to have a relationship to the other parent what's best for your child??? I just don't get it.

 

[daisax]

Not directing this to you in particular but if someone is cheated on by multiple people; isn't it reasonable to say that the problem isn't only the cheating but what drove them to it in the first place?

Could also mean that somebody (not necessarily THIS poster, but such a person) might also keep selecting guys with the same kind of personality defect. Doesn't mean that such a person "drove" the partner to cheat but more that the person was attracted to just the sort of person who would cheat.

Lots of people have "types" that aren't necessarily healthy ideals... hopefully eventually you start making better choices.

 

[wvjules]

Could also mean that somebody (not necessarily THIS poster, but such a person) might also keep selecting guys with the same kind of personality defect. Doesn't mean that such a person "drove" the partner to cheat but more that the person was attracted to just the sort of person who would cheat.

Lots of people have "types" that aren't necessarily healthy ideals... hopefully eventually you start making better choices.

Good point about picking the wrong "types".

 

[PrincessSuzanne]

Well if that makes you feel better for advocating that domestic violence is okay if... I don't think it makes it okay to kill someone. I personally don't think I'm high and mighty enough to be that judge.

I never ssaid a word about domestic violence....I would never advocate it and never did. I don't know how you got domestic violence out of my posts anyway. I seriously wouldn't kill my husband for cheating, although I would feel like it an alot of other things as well, I was just making a statement.

I use the ten commandments as a guide for my life as I do the Bible and if you don't believe in it that has nothing to do with me. I was simply quoting scripture when I quoted "The wages of sin is death". Those are words spoken in the Bible, by God, I didn't make it up. I am not judging anyone, just going on my beliefs.

Suzanne

 

[brockash]

I never ssaid a word about domestic violence....I would never advocate it and never did. I don't know how you got domestic violence out of my posts anyway. I seriously wouldn't kill my husband for cheating, although I would feel like it an alot of other things as well, I was just making a statement.

I use the ten commandments as a guide for my life as I do the Bible and if you don't believe in it that has nothing to do with me. I was simply quoting scripture when I quoted "The wages of sin is death". Those are words spoken in the Bible, by God, I didn't make it up. I am not judging anyone, just going on my beliefs.

Suzanne

I guess I took your posts (specifically the one about that stoning is done in other countries, and it being a sin for pete's sake ect.) as that you were agreeing that it was okay for ppl. to be physically "punished" for cheating on someone, and that is domestic violence. You are correct though, you only said that you would feel like killing your husband, not that you actually would, so if you were not insinuating that physically hurting someone (domestic violence) because they cheat is okay, than I do apologize.