Very disturbing email from a professor to my DS in college

[hinodis]

My DS18 who is a college freshman recieved the following email from a 58 year old very distinguished male professor at his school. A little history to help you all understand the content. DS has been ill with mono. He is a member of the University choir and the choir recently went on tour. My son was unable to attend the tour due to his illness. Yesterday he recieved the following email

DD18-

You are just so cute Sorry I just had to say that and sorry you missed the tour.

I immediatley called the dean as well as the department head. I thought this was very inappropriate!

 

[Planogirl]

Odd email - you're right! You might to let your son handle this as much as possible though.

 

[hinodis]

Well, the email was actually sent to DS18's brother who is a senior, They both have the same first initial and there emails are almost identical. DS21 was very creeped out by it and called me. DS18 was in class all day and could not be reached. DS18 said it makes him feel awkward.

 

[Longsx3]

Well I am the first to say let College Students deal with their own issues, ie grades, dorms etc. However I think OP did the right thing!

 

[hinodis]

I was VERY upset by this as was the Department head.

 

[Carly_Roach]

Well, the email was actually sent to DS18's brother who is a senior, They both have the same first initial and there emails are almost identical. DS21 was very creeped out by it and called me. DS18 was in class all day and could not be reached. DS18 said it makes him feel awkward.

Another vote for letting your adult children handle it.

 

[disykat]

Could the professor have been responding something "cute" your son did? Cute doesn't always mean attractive.

 

[Liberty Belle]

I'm confused. Was the email intended for your 21 year old or 18 year old. If it were intended for the 21 year old, I'd let him handle it (and I think an email back saying thank you, but that makes him uncomfortable would suffice). If it were intended for your 18 year old who, I'm assuming, doesn't know the professor. I'd email it back saying it was sent to the wrong person and you felt it was inappropriate.

Then I'd definitely keep my eye on the professor. Is he foreign? It could have been innocent, but I wouldn't take my chances and let my guard down.

 

[hinodis]

Email was meant for 18 YO but sent to 21 YO. The Prof is my sons choir teacher. The department head told me the Prof is a homosexual. So, if this was a man seding this to your 18 YO daughter how would you feel?? Would you step away and say she can deal with it alone?

 

[Liberty Belle]

Email was meant for 18 YO but sent to 21 YO. The Prof is my sons choir teacher. The department head told me the Prof is a homosexual. So, if this was a man seding this to your 18 YO daughter how would you feel?? Would you step away and say she can deal with it alone?

If she were 21, yes. At 18 I'd guide her, but let her handle it, if she wanted to. Of course if she wanted me to, I would.

I, however, do not have an 18 year old and maybe my perceptions are skewed because of that. I do have a 16 year old and I'd be concerned and most likely handle it myself, with his involvement.

 

[GRUMPY PIRATE]

My DS18 who is a college freshman recieved the following email from a 58 year old very distinguished male professor at his school. A little history to help you all understand the content. DS has been ill with mono. He is a member of the University choir and the choir recently went on tour. My son was unable to attend the tour due to his illness. Yesterday he recieved the following email

DD18-
You are just so cute Sorry I just had to say that and sorry you missed the tour.

I immediatley called the dean as well as the department head. I thought this was very inappropriate!

Email was meant for 18 YO but sent to 21 YO. The Prof is my sons choir teacher. The department head told me the Prof is a homosexual. So, if this was a man seding this to your 18 YO daughter how would you feel?? Would you step away and say she can deal with it alone?

So an older gay choir teacher intended to send your sick daughter an e-mail that said she was cute and hopes she gets better from an illness?

so you have a DS18, DS21, and a DD18? how did the DD18 become involved?

wait...what?

 

[Carly_Roach]

Email was meant for 18 YO but sent to 21 YO. The Prof is my sons choir teacher. The department head told me the Prof is a homosexual. So, if this was a man seding this to your 18 YO daughter how would you feel?? Would you step away and say she can deal with it alone?

In that one sentence email, you immediately jumped to the conclusion that the Prof was hitting on your son and went into Helicopter mode by contacting the Dean and complaining about the Prof without knowing the intention behind the email (I also wonder if the son did, said, sent or posted something "cute" that the Prof was referring to).

Your sons will have to learn how to deal with uncomfortable situations and college is one of the best places to begin learning how to do that. Mom won't be around all their lives to handle all the inappropriate incidences they experience with her Sword of Justice and Telephone of Wonder.

If your 21 and 18 y/o sons (both adults now) were uncomfortable with the email, they should have emailed the Prof back stating they were uncomfortable. If they felt it necessary to go to the Dean, then they should do so. If it was some sort of a pass, they're going to have to learn how to deflect them.

Especially if they ARE "cute".

 

[hinodis]

DS18 is feeling very uncomfortable about the whole thing. I also think that sometimes when the parent (person paying the bill) calls they tend to "listen" and take action more. I was not on here to ask if I should handle it or my son. I just wondered if others thought that it was very inapprpriate and could have a deeper meaning.

 

[BCDisneyFanatic]

I may be completely off-base, but to me, it sounds like the prof was responding to an email your DS sent him. Did he send the prof a note to explain why he wasn't on tour? Maybe he thought something your DS said in the message was "so cute".

 

[hinodis]

No, my son did not. My son had a Dr.'s note for all his teachers. IF my son had emailed the prof the the prof would have the correct email and would NOT have sent it to his brother! I am really glad that none of you work at the university, they all thought it was VERY wrong and the depatment head said "this is really creepy"

 

[aristocatz]

Email was meant for 18 YO but sent to 21 YO. The Prof is my sons choir teacher. The department head told me the Prof is a homosexual. So, if this was a man seding this to your 18 YO daughter how would you feel?? Would you step away and say she can deal with it alone?

I agree that the email was inappropriate & the appropriate course of action should be taken, but I am appalled that the department head told you the sexuality of the professor!!! That is so out of line, IMO & confidential information!

 

[GRUMPY PIRATE]

No, my son did not. My son had a Dr.'s note for all his teachers. IF my son had emailed the prof the the prof would have the correct email and would NOT have sent it to his brother! I am really glad that none of you work at the university, they all thought it was VERY wrong and the depatment head said "this is really creepy"

so the daughter you mentioned in a previous post, how does she fit into all of this?

 

[Liberty Belle]

No, my son did not. My son had a Dr.'s note for all his teachers. IF my son had emailed the prof the the prof would have the correct email and would NOT have sent it to his brother! I am really glad that none of you work at the university, they all thought it was VERY wrong and the depatment head said "this is really creepy"

No need to be insulting. I don't see where I said anything wrong. I mostly agreed with you, only I'd let my son have some involvement.

 

[Liberty Belle]

I agree that the email was inappropriate & the appropriate course of action should be taken, but I am appalled that the department head told you the sexuality of the professor!!! That is so out of line, IMO & confidential information!

I didn't even catch that! Very wrong of the department head!

 

[hinodis]

so the daughter you mentioned in a previous post, how does she fit into all of this?

I was using that as an example, there is no daughter. I think the prof's sexual orientation does chage things. If a male prof did this to a female student it would probably be sexual harassment.