Well...you know, I had to let it all go with my dd.
When the flyers come home for PJ day, hat day, crazy sock day, we ignore it now.
Think of us parents with kids that will not participate and will feel left out. My dd won't wear pj's, hats, crazy socks, etc...Frankly she finally started wearing blue jeans this year...thank GOD!
Let me tell you, it takes a bit for a kid to develop some backbone to be who they are. Alot of meltdowns can occur to get there.
But that is the way it is, my dd accepts it now. She is on student council and makes suggestions on deaf ears.
HUGS to you OP...I understand where you are coming from.