If they told me OJ began to run, took off and flew to mars and brought down Martians who went into a toy store and produced a pink revolver and demanded money so that they could buy a ticket to Washington and shoot the President and implement Martian Law, but the checkout girl figured, "They're Martians, they don't know money from candy" and gave them candy instead and they ate it and the sugar in the candy reacted badly with their Martian anatomy and they all blew up and everyone who got little bits of Martian on them needed money to pay for special Martian Decontamination Chambers, so OJ robbed a bank to cover the whole mess up and then flew to the entity formerly known as Pluto, but Pluto is all pissed off about no longer being considered a planet and will not extradite, so we can't even have a trial...
...I'd still find the son of a ***** guilty.
Sincerely,