Wedding question? *UPDATE POST 64*

[disneystacy]

Do you think it is appropriate for sister of the bride (matron of honor) and brother of the bride(groomsman) to leave the wedding a half hour early (after all the cake cutting, dances etc are completed) to get home to a infant (12 weeks old) and a hubby sick from chemo(unexpected, was doing ok and left wedding a hour prior) or are they expected to stay until the end and then help "clean up" no matter what, even though they were not told this was what was expected?


Thanks for any opinions.

 

[TEENEE]

If I were the bride I would not expect my siblings to stay under those circumstances. If they left just because they didn't want to help I would make a mental note and let it go. Hopefully the bride and groom have other friends and family that were willing to stay and help. A cleanup crew should have been established before the wedding.

 

[esbrick]

I would hope that with these extenuating circumstances that the Bride and Groom would understand and be happy they could join for the festivities. Some would see that as a gift.

If they were leaving early to go to another party or trying to get out of something that's different but from what I understand from your post this is not the case.

 

[Rora]

It would be 100% perfectly fine with me if both left after the ceremony.

 

[babytrees]

I think they needed to go home to their respective families.

 

[Lisa_M]

I think it is appropriate to leave a little early. Those people at home need the caregivers more than the cleanup crew needs 2 extra people.

 

[DisneyBlonde]

If I was the bride in that scenario, I would be understanding of their need to leave early. And I would be happy that the person undergoing chemo was able to attend at all!

 

[onelilspark]

I think it's perfectly acceptable.

 

[C.Ann]

As far as I'm concerned, it would be fine..

 

[disneystacy]

Thank you for your opinions. My mother is fit to be tied that my brother and I left my sisters wedding 1/2 hour early to check on my hubby, my 2 year old and my brothers child (who was left with a babysitter). She told us we were "suppose" to stay until the end. Too be honest, my sister was very unorganized and I couldn't take the chance we would be part of cleanup, thus extending my stay even longer than need be. I felt it would have been worse to just up and leave at the end, rather than leave after others started leaving.

 

[terri01p]

Ok off topic :

When my dd got married, my FIL ( my dd paw-paw) left the wedding right after the cermony to get to home depot/ lowes before they closed.

 

[lulugirl]

Your mother is out of line.
I can't imagine any reasonable person having a problem w/ you leaving early.

 

[Disneyadore]

My sister would have driven my home herself if my husband had chemo.

Tell your husband I'm sending him prayers and love.
Chemo is so horrible.
Bin there myself.

 

[DWGal210]

OP, you were for sure not in the wrong. And unless the bride had worked it out with the wedding party beforehand that they would be cleaning crew, there was no reason for you to stay. I guess I've never been in a wedding party that was expected to do cleanup (and I was a bridesmaid 4 times in about 9 months). Now, for one wedding, the wedding party did decorate the reception hall the night before, but no clean up.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Do you think it is appropriate for sister of the bride (matron of honor) and brother of the bride(groomsman) to leave the wedding a half hour early (after all the cake cutting, dances etc are completed) to get home to a infant (12 weeks old) and a hubby sick from chemo(unexpected, was doing ok and left wedding a hour prior) or are they expected to stay until the end and then help "clean up" no matter what, even though they were not told this was what was expected?


Thanks for any opinions.

I would have left with my DH to be honest.

I guess your mother lacks empathy? That would be a character issue and something you cannot change or convince.

 

[babytrees]

your mom is way out of line

 

[disneystacy]

I should also add by "cleanup crew", I meant carry out wedding gifts, pack up all the items(centerpieces, extra food) that would be going back to her house, waiting until the vendors were paid etc. I don't think it would have been mopping, but you never know with my sister.

My mother had the nerve to say as I was leaving " you leave your husband all the time when he is sick from chemo" which is completely false and how would she know living 500 miles away and to my brother said "why do you need to get home to your baby, she is in daycare during the week" Mind you she was with the sitter (new) for 9 hours already when we left the wedding. So if you have a child in daycare you shouldn't need to see it.

 

[Hillbeans]

Do you think it is appropriate for sister of the bride (matron of honor) and brother of the bride(groomsman) to leave the wedding a half hour early (after all the cake cutting, dances etc are completed) to get home to a infant (12 weeks old) and a hubby sick from chemo(unexpected, was doing ok and left wedding a hour prior) or are they expected to stay until the end and then help "clean up" no matter what, even though they were not told this was what was expected?


Thanks for any opinions.

IMO invited guests should not be expected to clean up after any party - that is rude of the party hosts. Right up there with asking people to pay to attend.

Once the cake is cut and served, again IMO, that is the "unofficial" time where guests should feel ok leaving the wedding as the event is near over.

 

[esbrick]

I should also add by "cleanup crew", I meant carry out wedding gifts, pack up all the items(centerpieces, extra food) that would be going back to her house, waiting until the vendors were paid etc. I don't think it would have been mopping, but you never know with my sister.

My mother had the nerve to say as I was leaving " you leave your husband all the time when he is sick from chemo" which is completely false and how would she know living 500 miles away and to my brother said "why do you need to get home to your baby, she is in daycare during the week" Mind you she was with the sitter (new) for 9 hours already when we left the wedding. So if you have a child in daycare you shouldn't need to see it.

OMG I am speechless. . .

 

[liamsaunt]

Unless you and your brother had agreed in advance to do the clean up tasks, you were completely justified in heading out a little early. Your Mom sounds like she was out of line.

Best wishes to your DH as he deals with chemo.