$$$ Wedding gift - what dollar amount?

[jenrose66]

Wow $200 to $250 is a ton of cash. I mean, I believe you give what you can afford. The last wedding I went to 2 years ago I gave $100 and I live in Western New York.

 

[Pixie Dust for Me!]

Why do people who aren't from NJ/NY even care how we do weddings here, and what kinds of gifts we give???

Yes, our weddings can be over the top sometimes, and yes as guests we are very generous. Who cares??? I love NJ weddings, and love giving generous gifts.

Don't know why people from outside NJ/NY are so bitter about the way things are done here, especially b/c it doesn't affect them at all....

I, for one, am not bitter. I actually think it's interesting to see all the different traditions that exist in around the US (and the world) when it comes to events. I'm not making any value judgements about anyone. Maybe some are and maybe they aren't. I would say, however, that one (and no, not necessarily you) should not assume that those living outside NY/NJ are good, bad or indifferent if wedding celebrations in other parts of the US (and world)are different than yours.

I had a wonderful wedding at my University's chapel followed by a reception at a country club. Was it lavish...well, my mother-in-law (who was from the cake and punch set in the church basement) thought it was! For my family, however, it was the norm!

I've been lucky to go to several weddings in a variety of religions and every single one of them (with the exception of the one where the bride got up there and then said NO when she was supposed to say I do) was beautiful regardless of the setting and the reception.

So, for those of you in NY/NJ, go ahead and celebrate your way, give any size or type of gift you want. But please be kind enough to respect other traditions just as I (or we) respect yours.

To all who are planning a wedding...best wishes for a long and healthy life together from a lady who is celebrating my 20th wedding anniversary with my DH next June!

 

[ZPT1022]

ETA: Another friend that got married at a resort in Puerto Rico did something I thought was very cool, absolutely hilarious and was very clear that they didn't want any gifts. They registered and the only thing in their registry was 1.) a Lamborghini or 2.) the RSVP that you'd attend. Sadly, I couldn't go due to work but Joe did. To this day, she still tells me that she's waiting for her Lamborghini.

You need to find a matchbox car or a small model of a Lamborghini and carefully wrap it up and tell her you have a gift for her that she's been waiting for for a very long time

 

[Krissalee]

WOW! I feel sick.

A few days ago I asked what I thought was an innocent and valid question, and it turned into many angry battles.

I realize people give different gifts in different parts of the country. Most of the weddings I have been to have been in NJ, but I have been to weddings in other states, and noted a difference. That is why I asked. I wanted to know what was currently acceptable in my area, and see how it varied, because I know things are different everywhere you go. I am going to a wedding for the first time in many years, and wanted to know if things had changed, and what I needed to plan for.

Please respect other geographical cultures! And religious cultures! And ethnic cultures! I was curious about the differences, but I didn't expect such anger and judgement and bitterness!

 

[Califgirl]

I think you are touching on some regional and social differences in America. Where I grew up and in the circle of community that I grew up around having a simple punch and cake reception just isn't done. Now the punch and cake crowd is going to think I'm slamming them and I'm not. But the fact is, that in my limited world growing up, punch and cake receptions didn't exist.

You got married, had a catered reception with an open bar, you invited everyone you or your parents ever knew and people gave a gift that roughly covered the plate. There is a huge 'wedding hall' business and they are all about the same price and no one had receptions anywhere else.

Now, as an adult, I've lived in 6 different states from Oregon to Florida and everywhere in between and I've seen all sorts of different, very lovely, wedding receptions. But I'm still not giving less than $100, even for punch and cake.

This entire thread really has pointed out the huge differences in custom from around the country. I am curious about the above comment (not slamming just honestly curious ) Why on earth would brides invite everyone they or their parents ever knew to their wedding? I guess I think of a wedding as a celebration that I would want to share with friends and family. Is it common to invite guests that are so far removed from knowing the bride or groom in a meaningful way?

(or did I read this post wrong? I'll admit that sometimes happens)

 

[akhenaten]

I guess I'm cheap. $150 is the most I'll go and that's for family. Anyone else would get $50-75........and I live in Jersey!

Oh......I would probably give my own kids more than that, but no one else. I don't take into consideration the cost of the reception, as I give what I can afford. And if DH doesn't find a job soon, my gift limits will be dropping quite a bit!

thank goodness..I give in that range also..in NJ..
although probably 150 for avg and more for nieces/nephews....like 200)

ETA I only read page one and posted..but i see the OP just above this talking about fights on the thread.......sorry

 

[mjkacmom]

So, for those of you in NY/NJ, go ahead and celebrate your way, give any size or type of gift you want. But please be kind enough to respect other traditions just as I (or we) respect yours.

To all who are planning a wedding...best wishes for a long and healthy life together from a lady who is celebrating my 20th wedding anniversary with my DH next June!

I think there is a lot more bashing of the NYC metro area's custom of lavish weddings and generous gifts, than bashing of small, punch and cake, weddings. I have never mocked or disparaged other regions typical weddings. The malice people feel about giving $250 as a wedding gift is bizzare, especially those who will never attend a wedding in NY or NJ. I'm not angry that you attend weddings in church basements, so please don't be angry that I attend weddings that cost close to $200 a plate. It's all good!

 

[mom2aredhead]

Why do people who aren't from NJ/NY even care how we do weddings here, and what kinds of gifts we give???

Yes, our weddings can be over the top sometimes, and yes as guests we are very generous. Who cares??? I love NJ weddings, and love giving generous gifts.

Don't know why people from outside NJ/NY are so bitter about the way things are done here, especially b/c it doesn't affect them at all....

Thank you. I was waiting for someone to say this.

I'm a Jersey girl, born and raised. We had big hair in the '80's, and we do big weddings. It's just how things are.
We had 3 weddings this past summer, and we've given $250 because that's what we consider to be a nice gift.
One of the weddings was at a hotel ballroom with an open bar, large cocktail hour, band and multi-course meal. The other was at a VFW hall, no alcohol, coolers full of cans of soda and iced tea, a buffet and a DJ. We had lots of fun at both of them. These were both in NJ. The other one was in GA - in a pretty hotel cocktail l reception w/finger foods, cake and a cash bar. It didn't occur to me that it would be considered an "extravagant" gift when I gave the same amount for the wedding I went to in GA.

 

[RadioNate]

This entire thread really has pointed out the huge differences in custom from around the country. I am curious about the above comment (not slamming just honestly curious ) Why on earth would brides invite everyone they or their parents ever knew to their wedding? I guess I think of a wedding as a celebration that I would want to share with friends and family. Is it common to invite guests that are so far removed from knowing the bride or groom in a meaningful way?

(or did I read this post wrong? I'll admit that sometimes happens)

I wrote it, I'll answer. I'm not offended and I do think it is rather silly but it is just what people do. It is the regional, ethnic, or whatever custom. Have you seen My Big Fat Greek Wedding? Think HER family.

It doesn't matter that I haven't seen my 1st grade teacher in 20 years, she taught in the same district as my mom and they were in the same TTT 25 years ago so she gets an invite. Of course now all the people subscribing to the 'gift grab' mentality will say that we are all gift grubbing and that isn't it either. It just is the way it is done, simple as that. Weddings are huge social events where everyone is welcome.

Now to escape some of the insanity I had a *HORROR! GASP* destination wedding and I still got my mother's highschool friends, parents co-workers, my dad's bar buddies and people I hadn't seen since I was 5. My 110 person wedding was small.

Had I been married at home we would have topped 300 easy. My family was involved in local politics and every local politician and their families would have had to have been invited. Along with all my friends parents and even possible siblings.

I don't know WHY it is that way. It just IS.

And I promise you...no one is inviting people just for money. People don't think that way. It doesn't occur to them that people would be offended to GET an invitation. More often than not people are worried that they will offend someone by leaving them out. It is really like someone else explained, GUESTS think about gifts and money, the BRIDE/GROOM doesn't.

 

[RadioNate]

I think there is a lot more bashing of the NYC metro area's custom of lavish weddings and generous gifts, than bashing of small, punch and cake, weddings. I have never mocked or disparaged other regions typical weddings. The malice people feel about giving $250 as a wedding gift is bizzare, especially those who will never attend a wedding in NY or NJ. I'm not angry that you attend weddings in church basements, so please don't be angry that I attend weddings that cost close to $200 a plate. It's all good!

I agree. I'm not from the NYC metro but I'm from Chicago and weddings are done the same way. It just is what it is. Period.

We really aren't offended by giving generous gifts. We don't see it as 'gift grubbing' that people on the CB are always worked up about.

We are happy to be included. It is a party!

 

[DeeCeeSW]

I have a question. What do you suggest I give the wedding couple (the bride was a friend/mom from my son's school) when you are invited to the wedding, but couldn't make it? Is $100 sufficient? There are no plates to cover here.

 

[Pixie Dust for Me!]

Wedding gifts are always tricky both for a first-time bride/groom and for the "experienced bride/groom."

I've lived in areas where someone getting married for the second time (or third...fourth...fifth) doesn't have a wedding with all the dresses, receptions, etc. Instead, they go to a church or JP and have a very small ceremony (bride, groom, witnesses and parents and children) and then have a small Sunday afternoon open house and gifts are generally not given.

And then, I've been to a wedding, the bride's 5th and grooms 3rd I'll add, where it was a HUGE formal deal with 700+ guests for a sit down dinner reception with open bar and orchestra, and so many bridesmaids, junior bridesmaids, flower girls, etc. that you'd think it was a Royal wedding! Oh yeah, it was followed by a brunch the next day for 150+ of his and her nearest and dearest friends and family members!

Where I live now (back home where my family lives), sending cash just simply isn't done. However, I would say that sending a gift that would cost $100 for someone you are not close to would be on the high end of things. Can't speak to what's acceptable in NJ...

Good luck!

 

[mom2aredhead]

I have a question. What do you suggest I give the wedding couple (the bride was a friend/mom from my son's school) when you are invited to the wedding, but couldn't make it? Is $100 sufficient? There are no plates to cover here.

Whatever you can afford and are comfortable giving.

 

[Par8hed]

I have a question. What do you suggest I give the wedding couple (the bride was a friend/mom from my son's school) when you are invited to the wedding, but couldn't make it? Is $100 sufficient? There are no plates to cover here.

Well, based on the way you described the situation...I would get them some plates.

 

[coles1mom]

I've been lucky to go to several weddings in a variety of religions and every single one of them (with the exception of the one where the bride got up there and then said NO when she was supposed to say I do) was beautiful regardless of the setting and the reception.



To all who are planning a wedding...best wishes for a long and healthy life together from a lady who is celebrating my 20th wedding anniversary with my DH next June!

Money Smoney, I wanna hear about THIS wedding.

 

[wilderness01]

I agree. I'm not from the NYC metro but I'm from Chicago and weddings are done the same way. It just is what it is. Period.

We really aren't offended by giving generous gifts. We don't see it as 'gift grubbing' that people on the CB are always worked up about.

We are happy to be included. It is a party!

Nice post.

 

[C.Ann]

Whatever you can afford and are comfortable giving.

-----------------

A financially responsible and logical answer..

 

[DeeCeeSW]

Well, based on the way you described the situation...I would get them some plates.

Oh, that's cute.

 

[Pixie Dust for Me!]

Money Smoney, I wanna hear about THIS wedding.

Well, the one where the bride said "NO" insted of "I do" was an absolute zoo! I'll start off by saying that I was (and am) a friend of the groom, not the bride.

It was one of those situations where you kept your mouth shut even though you thought the groom was making a HUGE mistake. He met her in Mexico on a beach, they moved in together a month later, were engaged a few weeks after that and the wedding was to take place about 6 months after they first met.

Groom is (and was) a really nice and gullible guy. Think Tom Hanks in Big and you've got the idea. Girl was (in all honesty) sweet as pie with him...blond hair, blue eyes, well endowed, curvy and acted not so bright. Some of us had reservations about her as groom had previously dated a pediatrician and a lawyer. To those of us watching them together, we thought she was manipulative and later, we decided she was a viper, but groom was completely ga-ga. She came across with him as not being too good at managing money or cleaning house but hanging on every word he said and acting like he was her God.

Groom thought she was just so sweet and innocent and was really mad when any of us criticized her. We just about thought we were wrong until one of the other guys found out she was "dancing" at a club when she had told groom that she was waitressing at another place.

The club and the restaurant were apparently owned by the same family and the checks always came from the "corporate" entity rather than the club. Well, she gave groom some sob story about how she was only dancing there for a few weeks to make enough money to pay for her own gown since her mom and dad weren't helping with the wedding and she didn't want him to pay for her dress (yep, a load of you know what)!

Well, as it turns out, one of the son's in the family that owns the club and other (much nicer) establishments, took a liking to the bride and they began a relationship. Apparently, she thought she would marry groom, divorce him a few months later and then go to the other guy with some cash in her pocket. The other guy objected and showed up at the wedding and essentially crashed it, gave her a much larger diamond (while everyone was looking on) than the Groom had so she said no to the Groom and left with the other guy.

To the Groom's credit, we all had a nice party and now, 10 years later, laugh about the one he didn't marry. Lucky guy wound up marrying a nurse who is delightful and that we all adore. I'm just glad that he got off as inexpensively as he did (and so is he!).

It was the single worst wedding (and at the same time the best outcome) I've ever attended!

 

[mom2aredhead]

-----------------

A financially responsible and logical answer..

Thanks. And it came from someone from Jersey.
Imagine that.