Want to be the fun house for teens

[semo233]

After a sleepover this weekend at her friend's house, I've decided to put forth the extra money and time to be "the" house that all my DD13's friend's want to be at. Several things happened and I don't want to harp on it, but I'm not trusting all those "parents" out there who just are not parenting.

Anyway, I'm creating a list of fun things to do and quietly encouraging her to invite certain friends over. I don't want to obviously forbid her from seeing these other friends, but want to see her focus on some more appropriate friends.

Can you help me add to my list of things to do and even offer some suggestions for food that won't break the bank?

 

[GaSleepingBeautyFan]

My son's friends like Bagel Bites, chicken nuggets, popcorn and chips. They just finished snarfing down boneless buffalo wings a few minutes ago. I get all the food on sale and just fill up our small freezer when I can. I try to pick it up when it's buy 1, get 1 free at our local Publix or Kroger.

They also play video games or watch movies. They just finished watching XPlay reviews on TV. It's a show that reviews video games. And they've just headed upstairs to play a couple of video games.

I know what you mean about parents not parenting. DS has a friend with parents like that.

Girls might be different though. They might not want all that fattening bad for you food that the boys like.

 

[darthspud]

Get a Wii... its fun and interactive... get games like rock band or guitar hero world tour.. you can also get the Wii fit board and the games have snowboarding or skateboarding etc...


do you have a basement or attic that can be re done to be a rumpus room? that way the kids can still be in the house but not feel like they have a parent hovering...

 

[Kitzka]

DD's friends are 11/12. Our house is the place to hang out but it wasnt something i ever sought out to create. The reasons seem to be:

1-our proximity to the main street. where the local movie theater, ice cream place, etc are
2-DD is an only child and DH and are pretty young parents (most of DD's friend's parents graduated high school or college the year I was born!) So, the kids see us as cool and "with it"
3-I don't keep any special snacks in the house but buy what i like and the kids know that they have free reign over certain areas/drawers
4-I personally enjoy seeing DD's freinds and take the time to talk to them as well as to take them places. I think they realize that i am not being fake when i engage them in concersation. i am genuinely interested in their sagas and lives
5-up until 2 years ago i use to dye brightly colored streaks in my hair. Nothing says "i want to hang with this lady' then having blue streaks. it was SO not what their mother's would have done
6-i also know when to leave them alone.
7-because DD is an only child we have some cool toys such as an air hockey table, wii, etc.the kids also have a place to hang out where they are 'away' from me (a playroom in the basement)

Re: the innappropriate freinds. You may find that you DD doesn't even like those girls. It would be worth it to feel her out and see what she thinks of them. For the longest time DD would have a girl over who i thought was annoying. I LOVED her mom but thought the child was a PITA. One day i asked DD what she thought of Missy and DD remarked that she thought she was an okay person but basiclly annoying. Turns out DD only invited her over because she thought I liked her! Also, if DD has a freind who i think is being inappropriate or may have those tendencies i voice them to her. My mother disliked a friend of mine growing up and i never knew why. it made me want to see and hang out with the girl more. Come to find out whenever this girl was over small things would go missing. Mom didn't want to say anything but if she ahd i may have seen the light on this girl sooner.

good luck
Lara

 

[RumpleMom]

Our house was where the kids hung out.

We bought lots of pizza, and cut up veggies with dip. For awhile we ordered pizza every Friday night. The number of pizzas was determined by how many extra kids we were feeding.

We were feeding girls and a couple boys. It was an eye opener when DD started dating and we were feeding a boyfriend. A lot more food was needed.

How about sandwiches made in the crockpot like bar-be-cue ham or pulled pork?

This group of 11 kids took their high school senior trip to WDW. All through their senior year, especially at stressful points, they would gather in our basement to watch a Disney movie. They were doing trip planning! DH and I would send food down to them.

By the way WDW, was the only place on the planet where we would allow DD to go on a senior trip. They had a great time and some are still friends 6 years later.

You will never regret being the house where the kids spend their time. Gosh I miss those days.

 

[mjkacmom]

Girls might be different though. They might not want all that fattening bad for you food that the boys like.

You are SO wrong! I was amazed at what dd13 and her friends ate (dd13 walks to shoprite to stock up for her hosting night - 2 night a week, 7 - 10 at different girls' homes). They don't eat in grade school, but they can do some damage in JH (and all of these girls are skinny).

I don't know what dd's friends moms do, but I just stay out of their way when they're here - either up in dd's room on the 3rd floor, or in the basement. We're kind of a fun house, just because we have a lot of kids, a lot of "stuff," and we're pretty laid back. Luckily, not only does she hang out with a great group of polite girls, but her bff's mom is a good friend of mine, and tells her mom everything!

 

[peanut12392]

Our house is the hang out for DD18 and DS15 and many friends. We put a fridge in the garage and keep it filled with soft drinks, and they know they are free to help themselves. As long as we can afford it we try hard to lure them to our house!! It is not unusual to have 10 to 15 kids spending the night on weekends. We WATCH what goes on, unlike many other parents. Many of the parents are divorced, and have downsized to smaller houses or apartments, and we have enought room for alot of kids, and that may be a reason why they like to come here. We also try to keep alot of snack foods on hand. We also have enough room to park alot of cars. Its kinda funny because our own kids will be irritated with us for whatever reason, and the friends always want to come here! That is also surprising becuase we do supervise very closely! Good luck to you, we enjoy having them around and will really miss them when DD goes to college later this year!

 

[r4blessings]

I want my house to be the hang-out house too! I have ds11, ds8 and dd6 just started K this year and I try to have them invite their friends over at least once a week. We're really busy, so Wed seems to be the day when we are free, so they all invite their friends that day....its a big group. I love knowing what the kids are doing, who their friends are and that they are safe and supervised.

Since they eat dinner here on Wed I usually make up a huge pot of sauce (in the crockpot of its a busy day) and boil up a bunch of pasta. I use the barilla plus pasta, and with a healthy veggie laden pasta sauce and a platter of cut-up veggies I feel like they are eating healthy, but also budget friendly. If someone doesn't like sauce (and there is always one!) then they usually just have buttered pasta.

After-school snacks on these days are usually homemade brownies or a cake that I will try to bake up that day. The kids love it, and it feeds a lot for relatively little. A cake mix and can of frosting is really cheap when bought on sale. I usually stock up when Duncan Hines is on sale.

And we have a wii, plus tons of legoes that occupy the boys. My dd has a kitchen, playhouse and tons of dolls and barbies and craft stuff to keep her and her friends busy. A lot of times they will all play together too. Especially outside when its nice. We do have a pool and a huge playground area in our yard so that does help.

Its a great feeling knowing who your kids are spending time with, and guiding them into good friendships. Enjoy

 

[Priorityonecb]

I think the way to do it is to suggest it often. I would say yes, or suggest it to our dd's as often as possible...until it became known that our home was here for the taking! We always had good snacks, games, the Wii, Rock Band, trampoline etc... We left them alone mostly, but a lot of times they all wound up in the kitchen with me almost as if they were "starving" for adult interaction. I talked to those girls and boys about anything they wanted, and stopped when they were "through".

I know exactly what you mean about the other parents, we had one incident of that that made me do exactly as you are doing. Find a way to want them to come here. Once they all see that you are willing to pay attention and invite them often, you'll have "extras" constantly! That never bothered me a bit! Better I have an extra or two (or ten) than my daughter being away with who knows what kind of supervision.

 

[iwrbnd]

Wow! You guys are so nice! My house has always been the hangout place. Although I don't mind (usually) I don't do anything to encourage them and I certainly don't feed them $$$$!!! If it's a sleepover I will but if they're just hanging (which is all the time) I can't afford to feed all those teenagers and my own 4 kids!

 

[ShannonMB]

Huh! Interesting topic, I'm enjoying it!

My DD just turned 9, so I guess it remains to be seen if we are the house everyone hangs out at when they are teens -- but I can tell you that so far, we are it in our neighborhood! DD has her own play room, but interestingly they never even hang out in there, they come downstairs to the family room where DH and I usually are.

We are the opposite of "cool" in my opinion (another , because we sure used to be! ), and I haven't started buying special snacks. Popcorn and hot chocolate are the usual snacks here. I don't know why they gravitate to our house, I kinda get the feeling that it's because we're the only parents who allow the rugrats coming and going without complaining about it.

Sometimes I DO think it would be nice for DD to go play at a friend's house instead of them always being here, but YES, I do like knowing that she is safe and sound at home! And at their young ages, I do wonder why some kids' parents let them come over to our house for hours without even knowing us well!

Best of luck becoming the "IT" teen house, OP! Let them know they are welcome, and they'll probably be heading over in droves!

 

[Indiana Rose Lee]

I think becoming the hang out house has far less to do with food, and far more to do with your relationship with your child. Kids know which parents listen to and respect their kids. At that point they gravitate.

A bowl of popcorn in a place where you are safe and accepted is far tastier than pizza in a house where you are merely entertained.

 

[Darcy03231]

My house is where all the teens hang out.

1. They have their own separate area (a converted bedroom upstairs) with their own television, dvd/vcr player, game system, etc. Its furnished with an old couch, recliner, coffee table and rug. They can have whatever they want to eat/drink up there.

2. I keep a selection of snack foods/drinks on hand at all times. I get the store brands and no one minds.

3. I know all the kids and make a point to talk to them and know what's going on in their lives. They all know if they're having problems they're more than welcome to come over and hang out, even if my kids aren't home. In fact, when my daughter's friends (18 y.o. twin girls) needed a place to stay when their parents relocated to NC and left them behind they moved in with us. I've had kids that have had issues at home and ended up spending a few days at a time at our house. One of DS' friends spends most of his weekends at our house because he doesn't want to go home (mom has alcohol issues which are worse on the weekends because she isn't working).

I've found the two biggest things are making sure they have an area to themselves and making sure they know they're welcome. Prior to having the "hang out" room, my kids usually were at friends homes that did have a teen area. Now, its nothing for them to squish 8-10 kids in that little room to watch movies/play games and they're happy doing it.

 

[cmrules]

We are striving for the same thing right now and it's working out okay so far. We have a Wii and Rock Band is really popular. Whenever we get asked the sleepover question we say YES. My oldest is in middle school and she and the girls like to bake so I give them a box of cake mix or brownie mix and say have fun! Basically I say yes when I can to reasonable requests because I want them to be comfortable here. But they are pretty happy to eat dinner WITH us which always amazes me. I like you want this to be the it house so that we know where they are and what they are doing and who they are hanging with. My parents sooooo didn't know that about me because my Dad didn't want to bother with my friends.

 

[crjack]

Another "hangout" house mom here. We have been for years with our extended family and we're glad we are with our children's friends too.

It does get expensive though so like others I stock up with sales and try and make things like baked ziti/pasta, tacos, etc. rather than always buying pizzas. We go through a lot of drinks with the teens and the boys can wipe out a snack in the blink of an eye!

Now that I have two teens I really like having their friends here and knowing where they are and who they are hanging out with. Both DH and I think it's worth the hit to the budget!

Besides Rock Band and sports game, my son's friends still pull out the Nerf guns and darts. (Although they may never admit it!) I'll also DVR some shows that they all like.

I agree the key is to make everyone feel welcome. I grew up in the hangout house and I have to say I have lots of fond memories from it. I hope my children feel the same way someday.

 

[englishteacha]

My mom will never forget my birthday party where 6 or 8 girls devoured every vegetable she had in the house! I always had friends over as a teen, not in big groups because we were a bit out of the way, but there was always an extra person or two around. My parents cared about my friends. When one of my pals got a bad grade she was more concerned about telling my mom than about her own parents. She didn't want Mom Russell (my mum) to be disappointed in her! My parents gave us space, but we knew they were around and would check on us. Even my guy friends prefered hanging out at my house because a) there were cookies and b) it was perfectly normal to sit around the kitchen table with my parents and just hang out. (my mom bakes everything from scratch...the cookies got them in, the company kept them returning!)

 

[StitchFanZ]

Have lots of multiplayer video games. We have an xbox 360, a gamecube, and dance praise (similar to dance dance revolution but with praise music and no inappropriately dressed girls dancing across the screen) setup to different tvs/computers so siblings don't have to compete with the only game systems. We also have two portable DVD players and DSs for road trips.

Lots of simple snacks and relaxed supervision. They know where all the food is - and that sometimes I don't feel like cooking dinner so if they stick around on one of those days they will have to fend for themselves.

Kindness is required! I have seen some kids think its OK to speak unkindly - especially to siblings or those not around. That is grounds for being sent home around here. It helps make our house a place where they know they will be treated with respect and welcomed. I also have a rule of no texting or internet when friends are here. If you are face to face with a friend, they should actually look at one another and talk.

Lots of movies,board games, silly stuff, a foosball table, a swimming pool, and room to spread out away from everyone else really helps.

I'm also willing to drive them to movies, concerts, amusement parks - pretty much anywhere fun if they cover the cost of gas.They know that they can count on me to take them places. I truly do enjoy having teens around and I prioritize time with them as they won't be around much longer.

 

[ceecee]

A seperate place for them to hang out! A Wii or other games. As for food around here it's fruit and veggie trays! They always expect one now, I usually have tons of that on hand and can throw a tray together. Popcorn is the choice for later on with movies.

 

[snowbunny]

What everyone else said about a separate place to hang out (I want to make over my basement for that purpose but am having trouble getting started, it is a huge project).

Also, once they are in high school - we put our foot down about sleepovers.

I allow my DD15 to have a friend sleep over from time to time, and friends are welcome in the house pretty much anytime, but she is not allowed to sleep at friends' houses anymore. She protested at first but not very hard, because she knows I'm right.

Apologies to all of you whose child may be the exception, but sleepovers in high school are simply a convenient way to party without having to face your parents soon afterward.

 

[MSSANDRA]

All of DS's teen guy friends love to "cook". I will make up a big batch of sugar cookie dough(mix is fine), set out sprinkles or frosting and they love it. They love to make rice krispy treats, home-made pizza. they think I am so cool.