We say what we're gonna do, but we shouldn't REALLY follow through

[golfgal]

So, that does not mean that his dd wasn't in trouble or that he had no plans to punish her. His gut reaction was to get his dd away from the boyfriend, if he was going to drive the truck onto the ice with both of them in there and then leave, that really would have accomplished nothing
I think he saw his little girl being taken advantage of (whether or not thats true), reacted the way any enraged irrational father would towards the boy, but I doubt that his dd wasn't going to see his wrath too. She just lucked out when he got arressted

I would hope that the Dad was mad at his DD too but most of the posts here are aimed toward other posters that think the girl was innocent in this episode and that the boy should take all the blame for what was going on in the back seat.

 

[bballmom56]

His gut reaction was to get his dd away from the boyfriend,

Fine, he got his dd out of the car. He should have just left with her. He didn't stop there. He wanted revenge. He put the boy in a situation where he could have died! But for the grace of God that car did not break through the ice trapping the boy inside. Would those of you who "understand" the father's actions feel the same way if that was your son in the car?

 

[luvmy3]

Fine, he got his dd out of the car. He should have just left with her. He didn't stop there. He wanted revenge. He put the boy in a situation where he could have died! But for the grace of God that car did not break through the ice trapping the boy inside. Would those of you who "understand" the father's actions feel the same way if that was your son in the car?

Maybe you should have read and quoted my whole thread before you jumped to conclusions that I think what the father did was acceptable. You took part of my post way out of context. I was speaking about why people are assuming that he didn't punish his dd not why he did what he did to the boy, and I also referred to him as enraged and irrational, but I suppose you just missed that.

 

[Boxley]

I can understand a dad wanting to do that, but to actually do it is crazy.

 

[3jsmommy]

No where did I say what the father did was correct. I love that I am getting quoted so much for it.

However I am disturbed by the number of posters that think the a 14yo girl is at fault here. This is a 16yo boy out to have sex with a 14yo. Ewww.

Or it could be the other way around.
Or it could be that they were just kissing.
Or it could be that they are a little over a year apart & at that age she is probably more mature in many ways than the boy!
Seriously do you think the girl is a victim automatically if her teenage boyfriend wants to make out?
Were you ever a teenager?

 

[MarkBarbieri]

I'm still in disbelief that people live in places so cold that lakes freeze solid enough for cars to drive on them. That's just crazy.

 

[3jsmommy]

I'm still in disbelief that people live in places so cold that lakes freeze solid enough for cars to drive on them. That's just crazy.

Causing the poor teens in these places to huddle up in backseats no less!

 

[golfgal]

I'm still in disbelief that people live in places so cold that lakes freeze solid enough for cars to drive on them. That's just crazy.

Cars--heck there are whole new TOWNS of ice fishing houses that go up on the lakes around here in the winter. One one major lake in MN over 5500 ice houses go up in the winter. I don't think there are that many houses in our town even.

Some guy in an ice fishing house

Ice fishing contest on a lake

 

[bballmom56]

Maybe you should have read and quoted my whole thread before you jumped to conclusions that I think what the father did was acceptable. You took part of my post way out of context. I was speaking about why people are assuming that he didn't punish his dd not why he did what he did to the boy, and I also referred to him as enraged and irrational, but I suppose you just missed that.

Sorry, it wasn't intended that way. This is a hot issue for me. I have 2 kids, one of each gender, so I see the problems from both sides (unlike my MIL who only had boys and thought the girls were always at fault and my have friends who only have girls that think the boys are always at fault).

 

[NHdisneylover]

His gut reaction was to get his dd away from the boyfriend,

That would mean taking the girl out and then leaving. Not taking her out of the car, leaving her alone while he got back in the car and then risking the boy's life (and his own really) and damage to the vehicle.
I am not assuming the dad is not angry at his own kid, but clearly he was willing to risk harm to the boy that he was not risking to his own child. Like you i feel he was totally irrational in his actions. Both because such actions are way over the top for the situation AND they are aimed only at the boy (wether or not he is angry at his daughter his anger was certainly not directed at her in the moment). I, and others, have also been largely responding to the couple of PPs who seem to think the girl IS by default nothing more than an innocent victim in this scenario, not only to how thos father acted.

Fine, he got his dd out of the car. He should have just left with her. He didn't stop there. He wanted revenge. He put the boy in a situation where he could have died! But for the grace of God that car did not break through the ice trapping the boy inside. Would those of you who "understand" the father's actions feel the same way if that was your son in the car?

Exactly.

 

[luvmy3]

That would mean taking the girl out and then leaving. Not taking her out of the car, leaving her alone while he got back in the car and then risking the boy's life (and his own really) and damage to the vehicle.
I am not assuming the dad is not angry at his own kid, but clearly he was willing to risk harm to the boy that he was not risking to his own child. I, and others, have also been largely responding to the couple of PPs who seem to think the girl IS by default nothing more than an innocent victim in this scenario.



Exactly.

My post is what his thinking was about his own dd, and his goal for her at that moment was to get her away from her boyfriend, then deal with punishnent (obviously this is just my opinion, just like you all have yours on how the father was going to deal with his dd). Clearly he had other intentions for the boyfriend, I never said he didn't intend to harm him, its pretty clear to anyone that he was willing to. However that is a seperte issue from the father dealing with the dd. Why would anyone even think that in order to punish his own dd he had to leave her in the car and risk her harm

 

[NHdisneylover]

My post is what his thinking was about his own dd, and his goal for her at that moment was to get her away from her boyfriend, then deal with punishnent (obviously this is just my opinion, just like you all have yours on how the father was going to deal with his dd). Clearly he had other intentions for the boyfriend, I never said he didn't intend to harm him, its pretty clear to anyone that he was willing to. However that is a seperte issue from the father dealing with the dd. Why would anyone even think that in order to punish his own dd he had to leave her in the car and risk her harm

I don't think THAT at all! I do not think he should have tried to punish EITHER child (or anyone at all) in the manner he treated the boy. I think once his daughter was safely away from the boy, even if he were angry with the boy, he did not have the right to choose how to punish someone else's child andshould have ONLY dealt with his own child (short of possibly informing the boy's family of the issue and not letting the boy have contact with his daughter in the future ifhe felt that was the best course). Whathe did was get his daughter away from the boy and then deal with punishing the boy--not his right and not okay even if you are angry.
Again, the main things most of us who kept talking about how we would be mad at our daughters in the scenario was NOT that we thought this dad was not, but that a PP made it clear she felt it would have to be only the boy's fault.

 

[mumom95]

Not that this isn't reasonable but keep in mind that a 14 year old is in HIGH SCHOOL. A lot can change between now and then.

People get so caught up on a number "my kids can't date until they are 16". Well in many parts of the country that is not until they are a senior in high school. You have just taken away a VERY good time for you to monitor their relationships. Basically you have put them in a situation where their first dating experience comes in COLLEGE . Sorry, but by being able to see the boys they go out with in high school can help you 'guide' them to good relationships and help you through rough times, etc. It is a lot like driving, many people here don't want their kids to drive until they are 18, well you just took away your ability to help them through the learning process of that as well.

Our goal with our kids is that by the time they are 18 they are perfectly capable of taking care of themselves. That can't happen if they have never had to do that before they turn 18. DS17 could easily manage living alone now. If we left for a month's vacation and left him home I would have zero concerns about him being able to get himself off to school, take care of cooking, cleaning, laundry, shopping, etc. He would be fine staying alone at night. Basically he is ready to go off to college. I can't imagine NOT having this comfort level with him by now.

I think someone not turning 16 until their senior year is very rare. I have no idea where you are getting the idea that many places in this country kids are seniors. I've taught high school on both the west and east coast and in the midwest and in all those schools most kids turned 16 their sophomore year.

I've dealt with teenage kids most of my adult life (either full time teaching or subbing). It has nothing to do with being able to take care of yourself. I just don't think at 14 a child needs to be going out on a date with just one other person. I have no problem with them having boyfriends or girlfriends at that age, and I have no problem with group dates.

 

[golfgal]

I think someone not turning 16 until their senior year is very rare. I have no idea where you are getting the idea that many places in this country kids are seniors. I've taught high school on both the west and east coast and in the midwest and in all those schools most kids turned 16 their sophomore year.

I've dealt with teenage kids most of my adult life (either full time teaching or subbing). It has nothing to do with being able to take care of yourself. I just don't think at 14 a child needs to be going out on a date with just one other person. I have no problem with them having boyfriends or girlfriends at that age, and I have no problem with group dates.

If you start kindergarten at age 4 like many states allow (with a Dec cut off) it is completely possible that someone is 16 when they start their senior year of high school. If my son started high school at age 4 he would have JUST TURNED 16 when his senior year started as it is he won't be 18 until a month before he starts college.

 

[NHdisneylover]

I think someone not turning 16 until their senior year is very rare. I have no idea where you are getting the idea that many places in this country kids are seniors. I've taught high school on both the west and east coast and in the midwest and in all those schools most kids turned 16 their sophomore year.

I've dealt with teenage kids most of my adult life (either full time teaching or subbing). It has nothing to do with being able to take care of yourself. I just don't think at 14 a child needs to be going out on a date with just one other person. I have no problem with them having boyfriends or girlfriends at that age, and I have no problem with group dates.

My DD will be 16 for the first half of her senior year in highschool She started kindergarten in Michigan at age 4. It does happen often enough.