valentines day and pragmatism

[englishteacha]

We don't "Do" Valentine's day. It saves a lot of disappointment. We had a nice lunch out on Saturday. Yesterday we visited with my family for a bit and had lunch with them (leftovers!), and ordered pizza for our dinner. My husband's concession to V-day was that he watched Princess Bride without complaining! The money we save will go towards something special we want to do later in the week.

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

My wife and I live our lives together without expectations. We love one another, and that is enough. Our money is held collectively. If we want/need something, we go out and buy it. We don't tell the other person so they can buy it for us.

If you want a happy life, find a way to be happy with yourself. If you achieve that goal, this stuff will cease to be a problem in your life...

 

[mefordis]

At some point, women were made to feel like they are princesses and must be showered gifts. I think that is absolutely ridiculous.

Maybe it's at the point in their lives where they get exposed to all the Disney princesses?

 

[mefordis]

My wife and I live our lives together without expectations. We love one another, and that is enough. Our money is held collectively. If we want/need something, we go out and buy it. We don't tell the other person so they can buy it for us.

If you want a happy life, find a way to be happy with yourself. If you achieve that goal, this stuff will cease to be a problem in your life...

This is what we do as well. If I want something, I buy it for myself and DH does the same.

 

[NikiM20]

DH was out of town working and I bathed the dogs. One day does not make or break
our marriage. DH gets me cards and small gifts throughout the year. For example, I stop every morning to get a diet coke in a bottle, he knows this and when he went grocery shopping he got me a 6 pack. That means more to me than $200 flowers on any holiday. It's the little things that count.

 

[turkeymama]

As a guy, let me just say thanks to the OP and most others in this thread.

My wife and I dont make a big deal out of 2/14. I find it a bit silly that after 15 years of marriage that somehow that that 1 day is more important than today or the 14th of Sept. We did go out to dinner Saturday night w/out the kids, but otherwise didnt do anything that much out of the ordinary.

After reading a couple of other threads, I thought I had married one of the only women out there that didnt get obsessed about Valentines. Glad to know that there are many more out there, that don't make their significant others goes nuts just because of the date on the calendar.

I think there are probably more of us than people realize. Poor DH was getting so upset because he had not gotten a gift for me and didn't send me flowers. I broke it to him gently that the older I get, the more silly it seems to spend a lot of money just for the sake of Valentine's Day.

I agree with your sentiments. DH and I have been married almost 12 years. If I'm sitting around hanging all my "romantic" expectations on one day of the year, we've got bigger problems than a bunch of flowers. We have barely gotten past Christmas, DH and Dsis have birthdays immediately after Valentine's Day, and DS's birthday comes shortly after that. I can't see spending a ton of money on flowers that will die or on candy (which DH brings me frequently anyway since he appreciates my chocolate addiction, thank you very much).

For those people who can get all excited about it, more power to you. I think it's great that you see the joy and love in the special day. I'm certainly not bitter about it, but I do find it silly that people seem to get so worked up about it. Not silly enough that I'll lose sleep about it. It takes all kinds to make the world go around.

 

[eliza61]

This technically is NOT a holiday! I think it ridiculous the way people act on this waste of a day!! I could never understand it and I do not spend money on it either!

ITA

I'm pretty lucky in that my entire family has birthdays between Christmas and the end of February. So valentines is a huge "non event".

I'm blessed. My dh may not be the most romantic guy but he gets up in 10 degree weather and goes outside to warm up my car in the morning.

Roses and candy on one day seems so phoney and forced to me. You know what floats my boat? Come home after work and say "honey, I'll handle the kids tonight, go watch tv" or call me up at work and say "don't worry about cooking, I'll pick up a pizza" for dinner.

Now that's love

 

[SOnotLayuh]

This is our first married 2/14, and our 3rd non-married 2/14. Usually we volunteer for the cat shelter we normally volunteer for, because nobody wants to work that day. We've recently moved to a new town, so this year we worked my Mom's business for her so she could spend the day with her significant other. We don't get into Valentine's Day, it's just another day to us. We also don't do gifts for Christmas or any other holiday. For birthdays we go on a weekend trip with our friends, but don't give gifts. This is just us, though. We don't look down on people who do celebrate these days, this is just the way we are.

 

[ReneeA]

ITA

Roses and candy on one day seems so phoney and forced to me. You know what floats my boat? Come home after work and say "honey, I'll handle the kids tonight, go watch tv" or call me up at work and say "don't worry about cooking, I'll pick up a pizza" for dinner.

Now that's love

I totally agree. We don't "do" Valentine's Day. Besides the fact that my DH's mom died on V Day 9 years ago, it's just not that important to me to acknowledge our love one day out of the year. I'd rather have the kind of relationship that love is acknowledged every day...without the tacky, phony gifts associated with it.

 

[Ember]

Well, I'm willing to be the odd one out. I love Valentines Day! For the last 13 years DH has planed it all on his own, without even a whisper from me. It's one of our traditions. We have had big Valentines and little ones, but each one is unique. It's not that he isn't romantic the rest of the year, but it's nice to look forward to a special day.

This year we weren't able to really celebrate because we couldn't leave my mum. (Plus she was having a really bad day, so romance wasn't exactly on anyone's mind.) So we ordered in heart shaped pizza and exchanged cards. They both said the same thing, that things will be okay and that we'll get through this. It wasn't a grand gesture, but it was still wonderful.

Oddly, I've gotten a lot of slack over the years because we do make a big deal of Valentines. One year, when I was still in my Fine Arts degree at university, DH "broke" in and covered my studio space in little kid valentines. Each and every one of my classmates made a point of rolling their eyes and making a comment about "commercial holidays." I didn't care, I loved it! Later, I went upstairs to get a tea and there was one of my classmates with her back to me, the same one that felt the need to make a rude comment, telling her boyfriend about my studio and asking why he never does anything romantic!

 

[pigletgirl]

I love it too! For us, its an excuse to be together in our hectic lives. I mean, I'm sure we could do the exact same thing on you know April 5th or whatever but it seems a little more fun on 2/14.

I'm sure it'll change as we get older and married, ect. But for right now, its exactly what i want it to be.

Plus I'm a big chocolate fan, so any holiday that associates with that is great!

 

[Christine]

Well, I'm willing to be the odd one out. I love Valentines Day! For the last 13 years DH has planed it all on his own, without even a whisper from me. It's one of our traditions. We have had big Valentines and little ones, but each one is unique. It's not that he isn't romantic the rest of the year, but it's nice to look forward to a special day.

This year we weren't able to really celebrate because we couldn't leave my mum. (Plus she was having a really bad day, so romance wasn't exactly on anyone's mind.) So we ordered in heart shaped pizza and exchanged cards. They both said the same thing, that things will be okay and that we'll get through this. It wasn't a grand gesture, but it was still wonderful.

Oddly, I've gotten a lot of slack over the years because we do make a big deal of Valentines. One year, when I was still in my Fine Arts degree at university, DH "broke" in and covered my studio space in little kid valentines. Each and every one of my classmates made a point of rolling their eyes and making a comment about "commercial holidays." I didn't care, I loved it! Later, I went upstairs to get a tea and there was one of my classmates with her back to me, the same one that felt the need to make a rude comment, telling her boyfriend about my studio and asking why he never does anything romantic!

And the beauty of your traditions is that BOTH of you are on the same page. I am certainly not going to criticize you. This is how it should be. The issue comes into play when both parties don't place the same weight on Valentine's Day.

 

[smschex]

Have any of you ever read "The 5 Love Languages" by Gary Chapman? It makes a lot of sense. Everyone has a "language" that makes them feel special and loved. The 5 languages he describes are words of affirmation, acts of service, quality time, receiving gifts, and physical touch. We are all wired differently and what floats your boat may do nothing for me. Maybe that's why there is disagreement about how important Valentine's Day is. The trick is learning what best communicates love to your significant other.

http://www.5lovelanguages.com/learn-the-languages/the-five-love-languages/

 

[Disney Doll]

Truthfully, my husband is good to me every day and I am quite well aware that he loves me, so I don't particularly need Hallmark to tell him that on February 14th he has to prove he loves me.

 

[minkydog]

Thanks, OP!

Hubby did get me roses. He never does. But of course he is away from us right now. So he did a little something to be a little special from a distance. He was supposed to be home this weekend but snow logistics prevented that.

To me--it isn't a "gift giving" holiday--it's for tokens of affection. If someone gets ticked b/c the price tag wasn't high enough--I'd have to wonder what they did in return.

Hubby and I use our anniversary to celebrate our love. I feel bad for people whose identity is wrapped up in Valentine's Day.

Yes to everything. We give each other small *tokens* of affection, like cards, candy (well, this year I got 3-lbs of walnuts), or downloaded movie. My DH is a romantic and I'm a pragmatic. Makes for a very interesting relationship. I am very specific about what I'd like for birthday, Christmas and anniversary so that we *don't*have these little misunderstandings. I don't like surprises. Don't buy me a $200 dress that I'll never wear when I really want a Roomba. Occasionally, DH will bring home flowers or something small he found when he was out but for anything over $25 he pretty much clears it with me first. I'm not a jewelry, clothes, or candles girl. Give me a nice Coleman stove or an aluminum roll-up camping table and I'm yours.

 

[mumom95]

Possibly it didn't bother you as much because I didn't notice anyone telling you that your mother should have warned you not to marry your spouse.

I'm sorry if I offended you, it was not my intention.

 

[XTinabell]

I'm sorry but you need to define lavosh because to some a piece of jewelry is not lavish and jewelry is a traditional gift for Valentines Day. Just because your dh doesn't do it for you, or you don't for him doesn't mean its not supposed to be that way. A couple can make Valentines any way they want

Yeah, that was not the point of my post. I don't care how lavish the gift and if people do or do not exchange gifts on Valentines day or any other day.

All the time these posters wasted on whining over the gift they got and feeling sorry for themselves could have been spent in the arms of the person that was sweet enough to go out, get a gift, wrap it and then anxiously wait for their love to receive it. After all, isn't that what Valentines day is about? All the bedroom lovin? Or is that just my idea of a great day?

Have any of you ever read "The 5 Love Languages" by Gary Chapman? It makes a lot of sense. Everyone has a "language" that makes them feel special and loved. The 5 languages he describes are words of affirmation, acts of service, quality time, receiving gifts, and physical touch. We are all wired different and what floats your boat may do nothing for me. Maybe that's why there is disagreement about how important Valentine's Day is. The trick is learning what best communicates love to your significant other.

http://www.5lovelanguages.com/learn-the-languages/the-five-love-languages/

I have read that book and completely agree with your point. Some people do give and like to receive gifts as a way of showing love.

 

[minkydog]

ITA

I'm blessed. My dh may not be the most romantic guy but he gets up in 10 degree weather and goes outside to warm up my car in the morning.

Roses and candy on one day seems so phoney and forced to me. You know what floats my boat? Come home after work and say "honey, I'll handle the kids tonight, go watch tv" or call me up at work and say "don't worry about cooking, I'll pick up a pizza" for dinner.

Now that's love

That is love. After 28+ years my DH has learned that my love language is acts of service. Feed and dress Christian for me, clean up the kitchen(I mean really clean it, not just put the dishes in the dishwasher!), pay the bills, or suggest an activity. Give me a break from being the primary caregiver, housekeeper and social planner. Let me have 30 minutes alone to take a hot bath and dry my hair. And I do it for him. DH is disabled and has low stamina. He has to nap twice a day. While he's napping I'm watching Christian, fixing dinner, folding clothes and cleaning bathrooms. The acts of service go both ways.

 

[luvmy3]

Yeah, that was not the point of my post. I don't care how lavish the gift and if people do or do not exchange gifts on Valentines day or any other day.

All the time these posters wasted on whining over the gift they got and feeling sorry for themselves could have been spent in the arms of the person that was sweet enough to go out, get a gift, wrap it and then anxiously wait for their love to receive it. After all, isn't that what Valentines day is about? All the bedroom lovin? Or is that just my idea of a great day?

Okay color me confused by the below post then. Oh and no you aren't the only one who thinks a day of bedroom lovin would be a perfect V-Day

When did Valentines day become another Christmas? Whatever happened to getting a card and some chocolates and being thrilled? I have to be honest I was floored when I read that other thread about wives complaining their husbands didn't buy them this or that. My dh and I read it together and couldn't believe that people would even expect such a large gift for V-day. I really don't know when this day changed to represent some kind of holiday where couples exchange lavishly expensive gifts. My dh stuck a Valentines day card under pillow and we watched a movie together, it was perfect.

 

[Shyvioletisme]

I totally agree. We don't "do" Valentine's Day. Besides the fact that my DH's mom died on V Day 9 years ago, it's just not that important to me to acknowledge our love one day out of the year. I'd rather have the kind of relationship that love is acknowledged every day...without the tacky, phony gifts associated with it.

ITA!