Update on Lastnight Disney Meeting, Things have gotten worse

[MsDisney23]

First of all please do not flaime me, as I feel I was doing something nice by asking friends on a "FREE" trip to WDW.

After dinner tonight I decided to call Elaine back and see if Tuesday nights would be better for her since her son has guitar lesson on Thursday. So I decide before I call all of the other gals to see if this night would be good. I would call Elaine.

Well I call her and I ask her if Tuesday nights would be better, and she with an attitude, well yeah.... but do not change it just for her, that if the other ladies like Thursday night to keep it that way. I explained to her that I wanted her to be included and told her of how much fun we had lastnight. I told her that I was trying to accomadate everyone!

Again with an attitude she said to me Well Thursday nights just do not work for me and My kids will come first. to bad. That if we get together we do and if we don't then it is no big thing. Now yes my kids will always come first as well. I had asked her before any final ticket's and arraingements where made if she was sure that she would have someone to watch her two boys (age 15 & 17) she assured me that she did. She then got very rude with me and said she had to go as she has things to do.

Now I see the picture, Her DH is a merchant marine, I am sure he has told her that if I am home in May you may be allowed to go, if not you will have to stay home with the boys.

I am sure that if I had moved the meeting night to a Tuesday she would not have came, there would have been so other excuse. Also my earlier phone conversation with was again, she agreed to just come late after guitar practice, then tonight it was to bad I can not come on Thursday,

I was in total shock with this attitude, so I have decided that there is a storm brewing in the water. I told DH I feel as though I played like a fool here. Funny no problems with any of the 6 people going. I feel that if she comes on this trip, she will have the same if not worse attitude. This is not fair to me or the rest of the group.

I am looking for a replacement. I am so sad about this, but her rudeness has did me in.

 

[buzzlady]

I agree. Look for a replacement. With her attitude now, it sounds like it wouldn't be any fun to have her along on the trip ~ if she didn't back out first.

 

[Pooh67_68]

Sorry that she was rude to you and to me it does sound like she will back out at the last minute. I too would fine a replacement, you ladies will want to have a good time and it seems that if she goes she will ruin it for everyone. I know it can be hard to replace a good friend, but I think for the sake of everyones sanity and happiness it is for the best. Good thing you still have awhile befor you leave.
And have a grate time.

 

[nealymouse]

Um..... I can make it Tueday or Thursday.


Boy do I wish I were your friend. I would be grateful for the invite REALLY GRATEFUL.

I would also look for a replacement. I would go with your gut feeling

 

[momof2inPA]

Does she have the internet? Have you ever told her about the DIS? I wonder if she doesn't already know you are looking for her replacement. Your situation with winning the trip is kind of unique. But I agree, look for a replacement. Be prepared to end the friendship.

Really, don't let this bad situation ruin your trip. It's a once in a lifetime opportunity and you should celebrate your winnings. Don't you have to pay taxes on the trip? I think it would have been fair of you to split that between the whole group, but you didn't even do that. How nice and generous.

 

[MsDisney23]

Yes I do have to pay taxes on this trip. which I am paying myself. I have to be honest and never thought this would had happen, but it did. I know it is out of my hands. My own DD or DH do not speak to me that way. So I am thinking of a replacement. Now who to ask? I want someone who will fit in with our group

 

[Lachesis00]

Man I read the other thread. I am sorry.... she sure doesn't sound like much of a friend

 

[Karel]

I don't know. It sounds like she's just busy and really is not interested in preplanning. Maybe her attitude is just 'I can't think about it now, I'm not interested in thinking about now' and you're reading it as being ungrateful.

Could her husband need to leave with little notice? I don't know how Merchant Marines work. Maybe she is getting heat from him? My husband's work schedule can and does change week to week and it's a pain the neck trying to plan.

Is she a group person? I mean, I have a friend who would rather do things on her own and really hates the whole plan as a group, move as a group thing.

If she's your friend, shouldn't she be able to level with you? And you with her?

What you really need is a firm committment and realize she may not be a planner. Maybe you can take everyone over to her house? Or meet at the mall? You can all shop for something for the trip.

There's something going on, but I wouldn't immediately condemn her as a bad friend.

 

[MsDisney23]

Dear Karal, I have went out of my way to please her. She had given me a firm YES, back in Nov. she knew everything as well as the others. Now the time is here and this attitude. No matter what I would do now, she finds a problem with it. She knew that her DH would be going out to sea, he has done this for 18 years. My gut tells me that she is not being honest with me about something. There is no doubt in my mind that when the time comes she would back out. Just not a good attitude on her part with any of this. Lastnight we picked out our T-shirts. we did this as a group, everyone had a say in them. I am sure she will find fault in that as well, or say she does not want to wear them for the group photo. If she feels left out it was her doing's. I know in my heart that I must find a replacement.

 

[TINKTWINS]

Cheer up, shes the one who will lose out and YOUR GOING TO DISNEY SOON!!!! Have fun!

 

[Karel]

Obviously, you know the situation best and you know your friend. Something doesn't feel right and you need to do what you're comfortable with. What do the others say?

I just don't fault her for not being into the group thing. Honestly, I don't think I would wear a group tshirt and I love being a part of a group.

But ultimately, it's your trip and your life and you need to do what's best for you.

 

[chager]

I have to agree that it sounds as if she is not going to go. It would have been nice if she would have just come right out and said it though. Have you talked to the others about it yet? You may want to have a group get together and discuss it.
At any rate you are going to be in Disney soon so she will be losing out. Don't let one person mess it up. You will have a great time even if she doesn't go.



Oh ...if you need volunteers to go...I'll go I'll even wear a group t-shirt
I know, I know...I'm already going this year so You should find someone that you know and may not be going this year

 

[AZKathy]

WOW! I feel for you! That is terrible! We just did a great trip with two other families this June. We had meetings before the trip and the two weeks together were fantastic. We all got along so well, that we are planning another trip with one of the dads finish his PA school in 2007.<a href='http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb008' target='_blank'><img src='http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/7/7_2_116.gif' border=0></a>

 

[ScarlettO]

MsDisney, didn't you say this friend doesn't know the other ladies? How are the sleeping arrangements going to be made? I , for one, would be hesitant on sharing a bed with a total stranger...and even spend a whole vacation that way. Could be why she's (maybe) having second thoughts.

 

[Serena]

Good luck on whatever you decide. And have fun.

 

[Antonia]

If I were you, I would stop trying to rationalize her behavior. If she does not come to meetings, does not seem interested in the details of the trip, etc. it is almost certain that she will not go and even if she does she may be a downer for the whole group.

If she's not a group person or feels funny about sleeping with another person, etc. - well, she must have known all that going in. And who would balk at a group t-shirt for a pic in front of the castle when you're on a free trip??

It's your trip, so go ahead and take care of this so you can get back to enjoying the planning. Don't let one apple spoil the whole barrel. Explain to her that you realize that she has hesitation about this trip and that you will be happy to take this burden off her and find a replacement. Tell her it's not worth ruining the friendship over and that while you'll be disappointed that you won't get to share this experience with her, you don't want her to feel pressured into going and see what her response is.

I agree that it would be nice if she would just be straight up with you.

 

[DocRafiki]

Good for you. Kick her to the curb, and don't look back!

AZKathy -- LOVE the plane! I'm swiping that one!

 

[jsmith]

Just a darn minute-have you ever been alone to parent teens? Especially teen boys who know their dad is away for a long time? It ain't easy-its exhausting and frustrating even when your kids are "good" kids who don't give you any trouble. Try walking a mile in her shoes and then taking a little different approach-
Maybe she is over loaded with school, sports and work and chasing those boys.
Maybe she really needs this trip but until her DH is home she needs to focus on keeping home together-and it does not matter if she knew or if she had done it before its still tough! and those boys are older and and its different every time.

Maybe her husband cruise is to a difficult or dangerous area-like say the Persian Gulf

Maybe she assumes that because she has done it before she doesn't need to ask for help or support or she can't show her struggle or Maybe she's afraid that YOU WON"T BE UNDERSTANDING.

I am a military spouse-my husband is currently deployed-no matter how exhausted and lonely and sad i am-if someone who I don't think is prepared to really understand asks me how I am I tell them I am fine-and I have given "attitude" and begged off of engaments so that I could deal with my emotions in private.

You asked her on the trip-before you find a "replacement" you owe it too her to find out whats really going on

Sorry-but I am walking a mile in her shoes and I think you are being unfair.

 

[disykat]

I don't agree. I have many friends who have husbands who are merchant marines. It is very different than being in the military. My best friends husband was activated and was deployed - that was very stressful, totally different than when he is gone on his regular runs. It is stressful when you are single parenting - no doubt. However, if this friend is not willing to be involved in the planning meetings I don't think she should go on the trip with a bunch of people who have been actively planning - not a good mix IMO. You cannot give "attitude" and keep healthy relationships with your friends. I agree that it sounds like she is having second thoughts about going along.

 

[hentob]

I knew this was going to happen!

Sorry--Don't care what kind of stress she is under--The attitude is uncalled for. I can't stand the type of person that takes stress out on others. Seems like she has a chip on her shoulder. Sorry, not your problem...You are just trying to give her something.


I would NOT take her. If she is this snotty now, just wait until you get to Disney.

She could have simply stated..."Sorry, I can't be involved in the planning b/c of xy&z." Again, if someone were kind enough to choose me to share their winnings, I would not be giving them any lip.

Hentob