Watching your son turn into your daughter and denying it?

[LisaR]

My DD has been friends with this guy (16) for almost 6 years. He used to have hair down to his butt and seemed very feminine. Over time, he has told my DD that he is, at minimum, bi-sexual. He has also told her that he loves dressing like a girl and always has. He dyed his hair blond and has had it cut into a very girl looking cut now. He wears shirts that are from the girls section. His glasses are something a female would wear. My DD said they don't go anywhere that someone doesn't think he is a girl and he absolutely loves it. There isn't anything that doesn't scream girl about this guy. Thankfully, the group that hangs out (about 10 teens) all seem perfectly okay with this.

This kid has tried to tell his mom how he has felt for years. He tells DD that she is very homophobic. He said he sat her down today and told her it is time to accept him for what he is. According to him, she totally rejected this and said he will outgrow it. If he hasn't in the six years we have known him, I am thinking this isn't something he will outgrow.

I guess I am just very confused at what she must be thinking. You would have to be blind to not see this. I am thinking most teens can't keep up a charade like this just to tick off their mother. How does she not see this? Nothing I can do about it but it is just so sad. She is destroying their relationship.

I admit that I would be taken aback if my son was making this change but I assume over time that I would accept my son for who he is. It may not be what she wants but it really is exactly what it looks like. I can't believe she doesn't see it.

 

[HSMndLKfan92]

I admit that I would be taken aback if my son was making this change but I assume over time that I would accept my son for who he is. It may not be what she wants but it really is exactly what it looks like. I can't believe she doesn't see it.

I'm pretty sure your daughter's friend's mother was a bit taken aback, at minimum, even though she's seen it coming. I would imagine that, regardless of how long he/she has been making changes, it's a hard concept to grasp, for anyone.

 

[PixieDust32]

Unfortunately she doesn't want to see it, she knows for sure, but she is doesn't want to see it.Poor kid.

 

[LisaR]

I'm pretty sure your daughter's friend's mother was a bit taken aback, at minimum, even though she's seen it coming. I would imagine that, regardless of how long he/she has been making changes, it's a hard concept to grasp, for anyone.

I do agree with you. It just seems like she would be past the point of telling him that he will outgrow this. Obviously I can not guarantee how I would react but I feel really sorry for him.

 

[redlight]

Poor kid. How well do you know the mother?

 

[LisaR]

Poor kid. How well do you know the mother?

Not well at all. The few times I see her, she has the weirdest smile plastered across her face and she doesn't say more than two words to any of us (DH, different groups of moms picking up kids from activities, etc).

 

[Acklander]

Sometimes you don't see what's right in front of you. My dad didn't realize my sister was gay until she brought another gay woman home for the weekend. Even then, he STILL didn't see that my sister was gay,just her friend. He was asking, does DSister realize that her good friend is gay??? LOL

 

[redlight]

Not well at all. The few times I see her, she has the weirdest smile plastered across her face and she doesn't say more than two words to any of us (DH, different groups of moms picking up kids from activities, etc).

Poor kid.

 

[spacemermaid]

Poor kid.

Not poor kid because s/he's trans, but poor kid that hir mom is in such denial. It's not something that one "outgrows".

 

[Cindy B]

Did it occur to anyone that this is the style? Around here, there are many many feminine looking guys that are very very straight. Many boys who like the skater look dress in girls jeans because all the boys/mens jeans are too loose in the legs. Tighter shirts are very common and well unisex glasses are pretty much the thing now too.

These are mostly guys that are either "straight edge", "skater/BMX scene" or just "scene" kids. Almost every kid my son hangs out with dresses like that and they are all straight.

There are basically two styles of clothing for kids here: one this tighter jeans or the super urban hip hop look with the jeans falling off etc.. Take a look at Abercrombie mens jeans-- low waist, tight. Tilly's jeans: super tight.

Pac Sun only sells mens skinny jeans: skinny, skinnier and ultra skinny.

Look at fashion magazines: the adrongynous look is in for both men and women.



As for the gay/not gay? Has this kid come out and spoken to her? Some kids just like to look different and it just has no bearing on their actual sexuality. I dressed very masculine back when i was a teen (combat boots, army clothes, shaved head) and I was not gay. I just didn't want to be a part of the big hair/acid wash jean scene.

She (DD) may not be willing to see this friend as a different way. It may take him just saying to her ... "yes Im gay". I dont get from the post that he actually came out.

 

[eleventhdr]

i fail to see any real problem here but there just might be one thing and that would be what and how old is the son is he she still a child if and when so then you would really have to ask the boy what he she is really thinking and if he she anweres that he wants to be a girl then i would really say let him be a girl because if you do not you wil ahve real problems when the boy grows old enough to decide on his own and by then it just maybe to late in too many ways you might lose this person altogether in a lot of ways that you would not really want at all to many unhappy peoples denied what they have realy always wanted either get it or end it altogether so the choice just may lie with you and not the boy who wantes to be a girl there is nothing wrong with being a girl it is just something that a ,ot of males really do want and ot denieit is flying in the face of foolinness let the boy be who and what he realy is maybe he was suppose to have been born fenmale to begin with this does happen i know because i have always wanted to be female myself and so i am still very unhappy not being a girl!

 

[Disney Ella]

She (DD) may not be willing to see this friend as a different way. It may take him just saying to her ... "yes Im gay". I dont get from the post that he actually came out.

From Lisa R's post: Over time, he has told my DD that he is, at minimum, bi-sexual.

The problem is with the mother accepting the boy's preferences, not with LisaR's daughter.

 

[eleventhdr]

this can be the usually way misunderstanding between morethen one poeples at a time pity how we do this to each other not knowing what more then one at a time can say and do behind anothers back oh to come right out and say it right up front to each and everyone that just might really solve it all would you not think so i sure do!

 

[The Mystery Machine]

My DD has been friends with this guy (16) for almost 6 years. He used to have hair down to his butt and seemed very feminine. Over time, he has told my DD that he is, at minimum, bi-sexual. He has also told her that he loves dressing like a girl and always has. He dyed his hair blond and has had it cut into a very girl looking cut now. He wears shirts that are from the girls section. His glasses are something a female would wear. My DD said they don't go anywhere that someone doesn't think he is a girl and he absolutely loves it. There isn't anything that doesn't scream girl about this guy. Thankfully, the group that hangs out (about 10 teens) all seem perfectly okay with this.

This kid has tried to tell his mom how he has felt for years. He tells DD that she is very homophobic. He said he sat her down today and told her it is time to accept him for what he is. According to him, she totally rejected this and said he will outgrow it. If he hasn't in the six years we have known him, I am thinking this isn't something he will outgrow.

I guess I am just very confused at what she must be thinking. You would have to be blind to not see this. I am thinking most teens can't keep up a charade like this just to tick off their mother. How does she not see this? Nothing I can do about it but it is just so sad. She is destroying their relationship.

I admit that I would be taken aback if my son was making this change but I assume over time that I would accept my son for who he is. It may not be what she wants but it really is exactly what it looks like. I can't believe she doesn't see it.

She sees it but does not understand it. Get her a few books to explain "Middlesex", transgender, or "intersex".

Your dd's friend might find out that he is not transgender but actually may be "intersex". You never know, stranger things have happened.

 

[eleventhdr]

but i really do not find nay of it really all that strange it is just who and what some of us are!
and really there are far worse things in this old whole big hairly world far more!?

 

[Holly]

She sees it but does not understand it. Get her a few books to explain "Middlesex", transgender, or "intersex".

Your dd's friend might find out that he is not transgender but actually may be "intersex". You never know, stranger things have happened.

Giving this boy's mother books suggesting that he may be intersexed may do much more harm than good.

It's much more likely that he's transgendered and his mother would benefit much more from information on transgendered children and teens.

It sounds like the kid has a good head on his shoulders and a good support group of friends outside of his family. Hopefully it will help him while his mother comes to terms.

 

[eleventhdr]

all of this can become very confusing to parentes who just do not know and or realy understand what a child just might be going through and the kid may not want to discuss it becasue he she may feel that noone will really understand what and why he she is this way so too many kids get lost this way when all it takes is someone to realy reach out and show them the right way to go and then the kids will finally find the peace of mind that they are seeking oh how many of us have been in the smae situations at sometimes and some whens in ones life times and there was none there we ahd to somehow make it or lose ourselves and just lie down and die!

 

[Holly]

How about some .......... and maybe a few ,,,, thrown in for good measure?

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Giving this boy's mother books suggesting that he may be intersexed may do much more harm than good.

It's much more likely that he's transgendered and his mother would benefit much more from information on transgendered children and teens.

It sounds like the kid has a good head on his shoulders and a good support group of friends outside of his family. Hopefully it will help him while his mother comes to terms.

I meant that you give her dd the books to help her understand as she is the topic of the post, not the boy's mother. Sorry if you got that impression.

 

[Holly]

I meant that you give her dd the books to help her understand as she is the topic of the post, not the boy's mother. Sorry if you got that impression.

The hazards of posting before coffee. Sorry.