Very odd situation about Wedding and my best friend

[Mickeyistheman]

My best friend is the Maid of Honor in HER best childhood friends wedding in late November.

All the invitations had been sent out over 3 weeks ago, I live within the same county so I should have gotten an invitation by now.

A few had incorrect addresses so they called to say that had not gotten one. I mentioned it to the Maid of Honor and she said don't worry about it.

She took it upon herself to just put me down as a yes to the wedding, when she and the bride to be were going over the guest list this past weekend.

I had asked my friend and also the Bride to send me another invitation in the mail just so that I had it along with the time, place of the wedding etc.

I had also asked my BF if I was invited and guest. She had told me no because SHE didn't think I would bring anyone and the bride and groom have to crunch numbers. The odd thing is that all they have been talking about it how they are going to meet their quota of guests.

I am confused and a bit upset, if I am not invited then fine BUT don't speak for me.

The other challenge of this whole situation is that I feel that my BF is Gay. Which I have no issue with whatsoever but my fear is that the bride thinks we are a couple. Which is why I have not gotten an invite so I am going as my BF's "guest"

Am I overreacting on this, now I don't even want to attend the wedding, after I spent money on a shower gift, new dress, shoes etc.

Thoughts and advice?

 

[The Mystery Machine]

It sounds like you are overreacting. You stated you are going as a guest to the MOH, right?

How about getting your BF invite and make a copy so you know times, etc.

 

[Mickeyistheman]

BUT, I have a boyfriend.

So it should be MY choice if I am going to attend the wedding not my best friend. She is great and I do love her but she gets very upset when I talk about my boyfriend. She doesn't even want to meet him. She always changes the subject when he comes up and I mean if I just tell her about a movie we went to go see. She gets all bent out of shape.

I fear that she wants to take things to a different level and well that won't be me. I should have recieved my own wedding invitation especially since I got my own for the Briday Shower, don't you think?

 

[luvmy3]

Are you friends with the bride or the MOH?
Were you officially on the invite list, or are you only going because you are a guest of the MOH? I'm sorry I'm just a bit confused

 

[diznygirl]

Maybe your BF put you down as her guest because you weren't invited but she knew you wanted to go. Which is why she told you not to worry about it.

It's not the end of the world. Go or don't go, but don't obsess over the whole thing.

 

[Heidict]

I'm thinking your BFF is bringing you as a guest and that is the reason you never recieved an invite. The only way to find out the truth of that is to ask the bride. Are you friends with her?

If you don't want to go because you are worried that people will think you are a couple, then don't go or if you are upset that you can't bring your BF, then just tell her you can't make it. However, if you just want to have a good time and could care less what people think, then go and enjoy yourself.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

BUT, I have a boyfriend.

So it should be MY choice if I am going to attend the wedding not my best friend. She is great and I do love her but she gets very upset when I talk about my boyfriend. She doesn't even want to meet him. She always changes the subject when he comes up and I mean if I just tell her about a movie we went to go see. She gets all bent out of shape.

I fear that she wants to take things to a different level and well that won't be me. I should have recieved my own wedding invitation especially since I got my own for the Briday Shower, don't you think?

You are now throwing a boyfriend into the equation?

It sounds like you are trying to muscle your way into someone's wedding.

If that is the case, I would consider myself not invited unless I had an invite. So, let it go and tell your friend you have decide not to go with her as a guest.

 

[Mickeyistheman]

My understand is....if I am not "officially" invited to the wedding, why did I get an invite to the Bridal Shower? I have gone to many weddings in my lifetime. If you are invited to the Bridal Shower, you get an invite to the Wedding.

I am friends with the Bride, who I had spoken to about my invitation. She is a very unorganized person first and foremost. Trying to get her to pay her final balance for her honeymoon was horrible, she never called me back and kept forgetting about it. So it may have just slipped her mind. She did address the invite to her father in law wrong as well.

I just find this whole situation odd. Even if I was not invited to the wedding, I am not upset about it but I just don't like getting the run around. I am a big girl if you don't want me invited then tell me upfront don't beat around the bush.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

My understand is....if I am not "officially" invited to the wedding, why did I get an invite to the Bridal Shower? I have gone to many weddings in my lifetime. If you are invited to the Bridal Shower, you get an invite to the Wedding.

I am friends with the Bride, who I had spoken to about my invitation. She is a very unorganized person first and foremost. Trying to get her to pay her final balance for her honeymoon was horrible, she never called me back and kept forgetting about it. So it may have just slipped her mind. She did address the invite to her father in law wrong as well.

I just find this whole situation odd. Even if I was not invited to the wedding, I am not upset about it but I just don't like getting the run around. I am a big girl if you don't want me invited then tell me upfront don't beat around the bush.

You cannot expect people that are unorganized and forget stuff to be honest and upfront with you.

You have not been invited, so see it for what it is. Tell your friend you are declining going as her guest so she can find someone else to bring.

 

[Mickeyistheman]

The Bride to be KNOWS that I have boyfriend.....however the MOH ALWAYS keeps telling her that it isn't really serious. We have been going out almost a year this coming January. So when I am at the BTB's house or out to dinner I always talk about it and she acts surprised because my BF keeps trying to deny the relationship. I have just shrugged it off but now its hurting my feelings.

 

[MAKmom]

You are correct you are invited to the wedding if you were invited to the shower. Call the bride & tell her you did not get your invite.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Yep, I agree....

Your 'friend' may have put you down as her guest.

The 'BRIDE', whom you do not mention a close friendship with, apparantly did not include you, personally and individually, on her guest list.

1. If you didn't recieve an invitation, then there is simply NO invitation to accept.

2. If there is any question about a possible invitation, then this should have been addressed directly with the bride.
You act like the MOH should not have 'spoken for you', then you should not have put her in that position...
Instead of asking her if you were getting an invitation or not, you should have contacted the bride.
IMHO, just because a close friend is a maid of honor, does not necessarily mean that you, as the friend-of-a-friend (and now, your boyfriend as the friend-of-a-friend-of-a-friend........etc.....) should feel like you have a right to be there.

3. Nope, the fact that the MOH says, 'yeah you can come' (presumably as HER guest) does not mean that your boyfriend is invited.

Either make your excuses...
Contact the bride...
Or, consider yourself lucky that the MOH got you in, and go, and be happy.

Those are your choices.

 

[Mickeyistheman]

You are correct you are invited to the wedding if you were invited to the shower. Call the bride & tell her you did not get your invite.

That is my understanding, thank you for clearing that up.

Also if I am not invited AND GUEST, its not a big deal I do understand that.

However, she has to have at least 175 people at her wedding, that is the quota, I have known the Bride for over 7 years, every birthday, we exchange Christmas Gifts, ETC. So that is why I was confused of not getting an acutal invitation and upset that my boyfriend is not included as per the MOH - that should not be HER choice.

 

[diznygirl]

You are correct you are invited to the wedding if you were invited to the shower. Call the bride & tell her you did not get your invite.

Not necessarily amongst the rude and I just want the gift crowd.

Could be that she was indeed only invited to the shower. Who knows?

If the bride isn't sure, what then? I'd bail on the whole thing. Better to sit home than to deal with all the high school drama.

 

[Wishing on a star]

My understand is....if I am not "officially" invited to the wedding, why did I get an invite to the Bridal Shower? I have gone to many weddings in my lifetime. If you are invited to the Bridal Shower, you get an invite to the Wedding.

I am friends with the Bride, who I had spoken to about my invitation. She is a very unorganized person first and foremost. Trying to get her to pay her final balance for her honeymoon was horrible, she never called me back and kept forgetting about it. So it may have just slipped her mind. She did address the invite to her father in law wrong as well.

I just find this whole situation odd. Even if I was not invited to the wedding, I am not upset about it but I just don't like getting the run around. I am a big girl if you don't want me invited then tell me upfront don't beat around the bush.

I wouldn't make any assumtions here.
(I hate to start using words like 'entitlement mentality' especially regarding the boyfriend.)

If you don't want 'the run around',
and if you don't want assumptions,
and if you don't want others to 'speak for you'....
If you are a 'big girl'. (and actually friends with the bride)

Then, contact the bride....
Otherwise, make your excuses...
or go, and be happy.

Those, again, are your choices.

 

[SaraJayne]

My understand is....if I am not "officially" invited to the wedding, why did I get an invite to the Bridal Shower? I have gone to many weddings in my lifetime. If you are invited to the Bridal Shower, you get an invite to the Wedding.

I am friends with the Bride, who I had spoken to about my invitation. She is a very unorganized person first and foremost. Trying to get her to pay her final balance for her honeymoon was horrible, she never called me back and kept forgetting about it. So it may have just slipped her mind. She did address the invite to her father in law wrong as well.

I just find this whole situation odd. Even if I was not invited to the wedding, I am not upset about it but I just don't like getting the run around. I am a big girl if you don't want me invited then tell me upfront don't beat around the bush.

IMO, no one is beating around the bush. You didn't get an invite, so you aren't invited.

And yes, you *should* be invited since you were at the shower, but that doesn't mean you just show up and assume you're invited ~ sans invitation.

 

[Boxley]

Dont want to be rude, but I don't think you are invited. Perhaps the bride put you on the bridal shower list because she knows that you are a friend of the MOH, so this could be a a "friend of a friend" situation or whatever, but that does not automatically make you a guest of the wedding nor your boyfriend and if you were going as a guest of the MOH, I would think that you would not take your boyfriend.

 

[Mickeyistheman]

I spoke to the Bride 3 times before talking to the MOH because I know how forgetful the Bride to be is! She told me that she would send one out. She didn't understand why I didn't get one. When the MOH asked why she didn't see my response when she was checking over the Yes list I had told her that I STILL had not gotten my invite and spoke to the Bride 3 times. She said that she would make sure one got sent out to me. She didn't understand why I needed to have one, she just put me down as a yes. I then had asked her was I invited AND GUEST, at first she said she didn't know THEN she said she just put me down as a yes and I was not invited AND GUEST.

I booked their honeymoon and I am very good friends with the Bride.

If I am not invited then fine but I feel that there is some major confusion going on here. So I just wanted clarification. If my boyfriend is not invited then fine, like I said I understand that BUT I still feel I should be invited and guest, that is my personal feelings on that. Especially since the Bride knows I have a boyfriend.

 

[Boxley]

I spoke to the Bride 3 times before talking to the MOH because I know how forgetful the Bride to be is! She told me that she would send one out. She didn't understand why I didn't get one. When the MOH asked why she didn't see my response when she was checking over the Yes list I had told her that I STILL had not gotten my invite and spoke to the Bride 3 times. She said that she would make sure one got sent out to me. She didn't understand why I needed to have one, she just put me down as a yes. I then had asked her was I invited AND GUEST, at first she said she didn't know THEN she said she just put me down as a yes and I was not invited AND GUEST.

I booked their honeymoon and I am very good friends with the Bride.

If I am not invited then fine but I feel that there is some major confusion going on here. So I just wanted clarification. If my boyfriend is not invited then fine, like I said I understand that BUT I still feel I should be invited and guest, that is my personal feelings on that. Especially since the Bride knows I have a boyfriend.

I know the feeling, but once again, unless it is written down that you are going to be there, then don't go. Take yourself out of the equation of confusion. What does you having a boyfriend have anything to do with this?

 

[SaraJayne]

I spoke to the Bride 3 times before talking to the MOH because I know how forgetful the Bride to be is! She told me that she would send one out. She didn't understand why I didn't get one. When the MOH asked why she didn't see my response when she was checking over the Yes list I had told her that I STILL had not gotten my invite and spoke to the Bride 3 times. She said that she would make sure one got sent out to me. She didn't understand why I needed to have one, she just put me down as a yes. I then had asked her was I invited AND GUEST, at first she said she didn't know THEN she said she just put me down as a yes and I was not invited AND GUEST.

I booked their honeymoon and I am very good friends with the Bride.

If I am not invited then fine but I feel that there is some major confusion going on here. So I just wanted clarification. If my boyfriend is not invited then fine, like I said I understand that BUT I still feel I should be invited and guest, that is my personal feelings on that. Especially since the Bride knows I have a boyfriend.

But ~ just because you *feel* you should be invited doesn't mean you will be.