UPDATED:Depressed about Disney trip... Vent... POST 60

[PiperPizzaz]

Take my advice and just go with your immediate household family. Just do a search about traveling with extended family, ha ha ha ha.

 

[dzorn]

Nope, we're supposed to stay at the house with them instead of going to the parks. Instead of going to the park for 6 days, we'd only be allowed to go 2 days. "We are driving all the way from Illinois".

They invited themselves when we told them we were going to rent a house. FIL thought it was stupid of us to go to WDW when we were going to stay on Disney property. I don't get the sudden interest.

Sorry but the problem is with your DH.
Simply stated: No we are going to the parks for 6 days as planned or else I'm going without you or not at all. I would never go all the way to Orlando and sit in a house. Not going to happen.

Denise in MI

 

[saraheeyore]

its really hard if you are not the sort of person that will just say i'm doing this and thats final and it sounds like you are not. Things do kinda change when you have kids though and its easier to stand up for your kids that yourself so think of what your kids need and go with that. will sound better when you are saying about it to your husband too when you are saying the kids need rather than you need. i definitly wouldn't sit in a house when my kids could go to disney and be having fun. make the most of the kids at disney when they are young as its brill and you will make special memories so don't let anyone spoil it. some parents have problems letting go of their sons and unless you husband stands up to them and tells them you do exist it may never get any better so either he needs to stand up to them or you keep away from them

 

[disykat]

Warning - I'm about to say not so nice things about your husband. He might normally be a nice guy, but in this situation....

You have absolutely got to say no to this. Essentially your dh agreed to kicking your family out of the trip (because there is no way they would ever want to go under these circumstances) and turning your anticipated trip to Disney into a trip to a rental house in Orlando.

It was extremely rude to your family, who had already made plans, to do this to them. If they continued, they would have been choosing to pay for 1/2 of your inlaws accomodations and lose their purpose of going - which was to enjoy WDW with your family.

While they don't exactly sound like fun to travel with, your dh could certainly choose to plan a vacation with his family at some point if he wanted to. But what kind of person does this to his inlaws and to his family who are looking forward to going to Disney?

 

[ShannonMB]

Good advice from everyone. No WAY would this happen. I can see you not wanting to stand up to the inlaws yourself, and that's fine, that's what your DH is for -- they're HIS parents.

If you talk to him about it and he says he wants to do it their way, I'd say, FINE, then I'm taking the kids and MY family and staying onsite. You go ahead and sit in the house. See ya when we get home! I'm not remotely kidding. My DH wouldn't even WANT TO SEE what would be unleashed if he tried to force something like this on me. No, you can't force him to do it your way, but he can't force YOU to do it that way, either!

I would be FURIOUS about this! In fact, I'm a little furious for you, and I don't even know you! Good luck!

 

[bear_mom]

Sorry but the problem is with your DH.
Simply stated: No we are going to the parks for 6 days as planned or else I'm going without you or not at all. I would never go all the way to Orlando and sit in a house. Not going to happen.

Denise in MI

This. Seriously, I would not drive all the way to Florida to spend 2 days in the parks and 4 days sitting around in a house.

Emily

 

[seashoreCM]

Who is going to enjoy Disney the most.

1. DS3. Disney is for kids.
2. You. You planned it all.
3. Mom and Sis. If they come.
5. DD14m. A kid that young really won't understand that much.
6. DH. He changed his priorities to be with your MIL and FIL i.e. his parents.
7. MIL and FIL. They won't rent ECV's.

If Mom and Sis don't come, Disney is primarily just you and DS3. Would you consider cancelling and rescheduling for a time when DD is a little older?

 

[Bunnyfeather]

This is ridiculous. It would be so simple for DH to say to his parents "Oh, I am so sorry. When you said it was ridiculous to go to Disney, we made other plans. DW has invited her parents and they are splitting the cost of the house and we have made arrangements to go to the parks 6 days and you would be all by yourself. I just don't think you'd have any fun. Now, if you want to go in on the house and either rent an ECV so you can join us in the parks or stay back and relax while we go to the parks, that might work?"

One thing I don't understand: was DH excited about these plans from the get-go and he's just a pushover to his parents? Or was he along for the ride and you were the excited one for this trip? Because if he thinks the adjusted plans with his parents sound better, that's going to lead to a different solution than if both of you were really gung-ho with the original plan. And how does HE feel about renting a house with your parents? Was that thought making him uncomfortable?

 

[pixidustmom]

Warning - I'm about to say not so nice things about your husband. He might normally be a nice guy, but in this situation....

You have absolutely got to say no to this. Essentially your dh agreed to kicking your family out of the trip (because there is no way they would ever want to go under these circumstances) and turning your anticipated trip to Disney into a trip to a rental house in Orlando.

It was extremely rude to your family, who had already made plans, to do this to them. If they continued, they would have been choosing to pay for 1/2 of your inlaws accomodations and lose their purpose of going - which was to enjoy WDW with your family.

While they don't exactly sound like fun to travel with, your dh could certainly choose to plan a vacation with his family at some point if he wanted to. But what kind of person does this to his inlaws and to his family who are looking forward to going to Disney?

This is my thought too. Seriously you had already made other plans and it should in no way be switched up like this just because they now want to go. If they come they either stay in the condo and chill while the rest of you have a great time. Or they rent the scooters and try to join in. I also think if they do come your mom wants nothing to do with them in the same condo? If so maybe she can still join you but stay on property? Either way your mom trumps as she agreed first and had already made plans. It's just not right she is now out. I really think your DH needs to see this and consider her feelings too.

 

[micheleq]

Like Nancy Reagan said, "JUST SAY NO!"

We took our girls to WDW for the first time 12/2008. My parents and brother came and we all had a great time. Spent some time together, some time apart, minimal expectations.

My MIL had the nerve to tell my DH, "It would have been nice to have been invited." Grr....

Fast forward to this year, we tell them we are planning another trip to WDW and would like them to come. Every time I've mentioned the trip, I get dead silence. Then a few days ago when my SIL asks our MIL about Disney, MIL pretty much says they don't think they want to go. Ok, you got your invite, now I'm going to plan my trip and you lost your chance.

DH needs to tell his parents that this trip is with your mom and sister. Then he can plan another trip (somewhere else!) for his parents.

 

[skhermsmeyer]

OP here. Thanks for all the suggestions. He keeps saying we're going to get "burnt out" after 6 days in the park. We already have 2 scheduled "off days" between days in the parks. Plus, they want to see the grandkids. Um, HELLO! They don't even want to drive down to GA to see them other than every 7 months or more.

My mom and sister don't want to go anymore b/c MIL is...umm... I don't know how to put it nicely, so I want say it at all. My mom has been around her 3 times now and has no desire to see her again. Wish I had that option. Off topic, DH and I want to be cremated if something should happen.

DH has 2 adopted siblings who are worth about as much as dirt and they treat my IL's like dirt. DH is the biological kid and doesn't want to hurt their feelings.

I like the idea of doing a DIFFERENT and slower paced vacation with them (that will be much shorter!) I think I'll start off with "Honey, I have an !"

I just slowly keep seeing this trip go down the drain. We're supposed to drive up to Nashville in a few weeks so they can see the kids for a few hours (yep, driving 4 hours so they can see them for 3), but I might just suggest we make it a 2 or 3 day thing so they'll leave my Disney trip alone.

 

[skhermsmeyer]

OP again.

DH is the one who suggested we go back again this year. Our first trip was in December 08. Brought back our DD as our souvie , so we skipped. This was all him. We're paying part of my mom's way because she came down from KS when I had DD by c-section. DH's idea to pay for part of her way as a thank you for helping out after my surgery. My sister is paying for her whole trip.

Once MIL gets something in her head, there is no way she'll let go of it. Our DS was born Sept. 07 and has yet to meet my BIL (he and DH aren't close). MIL is now INSISTENT that DS meet my BIL, and that's why we're having to drive up to Nashville. BIL isn't even interested in meeting us. He's only going to Nashville because he's meeting up with some friends.

 

[BLAMBKY]

Going from experience, you need to set a pattern NOW that IL (either side!) do NOT change YOUR FAMILIES' plans w/out your permission. If you try to "make nice" you will be resentful and fast forward years, you will have had your fill. You will be ready to lay down ultimatums and it will NOT BE PRETTY! (Just saying)

 

[zus888]

^^ I agree with that. You have YOUR family now. You need to lay the foundation for the limitations on what amount of control you will allow your extended families to have. You must draw the line. If you don't do it now, it's going to be really hard to do it later - it can get very ugly and feelings will be hurt because you've already set the expectation that you will bend over backwards to meet their whims and desires. There comes a point where you get to say, NO. And that is that. We started the second we had our kids. There's no more stressing over who gets what holiday because holidays are about us and our nuclear family. Same with vacations. I couldn't imagine running my life around my parents or my ILs. I did it for over 30 years. No more.

I know it's going to be hard to do, but you really need to set the ground rules sooner than later. You are showing them what they can expect from you and, obviously, they can expect that you will bend to whatever they want.

 

[Bunnyfeather]

Yep, you and your DH need to have a heart-to-heart and decide what boundaries you can both support for all in-laws. That means what you need to support with your family if they push his buttons as well as vice versa. And then you have to consistantly and continually enforce that line.

I have the crazy family, it's really sad that I got awesome in-laws and my husband got the stereotypical crazy in-laws. And DH and I had to very clearly explain to my mother that she can have a relationship with us only as long as she respects our boundaries. She can have what we are willing to give or she can have nothing. I think your mil never gives up on her tyranical ideas because it has always worked for her before. It might take 2 or even 3 times of calling her bluff, but I would guess that since you have little grandkids it would only take 1 time and she would straighten up.

 

[Mathfailure]

Sorry I got to read late but need to state a few things for my blood pressure

1. Your ILs are out of line and should have been told no in the first place, or better yet not told of the vacation until you were back...I am sure they have proven to always be difficult. That is not going to change, so you need to work around their rudeness.

2. It is working for them, see how you all are dancing to their tune? They will not change, why should they? YOU CAN ONLY CONTROL YOU, so you need to change.

3. To sit in a house with people I do not particulally care for, especially when it is costing money, and interfering with my plans...do you have respect for yourself?,your children? begin to show it now. I know that sounded blunt, but in trying to accomidate the ILs you are disrespecting yourself and your family.

4.Your husband does not need to make up for the other siblings, and by the way the other siblings seem to be living their own lives...maybe they are on to something.

5. Mean older people do not get to act mean and selfish just because they are old. My father's mother was a mean and hateful woman when she was young, and continued to be so until she died at 98. The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior.

 

[hereyago]

Sorry I got to read late but need to state a few things for my blood pressure

1. Your ILs are out of line and should have been told no in the first place, or better yet not told of the vacation until you were back...I am sure they have proven to always be difficult. That is not going to change, so you need to work around their rudeness.

2. It is working for them, see how you all are dancing to their tune? They will not change, why should they? YOU CAN ONLY CONTROL YOU, so you need to change.

3. To sit in a house with people I do not particulally care for, especially when it is costing money, and interfering with my plans...do you have respect for yourself?,your children? begin to show it now. I know that sounded blunt, but in trying to accomidate the ILs you are disrespecting yourself and your family.

4.Your husband does not need to make up for the other siblings, and by the way the other siblings seem to be living their own lives...maybe they are on to something.

5. Mean older people do not get to act mean and selfish just because they are old. My father's mother was a mean and hateful woman when she was young, and continued to be so until she died at 98. The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior.

ITA-especially with number 5. Heavens if they are mean and nasty when they are young, it can be so ramped up when they get older. I have even looked into a pill for it, and there isn't one.

 

[TaliaB]

Maybe your DH feels that since your side of the family is coming he should bring his. I know my DH feels that way. That`s why we usually go solo.

 

[vester]

This is disrespectful to you, your family, and your children. Its from your DH and his family too.

My parents are older, and coming with us for only 3 days, becuase they KNOW they cant handle a week. Its called respect.

You said...

Once MIL gets something in her head, there is no way she'll let go of it. Our DS was born Sept. 07 and has yet to meet my BIL (he and DH aren't close). MIL is now INSISTENT that DS meet my BIL, and that's why we're having to drive up to Nashville. BIL isn't even interested in meeting us. He's only going to Nashville because he's meeting up with some friends.

Umm...too bad that she wont let go of it. She should have learned by now that in life you dont always get your way. And why are you driving up to Nashville if you dont want to.

Sweetie- I think that your husband (sorry) and his family are railroading you. You need to have a heart to heart with your husband about this - and if he doesnt see it then you need to go to counseling.

No way would I sit in a house in Orlando and look at 4 walls. Sorry, but thats the truth.

Vester

 

[eyor44]

I do hope you are able to work something out. I know how it feels to have someone invite themselves and try to change all of your plans. Even when they promise that they'll do whatever you want. DON'T BELIEVE IT!!!!! Please try to work something out with your DH.