WBRepo-Ship of Thieves-Remeber the Magic-Pt 2

[taysmom]

Well, I'm sorry I missed all of this yesterday. Ironically I was so busy and on the phone for hours with a school that deals with nothing but processing disorders with every student. I missed what happened, but it sounds there was an incident with a sharp object.

People are very self centered (psychologically) we can't imagine what it is like to stand in someone else's shoes. If we all stood in Tyler's shoes we would see that his frustration are 100 times worse than ours. But we (and his dad) has a developed brain able to sort out and itemize daily tasks using adult brain logic and a lifetime of learning sub memories. Tyler's brain won't be fully developed until he is 21-23 year's old with no history of "how to sort our daily tasks."

Meds are never a magic pill, you are absolutely right in your understanding of how important the corresponding therapies are for him. His dad desperately wants him to be a "normal child" and can't accept that he isn't in his own image of himself. Denial is a very strong disorder and illness. His dad is remember his own acting out like "boys do," and doesn't see that Tyler's acting out is out of frustration and lack of understanding of how to solve his problems. Those therapies with the meds will teach him SLOWLY and carefully how to solve his problems. It is really very simple, but denial does rob a person of seeing the whole picture. Think of denial as a pirate eye patch, he only has a single vision view and that is the hope that Tyler will "grow out of his boy behavior."

As for the sister's - it's impossible to diagnose them without seeing them over period's of time, but I'll bet they didn't have the corresponding behavioral therapy and that is why they suffer from depression now. BUT, it is more likely that they have a co-existing condition which is very common in people with ADD. For example ADD with depression, ADD with addiction, Addiction with with bipolar disorders. Again, Dad is not seeing the big picture only his limited perspective. He's exhausted from living with people with brain difficulties and has put on his eye patch.

I was going to say that it is time to take immediate action and take control and say yes I will go forward NOW!! (I see Gaylean said the same thing!)

Have all of your paperwork in chronological order with each doctor's contact information and diagnosis accompanied with your promise of the whole program and plan of action listed with a 5 year plan with periodic reevaluations. Then if he chooses to take your to court you are ready to go. Of course, you need him to follow through with all meds and therapies when Tyler is with him or he will reverse all progress made. Have the teachers write a monthly assessment for your records as a progress report. This will back you up.

You'd love this school that I was working with yesterday. They have a full team of people who keep each child's complete assessment and work with each child's own doctor and family to move forward one baby step at a time each and every day. This is easily the hardest working school of all of my schools.

If Tyler's dad refuses to participate, ask the courts for temporary full custody to try all therapies in conjunction for one year and prove the progress. I know this means you are full time mom and court is costly, but it is Tyler's future that you have an opportunity to change. I can't stress enough that you are right in that Tyler will continue to hurt other kids. It will cost much more when you are sued. And since you work and train in the legal world, I'm sure you are no stranger to this problem.

Well, that is my advice for today, I hope something in all of this will help confirm your own feelings and support your "mom's gut!" And help you to move forward..... Keep looking forward Holly, this is not your destiny it is only the path you are on today. It does not define you or your past it is making you stronger for your son and your future family (whoever they are!)

Kelly is right on the money! You need to do whats best for tyler, regardless of what dad thinks. Let him take you to court and explain to a judge why he won't help his son gain control and balance! BUT in the meantime protect tyler and YOURSELF (and dad too) and start what the doctors want. This parent could sue you, charge tyler, get him kicked out of summer school etc. Why wait until that happens. You have been blessed with compassionate people who understand, but what about when tyler meets up with a student whose parents don't or are tired of his lack of control (not his fault)? Then what? Is tylers dad preparred to have his son removed from his custody or to be sued? These are are legit reasons to do the best for him NOW at 6 years old. Can you imagine what would happen when tyler is bigger and stronger than you? Good luck with all of this. I feel for you and hope that you can get tyler on a strong path as he begins 1st grade and send good thoughts that it will be a relaxing year of NO phone calls, suspensions or situations.

 

[taysmom]

Kelly, I LOVED your response! thanks so much! I (and everybody else) keeps wondering why it's so difficult for Tyler's dad to understand the urgency going on here, but your explanation makes so much sense.

I would never want to take Tyler away from his dad because Tyler counts down the days every week to when he gets to see him, BUT.....a lawyer here at work who used to work for the judge we have on our case, told me that based on this situation, the judge would ABSOLUTELY sign an order making Tyler's dad give him the meds as prescribed if he decides to refuse, so that will work.

He asked me yesterday when I dropped Tyler off if we can set aside time to get together to discuss the matter. I told him, "No, there's nothing to discuss because we're just going to do what the doctor says." You should have seen how red with anger his face got! He told me he can't believe how unreasonable I'm being about not wanting to even discuss his concerns. I just said, "Oh well", said my goodbyes and got out of there.

Good for you!~ Continue to STAND STRONG!

 

[HollyTyler]

Holly - did the Dr's office call you back?

Yes, just a bit ago. The Dr's. nurse called to tell me they got my message and agreed that it's quite alarming. She told me they've had no cancellations yet, but that we're the first ones they'll call first time somebody cancels.

 

[HollyTyler]

Just remember that anger is about you and him, not about Tyler. Don't provoke during this, keep telling yourself "This is for Tyler, not about us." Look through the clouds of the past anger and keep moving forward. (Like Walt said, "Around here, however, we don't look backwards for very long. We keep moving forward, opening up new doors and doing new things... and curiosity keeps leading us down new paths." He was talking about his business, they used it at the end of Meet the Robinsons and it also applies to you.

No, I don't provoke. And I tell him I'm only willing to discuss it by e-mail. This is because he doesn't remain calm and gets so mad when I don't do what he wants.

 

[HollyTyler]

Kelly is right on the money! You need to do whats best for tyler, regardless of what dad thinks. Let him take you to court and explain to a judge why he won't help his son gain control and balance! BUT in the meantime protect tyler and YOURSELF (and dad too) and start what the doctors want. This parent could sue you, charge tyler, get him kicked out of summer school etc. Why wait until that happens. You have been blessed with compassionate people who understand, but what about when tyler meets up with a student whose parents don't or are tired of his lack of control (not his fault)? Then what? Is tylers dad preparred to have his son removed from his custody or to be sued? These are are legit reasons to do the best for him NOW at 6 years old. Can you imagine what would happen when tyler is bigger and stronger than you? Good luck with all of this. I feel for you and hope that you can get tyler on a strong path as he begins 1st grade and send good thoughts that it will be a relaxing year of NO phone calls, suspensions or situations.

Exactly some of the things I've tried to tell that idiot. And another point: a friend of mine mentioned yesterday that the school could call CPS (child protective services) if they felt we're not taking action. That's 100% true. Fortunately, the school knows the struggle, I've kept them informed of every appointment, every step were working towards, and every time his dad stalls. But they already see for themselves his denial just from their unproductive talks with him.

 

[HollyTyler]

I just want to thank all of you for your supportive words! Everything you've all said is really just confirming stuff I already have learned or have checked into, etc., it's just that his dad gets me 2nd guessing myself, so it's very helpful to have all of this backup! As a result, I'm feeling VERY STRONG about my position in getting help for Tyler. THANK YOU ALL!

 

[fourmcds]

Looks like we're due to get some severe thunderstorms coming our way today. I think they're supposed to last the whole weekend. Great! Can't do fireworks in the rain. Oh well, at least we're getting away.

If they are ours, watch out! Our storm started last night at 9pm and is still going on. The bolts of lightening are amazing to watch...we can see all the foothills of the cascades from our bedroom. The thunder was crazy loud though so we didn't get much sleep.

 

[fourmcds]

Angie...congrats to Dennis!
We just uncovered our tanks yesterday and are having them pumped and certified on Monday Sorry you have to do it again though, that is a bummer. So this must mean the inspection went well and everything is a go?! Apparently since we bought the house at auction, it wasn't done and Pierce county wants more money from us so we have to do it and pay them a nice fee to prove it works. ugh

 

[fourmcds]

Holly.....
I'll just second what everyone has already said. You must stay strong and hold your ground for Tyler's sake. The sooner you get him help, the sooner he can continue on to be a happy and healthy little guy!

 

[mishoe01]

I just want to thank all of you for your supportive words! Everything you've all said is really just confirming stuff I already have learned or have checked into, etc., it's just that his dad gets me 2nd guessing myself, so it's very helpful to have all of this backup! As a result, I'm feeling VERY STRONG about my position in getting help for Tyler. THANK YOU ALL!

Don't second guess yourself - you're being the better, more mature parent by keeping Tyler's needs at the forefront of your mind. You have an amazing grasp as to what Tyler needs and you're willing to do whatever it takes to give him some peace.

 

[edna mode]

No, I don't provoke. And I tell him I'm only willing to discuss it by e-mail. This is because he doesn't remain calm and gets so mad when I don't do what he wants.

Jonathan just had a good point to add in. If Tyler goes untreated, when he is old enough to understand that Dad stood in his way of getting help he will have anger and damage that may never be reversed toward his Dad.

Good on the email idea.

 

[Tink rules]

Aaaaaw Michelle, missed you! I decided to go and do my jobs and then get out to see if I can get some suitable shoes for the Christening on Saturday. Now I don't want to be bothered going out.

Going for a walk with my bereaved neighbour this afternoon. She is not doing very well - makes me cry to chat with her. It is onlly 3 weeks since Quintin died.

Hi Marilyn!!!

Break in the shoes before you have to wear them (sage advice from someone who couldn't get her feet into anything buy flip flops for the first week of our cruise... )

You're neighbor needs to know you are there for her....thats the best you can do right now. It will take alot for her to grieve. Friends are best at this time. Give her a and tell her you care.

Well, I'm sorry I missed all of this yesterday. Ironically I was so busy and on the phone for hours with a school that deals with nothing but processing disorders with every student. I missed what happened, but it sounds there was an incident with a sharp object.

People are very self centered (psychologically) we can't imagine what it is like to stand in someone else's shoes. If we all stood in Tyler's shoes we would see that his frustration are 100 times worse than ours. But we (and his dad) has a developed brain able to sort out and itemize daily tasks using adult brain logic and a lifetime of learning sub memories. Tyler's brain won't be fully developed until he is 21-23 year's old with no history of "how to sort our daily tasks."

Meds are never a magic pill, you are absolutely right in your understanding of how important the corresponding therapies are for him. His dad desperately wants him to be a "normal child" and can't accept that he isn't in his own image of himself. Denial is a very strong disorder and illness. His dad is remember his own acting out like "boys do," and doesn't see that Tyler's acting out is out of frustration and lack of understanding of how to solve his problems. Those therapies with the meds will teach him SLOWLY and carefully how to solve his problems. It is really very simple, but denial does rob a person of seeing the whole picture. Think of denial as a pirate eye patch, he only has a single vision view and that is the hope that Tyler will "grow out of his boy behavior."

As for the sister's - it's impossible to diagnose them without seeing them over period's of time, but I'll bet they didn't have the corresponding behavioral therapy and that is why they suffer from depression now. BUT, it is more likely that they have a co-existing condition which is very common in people with ADD. For example ADD with depression, ADD with addiction, Addiction with with bipolar disorders. Again, Dad is not seeing the big picture only his limited perspective. He's exhausted from living with people with brain difficulties and has put on his eye patch.

I was going to say that it is time to take immediate action and take control and say yes I will go forward NOW!! (I see Gaylean said the same thing!)

Have all of your paperwork in chronological order with each doctor's contact information and diagnosis accompanied with your promise of the whole program and plan of action listed with a 5 year plan with periodic reevaluations. Then if he chooses to take your to court you are ready to go. Of course, you need him to follow through with all meds and therapies when Tyler is with him or he will reverse all progress made. Have the teachers write a monthly assessment for your records as a progress report. This will back you up.

You'd love this school that I was working with yesterday. They have a full team of people who keep each child's complete assessment and work with each child's own doctor and family to move forward one baby step at a time each and every day. This is easily the hardest working school of all of my schools.

If Tyler's dad refuses to participate, ask the courts for temporary full custody to try all therapies in conjunction for one year and prove the progress. I know this means you are full time mom and court is costly, but it is Tyler's future that you have an opportunity to change. I can't stress enough that you are right in that Tyler will continue to hurt other kids. It will cost much more when you are sued. And since you work and train in the legal world, I'm sure you are no stranger to this problem.

Well, that is my advice for today, I hope something in all of this will help confirm your own feelings and support your "mom's gut!" And help you to move forward..... Keep looking forward Holly, this is not your destiny it is only the path you are on today. It does not define you or your past it is making you stronger for your son and your future family (whoever they are!)

VERY good advice Kelly!!

I love Porgy and Bess, I have lots of Gershwin on my Ipod.

Hey Kelly... PM me your address... do you have the Glory of Gershwin on your Ipod??? I'll send you a cd if you want...

That is something! That is one of the reasons Alaska doesn't appeal to me. I own one pair of pants and a lot of flip flops.

We'll get you a pair of socks too...

 

[mishoe01]

Jonathan just had a good point to add in. If Tyler goes untreated, when he is old enough to understand that Dad stood in his way of getting help he will have anger and damage that may never be reversed toward his Dad.

Good on the email idea.

You also have the emails of what he said and when....just make sure you keep them all.

 

[Tink rules]

Hi Monica!!!

 

[HollyTyler]

Jonathan just had a good point to add in. If Tyler goes untreated, when he is old enough to understand that Dad stood in his way of getting help he will have anger and damage that may never be reversed toward his Dad.

Good on the email idea.

Yup, that's already been on my mind. That would be awful.

 

[mishoe01]

Hi Monica!!!

HI!!!

Sorry for the delay--had to go to lunch.

Any news on that piece of property??

 

[nskjerven]

HI!!!

Sorry for the delay--had to go to lunch.

Any news on that piece of property??

I have been wondering that too? What's the news?

 

[HollyTyler]

Everybody must be out getting ready for holiday weekend festivities. Awfully slow on here today. I'm just patiently watching the clock, waiting for 5pm so I can leave work.

 

[mishoe01]

Everybody must be out getting ready for holiday weekend festivities. Awfully slow on here today. I'm just patiently watching the clock, waiting for 5pm so I can leave work.

I'm here until 7pm

 

[HollyTyler]

I have been wondering that too? What's the news?

Yeah, I want to know too!

And I also am still wondering about V's hand/arm. The red line making it's way up her arm didn't sound good. She never came back to tell us what it was.