Very odd situation about Wedding and my best friend

[Mickeyistheman]

I know the feeling, but once again, unless it is written down that you are going to be there, then don't go. Take yourself out of the equation of confusion. What does you having a boyfriend have anything to do with this?[/QUOTE]

The MOH who is my best friend, doesn't like that I am in a relationship. Many of my family and some of our mutual friends keep telling me that she wants to be in a relationship with me. I am not gay, she has not come out and said that she is, however many things point in that direction. If that is the case I don't mind at all, but I am not going to be her girlfriend like that.

She is like a sister to me and I lover her dearly just not in THAT way.

 

[Boxley]

I know the feeling, but once again, unless it is written down that you are going to be there, then don't go. Take yourself out of the equation of confusion. What does you having a boyfriend have anything to do with this?[/QUOTE]

The MOH who is my best friend, doesn't like that I am in a relationship. Many of my family and some of our mutual friends keep telling me that she wants to be in a relationship with me. I am not gay, she has not come out and said that she is, however many things point in that direction. If that is the case I don't mind at all, but I am not going to be her girlfriend like that.

She is like a sister to me and I lover her dearly just not in THAT way.

Ok, that part I get, but what does that have to do with the wedding?

 

[Mickeyistheman]

But ~ just because you *feel* you should be invited doesn't mean you will be.

I even went to the fitting of the bridesmaid dresses!!! The bride then even asked me at that time on the day of the wedding to help out with any last minute details making sure people were in their seats etc. Why would she ask this of me if I was not invited?

I am also invited to the Bachelorette party! Come on people, proper Bridal Code is if you are invited to the Bridal Shower....you are invited to the wedding and get your own invitation!

 

[HeatherH]

If the bride has told you to your face you're invited, you're invited.

For whatever reason, she's a flake and your invite got lost or never mailed.

You're on her response list as a YES. In her mind it's done, you don't need an invitation, you're coming.

I understand wanting the "official" invite to feel right about the situation, I would too. But if you WANT to go, go. You're invited. WithOUT your boyfriend.

The gay best friend is a totally separate issue, not related to the wedding. I've had gay friends with crushes on me before, it's a little weird, but I chose to be flattered rather than make a big deal out of it. The friends were ABUNDANTLY aware that I'm straight (and married) but that didn't stop their feelings.

Good luck getting it all sorted out.

 

[luvmy3]

It does sound like you are an invited guest and the bride somehow lost your invitation. However being invited does not automatically mean that you and a guest would be, it doesn't matter if you have a boyfriend or not. The bride may have had to cut people out, your *& guest* could have been one of them.

 

[merryweather20]

You are correct you are invited to the wedding if you were invited to the shower. Call the bride & tell her you did not get your invite.

This is definitely wrong!

 

[wvjules]

I don't think you are invited because your BF, the MOH, told the bride that she wants to bring you as her guest. She (the MOH) doesn't want you to be able to bring your boyfriend as your guest. She wants you to be her date.

 

[Wishing on a star]

OP... about your 'friend'.... Perhaps you need to re-think your friendships. If she is adversarial and oppositional about your boyfriend, then I would seriously question any friendship with this person.

AGAIN... so, let's say you are invited..... Like I said, if there is ANY question regarding whether you are invited to bring a guest (boyfriend), then TALK TO THE BRIDE.

There are a lot of issues going on here, and they all point directly to your so-called relationship with this 'friend'. ( I would even suspect that she sabotaged your invite....)

Your options are clear.
I won't list them again.

 

[rie'smom]

Bottom line for me is if I don't get an invitation, I'm not invited. If the bride made sure to remail invitations to those who called her yet you did not get one, I'd take that as not being invited. There's no way in heck that I'd ever call to check either. If i was asked why I didn't show up, I'd say that I didn't receive an invitation.
This situation just seems like too much bother. Save the money you would have spent on the gift and go out to dinner with your boyfriend.

 

[Mickey's Minion]

My best friend is the Maid of Honor in HER best childhood friends wedding in late November.

All the invitations had been sent out over 3 weeks ago, I live within the same county so I should have gotten an invitation by now.

A few had incorrect addresses so they called to say that had not gotten one. So, the bride called you to tell you that there were some mistakes on the invites, correct? I mentioned it to the Maid of Honor and she said don't worry about it.

She took it upon herself to just put me down as a yes to the wedding, when she and the bride to be were going over the guest list this past weekend.

I had asked my friend and also the Bride to send me another invitation in the mail just so that I had it along with the time, place of the wedding etc.

I had also asked my BF if I was invited and guest. She had told me no because SHE didn't think I would bring anyone and the bride and groom have to crunch numbers. The odd thing is that all they have been talking about it how they are going to meet their quota of guests.

I am confused and a bit upset, if I am not invited then fine BUT don't speak for me.

The other challenge of this whole situation is that I feel that my BF is Gay. Which I have no issue with whatsoever but my fear is that the bride thinks we are a couple. Which is why I have not gotten an invite so I am going as my BF's "guest"

Am I overreacting on this, now I don't even want to attend the wedding, after I spent money on a shower gift, new dress, shoes etc.

Thoughts and advice?

My understand is....if I am not "officially" invited to the wedding, why did I get an invite to the Bridal Shower? I have gone to many weddings in my lifetime. If you are invited to the Bridal Shower, you get an invite to the Wedding.

I am friends with the Bride, who I had spoken to about my invitation. You have spoken to the Bride herself, and she has confirmed you are invited, correct? She is a very unorganized person first and foremost. Trying to get her to pay her final balance for her honeymoon was horrible, she never called me back and kept forgetting about it. So it may have just slipped her mind. She did address the invite to her father in law wrong as well.

I just find this whole situation odd. Even if I was not invited to the wedding, I am not upset about it but I just don't like getting the run around. I am a big girl if you don't want me invited then tell me upfront don't beat around the bush.

I spoke to the Bride 3 times before talking to the MOH because I know how forgetful the Bride to be is! She told me that she would send one out. So, you have spoken to the Bride herself 3 THREE times, and all three times, she confirmed you were a guest said she would send out another invite, correct? She didn't understand why I didn't get one. When the MOH asked why she didn't see my response when she was checking over the Yes list I had told her that I STILL had not gotten my invite and spoke to the Bride 3 times. She said that she would make sure one got sent out to me. She didn't understand why I needed to have one, she just put me down as a yes. I then had asked her was I invited AND GUEST, at first she said she didn't know THEN she said she just put me down as a yes and I was not invited AND GUEST.

I booked their honeymoon and I am very good friends with the Bride.

If I am not invited then fine but I feel that there is some major confusion going on here. So I just wanted clarification. If my boyfriend is not invited then fine, like I said I understand that BUT I still feel I should be invited and guest, that is my personal feelings on that. Especially since the Bride knows I have a boyfriend.

I know the feeling, but once again, unless it is written down that you are going to be there, then don't go. Take yourself out of the equation of confusion. What does you having a boyfriend have anything to do with this?[/QUOTE]

The MOH who is my best friend, doesn't like that I am in a relationship. Many of my family and some of our mutual friends keep telling me that she wants to be in a relationship with me. I am not gay, she has not come out and said that she is, however many things point in that direction. If that is the case I don't mind at all, but I am not going to be her girlfriend like that.

She is like a sister to me and I lover her dearly just not in THAT way.

The Bride herself has confirmed verbally with you at least 3 times that you were indeed invited.

You admit she is scatter brained, and weddings are a trial even for the most organized. So, she probably forgot, or it really just isn't on the top of her list to send another one out since she feels that confirming at least 3 times verbally that you are invited is probably good enough and she will get to it if she has time.

Obviously, you are invited. Your boyfriend is not. I think you really need to ask yourself if this is really about you needing a physical invite, since the bride has already invited you verbally, or if you are wanting to make a point by demanding a phyiscal invite that you are not a couple with the MOH.

I think this has way more to do with your being worried that the Bride thinks you may be a couple and you are trying to prove a point rather than you being worried if you are really invited or not as the Bride has made it perfectly clear to you verbally that you are invited.

 

[ChrizJen]

Maybe your BF put you down as her guest because you weren't invited but she knew you wanted to go. Which is why she told you not to worry about it.

It's not the end of the world. Go or don't go, but don't obsess over the whole thing.

I totally agree. If you feel uncomfortable, don't go. Period. Look at it as one less gift you'll have to buy for the wedding itself.

I'm sensing that the real issue here is that you think your friend might be a lesbian, and being seen with her might make you look like one too. First, why do you care what these people think? If you're really that good of friends with the Bride, she should know that you're straight and that you have a boyfriend. Why would she think you and your best friend are a couple?!?!?! If you really think that your friend is a lesbian and that she's interested in more than a friendship with you, then talk to her about it. You're obviously very uncomfortable with the whole thing. You have 2 options: Talk to her about it and let her know where you stand, or drop it and walk away.

 

[Scurvy]

I even went to the fitting of the bridesmaid dresses!!! The bride then even asked me at that time on the day of the wedding to help out with any last minute details making sure people were in their seats etc. Why would she ask this of me if I was not invited?

I am also invited to the Bachelorette party! Come on people, proper Bridal Code is if you are invited to the Bridal Shower....you are invited to the wedding and get your own invitation!

It sounds like there are several issues going on here. First, you are right that no one should be invited to the bridal shower unless they are also going to be invited to the wedding. If you were invited to the shower and not to the wedding, that would be very tacky. (ETA - Unless the shower was a workplace shower or something like that - it's not uncommon for people to be included in things like that without being invited to the wedding.)

In this case, though, if the bride herself has told you several times that you are invited, it sounds like you are indeed invited. You've said the bride was flakey, so maybe she just forgot to send your invitation, or is embarrassed to tell you she has run out of invitations. Or maybe she hadn't intended to invite you as an individual, and actually invited you as your other friend's guest. Technically "and guests" are supposed to get their own invitations, so maybe she intended to send you one and then forgot. Or maybe she thinks inviting you verbally is good enough. If you are still unsure about whether you're invited, you need to talk to the bride and ask her if you really are invited. You don't want her to think that you are inviting yourself, of course, so you should just explain that you are unsure based on things that she and the MOH have said.

Assuming that you are actually invited, I don't understand what your boyfriend really has to do with any of it. Are you upset that you aren't being invited with a guest of your own? The bride isn't obligated to invite anyone with a guest. If you are unwilling to attend the wedding without your boyfriend then you should decline, but you shouldn't make a fuss because he isn't invited. Unless you are engaged, married, or (possibly) living together, the host has no obligation to invite him. A dating couple is not considered a "social unit" for etiquette purposes.

Finally, if you really believe that the reason your boyfriend wasn't invited is because your other friend is jealous of him, that's an issue between you and that friend. Either she is being unreasonable by trying to interfere in the relationship or you are being very unfair to her by assuming she is jealous. It sounds like the two of you either need to talk and work this out or you need to end the friendship. Good luck with whatever you decide!

 

[mrsklamc]

Just wondering...are you guys pretty young?

You seem to be having a bit of trouble with direct, adult conversations-which isn't necessarily uncommon with early 20 somethings but it's time to get the heck over it! Pick up the phone, call the bride, tell her you understand there's been some confusion with the invites and you just want to double check whether you are invited, and whether it's just you, or you and a guest. Just politely say that it's fine if you can't bring a guest, but since you didn't get your invite, you want to KNOW.

You also need to have a direct, adult conversation with your BF. "Hey I've noticed it upsets you when I talk about my boyfriend, but you're both important parts of my life and I need to know what's going on." Don't force the gay issue-that's not fair to her, you may be totally wrong and offend her, or she may not be willing to talk about it yet. But you DO need to address her being in denial or whatever.

In both situations, its time to put on your big girl panties and deal with it.

 

[Enchanted_Mama]

I don't think you are invited because your BF, the MOH, told the bride that she wants to bring you as her guest. She (the MOH) doesn't want you to be able to bring your boyfriend as your guest. She wants you to be her date.

this.

 

[belle&sebastiansmom]

So you have 2 good friends. They both have not met your boyfriend that you have been going out with for almost a year? How do you keep your boyfriend from meeting you gal pals for that long? Maybe they had a right to assume that you would be attending without a guest.

 

[mrsklamc]

this.

Well, I think it's pretty clear that this is what the OP thinks. But she hasn't actually asked anyone, so it's just speculation.

 

[disykat]

Call your friend (the bride) and say "I know I've talked to you about this before and that you say I'm invited to your wedding, but I still haven't received an invitation. I know this is awkward and I'm sorry to keep bothering you, but I my problem is that without an invitation I don't know whether my boyfriend is invited or not. I'm fine if you're not including "plus ones," but I need to know so he can get it on his calendar or make other plans while I'm busy."

I agree with the others that you need to talk to your other friend (MOH.) Honestly? I think if you've been dating a year and she refuses to acknowledge your boyfriend, it's time to choose which relationship is more important to you.

 

[dancingdisneygirl]

I haven't read all the replies but, here is my opinion.....I had a friend who invited people to her engagement party but not to the wedding (I know not the same as a shower) so maybe you weren't invited or your bff told the bride you would be going with her (the bff). Could your bff be jealous of your boyfriend? Do you spend more time with him than her.....maybe she doesn't want to meet him because she doesn't like the fact he takes time away from you guys hanging out?

 

[Mickey's Minion]

Well, I think it's pretty clear that this is what the OP thinks. But she hasn't actually asked anyone, so it's just speculation.

Actually, the OP said she has asked the Bride three times whether she was invited, the bride confirmed that she was and promised to send another invite, although has not gotten around to sending it yet.

 

[mrsklamc]

Actually, the OP said she has asked the Bride three times whether she was invited, the bride confirmed that she was and promised to send another invite, although has not gotten around to sending it yet.

Sorry-very drugged today. I meant the part about her friend wanting a 'more than friends' relationship.I think it's wrong to be speculating so much about what her friend's motivations are without having actually talked to her friend.