What chores should a 9 y.o. girl do???

[shelbyjosh]

I am at the end of my wit trying to get DD9 to do household chores. She gets her room clean enough to where I think it is acceptable but trying to get her to do much more is like pulling teeth! I have tried to have her fold clothes. They are folded haphazardly and I have to re-do them. She will vacuum if asked. Puts up a fight to pick up the dog "treasure". I will admit both kids are spoiled. Everything is done for them, but darn it...I need a break too. With it just being the start of summer vacation I don't want to stress myself out but then again things still need to get done around here!! Please help me out here. Thanks.

 

[Sandy V.]

First of all, I understand your pain. Mine are teenagers now, and it was (and sometimes is) a struggle to get them to help out.

The thing that worked for me was to write down specifically what I wanted done, and that I put on the list that it had to be done "to Mom's satisfaction". That way, if they did a poor job, it would have to be redone until they did it right.

And you need to be firm about making sure they complete it. We usually had the television, stereo, computer, books, outside, etc. be off-limits until the work was done.

Good luck and hold your ground - it will be good for your daughter and your family in the long run!

 

[Karel]

Well, you need to start out slowly because if you suddenly give them a lot tasks they will be overwhelmed and not do anything.

I always think personal responsability is the first thing: take care of your clothes, your dishes, your toys.

If you redo something they've already done, it discourages them so if you're going to have them fold clothes, you're going to have to let them do it their way. That's goes for anything you ask them to do.

My kids walk the dog, put the dishes away from the dishwasher, put their clothes away, set the table, help cook, feed the dog, take out trash and recycling, haul laundry around for me and what ever else comes up during the day.

Make a list of things they can do - come up with ideas together - and use stars as postive reinforcement. There are things that need to be done everyday and things that need to be done once a week and so on.

Make sure you stay on top of things and you give deadlines: 'You need to put your clothes away before you watch tv'.

 

[Shannon G]

I agree with Sandy V - be very specific about your expectations, and have consequences if they aren't met. If the laundry is folded haphazardly, don't refold it - have her do it over (and over and over) until it's done properly. Pretty soon she'll figure out that it's easier to just do it right the first time.

 

[stinkerbelle]

Originally posted by Karel
If you redo something they've already done, it discourages them so if you're going to have them fold clothes, you're going to have to let them do it their way. That's goes for anything you ask them to do.

bingo

after wearing wrinkled clothes for a few weeks - she'll figure out she better do a better job on folding her clothes so she doesn't look like a slob.

 

[shelbyjosh]

She really could care less if she has wrinkled clothes!! I am tired of babying her a$$!!! When dad asks her to do something it usually done since she doesn't want to get chewed out. But when I ask her to do something I always get "in a minute" or "when I'm done". When she has to do something she doesn't like I get the eye-rolling action. That drives me up the wall. There are times when she is so lippy I just want to smack the crap out of her. I don't want to be a pushover mom because I know it will only be worse further on down the road.

 

[Beth76]

Here's a list of what my 3-year-old son does, or helps me do....

throws dirty laundry down the chute
helps me with laundry
puts his toys away (sometimes)
clears his place after meals
helps make meals
cleans up his own messes
helps put dishes away
helps dry dishes that I washed
helps me sweep
helps weed the garden

Granted, he can't do everything by himself, but at least I have him started. He learns what to do from watching me. Please don't underestimate your child's ability to do things for him/herself. I agree with the others, there's a reason she's not folding clothes well. She knows you're just going to do it for her. There's a Shel Silverstein poem about a little girl who always breaks dishes when she's drying them so that she won't be asked to do it again.

 

[Jennyfyar]

My eight year old daughter makes her bed, picks up her bedroom and playroom, feeds and waters the dogs, sets and clears the table, folds towels, and helps me out with her four year old little sister when I ask. Not that she does most of this without complaining, but she does her jobs. She may not do them as well as an adult, but the choice is to give her some responsibility and accept that the towels might not be perfect and her bed may be a little crocked. Or, do it all yourself.

Just remember that your daughter is only nine. Definitely old enough for chores, but don't expect perfection.

 

[stinkerbelle]

Originally posted by shelbyjosh
She really could care less if she has wrinkled clothes!! I am tired of babying her a$$!!! When dad asks her to do something it usually done since she doesn't want to get chewed out. But when I ask her to do something I always get "in a minute" or "when I'm done". When she has to do something she doesn't like I get the eye-rolling action. That drives me up the wall. There are times when she is so lippy I just want to smack the crap out of her. I don't want to be a pushover mom because I know it will only be worse further on down the road.

omg - you just described me when I was that age until about 15.

however, my mom did smack me a few times...it was acceptable back then...heheh. I still turned out to be a good kid...and have become a neat freak in my own home. (Drives DH nuts sometimes.)

Best of luck to you...

 

[Trish Bessette]

Here is what my 10 year old DD does:

Cleans dinner dishes off of table
Puts away her clean clothes
Cleans room - this is a chore but I keep after her!!
Cleans up yard each night of any toys, bikes, etc.
Picks up her stuff and put away that may be laying around the house
Feed dog & cats

I know it should be more but for now I want to be the one who does laundry. I am way too afraid of how it would look if she did it

I always say, the easiest way to keep a clean home is to eliminate clutter. I have both my girls end each night by picking up and putting away anything of theirs. It's amazing how easy it is for me to do the other jobs.

Good luck---stick to what you choose for her to do! If she doesn't do it, take something away: TV, music, video games, time with friends.

 

[Princess'Mom2]

My DD is a *recently* turned 10 year old. When she was 5 she began by making her own bed. Below is now her list of chores -- and for doing them she gets $5.00 per week -- which she saves for vacation each summer.

Make Bed - keep room neat (she will vacuum occasionally, but normally I do that).
Feed Dog daily
Feed Cat
Pick up after dog in yard (*treasures* as noted above)
Unload dishwasher
Take recycleables out to garage
Set table for dinner
Refills drinks in frig (DH drinks the clear flavored drinks)
Puts clothes away in drawers after laundry is done
Afternoon before garbage is collected she goes through the house and gathers all the garbage from bedrooms, bathrooms, laundry room, etc.,

Now that it is summer, I've begun to show her how to use the washing machine and dryer (so she can run a load of beach towels that are used out by the pool). She also likes to iron, so I'm breaking her in to do that. I've found money as the great motivator. She will have her own spending money when we get to WDW at the end of the week -- and she's more choosey about her choices when she spends her money that she worked "so hard" for.

 

[shortbun]

My 8yo DS feeds and waters the cat, sets the table, cleans
his own room, empties the wastebaskets into a big trash bag,
cleans the bathroom sink, cleans up his own messes. I'm planning to add folding clothes this summer. We tried that last
summer but it was too hard for him. I will NOT refold what he
folds as this really discourages him; it would anyone. If you are
a picky folder-just have them do the washcloths for a while.
Good luck.
mimi

 

[CBRorBust]

Please don't underestimate your child's ability to do things for him/herself.

OMG! I could not agree more!

The children I nanny for are total BRATS because of this! They are 13 and 9. I feel like they are 3 and 6! Their parents do not make them do ANYTHING because they still think of them as babies. Unless you want your daughter to be the next Jessica Simpson housewife, you need to cut her attitude out cold turkey this summer while you still can. It is only going to get worse in Jr. High. You know, I was just like her at that age (rolling my eyes, telling my mom "in a minute", etc.) until my mom got fed up and put her foot down! She taught us all how to do laundry and never did a load for us since then. If I had dirty clothes and wanted something to wear for the next day, it was up to me to clean them.

Good Luck! If I were you and you didn't want to "smack her" when she talked back, I'd hit her where it hurts....looks like Ice Skating to me.

Good Luck! I'm telling you Mommy Boot Camp Summer 2004!

 

[aprincessmom]

DD is 8 and has been helping around the house since she was 3. It is not an option. It is part of being a good citizen within the house. At age 8 in addition to picking up her stuff and putting it away, I expect her to:

Clean her room (including vacuuming, dusting, changing sheets, and doing the windows)
Feed the cat and fish
Set and clear the table for all meals
Help with laundry (folding and putting away and not just her own laundry)
Get the mail from the mailbox
Shovel snow from the walk during the winter
Water the vegetables and all the flower pots in the summer
Take part in the weekly house cleaning as assigned
Pack her own lunch and snacks for school and camp
Pack her own backpack for school and camp

She also helps cook meals (which she loves to do and is very good at it) and is in charge of vacuuming the car (at her request). Last week she got all excited because I finally caved into her request to learn how to iron...she can only iron when I'm in the room with her but she's quite excited.

 

[Pooh Girl 71]

DD is 13 and I often call her "Cinderelly" b/c she thinks she does too much around the house.

She's been doing most of these chores for years now.

Changes the cat litter
Takes out the trash
Puts away the dishes
Feeds and waters the cats and dogs
Folds the clean clothes and puts them away
Brings in the mail
Sweeps the floors (all hardwood)
Cleans her room (though I am pretty leniant with how her room looks as long as there isn't food in there, I am ok)
Packs her own lunch

 

[dizagain]

DD, 10, does more in the summer than during school year. Here's what she is doing this summer (yes, with nagging):
Make bed/tidy room
clean her bathroom once a week (inc. toilet, sink, tub, and a quick once-over with the Swiffer)
keep bathroom presentable as it's the "company" one also
help with dog care
vacuum when asked
put clothes away, but I still fold!

It's hard getting them to do things sometimes, but we have to teach them sometime, right?

 

[bumcat]

My 10 yr old son does a lot of chores.

Here's what we do when he isn't in the mood to do something. I ask him what time he would like to do a certain chore. He then chooses a time, he is then in control and we never have a problem.

 

[powellrj]

the best way I have found to get the kids to help out is to work together and get the work done. I let everyone know when housecleaning time is and thats when we all work together and get it done. It takes a couple of hours one day a week, (plus a little tweaking during the week) I may not have the cleanest house on the block, but it beats me doing everything by myself and the kids learn teamwork. We started doing this several years ago when my oldest DS still lived at home and he was the world worst at cleaning up!

 

[IMGONNABE40!]

As school ended earlier this month I asked my son to write down the answer to several questions. I asked him to write down 5 chores he thinks he should be responsible for in addition to cleaning his room, 5 privileges he thinks he should have, what he feels he should do to keep up to speed with his school work and what he thinks a typical summer day should look like for him. We put together a weekly schedule using his information and so far thinngs have been going well. You do need to find the line between how you would do the chore, and what is a reaonable effort for the child. For a lot of things, I don't think you can expect the kid to do the smae job you would, but they have to do more than a half hearted effort. My goal is to teach him along the way, and he is improving in how he does.

Interestingly enough, BTW, the only question he could not answer was what privileges he wanted. He asked if he could get back to me on that one.

 

[tjmw2727]

My girls are 7 and 9 and do a bit but never enough LOL. They are responsible for their bedrooms - making bed and keeping it tidy and clean. They set and clear the table, take the trash to the garage, feed the fish and help when asked. I do the laundry and folding but they put things away (for now). A few other things I can't think of but they are generally cooperative.

Most evenings I have them help with the dinner preperation and some cooking. What started as a cool project and mom & me time has turned into dd being great at making salads and doing lots of the prep stuff on her own.

I think if I were starting now I would try and have a little meeting and talk with the kids about how you feel. Ask them what they think they can be doing more of and if there is anything they just reallly don't like to do. If possible give her some choices, if she really dislikes washing dishes then perhaps another task that helps the family equally would work. Make a list together of all the things you both think she can handle, give her a reasonable timeline and if you can at all help it don't do it for her. My dd found out the hard way when I no longer washed anthing that wasn't in the laundry that dirty clothes were not a good option!! I find that using respect and honesty works better than my nagging and reminding - thanks for the reminder to me!!

My older dd is starting to want more than her allowance so I offer her additional chores with a pay scale. The catch is her normal chores must be cone correctly before the pay chores.

ps - hows the skating?

TJ