Very odd situation about Wedding and my best friend

[Lisa loves Pooh]

My thoughts exactly! If the best friend actually is gay, it sounds like she doesn't want to admit it to anyone, even herself. I don't see how the OP can be expected to know something like that for sure if her friend won't aknowledge it to anyone.

It is more odd to me to post a question about a wedding invite and bring up the possibility that her friend is a lesbian.

I guess it would have been more respectful of the OP to have omitted that part.

What's that common disboard phrase--there are two sides to every story. OP spends a whole lot of time on this issue and I really am beginning to wonder what the other side is.

 

[Jennasis]

It is more odd to me to post a question about a wedding invite and bring up the possibility that her friend is a lesbian.

I guess it would have been more respectful of the OP to have omitted that part.

What's that common disboard phrase--there are two sides to every story. OP spends a whole lot of time on this issue and I really am beginning to wonder what the other side is.

Her friend's sexuality matters only in the context of the story at hand. Was she invited only as the guest/date of her bff? Of course, the post could just have easily have been "My BFF seems super jealous of my boyfriend". Which I think is the bigger issue.

 

[Scurvy]

It is more odd to me to post a question about a wedding invite and bring up the possibility that her friend is a lesbian.

I guess it would have been more respectful of the OP to have omitted that part.

What's that common disboard phrase--there are two sides to every story. OP spends a whole lot of time on this issue and I really am beginning to wonder what the other side is.

I do agree with this. I don't think the question of her friend's sexuality matters at all in this situation. I think there seems to be a jealousy issue in the friendship (assuming that the OP is correct in that belief and the best friend doesn't just dislike the boyfriend for some other reason), but I don't think it matters if that's because the best friend is gay or just very possessive of the OP as a friend. And I must admit, I'd be furious if I thought that my best friend was speculating about my sexuality on a message board! I really think that it would have better to just leave that part out of the OP.

 

[Wishing on a star]

I still question the credibility of this entire thread.

Why would anybody have a BFF who was so controlling and disrespectfu???

Why would anybody have a BFF who they do not even know their gender preferences???

Why would anybody LET ( enable ) a 'friend' determine who she saw, where she is invited, etc... etc....

As they say, with friends like this, who needs enemies?

This thread is NOT about the wedding.

Personally, this person would no longer be my BFF.

And, at this point, I would only attend the wedding if the bride actually mailed or handed me a paper invite.

 

[Wishing on a star]

from the original post....

.... now I don't even want to attend the wedding, after I spent money on a shower gift, new dress, shoes etc.

Thoughts and advice?

Simple...... Then don't go.

I would leave all of this immature complete childishness and drama behind, and make plans for my boyfriend to take me out somewhere nice in that new dress.

You can't move forward in your life if you hang on to your childish past.
Methinks it's time to move on.

 

[Mickeyistheman]

Well I do have some answers for some of you.

I am quite shocked but I will not be attending the wedding.

The Bride had called me because she had some questions about her honeymoon that I had taken care of and she asked to meet for lunch. We met up and chit chatted. I asked her again 4th or 5th time for the invite to the wedding.

She said to me, "I thought you were coming as MOH's guest, that is what SHE told me so I DIDN'T send you an invitation.

I in turn told her that I was never going as her guest, MOH had told me to look for my invite in the mail.

I politely told her that I don't think it is a good idea to attend the wedding as I do wish the bride and groom much love and happiness I would not feel comfortable going at this point.

She said that she always knew MOH was Gay, never really said anything to her because before she met her Hubby to be, MOH was the same way with her (bride).

I have also called the MOH and told her that we need to get together and talk about some things. So there is ALOT of relevance as to the sexual orientation of my friend as per this thread.

I guess I am naive in thinking she was just my friend and nothing more, but when other people even my own mother and other family members tell me that something else is going on I need to pay attention.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Wow, thanks for giving us an update.

I do hope this all works out for you!

 

[Jennasis]

Well I do have some answers for some of you.

I am quite shocked but I will not be attending the wedding.

The Bride had called me because she had some questions about her honeymoon that I had taken care of and she asked to meet for lunch. We met up and chit chatted. I asked her again 4th or 5th time for the invite to the wedding.

She said to me, "I thought you were coming as MOH's guest, that is what SHE told me so I DIDN'T send you an invitation.

I in turn told her that I was never going as her guest, MOH had told me to look for my invite in the mail.

I politely told her that I don't think it is a good idea to attend the wedding as I do wish the bride and groom much love and happiness I would not feel comfortable going at this point.

She said that she always knew MOH was Gay, never really said anything to her because before she met her Hubby to be, MOH was the same way with her (bride).

I have also called the MOH and told her that we need to get together and talk about some things. So there is ALOT of relevance as to the sexual orientation of my friend as per this thread.

I guess I am naive in thinking she was just my friend and nothing more, but when other people even my own mother and other family members tell me that something else is going on I need to pay attention.

This is a wonderful thing. I hope you and your friend can get your relationship sorted out...maybe clarify some things and set some boundaries. Good luck.

 

[Scurvy]

This is a wonderful thing. I hope you and your friend can get your relationship sorted out...maybe clarify some things and set some boundaries. Good luck.

I agree, especially about the boundaries! OP, I hope you and your best friend are able to work through this. Good luck!

 

[mrsklamc]

I'm SO glad you were able to clear that up. I would just have one caution for you as you talk to your friend. It seems like i noticed a pattern of you saying things to the effect of 'she gets upset so I drop it' or something of that nature. Sounds like you are ready to stick to your guns now but just remember to!

Good luck!

 

[horseshowmom]

Huh...

If the best friend WANTED the OP to know she was gay then she would tell her. If she is gay, she evidently doesn't want anyone to know. I find it wholly ridiculous that many here are suggesting that if the OP were "really" a good friend, she'd already know for sure. If the girl doesn't want to admit to it, how would anyone know for sure??

Yep...

My thoughts exactly! If the best friend actually is gay, it sounds like she doesn't want to admit it to anyone, even herself. I don't see how the OP can be expected to know something like that for sure if her friend won't aknowledge it to anyone. Obviously the OP has her suspicions, and she may or may not be right. Really, though, I don't think it matters. Maybe the OP's friend is gay but isn't ready to come out, maybe she's straight and just hasn't found the right guy yet, or maybe she's asexual and has no interest in either gender. Whether it's because of a romantic interest or not, the best friend seems to have jealousy issues that are becoming a problem for the OP.

More yep...

Her friend's sexuality matters only in the context of the story at hand. Was she invited only as the guest/date of her bff? Of course, the post could just have easily have been "My BFF seems super jealous of my boyfriend". Which I think is the bigger issue.

I agree completely. For some reason, some posters seemed to want to turn it into an issue that I didn't see. While the OP has no issues with her friend's sexual orientation, she did not want there to be any confusion concerning her own role in the situation. Just as she had no problem with her friend's possible homosexuality, there's no reason that she shouldn't want there to be no confusion about her own heterosexuality.

If some misunderstanding had developed, some people would say, "Well, you suspected that she looked at you in that way, so you should have made sure there was no mix-up" - which is what the OP seems to be trying to do.

This is a wonderful thing. I hope you and your friend can get your relationship sorted out...maybe clarify some things and set some boundaries. Good luck.

I agree again. Based on what's been stated, the friend is probably not going to be very happy. She tried to work the situation out in the way that she wanted (and was apparently deceitful in how she tried to manipulate the situation). There definitely need to be boundaries set (just as there would be if the situation had involved a male rather than a female friend).

 

[disykat]

I still think it's likely the friend will deny any interest, act like it's all in OP's head, and refuse to discuss the subject. I lost a friend (and roommate at the time) in a very similar situation.

The whole don't deny/don't confirm thing is not that uncommon - even with best friends.

I don't think anyone should be forced out of the closet, but it's really not acceptable to be seen as half of a gay couple when you are not gay and the other person starts to act as if you are her girlfriend.

 

[Wishing on a star]

That is why it is really NOT about the gay issue.
This friend's personal persuasion is not really the kicker here.
If the friend is unwilling to discuss whether she is gay, then the conversation really does not even have to include the word 'gay' or 'lesbian'.

At this point, it is about her unacceptable behaviors.
(refusing to acknowledge any other friends/boyfriends, being possessive, being controlling and manipulative, lying, undermining the OP's other relationships, etc.. etc.. etc...)

Based on this friend's behaviors, I continue to advise the OP to really seriously rethink this friendship.

 

[Mickeyistheman]

I am glad at least the wedding situation is cleared up, grant you I wish I was going but now that this happened we need to have a serious conversation.

I in no way want to force anyone out of the closet but fair is fair and if she truly is my friend and good friend at that, she should respect how I feel in regards to my boyfriend.

The wedding will be nice but now I will have that night to go out with my boyfriend instead....maybe we'll go see The Frog Princess instead

Thank you all for being honest, I do appreciate that. I have let this go for a long time I was afraid of losing her as a friend but now I know we need to sort things out.

 

[rie'smom]

In college, I had much the same situation as you do OP. I told my friend that I loved her but that I was straight. That was 30 years ago and we are still very good friends . I hope the same happens with you and your friend.

 

[Pugsley]

Honestly, I think the rudest person in this situation is the bride. It sounds like she and the OP are pretty good friends and the OP has been helping with wedding stuff, so the OP totally should have received her own invitation to the wedding. Obviously the bride had every intention of having the OP at the wedding. Even if the bride thought that OP & MOH were coming together, she still should have sent them each an invitation (without guests). And when the OP asked the bride to “resend” the invitation, the least the bride could have done was to say NO you’re not getting your own invitation because you are MOH’s guest. And, OP, I’m still curious as to why you’re not going to the wedding (unless you just don’t want to go). I would have thought that when you told the bride about the confusion she would have immediately explained that you are invited with or without MOH. And imo she should invite your boyfriend too but maybe it’s too late for that. And maybe she knows how MOH feels about you and/or your boyfriend so she doesn’t want people (especially her MOH) to be uncomfortable at the wedding.

Of course MOH sounds like no prize herself! If she and OP are BFs why on earth can’t she just be honest with the OP. Even if she didn’t want to “come out” she could have just told the OP that she wanted her to go as her guest and she wouldn’t be getting her own invitation. And I can’t imagine being best friends with someone who doesn’t trust and respect me enough to share something like her sexual orientation. And if she thinks of you as more than a friend, you deserve to know that.

 

[Disney Doll]

Well I do have some answers for some of you.

I am quite shocked but I will not be attending the wedding.

The Bride had called me because she had some questions about her honeymoon that I had taken care of and she asked to meet for lunch. We met up and chit chatted. I asked her again 4th or 5th time for the invite to the wedding.

She said to me, "I thought you were coming as MOH's guest, that is what SHE told me so I DIDN'T send you an invitation.

I in turn told her that I was never going as her guest, MOH had told me to look for my invite in the mail.

I politely told her that I don't think it is a good idea to attend the wedding as I do wish the bride and groom much love and happiness I would not feel comfortable going at this point.

She said that she always knew MOH was Gay, never really said anything to her because before she met her Hubby to be, MOH was the same way with her (bride).

I have also called the MOH and told her that we need to get together and talk about some things. So there is ALOT of relevance as to the sexual orientation of my friend as per this thread.

I guess I am naive in thinking she was just my friend and nothing more, but when other people even my own mother and other family members tell me that something else is going on I need to pay attention.

You need to find a new friend.

The poor bride was probably as confused as you were, and it's all because of this "best friend" of yours.

Sorry, the gay wouldn't be an issue for me so much as the underhandedness and finangling my "best friend" was doing. Think about it...she led the bride to believe you were coming as her guest, she led you to believe the bride had sent you an invitation that got "lost in the mail", she was trying to sort of downplay the whole thing with the "I know you got invited, I just put you down as a yes" hopnig that you'd be saying "Oh, OK, she put me down as a yes" and not push the issue and that you'd assume that your boyfriend wasn't invited.

If she is gay, and if she likes you and if she has a problem with you having a boyfriend, it doesn't excuse her sneakiness.