What do you see????

[glo]

I have been thinking about this a lot. When I weighed over 200 lbs...I saw people who weigh what I weigh now and thought, wow!!! I thought that I would be happy when I got here. Now I am here, and all these things I never thought about are happening. I have this left over skin, wrinkles and stretch marks that are an inch thick. When I put on a bathing suit, I do not look like the people I was looking at before, and hoping I would weigh what they did.

I look back, and think of how badly I treated my body, and how much abuse I took physically and mentlly because of the weight. It seems that people always look at the outside....and judge the inside, and I think that I am the worse offender. Not for others, but for myself. I still see myself at 200. I tend to wear clothes that still hide. Clothes bigger than I am. I feel I can't pull off alot of stuff and won't even give it a try. I am afraid someone will say something...and I would have that same hurt.


How do I get confidance? How do I change so many years of hearing I was fat and ugly. How do you undo feeling less than human?

Has anyone ever felt like this? Or should I just go check myself in now?????

 

[Luckymommyx2]

glo, you are a beautiful person, both inside and out. What is important is to remember how far you've come. Even though you were not good to yourself before you are making up for that now. If you're like me you won't gain confidence over-night. You'll have to take baby steps. Give yourself compliments and allow others the chance to give them to you as well. You have come soooo far and all of your work and determination is such a motivator for me. I think when I weighed in the 130's (still waiting to get back) and I couldn't take a compliment and all I did was put myself down, not believing anything good someone had to say about me. I kick myself for being so down on myself back then. I don't know exactly how to overcome it but I have to believe it can be done! Just continue to take care of yourself and look at all the positives!!

 

[Lynn CC]

I don't think anyone feels comfortable in a bathing suit unless they are a teenager or a super model. I think you'll get used to the new you Glo, it just may take some time! Change is good. Sometimes it's just trying on a new outfit and changing your style a little. When I think back over the years I've gone from shopping at The Weathervane in my teens through about my mid twenties. Then I went to Macy's and Fileen's, Now I'm into Talbots styles. So shop around, who says you have to wear a bikini, there are so many style bathing suits and some that come with shorts that are very stylish and hide a lot. Nautica has some nice bathing suits you'll have to check them out.
It's a lot easier to hide in the winter than in the summer months, especially if we have a hot one like last summer.
Once you find a style that suits you and you like it, you'll get some confindence
{HUGS}
If you don't want to go to the beach you can come up my way and we can sit by my pool where no one will see us LOL!

 

[TigH]

Yeah, what Luckymommyx2 said!

It's like at the end of the Wizard of Oz when the Good Witch told Dorothy that the power was in her all the time, it wasn't the ruby slippers. When you reach the end of your weight loss and you get to goal, you will find yourself in the same place. It's the end of the yellow brick road. Then what do you do? You can try clicking your heels together and see how the helps, but we all know ruby slippers aren't the answer.

You have to take that same determination you used to stick to Atkins and get your butt out of bed at 4:30 in the morning to work out and apply it to a different area. You have to want more than anything in life to feel good. That means stop feeding yourself negative thoughts.

I've talked about this at length with many people in the same situation. We are brought up to think it's VAIN to look in the mirror and appreciate ourselves. It's a sin to think we look good. It's concieted to accept a compliment with confidence and grace. We are stuck on ourselves, and probably self centered too, if we choose to feel beautiful, attractive, worthy, great, awesome, etc. So we just shuffle along, heaping abuse on ourselves so nobody will think we are vain and stuck up. Add to that years of living in a body you aren't happy with and more layers of humiliation and nasty or hurtful comments from people we love and even from people we dont' know very well, and what have you got? A very hurt person who is just as worthy as the next person to feel loved.

If I had the $$$ resources and you had the time, I would fly up and go shopping with you. I know nothing about fashion and I can't put colors together for diddly, but we would have a fun time. Face it, Glo, you are smaller now and you aren't doing anything for your self esteem by wearing clothes that hide your body. You have to buy smaller sizes and GET USED TO WEARING THEM! The picture of you in the red sweater is phenomenal! And the picture of you with your family in that white kind of lacy looking shirt is gorgeous! There has got to be someone you know who you respect and trust enough to be honest with you when you go shopping. Even if you just buy one new article of clothing, go do it!!!

I have been wondering lately, similar to Kath's WISH post (if we could all wake up thin...) what will it be like? How will you be different when you get to goal? How will I be different? What will change? Will life be different? Will I suddenly transform into someone else? I guess we don't know the answer to that until we get to our goal. I see so much beauty and grace and compassion and love flowing from everyone who posts here. Many of us face the same demons and we don't know how to get rid of them. We can tell each other until we're blue in the face how wonderful we think the other person is, but it won't sink in until the person receiving the compliment is ready to hear it. So you have to ask yourself, "Am I ready?" And if not, why? What is so scary about loving yourself and feeling good about yourself?

For anyone with children, it's very important to love yourself. I grew up with a mentally unstable mother. She suffered from depression and tried to commit suicide several times. I remember one of those times. She had to move away from home for a while and I didn't understand why. So I thought she was mad at me and didn't love me. She didn't love herself and she didn't have the capacity to give love to anyone else. This isn't a woe is me story, just the facts. I grew up feeling unworthy and unloved because my mother's depression kept her from loving herself. So I grew up acting like she did. She spends over an hour, OVER AN HOUR each day doing her hair and make up and still has a hard time getting out of the house. She is a beautiful woman. She struggles every day to focus on happiness. Thank God for good medication. I had no positive role model. I thought it was normal to feel ugly and want to hide from the world. This is why it is so important to me to be here and to help support all you guys. I see so many wonderful people here and it kills me to read the posts where people DO NOT APPRECIATE THEMSELVES! I am learning every day that I am a wonderful person and I deserve the best. I'm 33 years old, so I consider myself lucky to be learning this now. I want to be happy for the rest of my life and I want to make that a priority. I know everyone should do things for themselves, but if you have children, you need to do it for them too. Teach them as early as possible that they need to be proud of themselves, that it's ok to feel good, that they are beautiful and worthy. Teach them by example.

Arrrrgh!!! Where did all that come from? Sheesh!

 

[Debbie]

glo, hard though it is to believe, I think becoming comfortable with the "new you" IS a hard task. It takes work and Karen, LuckyMommy and Lynn have given some good advice. You do need to

allow others the chance to give (compliments) to you

as well giving them to yourself constantly. Do you have a picture of the "old" glo? Look at it. See how much you have done for yourself. And think that you will now be with your family a lot longer and a lot more healthy. You'll get to see them grow! What a wonderful accomplishment you have made!

You know, losing weight is like keeping house (and in my case teaching). We can always find more to be done. It never ends. Sometimes we need to tell ourselves: enough is enough. It's time to live and enjoy. So we don't dust the family room, I don't tidy my desk, and (maybe) we don't hit the weight that would have been ideal at age 20. But that's okay. I'm not 20 , and the 119-125 is not reasonable anymore-even for my height. Heck, I'm thrilled to be getting older! I'm looking to another stage in my life, although with the littlest one only 9, it will be a while before I hit that goal.

So take stock of your successes! You are healthy! You are vibrant! You are there for your kids! You are a member of this most wonderful support board. You may not be into a bikini, but you can still get into the pool! I know that you wouldn't judge me for my weight, so DON'T judge the most important person in your life: YOU.

And, glo, if there are people around you that said that you were fat and ugly: stay away from them! They weren't your lifeline then, and they aren't now. Surround yourself with people that love you for what you are inside, and wouldn't think of judging you-ever.

Take care, my friend. Peace with ourselves takes time. Give yourself that time to heal.

 

[Cthia]

Glo, I have to agree with what everyone has said. You need to look in the mirror daily (Post notes up on the mirror to remind yourself daily) and tell yourself that you look good and love the way you look. You have to let yourself learn to love the new you. You have worked very hard to get to where you are and you should be very proud of that.

You shouldn’t be hiding yourself in baggy clothes. You should go shopping and treat yourself to new clothes. Buy clothes that will flatter your figure. (Did anyone watch the TLC show Make Over?)Don’t worry about sizes. I swear that they are not accurate. Buy what you feel comfortable in and how it makes you look. Sometimes wearing that special outfit can help your self esteem. And who says we have to wear a bikini at the beach. There are so many styles of bathing suits out there I bet you would look gorgeous in one.

Give yourself time to adjust to the new you, it will come.

 

[glo]

Yikes guys!!! A Bikini on me will never ever be an option. I was thinking more like a black, cover as much as I can, suit

Guys, I was just wondering if I was the only one who felt like this. Seems to me that I just can't really celebrate this success because I just do not see it. I really thought I would look differently, and no, I had no grandure of a sexy teen body...just did not expect this.

 

[lmhall2000]

In high school after I spent a year eating away my parent's marital problems I was still very well liked- just not "girlfriend" material because of my size. After my first year of college, I became a "babe"- I was a 5'8 130 lb healthy gal (a little too thin, but I was eating)- I had not changed on the inside at all- I still had the same interests- I was just not having to live the tragic details of my parents problems because I was 400 miles away.
But what I did find was that guys came flocking- some of my girlfriends resented my weight loss- one even made sure to tell every guy that I had lost 100 pounds- ooh gross!!
But quickly I found out that the physical appearance can really be deceiving- I almost liked it better when I was obese because I could tell who my true friends were. But I persevered through all the guys who were appearance driven and found an incredible husband who loved me on the inside first- my boobs will never be the perfect form, I've always had excess skin, I never worried about stretch marks when I had our babies because I had already created them in high school- and they do fade! But I take stock in what truly makes me happy- is it image? is it firm skin? or is it leading a healthy life and encouraging folks of all sizes and looking first at their heart not at their packaging.
I think if you turn your eyes to realizing what a beautiful heart you have and turn off the TV (those 'sex' driven commercials give you a wrong image to live up to!)- and realize you're not losing the weight to look like something- you're losing the weight to keep yourself here longer and healthier for your children/grandchildren/friends/family. And why? So you can teach them through your actions how to be loving, supportive, and caring individuals! Seeing all your incredible support for everyone on the WISH team really inspires me to do the same! There are thousands of "tight" bodies out there but I'd pass them by in a second to find someone with a good heart regardless of size. And as a bonus- a good heart makes a person much more desirable in all aspects- physically and otherwise!
Last point- are you at TOM? Cause I do go through a split second of these feelings around then- but I quickly get over it- and always remember that those who do make hurtful remarks are the weaker ones- instead of letting the remarks hurt- try and find a way to build them up- they certainly have pains they're trying to cover. You're doing great!!!! And are such an inspiration to me- keep it up!!
Tara

 

[Luckymommyx2]

glo, I PM'd you, again!

 

[Mskanga]

How do I get confidance? How do I change so many years of hearing I was fat and ugly.

Those people should be taking a good long look at themselves first, I bet you anything they have a lot to shut up for.

Glo , I have never seen you at your worst in person , only on pictures , however I can tell you one thing, loosing as much weight as you have takes a lot of courage and determination. You have a heart of gold and a lot to offer to people, I couldn't have asked for a better friend than you.
Excess skin and all that other stuff is something that comes with all the weight loss and the only way I know is to get it surgically removed , however that is not an option for some people for many different reasons.
I go to a local water park during the summer and I wear my bathing suit , I do not care what other people say or think, they don't live my life or walk in my shoes. All those with negative thoughts about me , I don't care , I tend to think that some people need to put someone down to feel better about themselves.
We need to get away for a day this summer and just pamper ourselves.
I am doing this first for myself and second for my own health. I don't have any health issues yet other than my arthritis , no cholesterol or high blood pressure.
DH puts me down , but he doesn't have the willpower to do anything about HIS overweight and HIS high cholesterol, and I won't help him to do it , he has to do it for himself.
Girl, go shopping, get that bathing suit on and don't have a care about what other people may think, those who know you and love you , accept you for who you are inside , not for what you look like outside!
Keep your chin up my friend, I can only hope I have HALF of the determination you do.

 

[nativetxn]

<b>SNAP OUT OF IT!!!!</b>

Okay, here is what you do. Do you have a fireplace? If you don't have a fireplace, do you have a pair of scissors? I know you at least have scissors.

Now, go find an article of clothing that you could wear at your very, very largest (don't bother fibbing, I know you still have something). Now print off a copy of that photo of you at that early DIS meet. Don't have one? Want me to post it here?

Now, start a fire in the fireplace, or get the scissors. Either throw a copy of that photograph in the fire or cut it up with scissors. Now throw that article of clothing into the fire or cut it up with scissors.

Now, repeat after me: We have gathered today to say farewell to our friend Gloria, may she rest in peace.

Okay, close the fireplace screen or throw the scraps you cut up into a garbage bag, tie a not in the bag and throw it in the garbage right now.

Walk to a mirror, look yourself in the eye and say, "How ya doin' glo, you look <b>mahvelous</b>! You are one sexy chick. And glo...knock off the self denigration, Gloria could get away with it but you've got too much class for that."

Now walk away and <b>never</b> look back! Don't make me have to come over there.

Katholyn

 

[CarolA]

Glo,
I used to manage a swimwear dept.

I would have girls come in who rivaled Cindy Crawford and tell me how fat they looked in a swimsuit.

I decided then that EVERYONE feels bad in a swimsuit at some point. Some people hide it better than others. My personal trick is to find the obese man wearing a speedo and say, well I don't look THAT bad! (You have seen him, LOL!)

My suggestion is to hire a personal shopper at someplace like Macy's! Tell them to help you pick out new clothes. it is free and they would probably enjoy the challange. If someone if giving you feedback (make sure you get both good and bad feedback) it will help you learn to dress your new body and feel good in it.

GREAT JOB!

 

[blanq]

Glo, I saw your pictures on the picture post thread and I think you look beautiful. I also know though that me or anyone else telling you that is probably not going to change how you feel. Remember, I am the girl who recently posted that I can't believe my DH when he says he loves me the way I am and finds me incredibly attractive. Although I am not thin (yet!), I can tell you how I think it is. I think that when we are heavy for a big chunk of our lives that our thinking changes. We get to a point where we believe we are fat and we know what the world thinks of fat people, and all of the stereotypes that go with that. I think we brainwash ourselves, and then when we get thin, we can't believe it. We are left with our old, hideous "fat" mentality, despite our beautiful new bodies. I know you have a beautiful new body because your picture showed me that. But, I am not in your head...only you are there. It might take a little while for your head to catch up with your wonderful new body. So, maybe it might be good to give yourself a little break for your head to catch up with the rest of you.

Linda

 

[glo]

Linda,
YOu are so right. I have had people look at me with disgust. I have heard teenagers comments and been laughed at. I remember being about 22 when some teenage boys were teasing me about one of them liking me..It was one of those mean things where they were teasing him too, and he was trying to tell them off...saying things like only if I like whales... I remember not getting asked to college dances I hated being fat. I hated my parents telling me no one would ever marry me...then when I did, being told that if I didn't loose weight he would leave. Funny thing it was me who left.

Even buying clothes. Do you ever see the clothes they have for BIG women...it is never quite in fashion, and the materil is not that great unless you have tons of money. None of that goes away....

I just want to look in the mirror and be happy with what I see...

Kath, please be nice...no posting pictures...they are bad and I know it

 

[nativetxn]

They are not bad any more, glo. That is the whole point.

You know what? I think you should post it here. Post that old photo and next to it post the photo of you and your family with your grandmother.

Perhaps you need to see the difference to start believing that a difference has been made.

What do you think?

 

[glo]

The picture that I have of me is actually on Mackey Mouse's site...from one of my first DIS meets...I do not like pictures, so very few of me bigger....

 

[nativetxn]

I have it

 

[glo]

go ahead Kath...lol

 

[nativetxn]

She must have moved it, page cannot be found

It's amazing the difference in you, glo. Just amazing

 

[Mskanga]

Glo, look at it this way.....thank all those people for doing what they did, do you know why?? Because it gave you the motivation to do what you did to loose the weight, not only you showed them that you are a much better person inside but you are also very motivated to change the outside to make YOU happy.
Shame on your parents for telling you what they did , but then again you know how they are, and you are a MUCH BETTER parent to your children than they will ever be put together.
You made a difference , not only on yourself but in many other people too.
Take a good look at yourself in the mirror and say , this is the new and improved Glo, because that is exactly what everyone can see.