Vent - family and DVC

[lenshanem]

First, I'll say we only have 200 points.

We've only been members for not quite two years.

We've already taken family from both sides on various trips. This coming year we'll be borrowing almost everything to cover everyone equally again. I kinda hate that we are already in this mode. Our families don't like each other so everything has become a problem - holidays, etc. We have to be fair to everyone if you know what I mean. Equal time with everyone, rotating holidays, etc. (And I wouldn't lie - it hurts a tad more having to use our points on the in-laws instead of my parents. )

Now I think family members are already starting to think we have DVC all year long or something available to us whenever we like.

I'm irritated with my younger brother. I love him, but this made me mad so I figured I'd vent here.

My family (just us four) went to BWV in June. The plan was I was taking my side of the family to VB in July. My brother decided that he wanted to go to WDW instead so I changed the plans and took the kids back a month later to make him happy. Unfortunately, he was not as fun as I thought he'd be. He didn't want to wait in lines, didn't want to play in SAB with us, but instead sit with his laptop, etc. I don't think he once thanked me for using extra points to get another studio.

Now this is the same brother who constantly makes fun of me for going to WDW so much. Well.... He has a new girlfriend and they are crazy about each other. I'm very happy for him. I saw them this weekend and he tells me in front of her that she hasn't been to WDW since she was a kid and when were we going again?

Did you get that last part?!? I told him I had used up all my points and that the next year I'd only have enough to cover one small trip with just my family. I told him if they wanted to go I could help them find the best deal.

The kids are sick so I was up most of the night last night and this just started making me mad. If I was swimming in points it would be one thing, but now I have screwed up and people are now just assuming....

Thanks, just wanted to vent to people that understand!

 

[Sammie]

I am sorry this is happening to someone nice enough to care about making others happy. But it appears to me they are not real concerned about you.

As I have to tell my Mom, sometimes, Let people walk over you and they will treat you like a rug. There is a difference in loving someone and allowing that person to make you unhappy.

Time to stand up to them, before it gets worse.

 

[pplasky]

You can't always be fair. We ask my parents to come with us(although they usually decline) because they do so much for us. I do not invite the in-laws, EVER. I have vacationed with other family members, but they get their own rooms. I think it's great youv'e been sharing, but it's time to put your own family first. Maybe if your brother gets married, you can give him a stay in a studio as a wedding present.

 

[pplasky]

You can't always be fair. We ask my parents to come with us(although they usually decline) because they do so much for us. I do not invite the in-laws, EVER. I have vacationed with other family members, but they get their own rooms. I think it's great youv'e been sharing, but it's time to put your own family first. Maybe if your brother gets married, you can give him a stay in a studio as a wedding present.

 

[colleen costello]

Shan, hang in there. No one can drive you nutso like family. I guess you will have to have to keep reminding all your family that points are LIMITED. After making this speech to your brother, for example, you might tell him about all the wonderful bargains on Mousesavers.com. You can say "We won't have extra points for some time, but luckily there are great bargains available..." and leave it at that!

And don't think you are alone... My in-laws don't KNOW we have DVC. It would be ugly!

Colleen

 

[lenshanem]

That is a good idea about giving them a studio if they get married. They are crazy about each other so I can see that happening. I'd move around points for that as a wedding gift.

I think it was his attitude that upset me - When are we going to WDW again? This is after he was a dud this past trip and has made fun of me all year about me liking WDW so much. He just assumed.

Colleen - HI! Actually that is what I told him. I said I won't have extra points again for quite awhile to take others and that I'd be more than happy to help them find the best deal to go. I'm all about mousesavers.com!

 

[magicalmcwho]

lenshanem,

Sorry to hear you are having so many problems with your family.
I would say it is close to time to cut them off especially your brother.

Hope things get better,

Jim.

 

[lenshanem]

Ya... I think we did ourselves in here.

We plan to book VB for next June with hubby's family. We are booking three nights in a two bedroom. Already his brother said - Only three nights?

Interesting that we are the poorest of both our families, too!

I think we must get a grip on this before we start having nieces and nephews.

So far we've always stayed in studios when we go alone so we can take these other trips with family. I want to try a one bedroom!

 

[rinkwide]

There's an old Scottish saying that goes:

Gie a beggar a bed, and he'll pey ye wi' a louse.

I'm not really sure what it means but something's telling me it might be an appropriate way to describe the actions of your ingrate brother.

 

[doubletrouble_vb]

Time to start letting people know that using points for family was a one time event but that you won't mind if they tag along and pay cash.

Don't be too hard on the ingrate...he must have enjoyed it enough to mention it to the girlfriend...over time he might become enamored of Disney and be good company.

I have the opposite problem with my family. No one wants to go! Or if they do go they make it hard on me in the planning stages. Except for Mom who is happy to go.

 

[lenshanem]

Usually my brother is good fun, but this last trip he acted put out. Funny cause I changed the trip from VB back to WDW just for him! He was too hot, too tired, didn't want to wait in the lines, didn't want to go swimming, blah, blah, blah.

Both my hubby and myself each have one younger brother and they are both exactly the same - SPOILED! Definitely have the baby of the family syndrome.

Even his brother didn't say - Great, we're going to VB! Instead he was disappointed we could only spare enough points for three nights.

Oh, well. Gotta love family!

 

[Macnjac87]

Hi Shan!
Do yourself and your family and big favor and use the points for your "Own" vacation. If they don't own it, how can they possibly see how valuable each point is? I used to feel the same way. Hey, let's invite so and so. They never wanted to go because of whatever reason. (They all used to think we were nuts, going to Disney over and over again, but since then, I've "sold" DVC to 3 other families within our families!!) Now, if someone expresses an interest, I'm happy to do the legwork of finding points to rent for them, setting up the whole deal, ps's and all, airfare, you name it, but my points are for my family! We stay in 2 Bedroom villas (we have 3 kids) and can't imagine not taking advantage of the space we have in the 2BR while on vacation. It's heaven (and bigger than our "real home") lol
Last year (we have 200 points also) we went to BWV for 4 nights and then to HH for 6 more nights. (We tend to pay cash for Saturday nights, much better deal imho) This year we will do HH for 6 nights (after our 4 night Wonder cruise on cash) and then go to Food and Wine Festival next October for 4 nights. When it comes to our vacations, it's all about our own family. We welcome anyone to wants to come along (well, almost anyone ) but they have to pay their own. It just works out better for all in the end!
Sorry for rambling!! Get yourself a 1 BR next time, you won't regret it!!

 

[SueOKW]

About 2/9 of our family are reasonable, sharing, caring people. Those are the ones that we've taken to Disney. The other ones don't even know about it. In fact, we don't even share the fact we are going to Disney any more because then we get questions about how can we afford it? (nosey people!!)

My DH's brother is a user to the nth degree - he would have no qualms about just stopping in - oh and look at all this room - can we stay with you etc... no thanks!!! It's one of the best decisions we've ever made - not tell anyone about DVC!!!!



sue

 

[rocketriter]

I'm not even willing to find and rent points for family. Once in a while we'll invite someone along to honor a special occasion like a milestone birthday. But we get to choose who comes along.

Last week we took my wife's brother and his partner to WDW for a week to honor his 45th. When another wing of the family started getting huffy because they weren't invited--using the old "you're playing favorites and not helping us all be a family together" ploy--we told them we were out of points for the year, but they were welcome to make their own reservations and come right along! They took one look at the price and shut up.

We've had a problem with this bunch in the past around airplane tickets. They asked us to make the reservations for everyone. Later they decided not to come and got huffy about paying us for the tickets we bought them. Now, as far as we're concerned, everyone can make their own reservations and their own payments. Then they have to take responsibility for their own mind-changing and blunders, and not stick us with the cost.

 

[OneMoreTry]

Sounds like you need to start going on family trips by yourselves. When people ask when "we're" going again just smile and shrug.

 

[Johnnie Fedora]

We never treat, but we heavily subsidize trips with family. We have often traveled with my mother and handicapped sister. We will share a 2-BR and usually do the we pay 5 nights points, they pay two nights cash plan. We also organize all the travel, etc. DVC is very expensive. Our family forgoes lots of other misc. spending to afford these DVC trips. It's great to want to treat family, but If I was taking a first trip with family, I'd definetly make them pay something. That way, if the trip is a loser you are not out as much $$. It also reduces the "freeload potential" for the future.

The worst sitiuation is the one you describe. You take a "little rain cloud" along on your trip, and that person dampens the whole stay. Then you get home and he/she raves about all the fun "we" had, and can't wait to go back.

Leaves you wondering....Hello!!!...were we on the same trip!!!

Now you know, if you add-on...mums the word!!!

 

[lenshanem]

One problem I have is all my family lives near us!


My parents, my brother, his parents, his brother - all live in the same metro area!

Hard to get away if you know what I mean!

 

[lovesdisney]

Like lenshanem, my inlaws live very near us and we have always spent a lot of time with them.

However, I have always insisted that vacations are for DH and myself alone. This way we keep reminding ourselves of why we were attracted in the first place and don't offend the family because this was made plain to all and sundry right from the off.

 

[goofy4tink]

It's these situations that make me very happy that nobody in our family 'gets it' where WDW is concerned!!! They all say..."Oh, you're going back there again??" In fact, I invited my 28 y/o dd to join us in June. She would have paid for nothing..NOTHING!!! Her answer.."Oh Mom, it's just sooo hot then and I won't have anyone to go out with at night. I mean, I'd love being with you during the day but what will I do at night?" Okay. So, I'm sorry you are having this issue Shan. Might be time for your relatives to start making their own plans for their own vacations.

 

[JimC]

Shan, Sorry to hear about your family vacationing troubles. Hopefully it will work out, especially with family living close.

Okay a little soapbox time.

It is very nice for those members who bring along extended family and friends on their vacations. And it is particularly nice for those members who subsidize the vacation. Bringing family and good friends together is a good thing and generosity is a fine attribute.

But, all of that can be accomplished without WDW. I am sure that there are many members who have extended family living with them; possibly even some with close friends as long term guests. Often family live close in order to be there for each other and to enjoy each others lives. Many folks have frequent family and friends gatherings at their homes, parks, etc. Long distance family connect in many ways today, some on trips that provide for time together. There are many life enriching opportunities available, even though some may be a bit challenging. A strong sense of community and family are good and important.

Now, do you do any of this at home? Do you do this on other non WDW vacations? If not why do it at WDW? I understand the DVC value bringing large multi-bedroom villas into the price range of hotel rooms (and at least in the early days the free park passes). That opportunity to bring a larger group together is real. But why do it at WDW, even with the DVC value, if you don't seek the other opportunities elsewhere? Gatherings at WDW should be a natural extension of how you enjoy each other the rest of the year.

I have real difficulty understanding how a purchase into DVC somehow creates a vacation sponsorship burden on the member.

Okay off the soapbox.