We're doing it: cutting back on Christmas

[spima3]

It does drive me CRAZY to see my in laways buys tons and tons of gifts for my sister in law's children. DD is lucky if she gets 2 things. Lara

My MIL is similar. I don't think she is spiteful, just clueless. She went to Italy and bought my DD14 a pair of earings that looked like they were meant for a 70 yr old, a woman's shirt for my DS11, and something equally inappropriate for my DD9. The kids all just looked at them, thanked her and then pretty much tossed them.
Wow, after writing this, it seems to me, maybe she forgot to get them anything and just gave them stuff she bought for herself! Man, that would be typical of her.

The one year she took her DD and grandsons to the Jersey shore for a long weekend. She brought back a stuffed dog (probably won by one of my nephews at a carny game), gave it to my two kids, and told them they could share it.

I just tell my kids not to expect anything from their GM, not to believe anything she tells them, and realize it's nothing personal, she's just a whacko.

I grew up w/ very little family, and now most of them are gone, except for my brother and his kids. I always wished to come from a large family, but when I read/hear stories like those posted here, I'm almost relieved I didn't.

 

[princessbride6205]

OP - I'm glad you're doing this. There is certainly no reason to buy for adults when it's not appreciated.

I know this is TMI. I feel like I've tried everything I can to make this party work, and it just doesn't anymore. The only reason I feel like I need to keep doing it is this is the only time dh's father and his wife see my son (their choice, we offer to visit or have them over and are rebuffed each time). They even had my SIL and dh's female cousin over to their house last year after the party. I told dh I'm done, and he was not happy, but said he would send out an e-mail to let people know. If someone wants to take it up and be the hosts, I will attend and help. The more I type, the more I think I need to let this go, at least for this year. I need a break!

Maria

Hugs, Maria! I'm glad you're giving yourself a break!

 

[Pigeon]

I put an end to it a few years ago. I'd suggested it a long time before that but some of dh's sibs (the people who bought the crappiest gifts) did not want to stop. Dh and I finally just announced that we were done, period. We don't buy for anybody. On occasion, his brother will buy something for our kids, which is awkward, but we've told him over and over again we don't want to exchange, and I'm not starting up again.

You should communicate this ASAP, as many people do Christmas shopping early, but make it straightforward and definitive.

OP, I'd stop participating in this gathering and spend a nice day with your family.

 

[Tinkerbellie16]

OP - Good for you! Excellent decision! I was lucky in that my family all agreed to only buy for the kids (since we were all having so many of them and we have 6 siblings in the family) a few years back. And as for my in-laws, I just TOLD them what I was doing. I didn't ask anyone. I said I was buying gifts for the kids only and that's what I've done. And they followed. No fights

We as women, mothers, and those nurturing men out there too, need to stop ASKING for permission and just do it instead. If you have some unfortunate stubborn family member that refuses to do this - remember that it is gift-GIVING, and not gift receiving. You CHOOSE who to give a gift to. Others don't get to choose who receive your gifts.

 

[Worfiedoodles]

I just wanted to post and thank everyone for the good advice! We are not doing the Christmas party this year! DH is going to send an e-mail, and if someone else wants to host they are welcome to do it. We are going to meet up with DH's sbrother and his wife (who we are closest to), and walk around Portsmouth, NH on an evening in December, going to the historic holiday open houses. I am so psyched, we wanted to do this last year, but just couldn't make time. This is just about spending time with people who love us and who we love, which takes away my stress and makes me happy.

I am trying to set myself up to have our best holiday in years, and it's all about making time to do the things I enjoy for the people who we want to be with. It looks like I'll have time for baking some things I never get to, making my homemade fudge, and driving around to look at Christmas lights. I feel reinvigorated, honestly, it's like a weight has been lifted!

Maria

 

[SaraJayne]

OP, have you told them yet?

 

[Patience]

OP Maria: good for you and I hope you have a very merry Christmas!

 

[NYEmomma]

OP, have you told them yet?

Actually, *I* told DH's oldest brother & SIL today. SIL texted me about a gift idea for DH so I told her that we couldn't afford gifts for all the brothers & SIL's this year, that we were really sorry, but it just wasn't in the budget. We'd still be buying the nephews (their 3 sons) gifts though, of course.

She completely understood -- I knew we wouldn't have any problems with them. They're the only other "family" and I know they struggle at times too. She said they're actually making all the family gifts & cutting back on the boys in order to afford it all.

We'll tell the rest of DH's brothers at Thanksgiving. They're not early shoppers (well, and they're not the ones that typically buy us anything anyways!) and by then we'll have had our first ultrasound and be ready to announce the pregnancy... which we plan on giving as a reason why we're not buying. Another mouth to start saving & planning for.