Well. We could have handled that better.

[EmilyS90]

So just last night my fiance told his mother about our plans for Disney, and she uh...kinda sorta tried to invite herself and his siblings along.

Now, I wouldn't care but, we're getting married this year and this is our first trip (Him, me, and my daughter) together as a family. This is the first time I've ever had the time or money to even take my DD on a real vacation and I'm so excited. And...just wanted it to be the three of us.

As soon as she found out and wanted to hop on board, she started trying to talk us into cancelling our hotel reservations, changing our dates to June or July, staying some place offsite, etc. And after he and I talked about it, we agreed that she has a bit of a knack for...taking control of things. And if this wasn't our first vacation together, I would probably just suck it up and deal, but it is and we broke that to her, and she's upset of course. We suggested that we didn't mind them coming down when we were going, but we really didn't want to start changing our plans around. Didn't get much of a response.

I feel awful. But I just had no idea how to handle that.

 

[Happyinwonerland]

You sound like you're a young family, so I bet mother in law is just testing her boundaries to see what she can get away with. Do NOT let her dictate your life, or you will set a precedent.

You did nothing wrong. It is YOUR vacation. She is the one who should feel bad for trying to boss you around.

 

[schmass]

I agree with the above poster. You don't want this to become the norm. I know it's hard knowing that someone else feels bad, but this is your first family vacation and you should enjoy it as you have planned. Good luck!

 

[merdie]

There is no reason for you to feel awful, at all. She is the one who should feel bad, she tried to take over your vacation!

You did the right thing in sticking with your plans. Trust me when I say, she will try to control if you let her. You and your DH make the rules and plans for your little family. This is something that took me a long while to figure out how to handle! Good luck!

 

[Feberin]

I think you handled it well. I don't think you should have to change any plans for your trip especially dates or accommodations. My MIL is very controlling and likes to be in charge of everything. f We get along great if I go along with everything that she wants but I simply can't do it because we disagree on many things especially related to how we raise our children. I think agree with the previous poster that if you give in now that you'll end up with her expecting you do always do things her way. Have a wonderful vacation!

 

[Newsies]

I think you were in the right standing firm and not changing your plans. I know how hard it is to stick up to loved ones sometimes. Go you!
Have a great vacation and don't worry about her- she'll forgive you

 

[Pesky]

I agree with PPs -- you all handled it perfectly. You discussed the situation between yourselves, decided on a joint course of action and stood firm. I think this looks quite promising for you all! Plus it sets boundaries with your MIL and lets her know she doesn't always get to run the show.

 

[dprincessmom]

As someone that has a mother in law that loves to make plans all about her, sticking up for you family should never make you feel bad. Do it now, and always remember that your family (husband, daughter and future kids) should be the priority. Go and have fun. Maybe, just maybe plan something later with them the next time the money is there for a trip (if you and hubby are ready for the extended trip)

 

[Jing]

Begin as you intend to continue.

Vacation time is precious - you are not obligated to "suck it up" to appease your fmil. When people set expectations without asking if they are realistic to those to whom they are expectant, they are bound to be disappointed. Embrace it.

 

[Shanna-like-Banana]

Do NOT feel bad !

Continue your vacation as planned.

There's nothing that says they can't plan their own thing, I mean Disney is a public place.

Rather the letting her railroad over your vacation. Email something like : " We looked at our plans and wanted to let you know these are the free times we'll have to do something with family, let us know if you want to meet up to do something "

 

[Gumbo4x4]

I think the only thing I might have done different is to make sure MIL didn't come AT ALL. Otherwise, you did just fine

 

[MandiC]

I think you handled it well. Honestly for things like this dh and I have an agreement that we will each handle our OWN parents. When we went to Disney we told the in laws right away because they were watching our younger two kids while we were gone. My mother-in-law waited until a month before our trip, we had already received our Magic Bands, to tell us she was considering coming down for the weekend with the boys. I told dh to tell her she would need to find her own hotel room and that we would not be able to add her to our dining reservations so she wouldn't be able to come to those. She decided not to come I honestly wouldn't have minded if she came as long as she realized it was our first trip and didn't try to take over. If she tried to change our whole vacation, no way.

 

[paisleys]

Begin as you intend to continue.

Vacation time is precious - you are not obligated to "suck it up" to appease your fmil. When people set expectations without asking if they are realistic to those to whom they are expectant, they are bound to be disappointed. Embrace it.

This. This is your first trip as a young family, don't let anyone make you feel bad and guilty about that. The fact that she is trying to make you feel guilty says a lot about her. Think about it--would you invite yourself on someone else's trip and then try and ruin it for them if they said no? No, right? Talk about controlling. Lose the guilt! I have a lot of experience with this. We used to try to make everyone happy and as a result ruined our trips. Now we don't tell anyone we are going to WDW till we are there. It's our time to just enjoy with our kids, who won't be young forever. You're going to have to become crafty in the art of evasion!

 

[ktlm]

You should not even give them the "we don't mind you coming down when we are going" crack. We have dealt with this. He needs to say something like: "We love you and would love to have a family trip to Disneyworld with everyone at sometime in the future, but this time we need it to be just the three of us as a bonding experience for our new family". Hopefully, she will understand. If not, I see bigger issues in your future. My Mom is extremely dramatic and controlling an that worked with her. It also worked with DH's family. We have taken trips with both of them, but sometimes you have to draw the line and say this time it is just for us.

 

[pinkprincess30]

I thought you handled it well. You let her know you were happy to have them along if they wanted to meet up and that is really generous of you! That's all you really can do. I think it would be a mistake to go along with it now and then feel/act hostile later (which is what I would probably end up doing because I'm a people pleaser at heart)....THEN that would be on you. But you did the right thing. Don't feel bad! But going forward if I were you I would go out of my way to be really sweet and make time to be together as a family (at home). You don't have to give up the control of your vacation but you can make it a point to have fair boundaries while still being sweet. It sounds like this relationship is still pretty new and you have the ability to set the tone now while also not being a push-over. Good luck!

 

[texasrachel]

Tell her you'd love to go when ever she wants. As long as she's paying for it. But you and your DF & DD are going as a family alone on such and such day.

 

[bethy]

You did the right thing and handled it well. It might sting a little bit for her right now, but in the long run setting these kind of boundaries can actually be a positive investment in your relationship. You have great instincts - good job!

And I agree with the PP who said vacation time and money is so limited and precious - especially for a young family. Choose wisely how you spend it.

 

[AlexisMaxMommy]

You did nothing wrong. If she wants to rearrange things for your convenience that would be one thing, but for you to rearrange your plans for her is just ridiculous.

 

[ABCastillo]

You did the right thing! We battle the same thing with some family. It is your vacation and it's important to spend time together even without the extended family. You will have a wonderful time!

 

[DCbride]

Finding a balance with a new family is tough. It sounds like you handled it well. I also think you should keep your vacation and maybe suggest that she plan a family trip for the following year.