What do you think about cheating/affairs?

[PrincessSuzanne]

I guess I took your posts (specifically the one about that stoning is done in other countries, and it being a sin for pete's sake ect.) as that you were agreeing that it was okay for ppl. to be physically "punished" for cheating on someone, and that is domestic violence. You are correct though, you only said that you would feel like killing your husband, not that you actually would, so if you were not insinuating that physically hurting someone (domestic violence) because they cheat is okay, than I do apologize.

No, I was in no way advocating domestic violence. I was just stating what I had read in an article recently as a practice in the Middle East. I don't necessarily agree that it is up to us to do the punishing (in that way), but it will be up to God.


Suzanne

 

[TwinsinCA]

I get that cheaters are scum, but how is not allowing your children to have a relationship to the other parent what's best for your child??? I just don't get it.

Because that parent is *toxic*. Don't forget that their actions hurt the child too. As far as I am concerned the parents should have their rights stripped away when they blow their children's world apart in this way.

Sometimes no parent is better than a horrible one.

 

[brockash]

No, I was in no way advocating domestic violence. I was just stating what I had read in an article recently as a practice in the Middle East. I don't necessarily agree that it is up to us to do the punishing (in that way), but it will be up to God.


Suzanne

Okay, sorry I took it the wrong way. I think we both agree that the cheater will have to face up to God at the end.

 

[PrincessSuzanne]

Because that parent is *toxic*. Don't forget that their actions hurt the child too. As far as I am concerned the parents should have their rights stripped away when they blow their children's world apart in this way.

Sometimes no parent is better than a horrible one.

I have to agree with you Twins. Children don't need to be in that situation. I have always been glad that my father didn't have anything to do with me after he kicked my mom out (he was the cheater), but one of the 3 times I did see him, he wanted to blame my mom for the problems and I was 17 and I let him have it and haven't ever seen him again (wimp). Same thing with my cousin's children, their father doesn't have much to do with them since he left for the other woman and they are much better off.

As you can see from my experiences, that most of the time, the cheater is too busy doing their thing to have time for the children. I hae seen this in other families as well, not just mine.

Okay, sorry I took it the wrong way. I think we both agree that the cheater will have to face up to God at the end.

All is forgiven

Suzanne

 

[brockash]

Because that parent is *toxic*. Don't forget that their actions hurt the child too. As far as I am concerned the parents should have their rights stripped away when they blow their children's world apart in this way.

Sometimes no parent is better than a horrible one.

I totally agree with the part I bolded, however I don't think just because someone cheats on their spouse that it makes them a horrible parent. I consider horrible parents, those that abuse, bully ect. their child. My Dad cheated on my mom when we were young, and they got divorced, however I would never think in a million years that I would somehow be better off if my mom had cut all ties between us. I in fact know that it would have been the complete opposite. We ended up being in different states; and I can't tell you how much I missed my Dad when I didn't get to see him all the time. I however, was lucky enough to have a very unselfish mother who looked at the big picture, and while she was very hurt by my dad's actions, she didn't make me (her child) pay for it. She cared more about her kids than her hurt (as I would hope any mother/father would.) Ask anyone that specializes in divorce with children and they'll tell you the same thing.

 

[TwinsinCA]

I totally agree with the part I bolded, however I don't think just because someone cheats on their spouse that it makes them a horrible parent.

And I think it does. We'll have to agree to disagree on that one.

 

[GoldieSaysMeep]

And I think it does. We'll have to agree to disagree on that one.

I think it does too. They clearly aren't caring about their kids while they're cheating.

 

[wvjules]

They're cheating on their spouse, not their children.

 

[Gagirl69]

Have you not read the Ten Commandments lately? Adultry is right up there with murder as I pointed out in another post and to quote the Bible "The wages of sin is death"

Suzanne

But everyone sins. No one is perfect, no not one. The wages of sin is death, to people that do not repent. My pastor explained it like this. He said when you truly repent of a sin in your life, god forgives us. He also said, Sin is Sin. We (as humans) have degrees of sin but to god sin is sin. That's why we always need to strive to stay close to him so that we don't let our flesh take over.

 

[brockash]

They're cheating on their spouse, not their children.

Couldn't agree more, and I feel very sad for the children of ppl. that can't see past their own world/hurt to look at what's best for their children. That's what we as parent's are supposed to do, and it's very selfish for us not to. I'm not saying it's not hard, it is, but that's still our jobs, and by not being able to see past our own selfishness we'd be emotionally abusing our children, which I would assume is much worse than someone cheating on a spouse. I've said it before, cheating is a horrible thing and it's devastating, but it's abuse to destroy your childs relationship with the other parent simply because you're hurt. There are some ppl. that cheat and that really don't care about their kids that much and might not even care themselves if they have a relationship with their children... but that's a different issue and out of our control. That's still very sad for the children involved, but then they weren't a good parent beforehand porbably either, and we can't force them to have a good relationship with the children involved. However, that's completely different than a parent that cheats on their spouse, but is a good parent... and those exist... I would say more times than not. Again, I will never say cheating is right or okay by any means, but the children involved should not suffer because of our own resentment. That's horribly selfish and we're taking away from own children

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

The word integrity come to mind...

 

[beattyfamily]

....I feel very sad for the children of ppl. that can't see past their own world/hurt to look at what's best for their children. That's what we as parent's are supposed to do, and it's very selfish for us not to. I'm not saying it's not hard, it is, but that's still our jobs, and by not being able to see past our own selfishness we'd be emotionally abusing our children.......

This whole paragraph also applies to those parents who choose to cheat. It deeply affects their children too and it is very selfish.

..... it's abuse to destroy your childs relationship with the other parent simply because you're hurt.

True, just as it's abuse to destroy your child's life by being selfish and having an affair that affects everyone in the family.

 

[ThunderMTexpert]

Religion set aside- ((apparently WAYYYY aside)) & this is the most ridiculous thing that I think i have ever had to reply to! I can understand that he might be "bored," in the relationship, but then he needs to vocalize to his SPOUSE! get a swing, get some toys, do a different position, SOMETHING. affairs and adultery is NOT going to make him feel any better. how pathetic. would he like it if she was on a post asking the same thing?! if they want an "open" relationship- where both sides are "allowed" to wander- then, that's ((strange in my eyes, but whatev)), up to them. but to consider cheating because he wants some fun? dye your hair purple, buy a corvette, wear leather pants, like every other 49 year old male who is going thru his mid-life crisis. THIS IS RIDICULOUS. fortunately, he has a considerate friend like you who can maybe see his point of view. i'd smack him & walk on.

 

[shirleyb]

I totally agree with the part I bolded, however I don't think just because someone cheats on their spouse that it makes them a horrible parent. .

Maybe not horrible, but certainly selfish. I remember hearing once a quote something along the lines of "the best thing a parent can do for a child is to love their other parent". In other words, keeping the family intact, and in a loving environment.

I haven't read all pages, but OP, in answer to your original question, my take on a cheater is that the DON'T love their spouse, regardless of what they say. Someone who loves their spouse wouldn't intentionally hurt them that way. The cheater is saying their needs come first, and love isn't selfish.

 

[RadioNate]

They're cheating on their spouse, not their children.

tell that to a child with a cheating parent

 

[brockash]

This whole paragraph also applies to those parents who choose to cheat. It deeply affects their children too and it is very selfish.



True, just as it's abuse to destroy your child's life by being selfish and having an affair that affects everyone in the family.

I completely agree with that, and I'm not saying that the cheater isn't being selfish, they are, but again the big picture for the mom's/dad's that have been cheated on... what's best for the kids? 2 parents being selfish or 1? 2 wrongs don't make a right, and someone has to step up to be the bigger and better parent. I also don't think that someone cheating on a spouse alone destroys a child's life. If the parent's get divorced and can be civil and do what's best for their children; yes the children's lives will be different, but they absolutely don't have to be destroyed. In my opinion the children shouldn't even know that one parents cheated (until they are at least much older like ideally an adult)... it's really none of their business and again we as parent's shouldn't be stressing our children out with our adult issues.

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

... In my opinion the children shouldn't even know that one parents cheated (until they are at least much older like ideally an adult)... it's really none of their business and again we as parent's shouldn't be stressing our children out with our adult issues.

Agreed - the children will only feel betrayed if the parents choose to let them feel that way. The emotional well-being of the children should be taken into account in everything that we do as parents. Something like this cannot be used as an excuse to pull children into issues that they are not equipped to deal with. Best that they never find out, IMO. It is none of their business, and the knowledge can only do harm...

 

[brockash]

tell that to a child with a cheating parent

I have a Dad who cheated on my mom, and they ended up getting divorced. When I found out (from being my nosey self when I was a teen) yes, absolutely it was hard and felt horrible for my mom, but because my parents (especially my mom) did what was best for us, and didn't put her feelings specifically in front of what was best for us, I NEVER felt like my Dad somehow cheated on us. He cheated on my mom, it was sad; I still feel very bad for my mom that he hurt her in that way, but because they were good, responsable, and loved us unconditionally I nor my sisters have EVER felt like my Dad "cheated" on us. We knew our entire lives and still do, that both of our parents loved us more than anything in the world, and would and to a point still do put us first. My Dad made a mistake by cheating on my mom. He happened to marry the person he had an affair with, and again it was very hard for my mom to control her feelings in front of us, but she did, and because of that I truely feel that I'm personally blessed to have a loving mother, dad, step-mother and half-brother. So no from a kid that lived the situation NO I NEVER felt like my Dad cheated on us. It had nothing to do with us, it had to do with him, my mom and their issues (specifically my Dads.)

 

[PrincessSuzanne]

But everyone sins. No one is perfect, no not one. The wages of sin is death, to people that do not repent. My pastor explained it like this. He said when you truly repent of a sin in your life, god forgives us. He also said, Sin is Sin. We (as humans) have degrees of sin but to god sin is sin. That's why we always need to strive to stay close to him so that we don't let our flesh take over.

I agree with you, I didn't go into that here, as probably some people that cheat do not repent or ask for forgiveness. Some do, some don't. those who don't will pay the ultimate price.

Suzanne