Vent: Asperger's and mandatory community service ... ARRGH

[NotUrsula]

Well, 8th grade is here, and with it comes a whole boatload of mandatory community service obligations. I'm pulling my hair out on this one.

For starters, how is is really volunteering if you are forced to do it? Then there is the whole issue of DS' hatred for the usual conventional pleasantries. Add to that that he is under age 14, so the choices are limited, and I'm ready to just run screaming into the woods.

Suggestions from the school include ...

Visiting nursing homes to cheer up residents: DS had to visit nursing homes often when his grandparents were alive -- his usual response when spoken to by residents was "You smell REALLY bad."

Helping younger kids with homework: "What kind of video games do you like? Really? Me, too! ..."

Packing food for food pantries: "Mom, what's carageenan? OK, how about guar gum?" (Yes, we have to read the label on every single package -- aloud.)

Cleaning up local parks: "Cool! It's a dead squirrel. Can I keep the maggots?"

Collecting money for oil spill cleanup: "I'm not wasting my time doing all that work if I don't get to keep some of it!"

How do you do this and manage not to kill your kid in the process?
(Really, I love DS, but this is just sooooo difficult with him.)

 

[C&G'sMama]

Do you have a local Autism group where he could do something at an event or something? Recently our group had a picnic, so maybe he carries bottles or picks up garbage (well not my son because he starts gagging if he sees a garbage bag, it wouldn't matter if it were full of money or roses), greet people as they come in, work with the younger kids at a project (doesn't matter if he's asking questions about video games, they all do it). All the parents will get him so if he doesn't do it "right" no harm no fowl. It does seem crazy that you have to force him into community service but if this isn't a battle worth fighting with the school then just find something that'll satisfy it. Does he like to build? could you put a fence in an old cemetary or something? (easy for me to say, I'm not handy)

 

[Piper]

No ideas--but why does he have to do community service? Is it for a club that he is in? I can't imagine forcing students to do community service for a grade! If it is for a class, can you have something put in his IEP?

 

[NotUrsula]

No ideas--but why does he have to do community service? Is it for a club that he is in? I can't imagine forcing students to do community service for a grade! If it is for a class, can you have something put in his IEP?

It is for a grade; well, actually, a graduation requirement. They will not pass 8th grade without a certain number of hours. His IEP lets him do fewer than most kids, but he still has to do some. It is a religious school, so the emphasis is on helping people; only most people really don't seem to appreciate being "helped" by DS!

The high schools around here normally require between 120-175 hours over 4 years of school.

PS: I'd LOVE to have him build something, and I'm great with tools, but DS is a serious klutz. He's really dangerous with a hammer, let alone power tools.

 

[toodycat]

Mine had to do this for his bar mitzvah. He was a helper at the nursery school at our synagogue. He didn't love the noise the little kids made or their tendency to scatter when it was time to get changed for swimming and the nursery school teacher had no clue about DS. She actually put him in time-out when a little kid upset him! Grrr...

However, some community service we were successful at involved collecting old bicycles to give to kids who didn't have any. Could your child establish a "collection point" for something others need (food, clothing, toys, school supplies, pet food for an animal shelter) and just distribute fliers letting donors know when and where to donate off their stuff? Then, you could drive him to drop the donations off.

Hope this helps. I feel your pain.

 

[kathyk2]

Does he like animals? Could he volunteer at an animal shelter? Could he do chores like raking leaves or shovel snow for people who can't do it themselves? I live in an apartment complex for the elderly and disabled and my nephew came and washed windows in the building for community service.

 

[PatsMom]

My daughter is not special needs but she also had to do community service as a graduation requirement from 8th grade. She did some of the suggested stuff but her school also allowed for "in-school" service that wasn't doing homework with younger kids. She and her friend, who has ADHD, cleaned tables in the cafeteria after lunch, under supervision. That gave them quite a few hours and just meant they missed after lunch recess, which they didn't like in the winter anyhow! She also did some service in the school library - shelving books, etc.

Maybe the school would have some ideas for things that would count to the community service requirement that your son could do under supervision at the school.

 

[Mickey'snewestfan]

Is there something he could do from home? Stuff envelopes for a nonproft, or something? There's a breakfast program for the homeless for me that loves homemade birthday cards by kids. You'd probably have to pretty strict in terms of -- you have to make 3 and they have to meet my standards, but then if it took 5 hours for him to do that, you could count it as 5 hours of community service.

 

[Brer Shay]

DS started 6th grade and has to do four hours of Community Service each grading period, so 16 hours a year. Yes, it's part of his grade. My aspie son is also not a good candidate for going to nursing homes, etc.. For some of the hours, he'll be doing computer work for our church - entering spreadsheet information. He DOES NOT like animals at all, but he's helping the humane society by doing a mailing for them (he's VERY precise about folding the letters). He's also helping our PTO organization by clipping and counting all of the BoxTops for Education labels that are sent in. Maybe you can find something along those lines that will work for him. I think the point is as much to help make our students more aware of their community as it is to promote altuism.

 

[NotUrsula]

My daughter is not special needs but she also had to do community service as a graduation requirement from 8th grade. She did some of the suggested stuff but her school also allowed for "in-school" service that wasn't doing homework with younger kids. She and her friend, who has ADHD, cleaned tables in the cafeteria after lunch, under supervision. That gave them quite a few hours and just meant they missed after lunch recess, which they didn't like in the winter anyhow! She also did some service in the school library - shelving books, etc.

Maybe the school would have some ideas for things that would count to the community service requirement that your son could do under supervision at the school.

They do have these chores, but those are a separate category; they have in-school AND community quotas.

 

[bookwormde]

since it is an ongoing thing call an IEP meeting to discuss it. Mayebe they can do it as part of the social skills curriculum since he will likely need significant support from the disctrict to be succesful.

bookwormde

 

[PatsMom]

They do have these chores, but those are a separate category; they have in-school AND community quotas.

They do make it tough in your situation. The community quotas could be a problem. Maybe the school would be open to discussing a shift of the quotas due to the Asperger's. It would seem to be a reasonable accommodation to me. Good luck to you!

 

[clanmcculloch]

What are his areas of interest? What are his strength? Knowing these may help us to offer ideas. For example, if he's really into Legos then maybe he can volunteer to demonstrate some things that can be done with Legos for a younger social skills group (for a common group activity) or organize a Lego drive for Early Intervention or Easter Seals (great manual dexterity issues). Start with his interests and strengths and figure out what he can do with those.

 

[Schmeck]

The students with Asperger's syndrome I worked with over the past 4 years racked up more community service credits than most of their peers. One did the recycling for the entire school, they all delivered lunches to other schools, one shelved books at the local library, and they also sorted the mail at the school.

Even though your son may make comments about what he is doing that seem to make it difficult to complete a service, he's still 'doing the time' and should get credit for it. "Forcing" new things on students is how they grow and expand their world. For students that receive a lot of services at school, we've found that it makes them feel really good about themselves to be on the other end of things too.

We don't even call it 'volunteering' - it's just plain old community service. Everyone pitches in to help out the community! We have a requirement for every year in high school, with a large service project due their senior year. Only one student has been given an exemption in the 7 years I have been at the high school, and that was a very justified (but personal) situation that I hope we don't ever have to experience again.

 

[Kat77]

Not. Worth. It!
Nevermind.

I thought of a easy one. Collecting stuffed animals for the firemen/police officers to give out to children.

 

[happily single]

What about planting some flowers at the school? Or see if he could somehow help in the school's office, handing out papers to the teachers, etc?

If my ds11 had to do community service I think we would have to stick to the animal shelter due to his inability to read/write/count. Boy, it's tough.

 

[tinkerbelletreasure]

Some of the service projects my daughter has done through girl scouts is making blankets to go home with adopted shelter dogs (used fleece and tied knots along the edges) stuff boxes for Blue Star Mothers, and planted a flower garden for a church. None of those really involve a whole lot of social interaction, and you can guide and help him.

 

[NotUrsula]

Thanks, folks, there are things to think about here. He is good with animals, but unfortunately that's a no-go; the shelters here all require volunteers to be 16.

I really hesitate to commit him to do any kind of project where he has to manage a process, like setting up a collection point, publicizing a drive, and gathering things. That kind of executive function is generally beyond him at this point; he doesn't yet have a handle on the responsibility of brushing his teeth everyday. I afraid that if we got that ambitious his Dad and I would end up doing the work so as not to let the charity down, and that wouldn't be productive for DS.

Lately we've been going to information sessions in high schools in the area, and all of these kids keep getting up and speaking in glowing terms about the humbling effect of community service -- DS thinks that they are insane. He's not in the least interested in deliberately seeking out humbling experiences; he feels that he gets plenty of them just living day to day.

 

[Schmeck]

Lately we've been going to information sessions in high schools in the area, and all of these kids keep getting up and speaking in glowing terms about the humbling effect of community service -- DS thinks that they are insane. He's not in the least interested in deliberately seeking out humbling experiences; he feels that he gets plenty of them just living day to day.

Well, that explains a lot - how about looking at the community service as a way to give back, or to help people that aren't as fortunate as he is? Or tell him that these are the rules for school, and you have to follow the rules and do the community service?

Is he picking up 'this is so not what we want to do' vibes from you?

 

[NotUrsula]

Oh, no, we've got no problem guiding him to do these things if we can find places that will take him; the problem is that most of the time when we find one that might work (low enough age limit, workable hours with school, etc.), we will be asked not to return after the first session, mostly because someone has complained that he is rude.

DS is one of those Aspies who lack empathy (and I know Bookwormde will tell me that's a myth, but I've been living with this particular kid for 13 years -- trust me, in his case it is a fact.) Giving back and helping those less fortunate are not things that ring any bells for him; he'll do it only because he has no choice, and so far nothing we've tried has made him any more enthusiastic about it. He has learned over the years that certain words are to be avoided, but he's a big kid and tends to get physically defensive and tense around strangers -- people who don't know him tend to find his manner and tone of voice intimidating and unpleasant. (Heck, I find it unpleasant, and I love him. Teaching him about giving off "vibes" is well-nigh fruitless, but we keep trying, many, many times over the course of every day.)