Was I Rude? Inspired by WDWorld2003's Hawaii thread

[aprincessmom]

I can see inviting someone to watch your kids and then paying for them but I would never assume that someone offering to take my child would pay for them too. I would be embarrassed!!

Just as you would be embarrassed to not pay for your child, I would be embarrassed to ask for the money after I had invited a person to be my guest. To me there is no difference between inviting someone to a show, out to dinner, or on a vacation. I have extended an invitation and now it's my responsibility to host you. If I couldn't cover the entire cost, I would not invite you. It's just how I was raised. It appears on this board I am in the minority but in my circle of friends and family, this is how it is.

 

[skiwee1]

I dont think its the same principle at all.

Nobody changed anything here. Its a simple, Im going and if you would like to come with us youre welcome to. It will be $XXX.

It wasnt well were going, oh you want to come to? You want to stay here? Then were not paying at all.

big difference.


I can see inviting someone to watch your kids and then paying for them but I would never assume that someone offering o take my child would pay for them too. I would be embarrassed!!

Just have to agree to disagree. I am thankful that I live in an area where we are all pretty much with the same line of thinking. This kind of thing would never even rear it's ugly head! LOL!

 

[skiwee1]

Just as you would be embarrassed to not pay for your child, I would be embarrassed to ask for the money after I had invited a person to be my guest. To me there is no difference between inviting someone to a show, out to dinner, or on a vacation. I have extended an invitation and now it's my responsibility to host you. If I couldn't cover the entire cost, I would not invite you. It's just how I was raised. It appears on this board I am in the minority but in my circle of friends and family, this is how it is.

You are not alone but we do seem to be in the minority over this! I too would be too embarrassed to invite someone and then proceed to give them a bill. Talk about embarrassing. If I couldn't afford the guest then I wouldn't invite the guest.

 

[NMAmy]

You are not alone but we do seem to be in the minority over this! I too would be too embarrassed to invite someone and then proceed to give them a bill. Talk about embarrassing. If I couldn't afford the guest then I wouldn't invite the guest.

I understand what you're saying but it's not like I told the kid--Hey, tell your parents that we're taking you to WDW! Then called the parents and said, "Oh, by the way, that'll be $500."

 

[binny]

I understand what you're saying but it's not like I told the kid--Hey, tell your parents that we're taking you to WDW! Then called the parents and said, "Oh, by the way, that'll be $500."

exactly. It was discussed ahead of time.
Im glad to live where we all think alike too... and I will leave it at that


I still think you werent rude.

 

[Nana Annie]

I am fortunate enough to live in a community where the parents travel and travel often. Most of my neighbors have incomes in the 6 and 7 digit range, so could well afford to pay for the entire travel party. It is common for the kid s to take friends along on these rather extravagant vacations (WDW, Mexico, Hawaii, Europe). It is also the norm that each parent pay their child's way. It is just what is done here. But maybe that is because the children accompany each other on so many vacations, that there is a silent agreement that parents just pay for it. I know that if I invited somebody, I would pay. But that is just me.

 

[Disney-Kim]

here is my 2 cents....

I think its different if the kid asks a parent to bring their friend with them. Well the parent may not be able to afford the friend coming along...so they say "well they will have to help pay so and so if you want them to". ok they have to pay.

but when the parents OFFER to bring the friend along and its their idea...then I would think the parents would/should pay for the friend. not say hey you can come and here is the cost...

see the difference??? most parents prob can not afford another kid on their vacation. so to make their child happy they compromise.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

I don't have an issue with asking the parents to help pay for expenses as long as the whole idea is first presented to the parents, with all the financial expectations clear before they give an answer and decide if they will discuss it with their child.

 

[poohandwendy]

I don't have an issue with asking the parents to help pay for expenses as long as the whole idea is first presented to the parents, with all the financial expectations clear before they give an answer and decide if they will discuss it with their child.

MTE, as long as ANY costs are brought up when the invite is made, I think it is perfectly acceptable. It would be rude, IMO, if you invited and then last minute came up with costs that the parents did not expect.

 

[WebmasterMaryJo]

Everyone has different expectations.

Personally, I do not think it's rude to invite your child's friend to go along on a trip and expect the parents to pay for the child's expenses - as long as finances are discussed and arranged at the outset of the trip. I always expect to pay for my children, unless the other parent tells me that they're covered, and then I still send $, and tell my kids to buy dinner for everyone on me or something similar.

Having said that, it's pretty rare when my children's friends have had to pay. My dd & her friend really wanted to go to a concert in San Francisco (we live in L.A.). My dd asked if I would take them & her friend would pay for her own concert ticket. We turned it into a 16th birthday outing for my dd, and drove there for the weekend. The friend paid for her concert ticket, but I paid for everything else (of course), including room service for the girls. Many times this friend comes with us on day outings to DL (we all have APs) & I tell her to put her meal money away & pay for her when we eat together.

I would rather a child have the opportunity to go someplace and the parents pay some of the cost than not let the child go because the host family cannot afford the whole expense.

 

[Christine]

If you're rude, well, then so am I.

Now, if I am going to the beach for the week (driving to the beach, paying for a condo, cooking meals, going out a few times) then what's one more person. However, Disney is another story.

Last year, DD begged me to take along her best friend. I said "I have no problem with an extra person but I cannot afford her plane ticket, park ticket, and dining expense." When we go to Disney, we eat EVERY meal out. So, the friend's expenses were easily going to total $600 or more for everything. I just couldn't swing it. But, I told my DD to tell her friend she could come along with us if she could swing the plane ticket, park ticket, and food. And her parents had no problem with this at all. All expectations were outlined before I booked the flights.

Now what I did do is supplement some of her food. I eat at places like Citrico's, Artist Point, Boma, etc. and I know that this was probably a lot for her parents so I did kind of "round down" on her food bill and just picked up the rest so that it would be easier for her to come along on the trip. I also paid for any in-room snacks and stuff they bought poolside.

 

[Laugh O. Grams]

Now what I did do is supplement some of her food. I eat at places like Citrico's, Artist Point, Boma, etc. and I know that this was probably a lot for her parents so I did kind of "round down" on her food bill and just picked up the rest so that it would be easier for her to come along on the trip. I also paid for any in-room snacks and stuff they bought poolside.

So do you bill the parents when you arrive home from Disney or do you ask for the friend to pay her share at the end of each meal?

My wife had a situation when she was younger where she was invited to go on a trip with a friend's family. Nothing was said about payment by her friend's parents, just that they would love to have her join them. When they arrived at the resort, they informed her that she would be paying for half of the room that she would share with her girlfriend. She was shocked, as her parents would have to struggle, and did, to pay for the room and would not have joined the family on the trip that she couldn't afford had she knew upfront that she would have had to pay.

 

[Christine]

So do you bill the parents when you arrive home from Disney or do you ask for the friend to pay her share at the end of each meal?

Since I am one of the "commando planners" that you see on these boards, I had all my meals planned out each day for the most part. Bottom line, I knew where I was having dinner each night and I knew if we were hitting a breakfast buffet. I did a very rough calculation of what her daily food rate was going to be. I was "conservative" in my estimate so if the friend ordered filet mignon instead of chicken tenders, I was screwed!

Anyway, I gave her parents the "estimate". They gave their DD the money. They also used this trip as a "budget education" for her. They gave their daughter a notebook to work out her budget. So after every meal and shopping spree, she was to write down everything thing had and what it's cost was. She marked down how much she owed me and how much came out of her "shopping spree" money. This was all at her parent's urging and I think she had a great time, actually, bugeting her money. But, to answer your question, she would square up with me every few days. We were very casual about it and I didn't ask for details. I just trusted her to be honest with me. It all worked out very well.

Now, if I took a much younger child, no we couldn't do that. I'd probably just give a food estimate like I did above but just deal with it myself with the lump sum.

 

[CJMickeyMouse]

I am arranging a trip to a basketball camp for my sons and many of their classmates. Does that mean I have to pay their way at the camp?

I just don't get the people who pay for their child's friend 100%. If you finances allow it and you feel you must, go for it..... but WOW.... you are taking on extra responsibility watching someone else's child, doing them a favor taking them somewhere they may never otherwise get to go... and you are also going to foot the bill? That is just crazy, IMO.

But then I am a Mom that sends my kids with cash to out of town birthday parties. If they play laser tag.... and the plan was to do it twice.... maybe DS will pay for a third time if the parents have the time (and patience).

I am curious to find out what areas of the US everyone is from..... if this "practice" varies according to location as a rule. I am in the midwest, and generally we pay our own way whether we are "going along for the ride" or hosting.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

MTE, as long as ANY costs are brought up when the invite is made, I think it is perfectly acceptable. It would be rude, IMO, if you invited and then last minute came up with costs that the parents did not expect.

And that did happen to me as a teen, which is why I would be upfront about any cost. I was invited to go to San Francisco (we lived in Oregon) with a friend. Her sister also invited a friend. I have no idea if any money details were discussed with my parents, but I assume not. I had spending money and knew nothing else about the financial arrangements. During the trip the friend's parents kept mentioning the money. I was a teenager and that should have been discussed when they extended the invitation. I'm sure that if they had of told my parents their expectations my parents would have either given them money or not let me go on the trip if they couldn't have afforded it. But they shouldn't have taken it out on me (keep in mind that's my teen memory--maybe they didn't really say much, but I sure have the impression that they did).

 

[skiwee1]

I am arranging a trip to a basketball camp for my sons and many of their classmates. Does that mean I have to pay their way at the camp?

I just don't get the people who pay for their child's friend 100%. If you finances allow it and you feel you must, go for it..... but WOW.... you are taking on extra responsibility watching someone else's child, doing them a favor taking them somewhere they may never otherwise get to go... and you are also going to foot the bill? That is just crazy, IMO.

But then I am a Mom that sends my kids with cash to out of town birthday parties. If they play laser tag.... and the plan was to do it twice.... maybe DS will pay for a third time if the parents have the time (and patience).

I am curious to find out what areas of the US everyone is from..... if this "practice" varies according to location as a rule. I am in the midwest, and generally we pay our own way whether we are "going along for the ride" or hosting.

I don't call it crazy. I call it paying for a guest. I just don't get this whole attitude of inviting someone and then not footing the bill. Yes, I can afford it and I do it because they are my guests and I invited them. I live in MD is an affluent area BUT I grew up in an average blue collar town with a carpenter for a dad and my mom worked at Wards. While we didn't do WDW a lot, we did spend summers at the ocean and I was always allowed to invite a friend and my parents paid for everything. I was always allowed to invite a friend no matter where we were going and it was paid for. I had never heard of doing things differently til I started reading this board. Same for mousekeeping. I was shocked the day I read that most do not tip the maids! I was brought up to do so and thought everyone else was too! LOL!

 

[Christine]

I don't call it crazy. I call it paying for a guest. I just don't get this whole attitude of inviting someone and then not footing the bill. Yes, I can afford it and I do it because they are my guests and I invited them. I live in MD is an affluent area BUT I grew up in an average blue collar town with a carpenter for a dad and my mom worked at Wards. While we didn't do WDW a lot, we did spend summers at the ocean and I was always allowed to invite a friend and my parents paid for everything. I was always allowed to invite a friend no matter where we were going and it was paid for. I had never heard of doing things differently til I started reading this board. Same for mousekeeping. I was shocked the day I read that most do not tip the maids! I was brought up to do so and thought everyone else was too! LOL!

I grew up in Maryland too! I have never heard of this. As I posted before, of course, we never expected money on a "beach" vacation. I mean, really, what more is one extra person costing. It's easy to kind of take up the slack there. But, for the big trips, I have always been asked for money if my kids go with someone (and I'm always offering it), and the same when we invite someone. Even if it's just day trips to King's Dominion. We might invite a couple of friends or DD might get invited. Everyone is always expected to pay. This hasn't changed since we moved to Virginia. And my friends are from Florida, Pennsylvania, New York, North Carolina. They all seem to be the same. So, I agree that it's probably not a regional thing.

 

[skiwee1]

I grew up in Maryland too! I have never heard of this. As I posted before, of course, we never expected money on a "beach" vacation. I mean, really, what more is one extra person costing. It's easy to kind of take up the slack there. But, for the big trips, I have always been asked for money if my kids go with someone (and I'm always offering it), and the same when we invite someone. Even if it's just day trips to King's Dominion. We might invite a couple of friends or DD might get invited. Everyone is always expected to pay. This hasn't changed since we moved to Virginia. And my friends are from Florida, Pennsylvania, New York, North Carolina. They all seem to be the same. So, I agree that it's probably not a regional thing.

As I said before it is probably an area thing. It seems to be the norm around here. I've lived in MD all my life, 44 years, and that is the way we've always done it. A guest is a guest so we treat them a such.

 

[Christine]

As I said before it is probably an area thing. It seems to be the norm around here. I've lived in MD all my life, 44 years, and that is the way we've always done it. A guest is a guest so we treat them a such.

Well, in *my* part of Maryland we prefer to abuse our guests and make them pay.

 

[Cass]

I think every situation is different. every family/every guest... when I invite one of DD's friends along to be our guest, I don't expect a thing and refuse $$.

Having said that, this is smaller trips like weekends in hotels with meals/shows - not flights and Disney.

I don't think there is a right or wrong answer to this question