What do you do?

[Aliceacc]

Here's my opinion:

A trip to WDW is a big family vacation. It's a time for bonding, for creating memories you'll share forever.

It's not a bargaining chip in the parent wars. Particulary if the kids don't know the stakes.

I would sit my kids down for "the talk." I would explain that family is the most important thing in the world, that the people in your family are the ones who will be with you forever. And that I was really, really disappointed in the way they've been treating my family lately.

And that you've planned an amazing trip to Disney World, but you're concerned about the way they've been behaving lately.

I might even mention that some of your friends online had suggested canceling the trip because of their behavior. (Hey, even if no one has said it outright, someone MUST have thought it.)

But that you aren't going to do that. You love your kids even when they're behaving badly, and finally have the opportunity to give them the gift of this fabulous vacation, and you're going to do it in spite of the way they've been behaving lately.

But you're not going to allow them to ruin this trip either. It's too important to you. They need to stop and think about the difference between a trip where they're behaving the way they have been, and a trip where they're behaving the way they should, the way you KNOW they're capable of behaving.

Depending on their ages, maybe even have them brainstorm ways they can get along better, or come up with a contract or whatever works in your family.

The thing, in my opinion, is to focus more on the good behavior you expect than the bad behavior they've been showing. (As an aside, we've also never done the "Santa's watching" thing. You're supposed to be good because you're supposed to be good, not as part of a gift grab.)

Also, for what it's worth, I can't remember a worse winter than this one. It's entirely possible that your kids are suffering from a bad case of cabin fever, and that the problem will resolve itself with a little sunlight.

 

[Toffeewoffy]

The kids don't actually know where we're going, and won't until we are almost there (16 hour drive). I like the idea of making them earn their souvenir money. We got them each a gift card but that doesn't mean I have to let them use them. Thank you for all the replies and advice!

Sorry, have I missed something here? They don't know they're going to Disney for their hols? Then what has been their incentive to behave?!

I have never 'got' people who literally tell their kids where they're going at the airport or the morning they leave the house. Maybe the kids would like the excitement of planning and sharing with their friends. We weren't going to tell DD about our trip until the last minute the first time we went in 2003 when she was 9, but we told her a month or so before because a) I found it too difficult to keep it secret and not talk about the holiday with OH (DD's got big ears - always has). Secondly, the one time we did take her somewhere without telling her we were going, it backfired on us. It was only a daytrip to France on Le Shuttle: she kept asking why we hadn't got to the shopping centre yet, and I fobbed her off telling her the direct way was closed and we had to take the long way round. When we got to the turnoff to the train terminal, she was so disappointed: she'd wanted to go shopping not go to France! She was about 4 at the time, incidentally.

I have always ruled the household: I told the family even before I got pregnant that I was going to be strict: iron fist in a velvet glove, sort of thing. DD and I were discussing this approach not so long ago (after reading one of the threads on here, as it happens), and she said she respected the way I never let her get away with murder. It's always been difficult with her, though, as she's got Asbergers, and you can't discipline them in the same way you would a 'normal' child. You have to throw away the rule book when you have an autistic child as they don't hit milestones at the same time as other kids their own age, nor do they want the same sort of things. One thing I've always been grateful for is that she went right through her teens without fussing about clothes, make-up, smoking, drinking or boys!

Anyway, I digress.

I know it's really short notice, but I would suggest you sit your 'little horrors' down (or wait until you're all sat round the dinner table or something) and then just throw into the general conversation something along the lines of, oh by the way, we're off to WDW in a couple of days. As you've been behaving so badly, we're now seriously considering withholding all treats/privileges until you show us before we're due to go [and during the drive down] that you know how to behave [add your own behavioural criteria here].

See if that focuses their minds!!

 

[MSSANDRA]

You take a deep breath, remember the gift of grace (always undeserved) and change your attitude toward the trip.

I would in no way tie your trip to their behavior, especially since they have no idea the trip is coming up.

how old are your kids? They are likely acting off of your stress and excitement. We never do surprise trips and this is only one of the reasons why...

Now in no way am I saying to ignore the behavior, just don't link it to the trip. Is the behavior new or are you just more sensitive to it as you prepare to spend even more money on them. You can't expect them to appreciate something that they do not even knows exist. Have they been taking things for granite for a long time or is it a new behavior? I do not tolerate whining from my kids. They can tell me anything, plead their case for anything as long as it is done in a respectful way and as long as they understand the answer no must be respected. You certainly need to correct the behavior now, especially if it is a new behavior. Set the rules, boundaries and consequences, but leave the trip out of it.

 

[Fivesacharm]

Make them ride Small World 7 times in a row

I would argue that's not really a punishment. We love It's A Small World

 

[ajwolfe]

I would argue that's not really a punishment. We love It's A Small World

My husband would strongly disagree. LOL. He hates this ride with a passion!!

 

[SpringSprite]

Sorry, have I missed something here? They don't know they're going to Disney for their hols? Then what has been their incentive to behave?!

I have never 'got' people who literally tell their kids where they're going at the airport or the morning they leave the house.

We are going to WDW in 6 months and have told the kids about it. Now I've heard "When are we going to Disney World" "Are we going to Disney World today?" "But you SAID we are going to Disney World" or some variation every single day. (my boys are 5 and 3) If I could have a do-over I never would have told them this early

 

[esquared221]

You've already gotten tons of great advice but I thought I'd chime in as well. Depending the age of your kiddos I def think the family meeting idea is a good one. Sit them down and explain that this is a special trip that costs a lot of money and that you feel that their recent behavior is unexceptable for the following reasons and why it is unfair to you. I personally think that it's good for kids to see their parents express their feelings as recipients of their behavior- it teaches your kids (hopefully) to be considerate and shows them that you're just a person too. Then I'd hit them with an inconvenient limitation for the trip that is the result of their behavior (only one souvenier for the whole trip will be allowed, or you could cancel an "extra" activity that you had planned for example) UNLESS they improve in clearly defined ways.

I agree that they might just be in need of a break (I don't know where you live but it's been a LONG, COLD, MISERABLE winter here in the Northeast) and their attitudes will likely improve hugely once you're on your way. Good luck! I hope you are able to salvage your Disney vacation and have a great time!