Wedding - DH won't get suit

[DisneyJules]

Can he at least wear a nice shirt with nice pants? I know weddings that we've been to where my dad as well as my boyfriend have not worn jackets.

 

[SpecialK]

It seems kind of funny to me to think that someone else's wedding day is all about me and what I feel like wearing. Sometimes you do things you don't really want to if you care about someone else's feelings.

Exactly!

 

[LilyWDW]

I'm wondering how soon it will be before it's acceptable for young men to wear jeans and tee shirts to proms. Would anyone want to see a young man underdressed for a prom? I doubt it. So why is an equally special occasion such as a wedding any different?

I've never been to a wedding where people weren't dressed up and that includes an East Hampton outdoor summer wedding. I know times have changed and I can almost see "smart casual" at an outdoor wedding but I've never witnessed it.

Because not wearing a suit does NOT mean being under dressed. A pair of dress slacks, collared shirt, and tie are more then acceptable at the vast majority of events I have ever been to (weddings, funerals, and *gasp* proms).

Just because some people don't think a suit is not necessary does not make the automatically wrong and unclassy.

Unless the wedding is extremely formal (black tie) then there is no expectation to the attire (minus minimum social acceptability). So, if the husband doesn't want to wear a suit, it's not the end of the world.

 

[Luvchefmic]

I posted my answer earlier in the thread but then it got me to thinking and I pulled out the wedding albums....mine from 1986 and one of the DDs from 2001. You know what ? in both at the reception we have pictures of the different tables. and yes the ones with the men at the table with suit jackets or sports coats on look alot nicer than the men in just shirt & tie. Granted there were probably some quick movements to put those jackets on as the photographer approached....just think it looks alot nicer...again just my opinion

 

[JoiseyMom]

NJ/NY piping in. I haven't gone to a wedding that men didn't wear suits or a jacket. Before my DH was even my DF, he was my plus 1 for my bff wedding. I told him if he showed up at my house without a jacket/suit I was going without him. Well he showed up in brand new slacks and a jacket and a hair cut (his hair had been down to his shoulders). I was very pleased...my mom was shocked!! A year later he wore a suit to our wedding...

This September I will get pics of my 4 favorite guys in tuxes (including my 9 year old) at DS's wedding!! How do I keep DS9 and DH clean during the cocktail hour, before the ceremony? I have to bring that tide stick!!

 

[gina2000]

Unless the wedding is extremely formal (black tie) then there is no expectation to the attire (minus minimum social acceptability). So, if the husband doesn't want to wear a suit, it's not the end of the world.

Sure there is an expectation. The expectation is set by the social circle in which one travels and/or the venue one attends.

 

[LilyWDW]

Sure there is an expectation. The expectation is set by the social circle in which one travels and/or the venue one attends.

I think you missed part of the post that you quoted.

(minus minimum social acceptability)

 

[gina2000]

No, I didn't miss it. But you cited one extreme and by definition, the other example would be the opposite extreme (i.e., casual attire). Your last sentence defines your minimum socially acceptable attire ("Lack of suit is not the end of the world" to paraphrase.) Minimum in your social environment is not the minimum in mine.

 

[Liberty Belle]

Sorry, no. They are not wanting people to dress up because they are not classy in the least. My aunt doesn't even have any teeth, uses her bra as her purse and is basically white trash. Her son isn't too much better. Which is why they don't live near much of the family and why her daughter/his sister moved out of state. But, they're family and I still love them. Which is why I am going to the wedding.

Basically, they don't care if someone show up at the wedding wearing their skimpiest bikini or ripped up t-shirt and shorts and barefoot.


I don't care what a person wears as long as they are clean and look like they made some sort of effort to look half way nice. If it's new or not, I certainly don't care. Although I will admit that I prefer dresses on ladies and suits on men. Even though I hate wearing skirts. But I usually still dress up for weddings and funerals.


You've never met my aunt. She causes more drama in the family than anyone else. Lies and tells stories to everyone just to make her own cause just in her eyes.
She has family records that she won't let anyone even see, let alone make copies of. She has stolen pictures from family albums.
At all the family gatherings, she will take all the food she can get her hands on, including the containers and utensils. She doesn't ask, she just takes. Last Christmas, I had to catch her before she took off with my expensive tupperware container with candy I had made.
One of my uncles won't be there because of the way she treated him the last time they saw each other.

This certainly seems more damning than her lack of teeth and where she keeps her money.

 

[LilyWDW]

No, I didn't miss it. But you cited one extreme and by definition, the other example would be the opposite extreme (i.e., casual attire). Your last sentence defines your minimum socially acceptable attire ("Lack of suit is not the end of the world" to paraphrase.) Minimum in your social environment is not the minimum in mine.

Please don't put words in my mouth. "Minus minimum social acceptability" means meeting the accepted norms for the event. For me, wearing a suit is not the end of the world because that falls into my definition, from my experience of attending 4 weddings already this spring/summer with 2 more to go. I have no clue where you got the idea that the rest of the phrase would mean another extreme.

Let me rephrase it then. If the event calls for formal attire then it is expected that people will follow that. However, if there is not a request for a specific dress, then minimum social acceptable attire for the type of event is fine. This, to me, means that a suit is not necessary nor is a sports coat. If in YOUR social circles a suit is worn no matter the type of wedding, then wear a dang suit. However, that does NOT mean it is 100% needed to be done everywhere, in every wedding, or for everyone.

 

[walden]

Nahhhh... I think its that regional thing again. Pointed this out on another thread this morning. Pretty much everything we disagree about here on the Dis can be solved by understanding at least one of three factors:

1) Age
2) Location
3) Rural or Urban

Here in Rural Montana, in the 20-50 age group, very few people even own a suit unless it is part of their business attire. "Dressing up", for weddings or funerals or what-have-you, means a nice dress shirt and tie, or khakis and a new polo, or brand new black jeans and a western style shirt and your best cowboy hat and shine up your best cowboy boots. And no, I am not joking. I don't know anyone who owns a suit coat unless it is required for their job.

This bears repeating.

Surely it is all regional, and what the expectations are within your social circle. Also the time of day and location govern the dress code.

For the OP (who seems to have disappeared) the clue is in the invitation. If the invite does not specify, just ask the Mother of the Bride. Your husband may feel really self-conscious if he is very underdressed without a suit.

In this neck of the woods for weddings:

Formal = Tux or at the very least a business suit (long dress for the ladies).
Semi-formal = business suit or at least jacket and tie (cocktail dress for the ladies)
Informal = Friday business casual. Dress shirt, tie and nice slacks, no jacket required (pretty dress for the ladies.)
Casual = dress as you please! Polo shirt and khakis. Dress jeans and polish those shoes! (Ladies wear what you please so long as it is clean and up from usual *walking the dog* gear.)

Hey, you are there to honor this couple on their wedding day. Make a tiny bit of effort because the bride sweated bullets on her wedding dress and the groom is probably more dressed up than he ever wanted to be!

For funerals or wakes, it is more important to be there than to worry about the clothing. Please try not to go in sweats, shorts or jeans though. It just seems a bit disrespectful.

 

[luvmy3]

Well, I live and grew up in the northeast, and in my area of NJ, and on Long Island, 99.9% of weddings are dressy affairs.

Well, NY State and the whole Northeast is a large area that stretches way beyond Long Island, NYC and NJ.

 

[mrsstats]

I did not disappear. I usually look at the boards at night around the same time.

The wedding is in a church. The reception is at a well known catering restaurant. All members of the bridal party (men) will have on a tux. My nephew wants family picutres. My DH(who is 60) will wear dress shirt, tie and dress slacks. I am waring a knee length special occasion dress.

What I find really strange with my dh is that he worries all the time about what people think about him and doesnt like to call attention to himself, he wont wear a suit and will stand out IMHO.

But that said, he is an adult and can to what he wants & I can be annoyed that he isnt wearing a suit.

 

[Luvchefmic]

I did not disappear. I usually look at the boards at night around the same time.

The wedding is in a church. The reception is at a well known catering restaurant. All members of the bridal party (men) will have on a tux. My nephew wants family picutres. My DH(who is 60) will wear dress shirt, tie and dress slacks. I am waring a knee length special occasion dress.

What I find really strange with my dh is that he worries all the time about what people think about him and doesnt like to call attention to himself, he wont wear a suit and will stand out IMHO.

But that said, he is an adult and can to what he wants & I can be annoyed that he isnt wearing a suit.

Will he be willing to compromise...? Bring a sports coat with him, wear it during the wedding church service, then take it off? Put it back on for pictures? After that hang it on the back of the chair at the reception and even put his tie in the pocket...done ...can he live with that? Can you? All about the compromise

 

[gina2000]

Please don't put words in my mouth. "Minus minimum social acceptability" means meeting the accepted norms for the event. For me, wearing a suit is not the end of the world because that falls into my definition, from my experience of attending 4 weddings already this spring/summer with 2 more to go. I have no clue where you got the idea that the rest of the phrase would mean another extreme.

Let me rephrase it then. If the event calls for formal attire then it is expected that people will follow that. However, if there is not a request for a specific dress, then minimum social acceptable attire for the type of event is fine. This, to me, means that a suit is not necessary nor is a sports coat. If in YOUR social circles a suit is worn no matter the type of wedding, then wear a dang suit. However, that does NOT mean it is 100% needed to be done everywhere, in every wedding, or for everyone.

Again, you have stated that in your social norm, suits are not expected. Whatever your expectation is, I'm sure it's what your social circle/family is comfortable with. The extreme I am referring to is that your social expectation is considerably more relaxed than mine is. And I'm not implying that there is anything wrong with it nor am I implying that my standard is what is expected everywhere. What I AM saying is that your norm is considerably different than the tuxedo extreme that you cited. Mine is pretty close to the tuxedo extreme. And I'm not even saying that the "dang suit" is what I want. It's just expected.

So calm yourself. Your social expectations are yours just as my expectations are mine. Both are bound by the societal standards by which our lives are dictated. One is not more right than the other, merely different.

 

[gina2000]

I did not disappear. I usually look at the boards at night around the same time.

The wedding is in a church. The reception is at a well known catering restaurant. All members of the bridal party (men) will have on a tux. My nephew wants family picutres. My DH(who is 60) will wear dress shirt, tie and dress slacks. I am waring a knee length special occasion dress.

What I find really strange with my dh is that he worries all the time about what people think about him and doesnt like to call attention to himself, he wont wear a suit and will stand out IMHO.

But that said, he is an adult and can to what he wants & I can be annoyed that he isnt wearing a suit.

I believe you are correct. He will stand out. It is strange that he worries about others' thoughts but will not comply with the standard of his social circle. But as you say, he's an adult and he will do as he wishes and then worry about the social aspect of it after the fact.

 

[kpm76]

I believe you are correct. He will stand out. It is strange that he worries about others' thoughts but will not comply with the standard of his social circle. But as you say, he's an adult and he will do as he wishes and then worry about the social aspect of it after the fact.

Reminds me of a time my parents attended a Black Tie Optional event and my dad opted to wear a suit, as did the other men in their party. Guess what? They were the ONLY men in suits and stuck out. My dad said he never felt so uncomfortable.....now he always wears a tux, optional or not

 

[walden]

I did not disappear. I usually look at the boards at night around the same time.

The wedding is in a church. The reception is at a well known catering restaurant. All members of the bridal party (men) will have on a tux. My nephew wants family picutres. My DH(who is 60) will wear dress shirt, tie and dress slacks. I am waring a knee length special occasion dress.

What I find really strange with my dh is that he worries all the time about what people think about him and doesnt like to call attention to himself, he wont wear a suit and will stand out IMHO.

But that said, he is an adult and can to what he wants & I can be annoyed that he isnt wearing a suit.

So glad you did not disappear! Show this thread to to your husband. If the wedding is as you describe, and he does not want to stand out, he will wear a suit! If he does not, he might be embarrassed and you will have been right to have been annoyed. But you will stand by him. Good for you!

What I think is really interesting on this thread is the opinions demonstrated. Thanks for initiating the discussion.

 

[mjkacmom]

Well, NY State and the whole Northeast is a large area that stretches way beyond Long Island, NYC and NJ.

I realized that. The OP seemed to be asking what was appropriate dress for a wedding in my neck of the woods. A dress shirt and tie might make the cut for other areas of the northeast, or the country, but usually not here (where the wedding is).

 

[CookieGVB]

Dress shirt & tie should be sufficient. I'd be more p.o.'ed if he was insisting on wearing sneakers.