Wedding Invitation Wording

[Art 1]

Why?

That should be obvious. LOL Re read her post.

 

[NewRVLady]

My son is only inviting two of his first cousins to his wedding
3 others that I am close to cant come-2 live far away, one in college far away
3 live in another city , are much older, and he hasn't seen them in years(both parents deceased_his Aunt & Uncle)

One of my brother's wife is not speaking to me-so that family is not invited

 

[gwynne]

I think I am going to decline. I would love to back out on the shower also but I already told my other sisters that I would contribute and I have my list of what I am responsible for so I will follow through with that. My 16 yr old could care less if he goes since he wouldn't be allowed to take his girlfriend so I'm not worried about that. I did ask my 14 yr old if he wanted to go, after I saw that he wasn't invited, and his response was "of course I want to go, why wouldn't I go to Nathan's wedding". This is his first cousin and he enjoys seeing his cousins (they are all males) and there are 12 of them, not 60 as someone mentioned. No big deal, just like other people have suggested about me not taking it personally, hopefully they won't either. I'm sure this will be the final straw that will make my sister not speak to me any longer, but oh well, she hasn't spoken to 3 out of 5 siblings in a year so not a big deal to me any more.

On a side note, I am attending a friend's wedding next month without my kids so I can do things without dragging my kids along. I would never have expected them to be invited to this wedding mainly because she's not family.

You do realize you could have headed off a lot of problems by just briefly explaining this:
Hortense and Nathan sent out wedding invitations. The event is for over 18's only. That is nothing unusual, weddings can be extremely expensive and it's their call as they are the ones getting married. I will go, and then we'll plan something fun for next weekend. Would you like to order pizza while I'm gone?

If your son asked questions, had comments, this is what I'd say: Here's the thing. It's their wedding. It's up to the bride and groom to decide the kind of wedding they'd like. When you get married, it will be up to you and your intended. And I'd close the discussion there.

Seriously, I really don't see the benefit to anyone, including the kids, by stirring the pot with hurt feelings. Take the high road.
This event is about the beginning of the engaged couple's life. It's truly not about you and your kids. If you can't make it work, decline. But don't start a family back and forth over this.

 

[Chocolate Cake]

Also, where we live children are nearly always invited to weddings. The wedding budget items are adjusted accordingly to accommodate those numbers. Meaning, they opt for a lower cost per head to accommodate the children.

I just couldn't imagine a bride giving up her dream wedding at the local mansion house or upscale country club, because it only fit 150 people and the children "must be considered". Yes. Let's have it somewhere that the bride doesn't want it because the 17 cousins just have to bring all of their kids. We must think about the children. Adjust your wedding day for The Children.

After all, this day is all about accommodating children

 

[Chocolate Cake]

I would love to back out on the shower....

Why?

 

[Allison]

I have the same question about why you want to back out of the shower. Sorry to be repetitive.

 

[Art 1]

What is it about weddings that cause so many women to take leave of their senses? Jealousy maybe.

 

[gwynne]

What is it about weddings that cause so many women to take leave of their senses? Jealousy maybe.

I would probably change that to "some women". Many of us get that someone else's wedding is not about us.

 

[Chocolate Cake]

For all of those that have been offended in the past when your children are not invited, I have to mention something.

And it's not going to be popular

Your children are very special to you. They are your world. You love them more than anyone and anything in the world. But, very few people feel the same way about your children, save the grandparents and perhaps a special aunt. Nobody is sitting and wondering how they can accommodate your child on a day to day basis, let alone a day like a Wedding Day.

If you didn't know this, planning a wedding where tens of thousands of dollars are being spent: tension is high, stress is strong. Your children aren't even a blip on the radar. Don't take it personally. It's just the way it is.

If you think weddings are a day for ALL family members to meet up, think again. It is not a family reunion.

If you want to get together with family that you haven't seen in years, YOU throw a party complete with a $100 plate meal and an open bar. Go on! Have at it!

 

[bethy]

I just couldn't imagine a bride giving up her dream wedding at the local mansion house or upscale country club, because it only fit 150 people and the children "must be considered". Yes. Let's have it somewhere that the bride doesn't want it because the 17 cousins just have to bring all of their kids. We must think about the children. Adjust your wedding day for The Children.

After all, this day is all about accommodating children

It's a cultural thing. It's just what many people do here. Weddings tend to be family affairs first and foremost. It just is. I didn't have close to my dream wedding because there was no way I could afford to have it for the all the people I needed to invite. My wedding was not about me at all. I've been happily married for 20 years and have somehow survived.

 

[missbrooke06]

I

That should be obvious. LOL Re read her post.

It's not. Please explain.

 

[Chocolate Cake]

It's a cultural thing. It's just what many people do here. Weddings tend to be family affairs first and foremost. It just is. I didn't have close to my dream wedding because there was no way I could afford to have it for the all the people I needed to invite. My wedding was not about me at all. I've been happily married for 20 years and have somehow survived.

But you see, you used the word "needed" to invite, as opposed to "wanted" to invite. You get one wedding (hopefully). Why not make it your dream wedding?

A wedding is about a bride and a groom and them celebrating their marriage with the people that they want to celebrate with. They shouldn't have to worry about who is going to be angry because a 4 year old wasn't invited.

ETA--Without being offensive, can you explain what culture forces the bride to have their wedding where they don't want to in order to accommodate children?

 

[bethy]

For all of those that have been offended in the past when your children are not invited, I have to mention something.

And it's not going to be popular

Your children are very special to you. They are your world. You love them more than anyone and anything in the world. But, very few people feel the same way about your children, save the grandparents and perhaps a special aunt. Nobody is sitting and wondering how they can accommodate your child on a day to day basis, let alone a day like a Wedding Day.

If you didn't know this, planning a wedding where tens of thousands of dollars are being spent: tension is high, stress is strong. Your children aren't even a blip on the radar. Don't take it personally. It's just the way it is.

If you think weddings are a day for ALL family members to meet up, think again. It is not a family reunion.

If you want to get together with family that you haven't seen in years, YOU throw a party complete with a $100 plate meal and an open bar. Go on! Have at it!

Wow - a lot of blanket statements that you think cover EVERYBODY. I'm telling you, children are generally included in weddings where I live and definitely in our circle of friends and family. And yes, weddings are just as much about having a family reunion as they are about the bride and groom. There is only one divorced couple between both my and DH's extended families and so apparently this isn't the end of the world.

I'm not saying there is anything wrong with making the wedding only about the bride and groom and inviting adults only. But because that goes a bit against the cultural norm in our circles there are definitely people who would be surprised. They and their children would survive. I agree that the decision is ultimately the bride and grooms.

FWIW, my youngest child will NOT be attending my niece's wedding in two weeks. She is a precocious four year old who is not inherently demure. She has proven she can't always use her best manners in public. She would think the wedding is all about her and so I am choosing to leave her with a sitter. My MIL - her grandmother - is perturbed about it. And I've gotten some funny looks from people about it and I'm sure I'll be asked about it at the wedding.

 

[Chocolate Cake]

I


It's not. Please explain.

I'm am thinking because the OP said that not attending the wedding will "be the final straw that will make my sister not speak to me any longer, but oh well".

 

[Chocolate Cake]

I agree that the decision is ultimately the bride and grooms.

Well, we can agree on that for sure

 

[Goofy_Disney_Dad]

I think I'll just offer to pay for the trip to Vegas so my kids can all avoid all of this and just elope when they're ready to marry. This all seems like much more work than it's worth.

 

[gwynne]

It's a cultural thing. It's just what many people do here. Weddings tend to be family affairs first and foremost. It just is. I didn't have close to my dream wedding because there was no way I could afford to have it for the all the people I needed to invite. My wedding was not about me at all. I've been happily married for 20 years and have somehow survived.

I don't doubt that you are happily married. I also don't doubt that you are glad you planned the wedding you did. And congrats on 20 years.

Big but coming...But, do you really think that 2 people, starting out life together, all have to see the world as you do? Do you really think it is a loving, tolerant and caring thing to demand one type of wedding only, due to "culture"?

I think that weddings should first and foremost, be about the engaged couple. They are taking a huge step in their lives and making some serious promises. If they want 4 people there, or 40 or 400, it's their call. It's not a family reunion. If you want a reunion, help plan one.

 

[bethy]

But you see, you used the word "needed" to invite, as opposed to "wanted" to invite. You get one wedding (hopefully). Why not make it your dream wedding?

A wedding is about a bride and a groom and them celebrating their marriage with the people that they want to celebrate with. They shouldn't have to worry about who is going to be angry because a 4 year old wasn't invited.

ETA--Without being offensive, can you explain what culture forces the bride to have their wedding where they don't want to in order to accommodate children?

Um, I'll try not to be offensive since you are requesting it.

I'm not sure the issue came up with that many brides I know. It didn't occur to them not to invite children. Of course it's ultimately their choice. If they don't invite children and people are put out with it then oh well. The bride is not responsible for other people's feelings and cannot control them.

Surely in your world there are all kinds of cultural norms and you are familiar with those? People go against them all the time but they cannot expect that a few feathers won't be ruffled. It's what happens when you live in a community. Apparently it is the cultural norm where you live that a wedding is the bride's dream day and is all about her. I fully respect that and it's certainly something I'm familiar with. I went to probably 20 weddings in my twenties and frankly got a little sick of the all about the bride schtick. But those are my feelings and my problem and I was always gracious. No biggie.

 

[Chocolate Cake]

If you want a reunion, help plan one.

And help pay for one.

 

[Chocolate Cake]

I went to probably 20 weddings in my twenties and frankly got a little sick of the all about the bride schtick.

As opposed to honoring the children at a wedding?

What kind bride "schtickery" are you talking about? What did you get sick of?