Wedding Invitation Wording

[footballmouse]

My nephew is getting married in September. My other sisters and I are in the stages of planning the bride's bridal shower for our side of the family. I just got the wedding invitation and the envelope was addressed to me and guest. So, in your opinion, are my kids (ages 14 & 16) not invited? My thinking is that they are not. Just wanted some other thoughts.

 

[lorimay]

My nephew is getting married in September. My other sisters and I are in the stages of planning the bride's bridal shower for our side of the family. I just got the wedding invitation and the envelope was addressed to me and guest. So, in your opinion, are my kids (ages 14 & 16) not invited? My thinking is that they are not. Just wanted some other thoughts.

No, the kids are not invited. Etiquette says that the names written on the inside envelope are the only invited guests.

 

[footballmouse]

That's what I was thinking. I think that is so tacky that my two kids are the only cousins not invited just because they aren't older like the other ones. I think 14 is a little old to be clump with "kids" for a wedding.

 

[pat fan]

That's what I was thinking. I think that is so tacky that my two kids are the only cousins not invited just because they aren't older like the other ones. I think 14 is a little old to be clump with "kids" for a wedding.

I am in the midst of wedding plans myself, and while I don't know what the reasoning is for the exclusion in your case, I do know there has to be a cut-off somewhere.Try not to take it personally, I'm sure it wasn't meant that way.

 

[Hrhpd]

That's what I was thinking. I think that is so tacky that my two kids are the only cousins not invited just because they aren't older like the other ones. I think 14 is a little old to be clump with "kids" for a wedding.

If you think it is tacky, decline the invitation. You do not have to go. Their wedding, their choices. But as a previous poster said, there are many reasons for a cutoff and a cutoff has to happen somewhere. Perhaps their cutoff was 16 or even 18. Do not take it personally.

 

[Kellydelly]

• My niece is getting married in October. The save the date sent out a couple months ago was addressed to only my husband and me. I know my kids aren't included in the invite. I think it is perfectly acceptable to exclude kids from formal wedding events (even though a young teen knows how to behave). I did think it was incredibly strange and wrong for one of my sisters to have her son's high school graduation party be only adults. My kids couldn't go. I chose not to attend either. It was a business party more than a family/friend event.

 

[ronandannette]

• If you are close enough to this couple to be hosting the shower, why not just ask them what their intentions were with the invitation and why your kids aren't invited? This is one of those issues that gets discussed fairly often here - lots of people take great offence to their kids being excluded and always have a reason why they should have been invited even if the party is generally not hosting kids at all.

 

[sk!mom]

• If you are close enough to this couple to be hosting the shower, why not just ask them what their intentions were with the invitation and why your kids aren't invited? This is one of those issues that gets discussed fairly often here - lots of people take great offence to their kids being excluded and always have a reason why they should have been invited even if the party is generally not hosting kids at all.

Agreed. OP, do you know for sure that other cousins are invited? If so, are they older than your two?

 

[goofy4tink]

We went to a family wedding a few years ago that was fairly small. Our dd wasn't included on the invitation...she was 18 at the time. So, she remained at home. However, my dh's brother and his wife felt it was fine to bring their 16.5 y/o ds!! So many people came up to us and asked where our dd was...we just said she hadn't been invited.
People are free to invite whomever they want to their wedding. But, if anyone feels uncomfortable, or upset, that others in their immediate family aren't included, they are free to decline the invitation. We know plenty of people that take their kids along to events, even though kids aren't invited...for some reason they feel that the exclusion wasn't meant for 'their' child!!!

 

[cybrkitn]

• If you are close enough to this couple to be hosting the shower, why not just ask them what their intentions were with the invitation and why your kids aren't invited? This is one of those issues that gets discussed fairly often here - lots of people take great offence to their kids being excluded and always have a reason why they should have been invited even if the party is generally not hosting kids at all.

I also agree with this. It doesn't hurt to ask to get clarification. If it was me, I would let the couple know that I just wanted to get clarification and that if kids are not invited that I understand and that it's ok. I wouldn't be hurt. Heck, when my cousin was getting married, she didn't invite DH and I even though we invited her to ours. Her mother was appalled and even apologized to DH and I. Me? I wasn't offended at all. It was her wedding and there could have been any number of reasons why we weren't invited. I did find out later that it had something to do with how my brother acted at another cousin's wedding. DH and I weren't able to make it to that wedding b/c I had just given birth to DS. But it didn't bother me at all. But that's just how I am. IIRC, I don't think it bothered DH either.

When DH and I were planning our wedding, we chose to have the cut-off age be 16 for the reception. We did have two exceptions and it was only because both kids were in the bridal party as a junior bridesmaid and junior groomsman. It was hard for DH in the beginning, b/c his family always had kids at weddings. But DH is the youngest out of three boys with the oldest being 20 years older than he is. So there's that generational gap. Eventually DH did come around after thinking about it as did his family. In the end there were no hurt feelings and everyone had a great time.

 

[chicagodisneyfan]

We made our cutoff 18 and were firm about it - so we didnt even have a flower girl or ring bearer. Only one aunt got her undies in a bunch over it. We just didn't want kids there - nor to spend another $4,000 on the reception.

 

[Sadie22]

Once I had children, I realized what a mistake I made in cutting off our guest list where I did. The relatively small additional cost to have had children and teens was not worth leaving out so many family members.

 

[Cannot_Wait_4Disney]

My nephew is getting married in September. My other sisters and I are in the stages of planning the bride's bridal shower for our side of the family. I just got the wedding invitation and the envelope was addressed to me and guest. So, in your opinion, are my kids (ages 14 & 16) not invited? My thinking is that they are not. Just wanted some other thoughts.

I would interpret that to mean the kids aren't invited. It would have said and family if they were.
One caveat, however. If the wedding is in a church and that church has an open invite policy then that policy applies. In that case, the invitation applies to the reception only and one doesn't have to be invited to attend the wedding.

Also, you might want to find out why kids aren't invited. The difficulty may pertain to the reception only. In such a case they might be thrilled to have you and the kids attend the wedding and you'd just skip the reception.

As a general rule, with the exceptions above, we politely decline any invitation that doesn't include our kids.

That's what I was thinking. I think that is so tacky that my two kids are the only cousins not invited just because they aren't older like the other ones. I think 14 is a little old to be clump with "kids" for a wedding.

Well people are free to have the wedding they want. And I am free to decline to attend any wedding I want. That's the way I look at it.

 

[shoney]

We are so used to adults only receptions that I would be shocked if my teens were invited. Even my parents had adults only in the 1960's.

We also used a cut off of 18.

By the wording of this invite, the kids are not invited.

Adding:

I just saw that you are planning a shower for his side of the family. Is the bride's family not around? Just thought that maybe the bride may be from an area where adults only is the norm. If so, don't take it personally. I only ask because most people I know marry people from around here and showers are thrown to include both sides.

 

[disneydee6]

Keep in mind that couples are often forced to make a cut off somewhere. A friend of mine is planning a wedding that's costing her 160$ a person at the reception. Weddings are a costly affair and even though you have older kids are who I'm sure would not have any issues attending a wedding, it costs the couple to have them there.

 

[Goofy'slady]

Keep in mind that you can't invite everyone.

Last year my then 9 yr old was the flower girl in my friend/coworkers wedding. She also had no kids invited to the wedding besides her and the ring bearer. I assumed that meant my then 16 yr old wasn't invited as well and never asked. When I received the invitation in the mail it was addressed to myself and both of my daughters. When I got to work I thanked her for including my eldest and her reply was "Oh, London is not a child, she's 16! Plus how would it look if I have her baby sister in the wedding but not invite her?"

My niece of my older sister got married two months ago. BIG formal wedding, well over 200 guest. However, I knew how my niece felt about having kids attending her wedding. She didn't even have a flower girl or ring bearer herself, she did however have two Jr bridesmaids but I believe the ages of both of the girls were 15. My two daughters who are her first cousins and they are very close to their big cousin. I'm the youngest of 5 kids myself and there are huge age gaps between myself and my older sisters, even the sister who is closest to me in age and the mum of my niece who is of marrying age mine aren't, they are now 17 & 10. I knew my eldest was invited to the wedding however I wasn't sure of the bridal shower and in the case of the youngest I wasn't even sure she was invited to the wedding. My niece came back to me personally and said "Auntie, how could I get married and not have London and Lizzy not be there? What I meant was I wanted no little children, Lizzy is 10 and a big girl. Even Mike(now hubby) wants Lizzy there."

So, my eldest daughter and I attended the bridal shower and my youngest wasn't upset about it in the least. However, it would have crushed her if she couldn't come to the wedding so I'm glad all three of us were able to attend. So even though she was family and we all are very close I never assumed that my kids were invited.

 

[Christine]

My cousin also did a similar thing. Cutoff and 18. My kids were the only "cousins" that were under 18 so they were excluded. It's really not personal. In my case, my son was a bit younger, the wedding was kind of far, and he had no one else to stay with. His sister (17 at the time) was away so no babysitter. I ended up negatively replying to the wedding because I couldn't leave him. My cousin found out, was upset I wasn't coming, and called and told me to bring my son.

Your kids are 14 and 16 so they don't need a sitter so you would be declining on principle. I understand how it feels though. My family doesn't get together often at all and I wanted my kids to know their other family more and weddings are a great place for that. That they are excluded from the family fun is kind of a bummer.

 

[Dizlvr]

I wouldn't call it tacky, but I can understand being disappointed. There needs to be a cut off somewhere, and kids/teens seems like a pretty reasonable group to exclude IMO.

 

[Gigi22]

OP if the invitation is addressed to you and your DH, then other individuals in your household are not invited. In your place I would assume that this is simple economics.

If you feel strongly that you can't attend without your children, then RSVP that you will not attend. That's it.

 

[kaytieeldr]

That's what I was thinking. I think that is so tacky that my two kids are the only cousins not invited just because they aren't older like the other ones. I think 14 is a little old to be clump with "kids" for a wedding.

My cousin was Bar Mitzvah and his sister married the same year. All the cousins on their father's (my) side of the family were seated at the kids' table at both events. We were 12, 16, 17, 18, 19, and 20. There absolutely does need to be a cut-off, and it's generally based on the hosts' needs or budget, or both.