Virgin Cocktails for teen party

[DawnCt1]

I would have allowed both of my kids to attend this party when they were that age. I would definitely have done one of these when I first opened the invitation and I would never think to throw a party like this for that age kid.

That said, I don't think one party is going to harm them. If it became the thing to do every Saturday night, I would not allow it.

I would be more concerned with the parties in the future, depending upon what type of area this is. Some people would view this party as a challenge to one up them when it is their kids b'day. If I noticed a pattern, my kids would be looking for some new friends. One party like this just strikes me as one overindulgent mother. As long as this isn't a trend, I would be okay with it.

I agree with you as well. At 14 I wouldn't bar my child from attending one of her best friend's parties, and its a good opportunity to point out how "over the top" parties are becoming for kids.

 

[golfgal]

I guess I'm in the minority, but I don't have a problem with this party. I like the fact that kids can learn that mock-tails are yummy without the booze, and you can dance with your friends and still have fun without alcohol. Dd13 has a middle school dance coming up, she's wearing a cute cocktail dress, it will be at a restaurant with a DJ and multi-course dinner. My kids love to order shirley temples and virgin coladas when we're out as a special treat.

I think of it as a tween/teen version of dress-up.

 

[mykidsand_i]

I look at it as this...

Kids go to 'teen/tween' dances ALL OF THE TIME. They are put on by schools, they are put on EVEN BY CHURCHES (just cleaner/better for kids/teens music). There is NOTHING wrong with going to a party that includes dancing, drinks (non alcoholic of course), and loud music.

What I find that DOES sound wrong with this party is this...

#1 LOCATION...tons of kids will want to go to this party, just so they can say they've been in a bar. The main down side is, it's still A BAR...The owner is not going to take down ALL AD'S, all the liquor and beer signs, nor will they put away the real booze so there is NO HINT of it.

I am SURE most kids/tweens/teens have been in sports bar and grill before- brought in by their parents to eat a meal with them...BUT this is a bit different. These kids are going there to 'party' not to eat a meal with their family or other adults.

There is a 'party/dance place' in the Minneapolis area that is supported by Christians, there are Non-alcoholic drinks served there, with appropriate music and different advertisers on the walls...It's all in the location, what they choose to appropriately call things and how they advertise themselves.

#2 The party thrower has decided to call the drinks 'cocktails'...when a lot of people think of cocktails, they think of liquor. I don't think that kids that age need to be 'drinking cocktails' (alcoholic or not- the NAME makes it not right!)

What is wrong with renting out a gym and decorating it with decorations and serving 'party drinks' like crazy different punches, juice with 7-up and some frozen smoothies?

Some parents have different ethical standards. What they think is right for THEIR KIDS is up to them. If it's not right for YOUR KIDS, you have the CHOICE to NOT send them or allow them to go. I don't care how mad people get with you...wether it be your kid who doesn't get to go, their friends or the party thrower. It's still YOUR choice as a parent.

 

[Scurvy]

While I understand that the drinks don't have any alcohol, its the whole ordering drinks at a bar idea I think is sending the wrong message.

I think that's a big part of my problem with it, too.

Our kids have been "pretending" to drink since they were toddlers. We have served sparkling grape juice at many holidays and even sometimes just because since they were 3 or so. On New Year's Eve they get a "champagne" toast. They are all now teenagers and the don't go out and party nor do they drink real alcohol. I am not naive enough to think that DS17 won't attend parties in college when he goes off in the fall either. I think you will find that kids that grow up in homes that don't treat alcohol as some evil thing that must be hidden do FAR less drinking.

I think there's a big difference between someone treating alcohol as evil and someone who doesn't like the idea of their 13 year old going to a party with bartenders that is held at a nightclub. And now that I think about it, I think kids "pretending to drink" is one of my major problems with this whole idea.

We often serve both sparkling cider and sparkling wine. The kids always have the cider, but many adults do, also. We don't present the cider as fake champagne, and we don't get it from a bartender. We also drink wine with dinner occasionally in front of our son. And sometimes when we're at WDW and we get drinks from the pool bar, my husband and I get "adult" beverages while my son has a more kid friendly drink. But no one is pretending to drink - everyone is just drinking whatever age appropriate beverage they choose. There's nothing special about alcohol, so there's no reason to pretend to be drinking it. We don't treat alcohol as evil, but we don't treat it as special, either. We treat it as a normal part of life.

For me, taking 13 year olds into a nightclub and having a bartender serve them drinks that look like adult beverages is taking it a step further. It's taking alcohol from normal to special, at least if the kids figure out that the bartender and nightclub and glassware are typically associated with alcohol. (And at that age, I think it's likely they'll figure that out.) I think it glamorizes the whole nightclub/alcohol thing, making it something special and not just an ordinary part of life. I don't think that is a great choice for a 13 year old. I personally don't think it's appropriate to throw a mini "adult" party for kids who are that young. There will be time for that sort of thing when they are actually old enough to go to nightclubs and bars. I wouldn't refuse to let my son associate with someone just because their parents threw them that sort of party, but I'm not sure I'd let my child go to the party.

 

[Rora]

I look at it as this...

Kids go to 'teen/tween' dances ALL OF THE TIME. They are put on by schools, they are put on EVEN BY CHURCHES (just cleaner/better for kids/teens music). There is NOTHING wrong with going to a party that includes dancing, drinks (non alcoholic of course), and loud music.

What I find that DOES sound wrong with this party is this...

#1 LOCATION...tons of kids will want to go to this party, just so they can say they've been in a bar. The main down side is, it's still A BAR...The owner is not going to take down ALL AD'S, all the liquor and beer signs, nor will they put away the real booze so there is NO HINT of it.

I am SURE most kids/tweens/teens have been in sports bar and grill before- brought in by their parents to eat a meal with them...BUT this is a bit different. These kids are going there to 'party' not to eat a meal with their family or other adults.

There is a 'party/dance place' in the Minneapolis area that is supported by Christians, there are Non-alcoholic drinks served there, with appropriate music and different advertisers on the walls...It's all in the location, what they choose to appropriately call things and how they advertise themselves.

#2 The party thrower has decided to call the drinks 'cocktails'...when a lot of people think of cocktails, they think of liquor. I don't think that kids that age need to be 'drinking cocktails' (alcoholic or not- the NAME makes it not right!)

What is wrong with renting out a gym and decorating it with decorations and serving 'party drinks' like crazy different punches, juice with 7-up and some frozen smoothies?

Some parents have different ethical standards. What they think is right for THEIR KIDS is up to them. If it's not right for YOUR KIDS, you have the CHOICE to NOT send them or allow them to go. I don't care how mad people get with you...wether it be your kid who doesn't get to go, their friends or the party thrower. It's still YOUR choice as a parent.

I think this is a fantastic post and agree 100%. You put my scrambled thoughts into words!

 

[happybratpack]

I think that's a big part of my problem with it, too.



I think there's a big difference between someone treating alcohol as evil and someone who doesn't like the idea of their 13 year old going to a party with bartenders that is held at a nightclub. And now that I think about it, I think kids "pretending to drink" is one of my major problems with this whole idea.

We often serve both sparkling cider and sparkling wine. The kids always have the cider, but many adults do, also. We don't present the cider as fake champagne, and we don't get it from a bartender. We also drink wine with dinner occasionally in front of our son. And sometimes when we're at WDW and we get drinks from the pool bar, my husband and I get "adult" beverages while my son has a more kid friendly drink. But no one is pretending to drink - everyone is just drinking whatever age appropriate beverage they choose. There's nothing special about alcohol, so there's no reason to pretend to be drinking it. We don't treat alcohol as evil, but we don't treat it as special, either. We treat it as a normal part of life.

For me, taking 13 year olds into a nightclub and having a bartender serve them drinks that look like adult beverages is taking it a step further. It's taking alcohol from normal to special, at least if the kids figure out that the bartender and nightclub and glassware are typically associated with alcohol. (And at that age, I think it's likely they'll figure that out.) I think it glamorizes the whole nightclub/alcohol thing, making it something special and not just an ordinary part of life. I don't think that is a great choice for a 13 year old. I personally don't think it's appropriate to throw a mini "adult" party for kids who are that young. There will be time for that sort of thing when they are actually old enough to go to nightclubs and bars. I wouldn't refuse to let my son associate with someone just because their parents threw them that sort of party, but I'm not sure I'd let my child go to the party.

I think this is my problem with this too. It's the atmosphere and glamourizing the bar scene that bothers me.

I wouldn't be bothered as much if they were, say, at a pool party and there were pretty fruity drinks that weren't made to be imitation alcoholic drinks served by a "bartender".

It's just the bar scene vibe, the bartenders, etc...it's too mature of a party for this age group IMO.

 

[MrsPete]

You are right. We have often heard that the liberal approach to alcohol consumption in European countries does not promote alcoholism but the statistics do not bear that out. There is significant alcoholism in young adults in Europe and the younger teens start drinking, the more they are at risk for alcoholism.

Also, their culture is not identical to ours. We Americans have more of a "taste" for over-doing things -- including drinking. It's not our best trait.

Kids go to 'teen/tween' dances ALL OF THE TIME. They are put on by schools, they are put on EVEN BY CHURCHES (just cleaner/better for kids/teens music). There is NOTHING wrong with going to a party that includes dancing, drinks (non alcoholic of course), and loud music.

I don't think anyone's arguing against a teen/tween dance . . . rather, the disagreement is about a dance that's more of a club scene /bar scene. It's the "more mature" dance atmosphere to which we object.

I think this is my problem with this too. It's the atmosphere and glamourizing the bar scene that bothers me.

I wouldn't be bothered as much if they were, say, at a pool party and there were pretty fruity drinks that weren't made to be imitation alcoholic drinks served by a "bartender".

It's just the bar scene vibe, the bartenders, etc...it's too mature of a party for this age group IMO.

My thoughts exactly.

Something similar: I used to be in charge of the prom for high school, and I never understood why all the prom catalogs that came to me in the mail offered an extensive line of barware as prom favors. How is it sensible to talk to kids about not drinking/driving, etc. the week before the prom . . . and then give them a wine glass with the words "An Evening Under the Stars, May 15, 2010" printed on it? When I was in charge of prom, we gave picture frames instead. Practical and no negative message.

 

[Cindy B]

Something similar: I used to be in charge of the prom for high school, and I never understood why all the prom catalogs that came to me in the mail offered an extensive line of barware as prom favors. How is it sensible to talk to kids about not drinking/driving, etc. the week before the prom . . . and then give them a wine glass with the words "An Evening Under the Stars, May 15, 2010" printed on it? When I was in charge of prom, we gave picture frames instead. Practical and no negative message.

Wine glass.. lol..our local high school used to give out shotglasses and or ashtrays!

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Honestly I do not see what the big deal is. It is a birthday party with dancing/food/drinks. The kids have to go up to the bar to get a drink. They do the same thing at a wedding. The hosts are offering non alcoholic versions of adult drinks for the kids as well. The same thing they would do at a wedding. It is not like the hosts are calling the party "The Virgin Kegger Cocktail Party." The kids are not going for the sole purpose to drink. They are going to celebrate their friend's birthday. While they are there they might see a fancy drink and think that might be fun to try. The same way they might try a dole whip if they saw someone eating one. I doubt they are going to play quarters or do keg stands with virgin drinks. The focus of the party is not the "non" liquor drinks. It is merely part of the menu. I think too many people are overthinking this.
I also don't think that having a party at a nightclub venue is teaching kids about the "club/bar scene." It is a venue. Nothing more than a space to have the party. If you have your party at a fireman's hall are you teaching your children to be firemen? You would only be teaching them about the "bar scene" if you took them on ladies night to the local place for $1 drinks. A private party is not the same.

 

[DramaQueen]

I'm surprised to see so many people up in arms over this party idea! When I was 13 I would've loved it if my friend had a cool party like that! I don't understand what the difference would be between the party being at an empty nightclub with the kids ordering "mocktails" vs the party being at an empty banquet halls with the kids ordering different flavours of "punch"

Anyways, Shirley Temples are the best!! I think they'd be a hit with the kids (I still order them sometimes at restaurants ) Anything with grenadine will probably be a success because it's so sweet and makes everything taste yummy. (oj/grapefruit juice or 7-up or any kind of tropical drink with grenadine = YUM)

I'm sure the party will be a success, the kids will have a good time and make some fun memories and have fun dancing in a safe and monitored environment!

 

[a1tinkfans]

I need some help/advice. This isn't my gig, so give your opinions or not about the party format, no skin off my back, just know that my kid isn't having this kind of party (for one thing, I'm way too cheap).

My daughter's friend is having a big 13th birthday party in July. I'm friends with the Mom, and she asked me for advice, but I'm going to ask all the smart Disboards people

The party is going to be a boy/girl party, there will be about 60 kids and it will be held at a local 'nightclub' that is run/owned by a DJ company and they rent the space for parties like this. I've never been there before, nor has my friend. There is going to be a DJ, games, finger foods, candy buffet and my friend wants to do some kind of virgin cocktails at the 'bar'. The girls Dad and probably some of his friends will be the 'bartenders'. She is looking for info about what kind of drinks to make and how to plan for it, how much to expect the kids to drink, etc. In all, 50-60 kids probably 80% girls age 11 1/2-14, the rest will be boys the same age and probably a dozen parents.

Thanks for any suggestions, ideas, links, etc.

The kids are 11 years olds and the party is for a 13 year old and they want to know what "fake drinks" to serve...well, they should serve soda, and not at a bar...it is no wonder that kids today think it is okay to do what they want, when they want, how they want, when there are parents out there that set their kids up for the adult world way sooner than needed or necessary. Why can't they have a party without the "fake" cocktails.Let kids BE kids..I don't get it, who are they trying to impress and what are they trying to say to the kids??? I mean, the Children want soda, at least IMHO they should not even be thinking cocktail. If the "kids" came up with the idea, theres more to worry about than "which" drink..... But maybe thats me, biased.....in my business I deal with dead and injured kids and adults and sad families and parents ...why promote behaviors that are too adult??? I just don't get it???

 

[mykidsand_i]

I don't think anyone's arguing against a teen/tween dance . . . rather, the disagreement is about a dance that's more of a club scene /bar scene. .

The quote you decided to take out of my post was totally not even what my post was saying...I belive that it was taken out of context. I KNOW it's about a disagreement about LOCATION, that's what HALF OF MY POST was about...

I know that most people don't disagree about having a dance, I was just stating that I WASN'T againsed the party as a whole...just AGAINSED the location and their 'word choices'...

 

[contemporarymom]

Honestly I do not see what the big deal is. It is a birthday party with dancing/food/drinks. The kids have to go up to the bar to get a drink. They do the same thing at a wedding. The hosts are offering non alcoholic versions of adult drinks for the kids as well. The same thing they would do at a wedding. It is not like the hosts are calling the party "The Virgin Kegger Cocktail Party." The kids are not going for the sole purpose to drink. They are going to celebrate their friend's birthday. While they are there they might see a fancy drink and think that might be fun to try. The same way they might try a dole whip if they saw someone eating one. I doubt they are going to play quarters or do keg stands with virgin drinks. The focus of the party is not the "non" liquor drinks. It is merely part of the menu. I think too many people are overthinking this.
I also don't think that having a party at a nightclub venue is teaching kids about the "club/bar scene." It is a venue. Nothing more than a space to have the party. If you have your party at a fireman's hall are you teaching your children to be firemen? You would only be teaching them about the "bar scene" if you took them on ladies night to the local place for $1 drinks. A private party is not the same.

My sentiments exactly. When we had our son's Bar Mitzvah we had a separate cocktail hour for the kids in their own room at the club. The entertainment company played poker and other "grownup" games with them. They had their own hors d'oeuvres (chosen by our son) and yes, "mocktails" were served not only throughout the hour but also throughout the reception. Most of the Bar/Bat Mitzvahs we've been to have done the same. None of the kids have turned into alcoholics.

My husband and I are social drinkers. If we have two-three drinks in a month that's a lot. We have discussed alcohol and it's abuse with our children. It's our job as parents to teach our kids what is right and wrong so if every once in awhile they get to pretend at being grown-ups, they know that it's exactly that...pretend.

 

[Planogirl]

Kids do pretend to do grownup things at every age. I remember mimicking my father when he drank coffee and I also tried to swipe sips of his beer when I was young. I don't see the big deal but then I don't see the night club scene as something bad.

 

[nuttylawprofessor]

Hmmmm... I've been taking my kids to Baby Loves Disco events for a few years, at least until they cut down on events. I took my little ones to a club to dance! We got drinks at a bar! Oh noes!

I can remember going to teen night at a local bar from the time I was 13. It was on Sunday afternoons. We got our drinks at the bar.

I think the party sounds like an over-the-top mock-mitzvah. The only concern I would have is the one-upsmanship it inspires. Otherwise, I would have no problem with this party theme.