Wedding invitation with rules

[wide awake]

I haven't read all the replies but asking people to not wear certain colors is ridiculous. A picture is a picture, it isn't the event itself which people seem to forget. Also, the food thing...people should serve what they can afford. If that's non-alcoholic punch and mints along w/ the cake so be it. More important to focus on the marriage itself and not bankrupting mom and dad or whomever. People get so weird about weddings, they need to accept that unless they have a zillion dollars someone else will have a showier and more creative wedding. Get over it and be yourselves.

 

[Disneylover99]

I have never been to a wedding where the mom of the bride and groom haven’t been told a color or colors to wear. Or at least have the color “approved” by the bride and groom. The fathers also get their suits with the bridal parties and colors are picked for them. Color schemes are important for these pictures. I thought that was the norm for weddings.

I’ve never heard of the moms being told a colour to wear.

But It was the norm for the bride and grooms moms to discuss their dress colours just to make sure they weren’t wearing the same colour. This was back in the 80’s/early 90’s when I went to a lot of weddings.

 

[kymom99]

I’ve never heard of the moms being told a colour to wear.

But It was the norm for the bride and grooms moms to discuss their dress colours just to make sure they weren’t wearing the same colour. This was back in the 80’s/early 90’s when I went to a lot of weddings.

I think my mom and MIL discussed if they wanted long dresses or tea length

 

[snikki]

I’ve never heard of the moms being told a colour to wear.

But It was the norm for the bride and grooms moms to discuss their dress colours just to make sure they weren’t wearing the same colour. This was back in the 80’s/early 90’s when I went to a lot of weddings.

Do the dads get their suits/tux with the bridal party that is preselected by the couple? It’s the norm in my circle. So at the same time the moms get told a color or color scheme to match dads suit/tux. If dad gets told what to wear why can’t mom? Lol

I know different regions and cultures do things so differently. I like to hear how everyone does their own thing. It wasn’t until message boards that I found out people do cake and punch only receptions. Never heard of that in my life before.

 

[Disneylover99]

Do the dads get their suits/tux with the bridal party that is preselected by the couple? It’s the norm in my circle. So at the same time the moms get told a color or color scheme to match dads suit/tux. If dad gets told what to wear why can’t mom? Lol

I know different regions and cultures do things so differently. I like to hear how everyone does their own thing. It wasn’t until message boards that I found out people do cake and punch only receptions. Never heard of that in my life before.

I don’t remember any dads back in the day getting a tux at all. They just wore a nice suit, shirt and tie from their closet. Nothing was ever coordinated.

In fact, one of the last weddings I went to was my dad‘s wedding. I’m pretty sure he wore the same suit he wore to my wedding 20 years earlier. Lol.

 

[snikki]

I don’t remember any dads back in the day getting a tux at all. They just wore a nice suit, shirt and tie from their closet. Nothing was ever coordinated.

In fact, one of the last weddings I went to was my dad‘s wedding. I’m pretty sure he wore the same suit he wore to my wedding 20 years earlier. Lol.

Ah ok. All of the weddings I’ve been to the dads go with the groom and groomsmen to get their rented suit/tux. It’s all preselected. Down to the shoes.

 

[Moliphino]

Do the dads get their suits/tux with the bridal party that is preselected by the couple? It’s the norm in my circle. So at the same time the moms get told a color or color scheme to match dads suit/tux. If dad gets told what to wear why can’t mom? Lol

I know different regions and cultures do things so differently. I like to hear how everyone does their own thing. It wasn’t until message boards that I found out people do cake and punch only receptions. Never heard of that in my life before.

My dad just wore a suit he already owned for my sister's wedding. He did wear a tie that coordinated with the wedding colors.

 

[PezRuth]

I have never been to a wedding where the mom of the bride and groom haven’t been told a color or colors to wear. Or at least have the color “approved” by the bride and groom. The fathers also get their suits with the bridal parties and colors are picked for them. Color schemes are important for these pictures. I thought that was the norm for weddings.

I did not tell my mother what to wear or my mother in law what color to wear. One wore burgundy one wore bright purple. A bit clashing but I just didn't care. They should have worn what they were comfortable in. Same with fathers. They just wore a tux. They did have matching ties and cumberbunds of the groom's party.

 

[dizneegirl]

We certainly didn't tell anyone what to wear when we were married (other than bridesmaids... and they were all young cousins). My MIL wore a bright magenta dress. She certainly stands out in the pictures, but it just makes me smile now.

 

[hrhdhd]

The etiquette books used to note that the bride's mother should pick out her outfit first, then make a casual call to the groom's mother to tell her that color so the groom's mother wouldn't match/clash. My MIL picked out her white outfit first, so it didn't matter what color my mom wore. (My mom wasn't going to wear white!)

 

[mjkacmom]

I have never been to a wedding where the mom of the bride and groom haven’t been told a color or colors to wear. Or at least have the color “approved” by the bride and groom. The fathers also get their suits with the bridal parties and colors are picked for them. Color schemes are important for these pictures. I thought that was the norm for weddings.

It never occurred to me to tell the moms what color to wear, my grandmother loved her gown and asked to be buried in it (she was). My bridesmaids wore the same dress/color as each other, but they got to choose the dress/color as a group.

 

[sam_gordon]

I don’t remember any dads back in the day getting a tux at all. They just wore a nice suit, shirt and tie from their closet. Nothing was ever coordinated

Decades ago, we had the fathers and Grandfather in the same Tux as the groomsmen at our wedding.

 

[Disneylover99]

Decades ago, we had the fathers and Grandfather in the same Tux as the groomsmen at our wedding.

That must have been one big tux!

 

[lifesavacation]

My husband was told which color suit to wear for both of our sons’ weddings. He now has a light grey and a dark navy suit. We will have 2 more kids get married at some point. He might be able to add black and dark grey.

For any of the guys needing a suit, Indochino was great and fairly affordable for a custom suit.

 

[kymom99]

I don’t remember any dads back in the day getting a tux at all. They just wore a nice suit, shirt and tie from their closet. Nothing was ever coordinated.

In fact, one of the last weddings I went to was my dad‘s wedding. I’m pretty sure he wore the same suit he wore to my wedding 20 years earlier. Lol.

Every wedding I’ve gone to, the dads wear tuxes that match the rest of the men. My husband wore a tux to his daughters wedding.

 

[tinkerbellandpeterpan]

I had a maid of honor and a bridesmaid (sisters in law from each side). I asked they wear short and navy dresses and didn't care what they got and didn't even see the dresses until the day of the wedding LOL. Even in that though I had a problem because one found a dress she liked that was long. At the time I thought I might be wearing a short wedding dress and she wasn't the maid of honor either. I thought to myself "seriously....navy and short....that's all I asked and even that's a problem!". I didn't specify anything else including material and I really tried to make it as easy as possible. It worked out fine and my sister in law didn't get upset, but I did say no, please wear something short (by short I mean knee length or above and it was age appropriate for both of them). It was casual, one of the dresses was from Old Navy, so I don't think I was being crazy demanding.

The men (both dads and my brother) wore khakis and white shirts with navy and lime green bowties (we supplied the bowties) with boat shoes and after pictures they were welcome to change into khaki shorts. I didn't care what the moms' wore. They just knew our color scheme was navy and lime, but I trusted them to pick something complimentary that they were comfortable wearing. Of course I shopped with my mom and my mother in law was kind enough to send me a pic of her dress to ask if it was okay but I would have never said "no". Both looked lovely.

 

[Boopuff]

When I got married my mom INSISTED we have a plated meal. She couldn’t fathom the guests having to go to a …(shudder) buffet! My DH is from a tiny rural town. When weddings are hosted there almost the entire town is invited. (I was WAY overdressed) the meal was family style in long tables,(you were lucky if any food came your way! ) then you were rushed through your meal and round two came in! Crazy. not at all what I grew up with in “the city” lol

 

[Threehearts]

I don't think it's really that people care what others do at their wedding. I could care less if someone's wedding is elegant or tacky, big or small, stunning or ugly ... it's their wedding, their taste and their memory. I am just an extra.

What I think you and some others are not thinking about is that many guests -
- Take days off work sometimes at monetary loss
- Spend money on traveling whether gas with hotels or airfare and shared rides
- Spend money on hotels
- Spend money on clothing requested on invite if they don't have
- Spend money on food during trip
- Spend money on child care
- Spend money on a gift

Attending a wedding can be very expensive so yes I think it is okay for guests to inquire what to expect when they get there. They have to be able to make an educated decision especially if the financial part is going to impact them.

Yes, I want to know if it will be outside and what my A/C and bathroom options are. I'm not high maintenance but I'm not using a porta potty, and I can't do extended heat without A/C breaks. I want to know if no food is being provided, I'll pack my own or eat before I come. I want to know if there are two bars and I can't use one, then I can make a good decision about my time and money. I'd rather not be miserable and just send a bigger gift.


I think you have hit the nail - Guestzillas are those who are trying to upend your wedding planning, insert their opinions, try to sabotage your choices etc. and they are usually family members. This seems to be most the stories I read about. The probably happens at every wedding, it's the level of conflict that varies.

None of the situations we are talking about are Guestzilla situations. They are guests that are looking for honest information about the event so they can make good decisions about what they will wear, if they can afford to come, if they feel they would be comfortable. They want to know what to expect. I don't think anyone was expecting the Bride and Groom to change their plans, even if they say they don't like some of the plans. Tell guests the truth then they can decide what they want to do.

And post wedding, yes we still laugh about some, talk about the failures of some, and enjoy wonderful memories about some. We've all been to the good, bad and ugly.



OP has clarified that it is indeed a normal serve yourself bowls on the table.

I have never heard of a plated at the table, it would probably be more expensive because they would need not only more servers but appropriate food carts and many times more the number of serving dishes.


Good question. We here are all thinking Family Style is All You Can Eat but I don't think that is a standard associated with Family Style.

Chinese, Korean, Japanese, Middle Eastern, Spanish Tapas, etc restaurants are often considered Family Style because it is communal dining. Any extra food is another expense so I wouldn't expect any more food.

The OP stated this was the least expensive and that is likely because the food at the table will not be replenished. They ordered a set amount for each table and that is it.

This would not be a choice for me because the last few people are at the mercy of the rest at table on if they took their fair share. Often tables have strangers at them, not family or friends, so this get awkward. Last wedding I went to we knew no one. Two couples, Two Singles and the three of us. No one knew each other. AND with current health situations, we don't do buffet or situations where we share utensils with strangers.

OP here. I am glad that family style is not all you can eat. I'm not a fan of that.
I never thought of the problem you mentioned with the last to receive a platter getting very little of the quality items. I know I would be very uncomfortable taking very much of the food if I started the passing. I will have to divide the 10 people at my table into 10 portions and not take more than my 1/10. Family style requires some careful etiquette practices, especially if there is no replenishing.

 

[Lilsia]

OP here. I am glad that family style is not all you can eat. I'm not a fan of that.
I never thought of the problem you mentioned with the last to receive a platter getting very little of the quality items. I know I would be very uncomfortable taking very much of the food if I started the passing. I will have to divide the 10 people at my table into 10 portions and not take more than my 1/10. Family style requires some careful etiquette practices, especially if there is no replenishing.

Family style should not be like that. I have been to many family style weddings over the decades and no one is ever shorted or got the "dregs". That is a poor caterer that does that. If done properly, family style works great.

 

[BayouQueen]

I’ve never heard of the moms being told a colour to wear.

But It was the norm for the bride and grooms moms to discuss their dress colours just to make sure they weren’t wearing the same colour. This was back in the 80’s/early 90’s when I went to a lot of weddings.

Just another testament that all weddings are insane…
When our son got married, the bride’s mother waited to see what color I bought, then she went and looked for the same. So we both wore navy blue.
(I looked infinitely cuter )

Weddings!