Sounds like you and Chuck balance each other well!
Does Patrick attend any day program during the week or is there a support group of other parents that you belong to? Perhaps they have some respite ideas.
Other nursing homes might work or maybe the one you tried just needed more specific instructions.
I have a friend here in Indy who does Foster Care for and has adopted special needs kids. She will keep other special needs kids during parents' work hours or for respite visits. When she needs someone to help with her kids she gets people at church to either take a kid or come stay at her home.
Would Visiting Nurses be a resource about what services are available?
If you were looking for full-time placemet for Patrick what social services would help with that decision? They might be able to help with respite care.

and good luck as you explore options.
Jan