Vacation guilt

[dallastxcpa]

Update: My mother just called and said almost exactly what you above post says. She is going through a divorce and hoped the week would be one where she could spend time with her daughter and grandson...to relax and rejuvenate with us. We have decided to go without my husband for the time being and if by some miracle he finds a better job she says she will add him onto the package. She said she understands our family has been through a lot the past couple years and this was a way to give us a break from the stress. She said she might not be able to continue to keep doing things like this for us and wanted to do it while she could (becauase she isn't in good health and said she doesn't know how much longer she will be around). The whole chat made me wishful I could accelerate through the darn nursing program so I can take care of her again like I did before my other career ended!!!!
I love my mom!!!!
Also, she suggested we could spend a couple days before the cruise at the Disney Park with my husband on his days off so that way he wouldn't need to miss work and would still be included.

Good for you and your Mom. What a wonderful time for you, her, and your son.

Money comes and money goes but people will not always be around. I speak from experience because my father was killed in an industrial accident a little over 3 years ago. Enjoy this time while you have it. Before you know it you will be done with your nursing program. I admire you for going back to school. My little sister has done the same and is in her last year of nursing school.

 

[youngb]

Sounds like a wonderful mother. I say go and have a good time. It will do your son some good as well to get away from all the tension and stress of money. They may not understand what is going on but they can feel it.

Get all the time in you can with your family.

 

[SweetPeasMom2]

2 years ago, we (dh and I) were supposed to go on a cruise. I had earned a portion of it and paid the remaining balance on it. DH and I tossed it back and forth on whether or not he should go. Things were strained at work (there had been several layoffs) and he wasn't sure if going would be the best idea. About 2 weeks before we were to leave, he decided it just wasn't something he could do. His supervisor wasn't thrilled he was asking for vacation time (that he had time for). He was in construction (a builder) and January is typically slow. But things were too shaky. He decided not to go. He was afraid if there was another layoff, he'd be the next to go because he left at that time.

Fast forward 5 months, he got laid off. Want to know one of the first things he said? That not going on that cruise with me was the one thing he regretted. He lost his job anyways.

We have been struggling for about 3 years now. We aren't able to take the vacations we'd like to. But there are times when we just need to escape the struggles and stress of it all. If your mom is going to pay for it, I say go for it. One thing that all of this has taught us, is at the end of the day, family is what is important. Yes, paying for rent and food is essential. But sometimes, you.just.need.a.break.

 

[disney_dreaming_mom]

any way grandma might just give you the cash instead of the vacation? it would really help with rent/food i'd bet! i mean unless she is paying for it on vacation club points of course then that wouldn't work... but it sounds like you could use the money now more than a vacation... it might be an embarassing conversation, but one that maybe you should think about having.

As embarrassing as it may be she has been helping out with money since both of our job offers fell through otherwise we would have been homeless. It has been really awful. It is amazing how fast an emergency fund goes. Even the Mc Donalds here has 500+ applications for each job (yes we applied there). In my lifetime I have never seen anything like this economic situation. It is so scary.

 

[disney_dreaming_mom]

2 years ago, we (dh and I) were supposed to go on a cruise. I had earned a portion of it and paid the remaining balance on it. DH and I tossed it back and forth on whether or not he should go. Things were strained at work (there had been several layoffs) and he wasn't sure if going would be the best idea. About 2 weeks before we were to leave, he decided it just wasn't something he could do. His supervisor wasn't thrilled he was asking for vacation time (that he had time for). He was in construction (a builder) and January is typically slow. But things were too shaky. He decided not to go. He was afraid if there was another layoff, he'd be the next to go because he left at that time.

Fast forward 5 months, he got laid off. Want to know one of the first things he said? That not going on that cruise with me was the one thing he regretted. He lost his job anyways.

We have been struggling for about 3 years now. We aren't able to take the vacations we'd like to. But there are times when we just need to escape the struggles and stress of it all. If your mom is going to pay for it, I say go for it. One thing that all of this has taught us, is at the end of the day, family is what is important. Yes, paying for rent and food is essential. But sometimes, you.just.need.a.break.

Thank you for sharing. Since being laid off it has been like a cruel chase for a job that never ends up panning out for us. I hope your family is doing well. I think that I agree with the moral of your story because honestly I feel like especially in retail the hours are few and far between. Who knows if he will even still have this job by then...that is why this decision has been so tough. Money does come and go but family is something you can't replace. I remember I was stressing about money once and this co-worker said to me, "Why stress. It's only money honey" but then I go volunteer at the homeless shelter and realize that could be my family. It is such a conflict of conscience.

 

[DVCLiz]

If you were one of the DISers who is trying to figure out a way to go to WDW even though rent and groceries are a problem, I'd be saying no way. But it is a lovely thing your mom wants to do and I would definitely say go for it!!!

If my children were slacking off, spending the rent money on ill-advised vacations or material possessions, there's no way I'd be enabling them by providing a free vacation. But hardworking, caught in a bad recession, trying to improve themselves adult children? They get the trip and probably some financial help as well!

I don't think there's anything more worthwhile for a parent than to give something to a grown child and know that it means so much. Enjoy your trip!!

 

[disney_dreaming_mom]

Good for you and your Mom. What a wonderful time for you, her, and your son.

Money comes and money goes but people will not always be around. I speak from experience because my father was killed in an industrial accident a little over 3 years ago. Enjoy this time while you have it. Before you know it you will be done with your nursing program. I admire you for going back to school. My little sister has done the same and is in her last year of nursing school.

I'm so sorry about your father. Yes, I do agree with you about family and the importance of spending time with them. My mother lives quite far away and reading everyone's posts has helped me realize I might not get another opportunity like this one again with her. Thank you for sharing.

 

[Colleen27]

A cruise is NOT all-inclusive. Yes, your food is included. Your drinks, with some exceptions, are not. There is also the issue of spending money and yes, you will need some.

No, a person who has problems with paying for food and rent should not be vacationing. There are many people who forego vacations until they are in a better place. It's nothing to be ashamed of.

Non-alcoholic drinks are included on the Disney cruise, with only a few easily avoidable exceptions. Tips (and parking at the port, if applicable) are the only necessary out of pocket expense, and since the mother is going it stands to reason she would likely be covering those things as well. It doesn't sound like she's in the dark about the OP's financial situation or anything.

I can understand foregoing vacations as unnecessary spending, but I don't get the idea that one should turn down gifts because of difficult financial times.

 

[robinb]

If your mom is going to pay for it, I say go for it. One thing that all of this has taught us, is at the end of the day, family is what is important. Yes, paying for rent and food is essential. But sometimes, you.just.need.a.break.

But if you look at the OP's signature she just HAD a break in June. And another one in April. And another one last December for a total of 5 Disney trips in the last two years.

Sorry, but I'm with SaraJayne. If you can't afford to pay the rent or buy food for your 3-year old you can't afford to go on a vacation even if it's "free". I understand that the OP's mother wants to spend time with them and wants to "treat" them but I would not be able to accept another free trip thinking about how much food that money would buy for my young son. Sorry to be such a buzz-kill .

 

[disney_dreaming_mom]

If you were one of the DISers who is trying to figure out a way to go to WDW even though rent and groceries are a problem, I'd be saying no way. But it is a lovely thing your mom wants to do and I would definitely say go for it!!!

If my children were slacking off, spending the rent money on ill-advised vacations or material possessions, there's no way I'd be enabling them by providing a free vacation. But hardworking, caught in a bad recession, trying to improve themselves adult children? They get the trip and probably some financial help as well!

I don't think there's anything more worthwhile for a parent than to give something to a grown child and know that it means so much. Enjoy your trip!!

To be honest, my mother has helped us go to Disney each time. We never would have been able to afford to go on our own even when we both had stable jobs.

This trip she suggested we go to the new Walt Disney Family museum before driving to Disneyland for the cruise because she thought it would be educational and inspiring for our family since Walt Disney had many struggles and turned "failure" into success.

I selfishly do look forward to our annual trips because they are the one time each year we are able to be stress free and spend time together. I had suggested to her that we wait another year and she said she might not be around then. That made me so sad to think about. At the same time I feel guilt going when we are struggling so much.

 

[disney_dreaming_mom]

But if you look at the OP's signature she just HAD a break in June. And another one in April. And another one last December for a total of 5 Disney trips in the last two years.

Sorry, but I'm with SaraJayne. If you can't afford to pay the rent or buy food for your 3-year old you can't afford to go on a vacation even if it's "free". I understand that the OP's mother wants to spend time with them and wants to "treat" them but I would not be able to accept another free trip thinking about how much food that money would buy for my young son. Sorry to be such a buzz-kill .

Well, even though they were also gifts both my husband and I had good, stable jobs when we took our other trips but yes, we were very fortunate to be able to go. Disney has been a family tradition for many years.

I feel guilty about her helping us so much. Since we are within driving distance to Disney and it happens to be close to one of the cheapest airports to fly into for my mom that is why we usually meet up there.

Some parents give sweaters for gifts and my mom likes to give family vacations. I still don't really think it would be appropriate to ask for the money instead. It isn't her fault we are in this tough spot. I feel like she already knows our financial situation and would have given us the money if she felt like it.

We both had good jobs when we went on the other trips so those are not really relevant to the post. As I mentioned before, this has been a tradition in our family.

 

[Disneybuckeye]

Perhaps instead of going on the cruise your mother could come stay with you for a few days and do some inexpensive local entertainment? I would not have an issue telling my mom we could really use the cash over the trip and if the goal is to spend time together it does not have to be at an expensive venue. I don't think I could have a good time on a cruise knowing my DH was stuck at home and worrying about feeding my child the next month and having a roof over our heads. Good luck with whatever you decide and I hope your situation improves soon.

 

[Dax]

This is a no win fight for you..I know, I have been there, done that on the DIS...your best bet is to just walk away, and take it as a lesson..be careful what is posted on the DIS..

My opinion...GO! ENJOY! I was unemployed for over a year before I got my current job. I was given free Disney tickets for 1day park hoppers, and $50 in spending money for our anniversary last year...it was the BEST DAY we had in a LONG time. I remember posting something on the Budget board about something, as we were struggling, and I got tore apart cause my ticker said I was spending 1 day at Disney...at no cost to me(and it truely was free, I didnt even pay for gas for the 30mile ride to WDW..LOL). My point though..GO! Sometimes you need to step away from it and just enjoy the small moments in life..

 

[Marionnette]

Hi,

This past year after being layed off my husband and I re-located for jobs which ended up falling through. Every year since my son was born my mother gives us a trip to either Disneyland or Disney World. This year she announced she is paying for us to go on a Disney Cruise. I'm feeling really guilty especially since our family is struggling so badly financially to even pay the rent or buy necessities such as food. Should tell her thank you and ask if we should go another year when we actually have money to spend and can afford to take a week off work? Right now my husband is only working a part time retail job and I have elected to go back to nursing school and stay home with our child to save on daycare costs.
Has anyone ever been in this position? Please any advice is appreciated. TIA!!!

-Disney Dreaming Mom

OP you have my sympathy for you situation and you are not alone in your struggle. Just look at the number of threads on this board started by people who cant afford toilet seats for there homes. Or Christmas gifts for the kids. I understand why you feel guilty about taking a luxury vacation when you are struggling to put food on the table. There is a reason for that. You know in your heart that this kind of trip makes no sense. Even if it is free. Your mothers heart is in the right place but her head isnt if she is aware of your financial situation. I would not be able to enjoy a trip of that magnitude knowing that my husband was at home working a low wage job so that the rent money would be there on the first of the month. If you feel the same way then you need to make your mother aware of this.

 

[MrsPete]

If you're feeling guilty about the trip, you know the right answer.

No trip is completely free. Even if your mom's paying the cruise ticket, you 'll still need transportation to the port city, a hotel for the night before the cruise and parking (either at the airport or at the port city). Once you're onboard you'll have to pay tips -- that's non-negotiable -- and most people will spend something on drinks, souveniers, etc. Do you already have passports? That's almost $100/person.

Plus you mentioned that this isn't a good time for you to take off work, which makes me think it'd mean losing a week's pay.

If you literally can't afford food and necessities, this isn't a good idea right now. Instead, I'd invite your mom to stay with you a while. Same family time, cheaper location.

 

[disney_dreaming_mom]

OP you have my sympathy for you situation and you are not alone in your struggle. Just look at the number of threads on this board started by people who cant afford toilet seats for there homes. Or Christmas gifts for the kids. I understand why you feel guilty about taking a luxury vacation when you are struggling to put food on the table. There is a reason for that. You know in your heart that this kind of trip makes no sense. Even if it is free. Your mothers heart is in the right place but her head isnt if she is aware of your financial situation. I would not be able to enjoy a trip of that magnitude knowing that my husband was at home working a low wage job so that the rent money would be there on the first of the month. If you feel the same way then you need to make your mother aware of this.

Thank you for your empathetic response. I think you totally hit the nail on the head with what I am feeling. I just called her back about 10 minutes ago and we have decided to put the trip on hold for right now but since she put down the deposit already she is going to see if she can move it up a year. She will be flying into San Francisco and we will instead do some nice local things together. I feel a lot better about that. Thank you again. It is nice to hear from people who understand.

 

[BeenHereB4]

It sounds like your mom understands and will probably be footing the entitre bill. But I know where you are coming from. It is very hard to accept a large $$ gift when things are so hard. At the time my current husband proposed (with a very $$$ ring) I was in the middle of being evicted from my apt for non-payment and late rent (he did buy us a house shortly thereafter though, and I did sell my car to pay the back rent, but it was quite the internal struggle for me). It was so hard to accept that ring and not say hey, this ring would cover my rent for the entire year!! He would not have understood that and your mother probably wouldn't either.

Anyway, if it was me, I'd go since it does seem that you won't be incurring any expenses. You can start a litle envelope now with even $5 a week or two so your son can get a nice souvenier. And just so you know, in my opinion, one of the best times to enjoy being on teh ship is when everybody else is off visiting one of the islands so no need to pay for pricy excurions, etc.!

 

[pearlieq]

I selfishly do look forward to our annual trips

I don't see an interval longer than 6 months in your sig since 2008. It's not like you're suffering through a really long vacation drought.

I don't think this is the time to go. Sorry if that's not the answer you want to hear. Not only is no vacation every truly "free", but you are way too close to the edge to spare a dime.

Also, what about your DH? I wouldn't have the heart to leave him home by himself to slog along at a part-time minimum wage job while I kicked my heels up on a cruise ship.

I know your mom is excited about the cruise and wants to spend time with you, but this doesn't seem like a good thing for your family. Why can't you spend time with your mom locally?

 

[disney_dreaming_mom]

It sounds like your mom understands and will probably be footing the entitre bill. But I know where you are coming from. It is very hard to accept a large $$ gift when things are so hard. At the time my current husband proposed (with a very $$$ ring) I was in the middle of being evicted from my apt for non-payment and late rent (he did buy us a house shortly thereafter though, and I did sell my car to pay the back rent, but it was quite the internal struggle for me). It was so hard to accept that ring and not say hey, this ring would cover my rent for the entire year!! He would not have understood that and your mother probably wouldn't either.

Anyway, if it was me, I'd go since it does seem that you won't be incurring any expenses. You can start a litle envelope now with even $5 a week or two so your son can get a nice souvenier. And just so you know, in my opinion, one of the best times to enjoy being on teh ship is when everybody else is off visiting one of the islands so no need to pay for pricy excurions, etc.!

Thank you for your kind response. We decided to post pone the cruise a year (since she already paid for it I think) and she will fly to SF where we will do some local things together. Hopefully things will be better by next year!

 

[silmarg]

I am not sure what I would do if I were in your shoes.

I just wish you the best and hope for better times for you and your family.