Wedding Etiquette Question: Having separate reception

[bouldertcr]

Hoping I get some insight to this question. My colleague who is getting married this summer is having a small wedding on the beach followed by dinner reception for immediate family who were invited to the wedding.

She wants to have a reception back home at a later date for everyone else (other family and friends). She will send a separate invitation out for this reception enclosing information on gift registry. What is the etiquette in regards of enclosing the gift registry information? Is it rude to include that expectation of a gift if not invited to the wedding? I wasn't sure how guest would perceive that? We weren't sure what Emily Post would say.

Any insight you can share, would be greatly appreciated.

TIA

 

[lurkyloo]

Emily Post would say it is rude to include registry information in ANY wedding invite, whether it's for the wedding itself or an at-home party after the fact. The idea is that people who want the registry info will talk to the friends/family of the bride and groom (the mother of the bride, usually) to find out where they are registered, but putting the info directly in the invite seems like a gift-grab.

Now it has become common practice to put registry info on one's wedding web site, so if the address for that were in the invites, you could kinda get around it...

 

[Firefly09]

It is generally frowned upon to include any mention of gifts with invitations.

 

[CityGirlLost]

I second (third?) what the other responders have said about no registries in any invite and I have to ask for clarification on the situation. This is someone having a destination wedding and then a second reception at home? Most of the brides here are planning the same thing.

 

[bouldertcr]

I second (third?) what the other responders have said about no registries in any invite and I have to ask for clarification on the situation. This is someone having a destination wedding and then a second reception at home? Most of the brides here are planning the same thing.

Yes, you are correct. It is a destination wedding and second reception at home.

Ok, so what I have been gathering is that it is fine to have a second reception at home for those who weren't invited to wedding but not to include gift registry information in invitation.

We were also wondering how folks would perceive not being invited to the actual destination wedding/family reception but to a second reception at home for other family and friends? Is that tacky? I can just imagine some folks thinking, "I'm not important enough to be invited to the wedding, but am for the second reception at home". I don't know? Things are done so differently these days that maybe it is perfectly acceptable. I guess I am old school in thinking that the actual wedding is the most important part of the wedding/reception.

 

[Goofy4Ever]

Yes, you are correct. It is a destination wedding and second reception at home.

Ok, so what I have been gathering is that it is fine to have a second reception at home for those who weren't invited to wedding but not to include gift registry information in invitation.

We were also wondering how folks would perceive not being invited to the actual destination wedding/family reception but to a second reception at home for other family and friends? Is that tacky? I can just imagine some folks thinking, "I'm not important enough to be invited to the wedding, but am for the second reception at home". I don't know? Things are done so differently these days that maybe it is perfectly acceptable. I guess I am old school in thinking that the actual wedding is the most important part of the wedding/reception.

I think you will get folks that say things like "I'm not important enough..., are they just looking for gifts?, etc", but I think it should be looked at as the bride & groom still want to celebrate with those guests that couldn't afford to come or for those that there just wasn't enough room for. I am getting married aboard the Dream next year and it was hard for me to ask people to come knowing that they will have to pay for it. The reason we are doing the at home reception is to be able to celebrate with folks who could not afford to come. This way the people we have asked to join us don't feel obligated to spend a lot of money to come knowing that there is a reception.

My idea is if that is how they feel, then they do not have to RSVP "Yes" to my reception...just my two cents.

 

[2nd Time Bride]

We are eloping in October and planning a home reception in December. We are purposely calling our reception a "party" and will not include any registry information on the invites or the website as we have not even registered.

We only invited our parents to the wedding but most of our immediate families know about it now (the parents are not good secret keepers!!) and they are all happy we are having the party as they want to celebrate our marriage. My sister asked about gifts and I told her that her attendance was enough of a gift.

Honestly, we have some friends who could afford to attend and probably will be hurt they weren't invited. But our families are really hurting financially and we decided we could not put them in a situation where they felt pressure to attend because we had more friends who could make it than family members. The party kind of gave our parents an "out" without making them feel bad.

Our location also limits guests to a handful and we would be hard pressed to keep the number low enough that everyone could be invited. I think people understand when you say - we can only have X amount of people at the wedding because of the location.

 

[*Pixiedust1438*]

If the destination wedding is very small, I think having an at home reception is a great idea. However if the destination wedding is a reasonable amount of people, then I feel like people get offended when they are invited to the at home reception but not the destination wedding. I am having around 50 guests at my DFTW and am not doing an at home reception. If I were to do an at home reception, I would personally write on the invitation, please no gifts of any kind, we would just like to celebrate with our family and friends. However, if the destination wedding is very small (20 or less) I think it is fine to accept gifts at an at home reception, but as others have said, you never should put registry info. on the actual wedding invitation, put it in the shower invite.

 

[bellebride116]

It's super rude to put your registry info on any invitation.

 

[PartofDisney'sWorld]

It's super rude to put your registry info on any invitation.

I'm wondering if this is fading out because I've been to 5 weddings in the last couple of years and every single one of them put registry info on their invitations. But I did think it was rude. Not that I would do that though.