Weirdest Kids Birthday Party ever!

[Magpie]

That was me. I must have overdosed on too much sugar from the cotton candy clouds.

I LOVE the term "husband-in-law" - I'm going to have to pass that one on to a few people I know.

Maybe not but if she felt it I'm sure everyone felt it.

Just because you feel something, doesn't mean everyone else feels the same thing.

My son points this out every time I tell him to put on a sweater, because I'm feeling cold.

I guess I used the wrong word. Instead of weird I guess it should have been strange or stressful. Since they are newly divorced (papers signed, hasn't gone through yet) it is not a common thing to see them together but not together. The ex- was standing there video taping and the boyfriend was sitting on the couch near where he was standing. I was thinking "what must they be thinking right now?"....just odd. Yes, I am glad that they held it together during the party. I guess they had words before the party started, and I am sure that there was a good chance that they did it again after everyone left.
I stayed because it was a family party too - I am the child's great aunt after all. My sister stayed too - she is his other great aunt. Last year I had a cold and my husband just dropped them off and picked them up.
I'm sure we will all grow used to the new situation. I think the boyfriend might be living there now. I try not to ask too many questions - figure if they want me to know, they will tell me. His dogs were there at the house and their personalized stand that holds their pet food dishes was in the kitchen, so I'm thinking he lives there. Well, his dogs do anyway, lol!

Well, I wouldn't presume to know what words were said or not said before or after the party, but I'm glad to know that all of the adults could be civil for the guests.

And if the boyfriend is living there (good bet if his dogs are there!) then it would hardly be fair to throw him out of the house just because the ex is coming over for a party.

I think it sounds like everyone acted pretty maturely!

 

[cheermom1]

I agree!



That is just silly! My friend ex husband even comes over Christmas morning to watch the kids open their gifts- not all divorces have to be bitter!



Wow---spoken by a bitter second wife/ stepmom!! They are STILL the boys family and will ALWAYS be the boys family regardless of how any bitter stepmom feels!

First I am not bitter I have nothing to do with my dh's ex. I don't talk to her she set that not me. She refused to have anything to do with me, her choice. She is the one that said she will make our like heck (not the word she used) even if she had to hurt her own kids to do it. I choose to step so the kids wouldn't be caught in the middle. However she is the one who keeps trying to put the kids in the middle not me. So please don't assume something you know nothing about!

second I don't see how it is silly to have separate parties. And I never said that ALL have to be divorces are bitter or end badly.

all I was doing was pointing out that since the op found it to be weird or uncomfortable and a lot of tension so could the kids and that was not good for them.

 

[nathalee81]

First I am not bitter I have nothing to do with my dh's ex. I don't talk to her she set that not me. She refused to have anything to do with me, her choice. She is the one that said she will make our like heck (not the word she used) even if she had to hurt her own kids to do it. I choose to step so the kids wouldn't be caught in the middle. However she is the one who keeps trying to put the kids in the middle not me. So please don't assume something you know nothing about!

second I don't see how it is silly to have separate parties. And I never said that ALL have to be divorces are bitter or end badly.

all I was doing was pointing out that since the op found it to be weird or uncomfortable and a lot of tension so could the kids and that was not good for them.

So, we can't assume to know about your situation, but you can assume that everyone else is living in La La land?

 

[cheermom1]

So, we can't assume to know about your situation, but you can assume that everyone else is living in La La land?

I didn't assume anything if some of you can't see that the tension in that room and everyone was in separate rooms and when they came together that there was even more tension as the op stated that the kids couldn't feel that or see that then yes you are living in la la land. That is not good for the kids to be in the middle of that. Now I am not saying that all divorced parent situations are like this but the ones that are why put the kids through that?

The the op's case it was obvious it was not a good situation or she wouldn't have posted and thought it was weird.

 

[nathalee81]

I didn't assume anything if some of you can't see that the tension in that room and everyone was in separate rooms and when they came together that there was even more tension as the op stated that the kids couldn't feel that or see that then yes you are living in la la land. That is not good for the kids to be in the middle of that. Now I am not saying that all divorced parent situations are like this but the ones that are why put the kids through that?

The the op's case it was obvious it was not a good situation or she wouldn't have posted and thought it was weird.

How do we honestly know what the kids felt? Were YOU actually there?

Everyone else is giving honest accounts of their personal experiences with their kids and how it CAN work.

And, then you say we are all living in La La land-you are discounting everyone's else's PERSONAL experiences with this.

You say it isn't good for kids to feel tension, I say it isn't good for kids to feel alienated from one parent. Also, what is going to happen when you can't seperate everything anymore? Will there be two weddings for your stepkids? Two graduations? How about the birth of grandchildren? Things are just going to get harder the older these kids become.

ETA: I wasn't going to post anything more, but cheermom, I have got to say (and I'm sorry if this will sound harsh), but this is the third thread (and that is off the top of my head, not doing a history search or anything) where you have posted something about your husband's ex-wife and stepkids. I don't even know if you know how often you talk about it. I'm sorry, but you DO sound angry and bitter (and I say SOUND that way, you may not even be that way, but that is how your posts are coming across). Are you and your family going to any counseling about this?

 

[cheermom1]

How do we honestly know what the kids felt? Were YOU actually there?

Everyone else is giving honest accounts of their personal experiences with their kids and how it CAN work.

And, then you say we are all living in La La land-you are discounting everyone's else's PERSONAL experiences with this.

You say it isn't good for kids to feel tension, I say it isn't good for kids to feel alienated from one parent. Also, what is going to happen when you can't seperate everything anymore? Will there be two weddings for your stepkids? Two graduations? How about the birth of grandchildren? Things are just going to get harder the older these kids become.

What you are failing to acknowledge is that I said that in some situations it can happen but in most it doesn't and that is reality. And IF the op came here stating what she stated then yes it was not a situation for the kids.
By having separate bday parties and christmas does not alienated the kid from the other parent it just means that they have 2 of everything while they are a kid. As adult skids you would think that all that crap is behind and they can have their wedding with out having to worry. And by that time most parents are over what happened and have moved on.

I hope that my skids mom has moved on but after 8 years she still is trying to get my dh back and she is the one that cheated and threw him out. So in my situation I don't know what is going to happen when they get married. It won't be the kids fault but what can ya do? I hope that we can all come to a big event with out their mom freaking out. But this is MY case.

My skids also know and understand as a matter of fact my oldest step son came to me the other day and asked if his mom was spreading lies again and I told him to talk to his dad and never said a word about his mom. I keep my mouth shut about their mom b/c it is not right to talk bad about her to the kids or anything like that. We have our family here with them just as they have their family with her.

All I am trying to say is that in most cases reality is that most divorced parents can not go to these kinds of events together for one reason or another and if the tension is too much then it is not good for the kids.

My skids have told us that they prefer the separate parties and such as it is too much for them. Even if we don't say anything it is just too awkward for them.

 

[Mermaid02]

What you are failing to acknowledge is that I said that in some situations it can happen but in most it doesn't and that is reality. And IF the op came here stating what she stated then yes it was not a situation for the kids.
By having separate bday parties and christmas does not alienated the kid from the other parent it just means that they have 2 of everything while they are a kid. As adult skids you would think that all that crap is behind and they can have their wedding with out having to worry. And by that time most parents are over what happened and have moved on.

I hope that my skids mom has moved on but after 8 years she still is trying to get my dh back and she is the one that cheated and threw him out. So in my situation I don't know what is going to happen when they get married. It won't be the kids fault but what can ya do? I hope that we can all come to a big event with out their mom freaking out. But this is MY case.

My skids also know and understand as a matter of fact my oldest step son came to me the other day and asked if his mom was spreading lies again and I told him to talk to his dad and never said a word about his mom. I keep my mouth shut about their mom b/c it is not right to talk bad about her to the kids or anything like that. We have our family here with them just as they have their family with her.

All I am trying to say is that in most cases reality is that most divorced parents can not go to these kinds of events together for one reason or another and if the tension is too much then it is not good for the kids.

My skids have told us that they prefer the separate parties and such as it is too much for them. Even if we don't say anything it is just too awkward for them.

I doubt she wants your dh back- she's probably just trying to tick you off.

 

[cheermom1]

How do we honestly know what the kids felt? Were YOU actually there?

Everyone else is giving honest accounts of their personal experiences with their kids and how it CAN work.

And, then you say we are all living in La La land-you are discounting everyone's else's PERSONAL experiences with this.

You say it isn't good for kids to feel tension, I say it isn't good for kids to feel alienated from one parent. Also, what is going to happen when you can't seperate everything anymore? Will there be two weddings for your stepkids? Two graduations? How about the birth of grandchildren? Things are just going to get harder the older these kids become.

ETA: I wasn't going to post anything more, but cheermom, I have got to say (and I'm sorry if this will sound harsh), but this is the third thread (and that is off the top of my head, not doing a history search or anything) where you have posted something about your husband's ex-wife and stepkids. I don't even know if you know how often you talk about it. I'm sorry, but you DO sound angry and bitter. Are you and your family going to any counseling about this? It isn't healthy for you, and it probably isn't healthy for your stepkids either.

Really? I need counseling? Please if you knew the entire story you would say that my dh's ex is the one that needs it. How would you take it if your dh's ex tried to get your son arrested several times then called dhs on you. Then tell your skids that you are nothing to them then turn around and tell you that you will take all your money and then take your dh away. Along with telling you how ugly you are. All the while refusing to get to know the new person in your kids lives. Along with stalking and harassment and I have the papers to prove that. Plus take you to court saying she has pics of you doing certain things in front of the kids then while in court can't produce said pics. Then try to say that she won and she will get even more money. Oh and lets not forget the time she tried to convenience her youngest 3 at the time that his dad was messing with him and had him in counseling plus he was so messed up he was physically sick. then only reason it stopped was b/c the counselor sat her down and told her he would not go along with a lie. Oh and she also told the counselor that dh their dad wanted nothing to do with his kids which is why he is not there to talk to him. Dh has the ins. on them so he got in touch with the counselor and he explained that she told him that the counselor said he wasn't allowed to be there. plus she told the kids that the counselor got the judge to sign off on an order saying that they were not allowed to see their dad but she was letting him see them out of the goodness of her heart. All this time I said nothing and let dh handle the whole thing. Now this is only the tip of the ice burg.

I am not the one bitter. I feel for my skids so all I can do is step back as to not rock the boat so things will go better for them.

 

[nathalee81]

Really? I need counseling? Please if you knew the entire story you would say that my dh's ex is the one that needs it. How would you take it if your dh's ex tried to get your son arrested several times then called dhs on you. Then tell your skids that you are nothing to them then turn around and tell you that you will take all your money and then take your dh away. Along with telling you how ugly you are. All the while refusing to get to know the new person in your kids lives. Along with stalking and harassment and I have the papers to prove that. Plus take you to court saying she has pics of you doing certain things in front of the kids then while in court can't produce said pics. Then try to say that she won and she will get even more money. Oh and lets not forget the time she tried to convenience her youngest 3 at the time that his dad was messing with him and had him in counseling plus he was so messed up he was physically sick. then only reason it stopped was b/c the counselor sat her down and told her he would not go along with a lie. Oh and she also told the counselor that dh their dad wanted nothing to do with his kids which is why he is not there to talk to him. Dh has the ins. on them so he got in touch with the counselor and he explained that she told him that the counselor said he wasn't allowed to be there. plus she told the kids that the counselor got the judge to sign off on an order saying that they were not allowed to see their dad but she was letting him see them out of the goodness of her heart. All this time I said nothing and let dh handle the whole thing. Now this is only the tip of the ice burg.

I am not the one bitter. I feel for my skids so all I can do is step back as to not rock the boat so things will go better for them.

Honestly, and I am sorry, I cannot even understand your post. You sound very upset and angry, and I am sorry you feel that way.
A counselor would be able to tell you how to properly deal with your husband's ex-wife and how to deal with your anger towards her. It isn't healthy to be carrying all that anger towards her, whatever she did. You need to just let some of this go .

 

[goofy!]

It was my niece's son's birthday - he turned 11. She had a laser tag party outside - it's January in the Northeast. Anyway the kids all had on snow gear and they had fun for a couple hours playing laser tag outside. That part was fairly normal.
My niece recently signed divorce papers with her soon to be ex-husband. He was at the party! He was outside helping with the laser tag. His mom was inside in the family room. All the other adults were meandering around between one end of the house and the other. The reason for this is because my niece's boyfriend was in the living room which was at the other end of the house. So we had the ex-MIL in one room, the boyfriend in another room and the soon to be ex-husband outside with the kids. My niece had had a couple of mixed drinks - it was 2 in the afternoon. I guess she was feeling the stress or something. She wasn't drunk, but I don't drink so I can't see why someone would think to have an alcoholic beverage during a kids party.
It got more stressful when they kids all came inside for cake and the ex-husband came in too. He was video taping the party. The boyfriend stayed in the living room until they sang happy birthday and then he came out for that and went back to the living room.
I felt kind of bad for the boyfriend when they opened presents, the kids all came in the living room and the soon to be ex was taking video tape and standing right next to him! I guess my niece and the soon to be ex are not too nice to each other when people are not around. He is very angry and blames the boyfriend for the marriage ending even though he was not in the picture when the troubles started. Whether they would have worked things out or not will never be known.
All I know is next year, I'm dropping my kids off and leaving!

When I read this post, I don't see the "tension" that at least one poster insists is there.

I see a Mom and Dad, soon to be divorced, putting their differences aside for their son.

I see a mature Mom who knows that it is important to invite their son's Dad to his party, keeping his dad in his life.

I see a caring and compassionate Mom putting their son first and inviting his grandparents to his party.

I see a caring and compassionate Dad to accept the invitation to his ex-wife's house and accepting that the boyfriend was there so that they could be there for their son.

I see caring and compassionate grandparents that put any ill thoughts of their ex-daughter-in-law aside and accepted an invitation to her house to be a part of their grandson's birthday.

I see a boyfriend in a new relationship, trying to stay in the background by staying in the living room and only occasionally popping in to the party. I see a very mature boyfriend also putting the child first by not trying to cause drama in a budding relationship.

I see a Dad comfortable enough with the situation to be a full part of it by running the laser tag. I see a Dad comfortable enough with the situation to stand next to the boyfriend to video tape the party.

I see 3 very mature adults that have put their differences aside for a few hours to make a birthday party for a child who is going through a difficult time (his parents' divorce) very special.

I see a family I think I would admire very much.

I see a relative that finds this kind of maturity "weird" and then posts that she just went to the "weirdest" birthday party ever, per her thread title. She is posting her judgment of the situation. Apparently, the parents, grandparents and boyfriend did not think it weird as they all had to accept invites to be there. The fact that the party was "weird" was simply a judgment made by the OP and does not seem to reflect the feelings of the people that really mattered; the child, the parents, the grandparents and the boyfriend.

As for the mom having a drink? I must run with a "weird" crowd as we have always had adult beverages at children's birthday parties. There was always a glass of wine or a drink offered. I would never assume it was due to stress that the Mom had a drink.

Or, if she was having a drink due to stress, it could have just as easily have been to get through the birthday party with judgmental and gossipy relatives that thought their handling of the party "weird" and making assumptions of why they were having a drink and what was actually going on.

 

[krcit]

Well, as long as you're not bitter.

 

[TheIncredibles!]

Well, as long as you're not bitter.

 

[cheermom1]

Honestly, and I am sorry, I cannot even understand your post. You sound very upset and angry, and I am sorry you feel that way.
A counselor would be able to tell you how to properly deal with your husband's ex-wife and how to deal with your anger towards her. It isn't healthy to be carrying all that anger towards her, whatever she did. You need to just let some of this go .

No I am no angry with her at all and I let my dh handle her I don't talk to her at all. I have let go of things and I only posted that so you could see where I was coming from.

I am only angry that no one can see that reality is that MOST divorced people do not do joint parties or anything for a lot of reasons. I only tried to get a different view point out and no one wants to accept that the view point I posted is more reality for MOST people in that situation. I can see why the op thought it felt weird and uncomfortable and if it is for an adult imagine how a kid must feel in that same situation?

I was putting myself in the kids shoes.

 

[Scurvy]

No I am no angry with her at all and I let my dh handle her I don't talk to her at all. I have let go of things and I only posted that so you could see where I was coming from.

I am only angry that no one can see that reality is that MOST divorced people do not do joint parties or anything for a lot of reasons. I only tried to get a different view point out and no one wants to accept that the view point I posted is more reality for MOST people in that situation. I can see why the op thought it felt weird and uncomfortable and if it is for an adult imagine how a kid must feel in that same situation?

I was putting myself in the kids shoes.

That's understandable. But some of the posters on this thread have actualy been in the kid's shoes, and they disagree with you. Obviously some kids see it differently than you assume they will. I assume the people in the original post must have their child's best interests in mind, and they know their child. For your family, clearly this sort of working together isn't an option. For many families it is.

 

[nathalee81]

No I am no angry with her at all and I let my dh handle her I don't talk to her at all. I have let go of things and I only posted that so you could see where I was coming from.

I am only angry that no one can see that reality is that MOST divorced people do not do joint parties or anything for a lot of reasons. I only tried to get a different view point out and no one wants to accept that the view point I posted is more reality for MOST people in that situation. I can see why the op thought it felt weird and uncomfortable and if it is for an adult imagine how a kid must feel in that same situation?

I was putting myself in the kids shoes.

I wish you would stop using the term "most". In your case, things may not be amicable between your husband and his ex-wife. However, you don't really know if this doesn't work in "most" cases.

In fact, not one person on this thread has agreed with you, so I fail to see how you could possibly think this applies to "most" divorced couples.

Yes, it doesn't work for you, don't generalize it to fit "most" divorced couples.

 

[msjprincess]

No I am no angry with her at all and I let my dh handle her I don't talk to her at all. I have let go of things and I only posted that so you could see where I was coming from.

I am only angry that no one can see that reality is that MOST divorced people do not do joint parties or anything for a lot of reasons. I only tried to get a different view point out and no one wants to accept that the view point I posted is more reality for MOST people in that situation. I can see why the op thought it felt weird and uncomfortable and if it is for an adult imagine how a kid must feel in that same situation?

I was putting myself in the kids shoes.

Sorry but I don't think that's true. My kids have a number of friends with divorced parents. Both parents are always at their sporting events and birthday parties.

 

[Liberty Belle]

What you are failing to acknowledge is that I said that in some situations it can happen but in most it doesn't and that is reality. And IF the op came here stating what she stated then yes it was not a situation for the kids.
By having separate bday parties and christmas does not alienated the kid from the other parent it just means that they have 2 of everything while they are a kid. As adult skids you would think that all that crap is behind and they can have their wedding with out having to worry. And by that time most parents are over what happened and have moved on.

I hope that my skids mom has moved on but after 8 years she still is trying to get my dh back and she is the one that cheated and threw him out. So in my situation I don't know what is going to happen when they get married. It won't be the kids fault but what can ya do? I hope that we can all come to a big event with out their mom freaking out. But this is MY case.

My skids also know and understand as a matter of fact my oldest step son came to me the other day and asked if his mom was spreading lies again and I told him to talk to his dad and never said a word about his mom. I keep my mouth shut about their mom b/c it is not right to talk bad about her to the kids or anything like that. We have our family here with them just as they have their family with her.

All I am trying to say is that in most cases reality is that most divorced parents can not go to these kinds of events together for one reason or another and if the tension is too much then it is not good for the kids.

My skids have told us that they prefer the separate parties and such as it is too much for them. Even if we don't say anything it is just too awkward for them.

I disagree. I don't know about your world, but here in La La Land, most divorced parents are mature enough to try and get along for the kids' sake. Some can't, of course, but most I've seen do.

 

[krcit]

No I am no angry with her at all and I let my dh handle her I don't talk to her at all. I have let go of things and I only posted that so you could see where I was coming from.

I am only angry that no one can see that reality is that MOST divorced people do not do joint parties or anything for a lot of reasons. I only tried to get a different view point out and no one wants to accept that the view point I posted is more reality for MOST people in that situation. I can see why the op thought it felt weird and uncomfortable and if it is for an adult imagine how a kid must feel in that same situation?

I was putting myself in the kids shoes.

No, you were telling us that we live in LaLa land and ride unicorns because we don't agree with you that MOST divorced people can't put aside their differences for the sake of their children. I have a friend whose alcoholic drug abusing dh cheated on her and treated her like dog crap until she threw him out. Guess what? She invites him to dinner once a month because her kids enjoy that. She puts a smile on her face when the kids mention his girlfriend and says things like "wow, that's great." when they talk about things they did with their dad and her. Then she'll call me and we'll rip them to shreds but never in earshot of her children. BTW, the kids tell her that they are glad that they aren't married anymore because there was always too much yelling and it's nicer this way. That's just 1 more example of dozens of couples I know who manage to put their children first.

 

[marlynnp]

back to the original post.... I bet the niece was drinking because she knew her judgmental relatives would be posting about her party on the internet the next day.

 

[disneyjunkie]

Am I the only one bothered by the word "skids"?