Vacationing with a friend and her kid is a nightmare!

[Mom2SamandJames]

I am the mom of 2 very precious boys. My oldest son has been diagnosed with Asperger's and labeled a high functioning autistic child. My youngest son is considered a totally typical child. That being said, my oldest son knows that there are limits, and he will not cross those. He is very much against hitting or hurting another individual, and it is hard as a parent to see people every single day just assume because he is on the spectrum that he will be violent. People who know my oldest will tell you he is a big teddy bear.

The little girl the OP mentioned may or may not be on the spectrum, but as a mom to a most precious, loving autistic child, please be very careful for just assuming autism or ADHD when a child misbehaves. My oldest son's teachers last year told me he was a dream to have and that they wished many of the other kids were as well behaved as he was.

Sorry for the soap box post. Thanks for allowing me to vent this. And OP.....I hope that this issue is able to be worked out without losing a friendship. We all have different parenting styles, and I know from experience that we don't all enjoy vacations the same way.

 

[piccolopat]

I would start with a talk with your friend. Let her know you won't tolerate her child hurting your child or breaking her things and that you will take action if she won't. Do it gently but firmly. She may actually be relieved with the offer to help. If your friend won't or can't control her daughter and won't let you, I would keep the kids separated as much as possible, even if that meant going separate ways in the park. On the trip home, put the baby in the middle of the two girls unless you are fortunate enough to have a vehicle with three rows. In that case, strap them I to two separate rows, with your daughter behind the other if there is any chance of seat kicking.

 

[Happyinwonerland]

I had not seen my friend's daughter act like that prior to the trip. Yes, she throws tantrums occassionally, but she just seemed like any other toddler. On the trip, my friend's lack of discipline really showed.

I'm not going to cut my.friend off, but I am taking a little breather. And DD wont be having any playdates with her child for awhile. I won't tolerate my daughter picking up bad behaviors. We are still working on breaking some of the habits she picked up from the other girl on the trip.

 

[Baklava]

1. I agree 110% with mrsabbott
2. We just went away with a friend and her kids and we were BOTH all over our children for how they treated each other-they're young and sometimes get too physical. If your friend wasn't removing her daughter from the situations, I'd have a huge problem with that. I don't care how tired I am, or how much of a terror my kid is, you don't ever let them hurt other people or other people's things. If they are out of control-hitting, kicking, they leave-removed from the situation-period. I know that doesn't help your situation as how to deal since this is all her fault, but I'm not sure I could continue to be friends with someone who basically allowed her kid to torment mine for an entire Disney trip.

Yep. My daughter and her bestie are both autistic. When they can't play nicely, the parents step in and help them find better ways. It's not mom's fault the kid kicks someone once, but it's mom's fault if she does it again and again. Even autistic children can be prevented from being a danger to others, especially when they're this small.