Vent on mean 7th grader

[zulaya]

I don't usually post stuff like this...I generally take care of my own business and all that, but this one is bugging me a lot and even though I know the right thing is to ignore it, DH wants to forget about it and I am one of those that tends to hold a grudge. So here goes...

We live in a cul-de-sac - corner house - and in the big storms last Sunday, we lost a basketball to the wind. Not a gigantic loss. Today a kid in the 7th grade (know this because a kid 2 doors down is in 7th grade and this other kid is in his class) comes bouncing our ball down the cul-de-sac. DS8 says to this other kid - hey, you found our ball!. This kid says, "This aint your ball. It's mine." DS8 comes to tell DH and I. Since we had to leave for religion class, I asked DH to talk with this kid and see if we could get the ball back. (Forgot to say that this definitely was ours, all worn out, Rawlings name barely discernable, same goofy marker marks from when DS was younger, etc).

I get home to find written in chalk on the street in front of our driveway, "This house is mental." "This house gay and mental and poopie". Okay, I know this is teen antics, but my kids are like, what does this mean, Mom? I go inside to DH and get the scoop.

Apparently when DH went out to talk with this kid, the basketball was lying in the street by our driveway. DH picked it up and brought it in and got a Sharpie to write our name on it in much darker more readable marker. This kid then comes up and tell DH that the ball belongs to him. DH says no, this is ours. This kid then tries to tell DH that he found it Sunday and it's all worn out since then. The kdi eventually gave up and went away. DH thinks this kid is the one doing the name calling with chalk. A kid, who up until today, had nothing to do with my family.

So here I am fuming that the whole neighborhood is seeing this wonderful chalk hate-message in front of our house. What can I do but sit here and fume on the DIS? I know the best thing to do is make sure everything is locked up and ignore it. Frankly, that's hard for me.

I don't disrespect other people or other kids for that matter. I leave them alone and I would expect them to leave me alone in terms of negative activity. Stuff like this just makes me want to pack up and move to Montana ( no offense meant to anyone on this board from Montana - if my whole family didn't live within 20 miles of us, I have no doubts I'd be seriously considering living there - not that I don't like MN - I am just having a minor issue with my neighborhood today)

So now I am making plans to enclose my yard completely with a fence, not something I was wanting to work into my budget, but there you go. Can you tell I am not happy with the world at this point in time?

And no offense intended, but if you have flames to feed this fire, or disagree with how I feel, I really don't feel like hearing it. I just needed a forum to vent my ire.

 

[Kallison]

hmmmm, I can understand you being upset, but I think you're overreacting with fencing your yard in just a tiny bit. I would talk to the kid or the parents, maybe that would make you feel better. Although most parents don't take responsibility when their kids screw up -- I will admit that. Don't get down on all teens (this sounds like a very immature one).

 

[Jenn Lynn]

I would just take the hose and hose down the sidewalk. Should come right off.

 

[zulaya]

I don't think all teens are bad. Case in point...oldest girl 2 doors down...an absolute angel. We haven't talked for a long while, but she always has a nice word to say to my children and always waves if I am outside when she walks home from school.

Don't know the parents all that well. DH knows "of them" as the Cubmaster of our local pack. Younger brother of this kid was in the pack. Apparently the parents have a reputation for not caring about their kids or what their kids do. Not surprising considering what happened today.

Maybe fencing in is an over-reaction. But I feel like now I am going to have to watch over my shoulder for the next prank. And what if the next prank is a little bit worse and it eventually gets up to vandalism or confronting my kids? I may be imagining, but I can't help but try to prepare for the worst.

I thank you for your kind comment and your objectiveness, though. I hope this is just an isolated incident and this kid gets involved in other things to the point where he completely forgets about us.

 

[zulaya]

Originally posted by Jenn Lynn
I would just take the hose and hose down the sidewalk. Should come right off.

But would doing that be a gesture that it bugs me? As much as I'd like to do that, wouldn't that just tell him he could yank my chain? I don't want to give this kid more reasons to do stuff like this. I mean some kids get a kick out of seeing what kind of reaction they can get.

 

[buzzlady]

Originally posted by zulaya
So here I am fuming that the whole neighborhood is seeing this wonderful chalk hate-message in front of our house. What can I do but sit here and fume on the DIS? I know the best thing to do is make sure everything is locked up and ignore it. Frankly, that's hard for me.

I would take some water and wash the chalk off. I really know how you feel. I have the same thing with my next door neighbor. He is 13 and we had an incident last week with him coming into my fenced/gated yard with my dog out in the yard and taking a scooter that was not his. I heard him and his friend saying there is our scooter in Kevin's (my DS) backyard. I went out and told him not to come into the yard - long story short him and his obnoxious, foul mouthed friend came in the yard with me continuing to tell them not to and took the scooter. This is not the 1st incident with them ~ spray pained something about another kid in the neighborhood on my garage wall and many other things. The parents aren't any better. The mother is a drunk, deals drugs and now has the neighbor across the street involved with her (both houses were raided on March 1). We are seriously thinking about moving but it really bothers me that I have to uproot because of these people. I wish you luck.

 

[Disney Doll]

I'd ignore the kid. If his parents dont' pay a lot of attention to him, then he may be looking to get attention from you...negative attention is still attention!

You said this kid is a teen? And he's writing stuff like "poopie"???? Thta sounds to me like he's a tad...slow or something maybe??? I mean, most teens would write a lot worse than poopie!

As far as if it escalates...that's what the police are for.

 

[Jenn Lynn]

Maybe take pictures before you hose it down.

If the parents don't seem to care then I don't think there is a whole lot you can do at this point. It's kind of your word against his and they would probably take his side.

I can see it 2 ways: 1) Leave it up- the kid sees his handy work and feels "all proud of his accomplishment." Plus the whole neighborhood gets to read it until it rains. 2) Hose it down. Maybe he will think that he can "get away with it."

I don't think hosing it down would give him a big reaction. Can you do it while he is at school?

 

[TimeforMe]

Originally posted by zulaya
But would doing that be a gesture that it bugs me? As much as I'd like to do that, wouldn't that just tell him he could yank my chain?

Umm, I think it would tell him that you don't want that kind of stuff written in front of your house. YOU are the adult--you set the rules. I would not let these kids intimidate you.

And I agree that if this "teen" is using words like poopie, then that's a little weird in and of itself.

I wouldn't give it a whole lot of further thought until it is necessary.

And for the record, I'm not quite sure what this has to do with them being a teen.

 

[zulaya]

I was using the term "teen" just to identify the age group. I guess looking back on my OP, maybe I should have identified him as a 7th grader. I'll change my OP so it doesn't reflect poorly on other teens. Sorry.,

Poopie...could be some other kids added to the "message". There are 1st - 7th grades in my cul-de-sac and I wouldn't put it past some of the others to just go in on it.

I can hose it down during school hours. Maybe I should do it tonight.

 

[Jenn Lynn]

If you do it tonight then it won't be there in 'all it's glory' tomorrow for the whole neighborhood to see.

 

[lightsaber]

*sigh*

Hosed down the chalk marks. Comes up really easy.

I'm still all for fencing in the yard -- I don't want this little weenie (can I say that here?) to be able to come into my back yard to take any toys that my (and Zulaya's) DS (8) or my DD (7) leave out there.

As far as the story goes, the ball was just laying in the street, and I went and got it. When I picked it up, the little weenie looked directly at me, but didn't say anything. I dribbled the ball a little while, then dribbled it back to my house.

A little later, after DW, DS, and DD left for religion class, I heard them through an open window asking if that was "his basketball." I went out and picked up the basketball and then confronted the little weenie and his friend...who lives 2 doors down. (I really had the fight or flight reaction to this discussion, I can't explain why) I told the kid that this was my ball. He said no it was his. I said no, its mine, and it blew away during the big storm on Sunday. He said no, it blew into my yard before then. (AHA! So it blew into his yard, it wasn't his from the start!) So I then went into the whole diatribe that our basketball was missing, and that when you bounced it it sounded like a rubber ping (if you've bounced a rubber basketball, you know what I'm talking about) and that it was old and worn with old-age cracks and the black "raleigh" symbol all but worn off. The little weenie's friend-who-lives-two-doors-down stated that all basketballs sound like that when you bounce them. I told him that as an old b-baller that, no the don't. There are leather ones, cheap plastic ones, and the ones like this one. The little weenie's friend-who-lives-two-doors-down also said that the ball was so worn because the weenie had been using it so much. (right) and that I couldn't prove that it was the same ball and he's right. I can't prove it. I only have conjecture and a lot of circumstantial evidence.

Looking back on it, I should have asked the little weenie when he got the ball, how he got the ball, and why/how he was so into playing basketball when he doesn't have a hoop. Ah well. Hindsight and 20/20 stuff.

My take on how it all went down,

Lightsaber

 

[Bojangles]

The last thing you should ever do is argue with a child. If you have a problem with his behavior, go to his parents and discuss it with them or buy a new basketball.

I really don't think this is worth the expense of fencing your yard in.

 

[Briar Rose 7457]

I don't know what happens to some kids when they gt to middle school. I've got a 6th grader and an 8th grader, and some of the stories they tell can curl your hair.

washing the chalk off the sidewalk was a good idea. not overreacting to this nonsense is a better one.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

How about sign his name? That way at least he can take credit for it?

 

[Chim Chiminy]

We have a 15 year old in our neighborhood who doesn't have any friends at all, very poor social skills, very immature.
He showed up out of the blue last summer and asked if he could play with my then 9 year old son.

That took me aback somewhat and I had to think for a few minutes how to respond.
Finally I said yes, BUT I laid out some rules.
The rules were not special just for this boy, I have ground rules for all the kids who seem to migrate over here. (Parents in this area seem to be the "don't care what my kids do or where they are" type)

This boy like I said is very immature and had a hard time understanding, when I would correct behavior---for example he had a potty mouth---he really didn't seem to understand what it was that he had done wrong.
I never talk down to these kids, rather I treat them all with respect, even when I am being a bit more firm with them.

He did finally get the jist of things and start playing better and more respectfully with the other kids ( no more threatening to beat them up for every little thing--that was his reaction to everything). I would just tell him we don't play like that at my house and he can go home now.
Of course, now he has moved on and does hang around with kids closer to his age.

Okay, I am rattling on, but I would just flat out tell him what the rules are around your house. Do it calmly and matter of factly.

 

[Rajah]

Take a picture of it (for documentation), hose it down, then see what happens from there. I would think if that's all he's done, it'll probably blow over and fencing in the yard is a bit of overkill at this point.

If it does escalate, call in the police.

 

[shortbun]

As one who deals with kids this age on a regular basis. I can
say 2 things. I completely agree with the poster who said not
to argue with this child. It will get you no where, they are very
ego centered at that age. #2 it's good you washed the chalk
off, that's what you do with any grafiti left. Out of site, out of
mind. Believe me, he'll go on to the next issue. He knows the
ball isn't his, he bullyied your 8yo and almost got you into an
argument. Anytime you argue with kids this age-they win just
because they engaged you in an argument. What do you expect
them to do, say, "My bad sir, of course it's your ball." You are the adult, just give them a look and walk away if you are sure you
are correct. I wouldn't get paranoid over this, it's small potatoes.
Move on to the next thing in life.

 

[MICKEY88]

I suppose I'll get flamed for this ..but I think this is a lot to do about nothing... the ball blew away, the kid found it..end of story..had it not been left outside story never even happened.....my kids know that if they leave toys/athletic equipment..etc...outside when they're finished using it, if someone else doesn't take it...I will, I want them to understand the value of things...


and what's with an adult calling a kid a weenie....???

Originally posted by lightsaber
*sigh*



I'm still all for fencing in the yard -- I don't want this little weenie (can I say that here?) to be able to come into my back yard to take any toys that my (and Zulaya's) DS (8) or my DD (7) leave out there.
it would be a lot less expensive to just teach your children to put their toys away when they are finished playing


As far as the story goes, the ball was just laying in the street, and I went and got it. When I picked it up, the little weenie looked directly at me, but didn't say anything. I dribbled the ball a little while, then dribbled it back to my house.

why not put the ball inside at this point so it doesn't blow away again..??

(I really had the fight or flight reaction to this discussion, I can't explain why)

this sounds a little over the top to me..


I told the kid that this was my ball. He said no it was his. I said no, its mine, and it blew away during the big storm on Sunday. He said no, it blew into my yard before then. (AHA! So it blew into his yard, it wasn't his from the start!) So I then went into the whole diatribe that our basketball was missing, and that when you bounced it it sounded like a rubber ping (if you've bounced a rubber basketball, you know what I'm talking about) and that it was old and worn with old-age cracks and the black "raleigh" symbol all but worn off. The little weenie's friend-who-lives-two-doors-down stated that all basketballs sound like that when you bounce them. I told him that as an old b-baller that, no the don't. There are leather ones, cheap plastic ones, and the ones like this one. The little weenie's friend-who-lives-two-doors-down also said that the ball was so worn because the weenie had been using it so much. (right) and that I couldn't prove that it was the same ball and he's right. I can't prove it. I only have conjecture and a lot of circumstantial evidence.

Looking back on it, I should have asked the little weenie when he got the ball, how he got the ball, and why/how he was so into playing basketball when he doesn't have a hoop. Ah well. Hindsight and 20/20 stuff.

as a teenager, I played basketball for hours on end, sometimes from sun up to sundown breaking only for meals, sometimes after dark since there was a streetlight at one end of the local court, I think that qualified me for being so into playing basketball,,yet I didn't have a hoop..

My take on how it all went down,

Lightsaber