UPDATED:Depressed about Disney trip... Vent... POST 60

[kimgg]

This is where I'd tell my husband it is fine for him to cut it to 2 days and sit w/ his parents. But I'd be taking my kids myself without him/them to Disney as planned. Maybe your parents could stay at a value room on property and that could be your "escape" from the IL's???

Your husband and his family need to compromise, not just you!!!

This reminds me of when I was dating my now husband - he and his whole family invited themselves to come stay w/ me at my one bedroom townhouse. He seemed to think it would be a great, fun, "party-time". It was a stressful, miserable time for me, but I put up w/ it b/c I was newly in love. Once we were married, I learned to speak up for myself!!!

Good luck!

 

[MickeyMomOfThree]

We go on all our trips with my grandparents. They will be 73 this next trip, but are by no means slow. They play volleyball 3-4 days a week, every week, for 3 hours. They are metalists several years running in volleyball and softball in the senior olympics. Despite this, we still seperate daily on our trips, they do their thing, we do ours and we enjoy our time apart as well as together. They don't like to stay out as late, so they head back earlier then us, but some nights my gram stays with me and the kids and my gramps and hubby go back to relax. I say if they go they need to work into your schedule. It sounds like a tough situation though. It is hard to deal wihtout causing family issues, but this was sprung on you and is your vacation, you should be able to enjoy it. I would be miserable staying at the house too, then again so would my grandparents. Best of luck...

 

[dis-happy]

Sounds like a nightmare. I'd cancel that trip completely. Rebook for later and don't tell your IL's you're going.

 

[tink1969]

Are you saying that because your DH is the only "biological" child, he is the only one who has feelings for his parents?
I've seen many "biological" children treat their parents like crap.
Adoption has nothing to do with it.
Sorry OP....but comments like that bother me. I have 3 siblings and I'm the only adopted child. We are all treated the same and we all give our parents love and respect. I agree with the one poster who commented that your DH's siblings may be on to something!

Question, did your DH tell his parents they could come along without discussing it with you? Can't you just tell his parents it's a small house and there won't be enough room?

 

[Befferk]

I gotta agree with all the others. This simply would NOT happen in my book. I don't care how "set" it is in MIL's mind, it would be at this point I would have to get nasty. They obviously have no consideration for your family plans. Tell them too bad, come down another time, we're spending our entire vacation at Disney World. As others have said, if it isn't handled properly now, it will only get worse. Good luck!

 

[DeniseinNS]

I would let them know that this is a vacation with YOUR family and book a seperate one with them. You shouldn't have to give up your park days that you already have planned to accomodate them and it's not right that your family are going to lose out on the trip because they don't feel comfortable with your inlaws to still go. Sounds like your hubby needs to grow a set and learn how to say NO to his mommy.

 

[luvmy2babies]

OMG, I thought of some words I had long stopped using. Speaking as somone who had often been taken advantage of by in-laws, I feel for you. But this is crossing the line.

Suddenly he feels 6 days is too much now that they want to go. It's so much that it has to be cut by two thirds?!?!?!? And they are not paying anything?!?!?! Oh, this brings back memories. In 2005 DH, DD and I traveled with MIL and SIL in tow to my stepdaughter's high school graduation. MIL and SIL paid for their own plane tickets. In addition to our 3 plane tickets, DH and I footed the entire bill for the van we rented and paid for the hotel room MIL and SIL shared next to ours. It was a 5 day trip. I will have you know that on the morning of day 3, dh came in and said, they are out of money so we'll have to pay for them to eat the rest of the trip. So in the 3 months since the plane tickets were purchased they couldn't save enough to eat for the entire trip. And does anyone believe they didn't know when we left that they only had enough money to eat for 2 of the 5 days? I sure don't. But my dh (Lord rest his soul) was literally generous to a fault. In 2007 when stepson graduated, only MIL went, but she got her whole trip paid for including meals and a suite next to the one dh, dd and I had.

That being said, even he wouldn't have gone for this one. I'd be ticked because first of all if your family members don't go that means this trip is costing you more money. Is this perhaps why he's cutting the ticket days so much…to make up the cost of paying for the in-laws to come? That stinks. Why would two people who would be paying their own way be cut out in favor of two people who won't?

Oh heck no! Me and my children would be going to Disney World for all the days we planned.

Now, it is just me here. Dh has passed and my in-laws want an even bigger part of my life. They want to be included on absolutely everything I do. My MIL sees my son as her son reincarnated so I'm trying to set boundaries while still acknowledging the pain she is in now. But they got a look at the new van we got after ds was born and immediately started making trip plans. If I tell them I am planning to take dd and ds to Disney this fall (or about the week at the beach I'm planning for June), I know what would happen. Therefore, I'm not telling anyone (and that includes my own mother) about any of my plans until it is too late for them to plan to go. They'd claim I need help with the children, but what help is it to have to pay part or all of someone's trip and WDW is not a cheap vacation and neither is a week at the beach in June. Plus these are "get away from all the grief" vacations and MIL will bring it with her. Every vacation has an overall purpose and this one is getting completely turned around and I'm sorry for you.

On a few trips we went on, dh stayed in the room for various reasons. Sometimes his health problems kept him in, sometimes he just wanted to sit and watch TV. In Nassau, on a cruise we had this come up. Mom was with us and wanted to nap. I took dd (then 4), got off the ship, and hopped a cab to Paradise Beach. We had a blast. Given your children's ages, going off alone might be more difficult for you, but have double stroller will travel.

 

[dmoore718]

Oh no!! Don't let it happen. I would tell your husband that since your mom and sis are not going, you are going to stay on property. He needs to tell his parents that the plans have changed and maybe next time they can come.

Or, simply leave them in the house and go to the parks. I would NOT just get a 2 day pass, that's for sure.

Good luck!!

 

[dmoore718]

luvmy2babies----you are my hero!! God bless you and Good for you for doing what is right for your family.
I am going to start keeping trips secret from my SIL and BIL. I cannot spend more than 1 day with her and she always acts like she is coming along.

 

[BlondeAlligator]

OP: You need to stand up for your kids on this one. IMO, trips to WDW with little ones should be focused on them, not the adults. I would make it clear that the purpose of this trip is to take the kids to the parks and have fun, not sit around a rental house. Why bother going all the way to Orlando to do something you can do at home for free? And who, exactly, isn't "allowing" you to go to the parks as you planned? Your DH?? Your MIL?? I'd buy the passes for me & the kids for 6 days and let DH stay with his folks if that's what's important to him...my priority would be showing the children a good time. It's selfish for the IL to assume you will change your vacation plans so that they can see their grandchildren.

As for your own family cancelling, I would not stand for that either, esp. since part of this trip was a thank-you to your Mom. I would explain that to the IL, and let them know that if they want to join, then they should rent their own place since yours is already full. You had plans with your family and should keep them.

I know dealing with fmaily can be stressful...I've had my fare share of IL problems, but saving this trip would be worth it in the long run. I'll be anxious to hear what happens, and sending you lots and lots of

Good luck!!!!!

 

[EKW]

Why do you have to babysit them? I'd suggest to DH that you plan two days for the extended family and let your inlaws plan the other days on their own.

Before I get flamed for this, let me say that I spend the better part of two decades caring for an elderly relative who was physically handicapped at first...then developed dementia. I fully believe in caring for elderly relatives.

My thought is, if they are too frail to fill their own days they shouldn't be going on this trip. They should do whatever they want on their "alone" days....maybe they just want to go sit at DTD and watch the crowds...maybe they want to pick a different resort to visit for lunch each day...maybe they just want to hang out at your resort

With young kids, you should be back to the resort early enough each evening to fill them in on the fun...show them video and pictures you took...so they can enjoy the experience through your kids' eyes.

Personally, if I were in your situation I'd probably tell DH that you need to cancel the trip altogether rather than going to Orlando and spending 5 days sitting at your resort. That just isn't a wise use of money!

 

[rodeo65]

Wow - what a horrible situation to have to navigate. I'm so sorry this is happening to you. You absolutely have to get your DH on board with you. As the majority have said, there is no way his parents should be able to change already made plans to suit their whims. If he can't stand up to them now they will continue to push their way in more and more as time goes by.

I have the most toxic in-laws imaginable, and the early years of my marriage were very stressful while DH tried to keep the peace everywhere. It doesn't work. In the end he stood for our family and let his parents (mother) know that until they respected him and his boundaries for our family they were not welcome to visit or have contact. We had five years with no contact at all and then about two years ago he felt badly enough at having cut them off to try again. The issue for him was that he had not told them his position and given them a chance to change their behaviour. Within the first two visits it was clear that the same issues were in play and after a year of trying to discuss and change things, he let them know that until they could respect him, they had no right to be part of his (and their grandchildren's lives - me they could care less about seeing). It has been clear this time around that even with opportunity to discuss the issues and resolve them, my in-laws see no problems with their behaviour so feel no need to change.

If DH had not stood for himself and for us as a married couple and then us as a family, I don't think our marriage would have survived. I'm pretty much a peacekeeper and he's the %^&* disturber. I was suffering silently to begin with but I know as time went on I'd have lost it, become very bitter, and lost respect for him.

For your own peace of mind - get your DH to understand where his priorities must be - with you and your children. Good luck on getting him to see this more clearly for this vacation and for the long term.

 

[Simba22]

I would say that if they just want to sit around the house for the whole trip, then let them. Keep your tickets the way they are and go out and have a good time. Try to convince your mom and sister to come anyway and just ignore the in-laws. It sounds like a terrible thing to say, but if they can't do anything and don't WANT to do anything, none of you should let them ruin your trip.

 

[steph124ny]

I thank God everyday for my very sweet and caring in laws!!

That being said, I would approach it this way..."Here are our vacation plans. You 2 can take a look and see what activities you'd like to join us for. If you need help planning something to do while we are at the parks, then let me know and I'll see what I can do."

Make it clear that they can come if they want, but you won't be changing your plans to accomodate them.

 

[jj1403]

OP: I'm sorry that you are in this situation, but you do really need to deal with it.

You have to talk to your husband so that the both of you are on the same page. If you don't, you will end up being very angry and bitter towards him. I think you want him to stand up for your family.

Tell your in-laws your plans, ask them to pick what they want to do but make it clear that you won't be changing your plans. It's not fair to the rest of you that are paying for the trip.

Think of your kids and other invited family members. You will end up causing a lot of hurt and hard feelings if you don't deal with the situation quickly.

 

[disykat]

Make it clear that they can come if they want

I don't understand why people keep saying this! They invited themselves on a vacation they are clearly not welcome on. It is even causing some of the originally planned vacationers to cancel. Why would the OP want to tell them they can come? She needs her dh to tell them they CAN'T come!

Any form of "you can come if you want" is an invitation even if it's followed by a "but." Sure, they can go to Disney anytime they want to, but if you suggest it, YOU issued the invitation!

 

[chloelovesdisney]

Rent a car, buy some tickets and take your kids to the parks. Your dh can stay in the house all by himself with his parents the whole week.

 

[Missus Toad]

I just have to say that it's amazing how fast a post like this can get one's blood pressure up, 'cause I could feel mine rising as I read your story. I can't say anything that hasn't already been said many times over except to add that they should not come on this trip at all. This is not their vacation, and your DH needs to cowboy up and say so. I feel worst for your mom and sis who got bumped out of the trip altogether, when they were more than game not just to get in the spirit but help out with the kids, and for what??? Two pushy tagalongs who want you all to sit in the house??? Uh uh. Nope. I'll stop here, but I guess I did have something more to say after all.

 

[chloelovesdisney]

It sounds like her dh wants his parents to come along. I don't think he will be cowboying up anytime soon.

 

[skhermsmeyer]

OP here. Sorry to raise everybody's blood pressure, but nice to know that I'm not a brat for feeling like I've been run over.

Called my MIL this morning and told her that if they wanted to come down, they could do so AFTER my mom and sister left so there would be no overlapping. But I told her we would only be able to extend our vacation by 2 days. I also brought up the fact that we would be going in December and they might have to potentially drive down in the ice and snow. We're supposed to drive up to Nashville in a few weeks to meet with them (they're driving over from IL) and I told her I would rather just make it a 2 or 3 day event than driving up for just the day, which is what she originally wanted to do. "I think it's important that the kids get to see you, but Disney isn't the place to do so. We've had this vacation planned since August and I don't think you'd be able to keep up with us and do everything that we want to do."

She didn't like it, but I stuck to my guns. I even suggested going to Disney this summer or Fall with the kids if she had her heart set on Disney, but she said she didn't think they would be up for that. Guess she only wants to go when it's inconvenient for me.

Glad that the trip is back to it's original schedule. DH couldn't believed I called her, but thinks it's for the best too.